19 Nocturne Boulevard

Wheeality Productions features 19 Nocturne Boulevard, Bingo the Birthday Clown, The Deadeye Kid, The Tone Didactic (blogs on audio drama), and guest starring Warp'd Space! Whew!

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 15 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) 05/03/2023

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 14 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) 05/02/2023

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 13 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) 05/01/2023

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 12 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) 04/30/2023

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 11 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) 04/29/2023

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 10 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) 04/25/2023

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 9 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) 04/24/2023

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 8 "Monkey Drop" 04/23/2023

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 7 "Lucky Penny" 04/22/2023

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 6 04/21/2023

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 5 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) 04/20/2023

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 4 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) 04/19/2023

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 3 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) 04/16/2023

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 2 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) 04/14/2023

BINGO THE BIRTHDAY CLOWN, episode 1 (19 Nocturne reissue of the day) 04/13/2023

PromEvil (part 4 of 4) (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) 04/06/2023

PromEvil (part 4 of 4) (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) PromEvil part 4, "Home Before Curfew" See who lives, who dies, and who finds romance at the Polk High prom, in this, the final installment... A lot of people put their heart and soul into producing this memorable event: STUDENTS Hal - Mathias Rebne-Morgan Lyn - Molly Tollefson Todd - Eli Nilsson Gee - Melissa Bartell Barb - Beverly Poole Andy - Mike Campbell Bud - Jasper Loovis Tina - Chandra Wade Missy - Jade Thomson Jake - Michael Faigenblum other students - Sky Iolta, Shelbi MacIntyre, Henry Mark FACULTY Principal Peabody - Reynaud LeBoeuf Mr. Ervin Carpel, Woodshop - Gene Thorkildsen Ms. Angela Wellesly, Crafts - Gwendolyn Jensen-Woodard Mrs. Snodgrass, Lunchroom - Robyn Keyes P.A. Announcements - Julie Hoverson Rent-a-cop Bob - The Caretaker OTHERS Cop 1 - Glen Hallstrom Cop 2 - Joel Harvey 911 Voice - Julie Hoverson STAFF Writer - Julie Hoverson Doll Wranglers - Julie Hoverson, Kimberly Poole (Warp'd Space) Sound and Mastering - Julie Hoverson Stock sound effects - Soundsnap.com; sonomic.com Music - Prom - Music - background - Kevin MacLeod () ________________________________________________________________ Prom Evil PART 4 1. Craft shop SOUND [under] POUNDING INSIDE THE KILN LYN Hal? HAL It's just a scratch. I really thought the heavy foam of the Polky would-- LYN Well, it didn't! I need something-- SOUND TEARING FABRIC GEE It's not sterile, but this muslin's better than nothing. You'll have to wrap it-- SOUND [DISTANT] GUN SHOT ANDY Holy shit! BARB [gaspy scream] ANDY Ow. Okay, okay - lighten up there! you're Choking me, babe! Let go! BARB I'm being vulnerable, dammit! Appreciate it! HAL Whatever else that shot means, there's someone else in the school. So the door must be open again. ANDY I'll check the hall. SOUND FEET AND HAND TRUCK, DOOR LYN This really needs proper attention. HAL When we get out. BARB [interrupting] WHEN we get out? Don't you mean IF we get out? MUSIC 2. punchbowl AMB GYM PEABODY Miss Harrison, have you seen Bob? ANGELA Not since he went to check out the school. He was going to try and find Marge. PEABODY The school? It's locked. ANGELA Well, that's apparently debatable. MUSIC 3. hallway SOUND STRIKER CLICKS, TORCH LIGHTS SOUND WALKING, WITH HAND TRUCK ANDY Stay behind me, babe. BARB Well, duh. LYN Tsk. SOUND GUN SHOT [Everyone reacts at roughly the same time.] ANDY Shit! HAL Holy crap! LYN Oh. My. God. TODD [gasped] Laurel? SOUND FIVE MORE SHOTS BARB Fuck this! GEE Wow! SOUND FEET POUNDING, HAND TRUCK ROLLING FAST BARB Andy! God! HAL Don't! Shit. Stay together. SOUND HAL LIMPING, RUNNING AFTER ANDY LYN Hal! MUSIC 4. outside gym AMB OUTSIDE, RAIN SOUND MUSIC STILL AUDIBLE FROM DANCE SOUND CLICK TO TALK NOISE PEABODY Bob? Where in hell are you, you moron? MUSIC 5. hallway SOUND [close] STABBING NOISE BOB [DEATH RATTLE] PEABODY [on talkie] Bob? I don't care if you're-- SOUND BUTTON IS PUSHED, MACHINE CUTS OUT LEDERHOSEN GUY [chuckles] SOUND RUNNING FEET AND HAND TRUCK APPROACH ANDY [off, barely winded] Holy shit! HAL [off, gasping] Rent-a-cop Bob! LEDERHOSEN GUY [eager noise] SOUND DOLL FEET RUN AT THEM ANDY Shiiiiiit! SOUND TURNS UP THE FLAME HAL What're you doing? Get back here! ANDY No. This little shit's going down! SOUND ROAR OF FIRE HAL Got him! ANDY Die, fucker! SOUND BURNING CRACKLING WOOD LEDERHOSEN GUY [chuckling] SOUND WOODEN FEET RUN, DRAGGING KNIFE HAL It's not stopping!!! Come on! SOUND LIMPING RUNNING FEET ANDY [frozen] What the fuck, man! What the fuck? SOUND FLAMING WOOD HITS THE METAL CYLINDER ANDY Shit! Get off the tank you little-- SOUND METAL ON METAL LEDERHOSEN GUY [chuckles, but losing to the flame a little] HAL [distant] Andy! Just drop it! SOUND METAL CLANG, GAS HISS, EXPLOSION ANDY [Screams] HAL [distant] Noooooooo! MUSIC 6. gym AMB GYM SOUND FIRE ALARM GOES OFF. SOUND MUSIC TAPERS OUT CROWD [uncertain what to do] PEABODY [annoyed] Give me strength. SOUND QUICK FOOTSTEPS, STATIC SQUAWK PEABODY [on P.A.] Do not panic. Until you are informed otherwise, assume this is a false alarm. I'll personally go and check into this. Again, until I return and inform you that this is an actual emergency, please assume it is some idiot playing a dangerous, unfunny joke. SOUND APPLAUSE MUSIC 7. hallway SOUND SPRINKLERS, ALARMS SOUND DISTANT SIZZLING BARB [hysterical] I never thought I'd be glad to hear a fire alarm! The firemen'll save us! LYN The water's already putting it out. TODD Which one was that? Did you see? HAL Which what? TODD [fierce] which doll, dammit? HAL I just saw a pointy hat. TODD Oh. OK. Good. BARB [coming off tears] What now, Sherlock? You blew up my boyfriend-- LYN Hal's not responsible for that! BARB Oh, really? GEE If this spell I found requires a human sacrifice, I know who I nominate. TODD Spell? GEE Does no one ever listen to me? I think I can freeze up one of those things, by reciting these words-- SOUND PIECE OF PAPER GEE But I think someone will have to hold it down while I do. So you guys need to pull it together. HAL [quietly serious] That's three. LYN What? HAL The one in the oven, the one in the kiln, and that one. Three down. Only two left. LYN [quietly] We could get his keys. Bob's. But we'll have to go around. HAL [agreeing humph] No more fire. SOUND SMALL TORCH DROPPED IN METAL GARBAGE CAN MUSIC 8. OUTSIDE AMB OUTSIDE SOUND RAPID FEET ON GRAVEL PEABODY Oh, please! I've TOLD YOU it was just a prank! SOUND KEYS, UNLOCK, DOOR OPENS PEABODY As I've complied with your guidelines for canceling a false alarm...if anyone shows up, don't even try charging the school for it! SOUND DOOR SLAMS SHUT MUSIC 9. HALLWAY AMB HALLWAY, SPRINKLERS, ALARM SOUND ALARM CUTS OUT BARB [freaking] What? But it’s - they have to-- What about the firemen? [sobs] SOUND SPRINKLERS CUT OUT, DRIPPING LYN Let's go this way - Not so wet. GEE It's a different sector. They only go off one at a time. BARB This is, like, the worst damn prom ever! MUSIC 10. OFFICE SOUND SWITCHES. FUSE BOX CLOSES, FOOTSTEPS PEABODY Huh! Eat me, you degenerates. You're not pulling any more-- [cuts himself off] What? SOUND QUIET CLICKING NOISE PEABODY [calling, annoyed] All right, who's out there? Is this some kind of joke? SOUND THREE QUICK STEPS PEABODY [ugh! As he kicks] SOUND HITS WOOD, DOLL FLIES ACROSS THE HALL, HITS WALL MAJORETTE FURIOUS CLICKING PEABODY You cretinous troglodytes! Cowards! Why don't you show your ugly little Morlock faces? SOUND WOOD NOISES - TAPS AND CREAKS - AS MAJORETTE STANDS PEABODY What the...? SOUND WOODEN FOOTSTEPS PEABODY Oh my god... SOUND DOLL RUNS AT HIM PEABODY Yahh! SOUND DOOR SLAMS SOUND CLICKING PEABODY [effort] GET...OUT OF... DOOR SOUND TRYING TO SLAM DOOR ON DOLL MUSIC 11. HALLWAY AMB HALLWAY GEE It's not exactly the quickest way to get back to Bob's keys- BARB Maybe we should make you watch while we barbecue your boyfriend...oops, you don't have one. GEE Survival overrules sentiment. Besides - LYN Cut it out. We agreed it was probably still too dangerous, anyway. We don't know how much damage the explosion did. HAL Shh! SOUND CREEPING AHEAD HAL Ok. Nothing moving. All clear-- [cuts himself off] Hold on. SOUND HIS FEET GO OFF SLOWLY LYN What? Hal? HAL [off] Bud! Oh, Crap!! LYN Come on. SOUND ALL MOVE FORWARD LYN Oh, heck. Hal, I'm so sorry. HAL [ignoring her] [muttering] Bud? Bud, man? LYN I don't think he's-- HAL Back off! LYN [gasps, wobbly] I-I'm sorry. But... [firming up, fiercely] But I don't want to die too, and we need you. HAL I - I don't... [trails off] TODD It wasn't Laurel. She wouldn't do that. SOUND HAL STANDS SUDDENLY, GRABS TODD HAL [furious] It doesn't matter which one did it! They're all dangerous! TODD Ungh! HAL See? Look at that! That was my best friend. TODD You can't just burn her! GEE We can try the incantation...it's supposed to make them harmless. SOUND DISTANT SCREAMS [Peabody] and SLAMMING NOISES HAL Maybe you'll get your chance. MUSIC 12. OFFICE SOUND THUMP OF WOOD MAJORETTE CLICKING SOUND WOOD CREAK PEABODY How can you be getting through? How can you be moving? MAJORETTE CLICK AS IT THRUSTS SOUND SQUISH OF A STAB PEABODY [screams in pain] My arm! SOUND CREAK OF WOOD AGAIN MUSIC 13. Hallway outside office HAL [coming on] Right up ahead. One of them is stuck in a door. Whoever's screaming must be inside. GEE This is the faculty area. BARB What, did you draw the maps for the school, too? LYN What did you see, Hal? HAL Start the chant, Gee. It's time to see if that stuff works. Let's get this sucker... GEE I think the doll has to hear the chant. I may have to start over if it gets far enough away. LYN It won't. GEE [under throughout] [chant] ... /episode/index/show/nineteennocturne/id/26235846

PromEvil (part 3 of 4) (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) 03/30/2023

PromEvil (part 3 of 4) (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) PromEvil Part 3: "What a doll!" Trapped in Polk High with some kind of murderer, Hal, Lyn, Gee (and all the rest) must fight for survival!! Find out who's doing the killing! A lot of people put their heart and soul into producing this memorable event: STUDENTS Hal - Mathias Rebne-Morgan Lyn - Molly Tollefson Todd - Eli Nilsson Gee - Melissa Bartell Barb - Beverly Poole Andy - Mike Campbell Bud - Jasper Loovis Tina - Chandra Wade Missy - Jade Thomson Jake - Michael Faigenblum other students - Sky Iolta, Shelbi MacIntyre, Henry Mark FACULTY Principal Peabody - Reynaud LeBoeuf Mr. Ervin Carpel, Woodshop - Gene Thorkildsen Ms. Angela Wellesly, Crafts - Gwendolyn Jensen-Woodard Mrs. Snodgrass, Lunchroom - Robyn Keyes P.A. Announcements - Julie Hoverson Rent-a-cop Bob - The Caretaker OTHERS Cop 1 - Glen Hallstrom Cop 2 - Joel Harvey 911 Voice - Julie Hoverson STAFF Writer - Julie Hoverson Doll Wranglers - Julie Hoverson, Kimberly Poole (Warp'd Space) Sound and Mastering - Julie Hoverson Stock sound effects - Soundsnap.com; sonomic.com Music - Prom - Music - background - Kevin MacLeod () ____________________________________________________________________ Prom Evil - part 3 PART 3 1. LOUNGE SOUND MUFFLED PANICKED SLAMMING AT DOOR SCREAM MEDLEY BARB [PANIC!] ANDY [PANIC!] LYN Do something! GEE Help Me! HAL Don't - don't come in here! BARB [PANIC!] ANDY [PANIC!] MUSIC 2. hallway [silence] BUD DEATH RATTLE SOUND TINY TAPPING FEET MOVE AWAY MAJORETTE clicking SOUND BLOOD DROPS MUSIC 3. lounge AMB - LOUNGE BARB / ANDY [still screaming out in hall] LYN That sounds like Barb! Something terrible could be happening! GEE We can dream. HAL Shh. I'll look. Stay back. SOUND DOOR QUIETLY OPENS SOUND SCREAMING AND SLAMMING GETS LOUDER BARB Get it open! Let us out! ANDY [just screaming hoarsely and incoherent] HAL Hey? Who's after-- SOUND ANDY STOPS SLAMMING ON DOOR, TURNS AND SLAMS HAL INTO WALL ANDY [attack noise] SOUND SCUFFLE, LONG TEAR OF FABRIC HAL Oof! SOUND LYN RUNS OUT LYN [worried] Hal? [yelling] Stop it! Andy! GEE Here! LYN [to gee] Thanks! [yelling] Stop it! SOUND HITS HIM WITH GEE'S UMBRELLA BARB [collapsing into tears] Have to get out! LYN [calming] Shh, Barb! [sharp] Andy! Hal's on our side! SOUND SCUFFLE, LETS GO. SOUND STRAIGHTENING CLOTHING, MORE RIPPING HAL Man, the drama club is gonna be pissed. ANDY The drama club can kiss my ass. We're locked in, you stupid fuck! HAL Locked in? But we just came in. SOUND A FEW STEPS, TRIES DOOR - LOCKED HAL [worried but quiet] Hmm. [deep breath, then up, trying to stay positive] What a time for the teachers to realize they left the darn door unlocked. LYN [hopeful] D'you think that's what happened? HAL [false confidence] Had to be. Who else could have locked it? BARB Maybe... the murderer? LYN Oh, gosh, did you see it too? BARB [becoming less coherent as she continues] Oh, man... she was dead, and it was all gross, and I was right there! She was all making these disgusting noises, and I didn't even know she was being killed... LYN [completely baffled] What? HAL She needs to sit down. ANDY [growls] I got this. [softer] C'mon babe. MUSIC 4. hallway AMB HALLWAY SOUND QUIET FOOTSTEPS TODD [distant, whispered call] Laurel? MAJORETTE [close, clicking angrily] LAUREL [clearly negative noise] [laurel is protecting todd from being attacked by the others] MAJORETTE [CLICKS AWAY IN A HUFF] MUSIC 5. lounge AMB LOUNGE LYN We need to do something constructive. Could we phone the Gym, maybe, and get someone to come unlock the door? GEE Nah. All the regular phones are turned off at night. Too many calls to 1-800-H-O-T-T. HAL How do you know that? GEE [smug] I broke that story three weeks ago. ANDY Man, we should find some weapons...if Barb's right, Tina only just died, so I bet the fucker's still around. SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN BARB [screams] TODD The door's locked! ANDY [yelling] Tell us something we don't know! HAL [to Andy] Chill! [to Todd] Last time I saw you, you were gibbering by the punch bowl... suddenly you're coherent-boy again. What's up with that? TODD It was awful, but...I... I just got over it. That's all. LYN Mr. Carpel and Missy? We saw them too. TODD [comes to a decision] You saw the bodies. But... did you see the dolls? ANDY Dolls? What the fuck? 6. flashback TODD's FLASHBACK [NOTE: Much of what Todd says is misleading, so some of what happens contradicts the Voice Over] TODD [VO] I went to the Wood Shop this evening... [clearly lying] Mr. Carpel was expecting me. SOUND LOCKPICKS, DOOR UNLOCKS TODD [VO] The door was...uh...unlocked. I opened it and... saw Mr. Carpel's body. TODD [under] Ohmigod! Laurel? SOUND DOLL FEET APPROACH LEDERHOSEN [threatening noise] DUDE huh-huh-huh TODD [VO] And then THEY ran at me. The DOLLS. TODD [under, intrigued] You're... alive! SOUND STICKY NOISE AS AWL IS PULLED OUT SOUND SMALL FEET APPROACH MAJORETTE [clicking and approaching] TODD [VO] [choked up] They attacked me. They knocked me down. SOUND BODY DROP MONKEY HEAD [screech] DUDE [huh hu huh] MONKEY HEAD [screech] SOUND WOODEN THOK TODD [under] Ow! SOUND METAL BEING DRAGGED CLOSER TODD [under] No, I don't-- Please! I love you, Laurel! SOUND THE DOLL NOISES CLOSE IN TODD Ow! LAUREL [sharp noise] SOUND DOLL NOISES STOP SOUND CREAK OF L's HEAD TURN LEDERHOSEN [angry query] LAUREL Uh-uh [no] TODD [in the flashback] Laurel? LAUREL [rueful noise] SOUND ALL THE DOLLS RUN OFF DOWN THE HALL SOUND TODD BREATHING. SLOWLY GETS TO HIS FEET [End of flashback.] 7. lounge TODD I don't know why they didn't kill me. Maybe I'm just lucky...or they realized I wasn't any kind of threat. SOUND STRUGGLE, BODY SLAMMED AGAINST WALL TODD [gasp] ANDY So YOU let them out, you little shit! LYN Andy? Andy! [calming him] Weapons - like you were saying - is a really good idea. [frantic, looking for support] Hal? HAL Yeah! C'mon, Andy. We'll hit the-- GEE Kitchen? HAL Yeah, the kitchen! You all stay here...it's safer in a group. BARB [sullen] If it's safer in a group, why don't we ALL go? LYN [under her breath] Todd's in no shape to go anywhere. We can't just leave him! BARB [disgusted noise] Fine. MUSIC 8. hallway AMB HALLWAY SOUND METAL FILE SAWING ON METAL LEDERHOSEN [EXASPERATED NOISE] SOUND CHAIN SWINGS BACK AGAINST DOOR SOUND SMALL WOODEN IMPACT AGAINST DOOR LEDERHOSEN [snarl] SOUND HIS FEET TAP AWAY MUSIC 9. kitchen AMB KITCHEN SOUND DOOR SLOWLY OPENS HAL Hello? ANDY Shh! HAL [urgent whisper] The lights are on! Someone must be in here! ANDY Why aren’t they saying anything? HAL Cuz we're whispering? [up, but cautious] Hello? SOUND DOOR FARTHER OPEN, A COUPLE OF FOOTSTEPS HAL Looks clear. Come on. ANDY Dude, I'm guarding the rear. HAL Fine. [sigh] SOUND DOOR STARTS TO SWING SHUT, BUT IS STOPPED ANDY [sniffs, then sharp] What's that? HAL Dunno. Alcohol? ANDY [long sniff] Smells like bourbon. [a bit happier] Dude. Just point me at it! SOUND WALKS IN WITH CONFIDENCE HAL We're not here for-- ANDY [screams] SOUND RUNNING FEET LEAVE HAL What is it--? Where? Hello? [angry sigh] [muttered] I better see what-- SOUND SLOW FOOTSTEPS HAL [gasp] Mrs. Snodgrass! SOUND SCUFFLE, PATS, TRYING TO WAKE HER HAL [revulsion noise] Oh man! SOUND TINY HANDS TAPPING ON GLASS HAL [scared gasp] What the hell? DUDE [muffled huh huhs rising] SOUND FIRE IN THE OVEN HAL [awed whisper] Dolls. MUSIC 10. lounge AMB LOUNGE SOUND PACING SOUND PAGE TURNS GEE This is one weird book. I can make out bits of it, but I think it's really old, and the words are all mixed up and spelled wrong... kinda like middle English. Is there such a thing as middle French? LYN Where are they? TODD [duh] The Kitchen? LYN Not them. The police! SOUND PAGES TURN BARB [spacing out, talking to herself] Andy is cute... TODD Police? [worried] Oh... GEE The motivating...or maybe moving... of the ... unmoving? BARB ...and he's pretty well off. SOUND CHAIR SQUEAKS TODD I have to go. SOUND FOOTSTEPS - HIS AND LYN'S BARB He would beat the crap out of someone for me. LYN What? TODD I have to go. And... and get something. SOUND PAGE TURNS GEE [musing] Preparation of the mannequin? TODD [lying] I... I think there's something in my... locker that I can use as a weapon. LYN We need to stay together! GEE [louder, but not in a different tone] Anointment of the offering. LYN and TODD What? GEE I think I mighta found something... Anointment of the offering. [unsure] Maybe. I REALLY need my dictionary. SOUND BOOK SLAPS SHUT GEE [excited and a little creepy] And I want to see the bodies. MUSIC 11. hallway AMB HALLWAYS SOUND FOOTSTEPS, WOODEN CLUNK ANDY Don't tell 'em I was all getting sick back there, will ya? HAL Huh? ANDY With the dead lunch lady and all. It'd make me look kinda ...you know. HAL [exasperated] Yeah, whatever. It's our secret. MUSIC 12. lounge ... /episode/index/show/nineteennocturne/id/26235828

PromEvil (part 2 of 4) (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) 03/23/2023

PromEvil (part 2 of 4) (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) PromEvil Part 2: "Ins and Outs" Will Hal and Lyn ever run into each other? Will Todd find his true love? Will Barb ever shut up?.... A lot of people put their heart and soul into producing this memorable event: STUDENTS Hal - Mathias Rebne-Morgan Lyn - Molly Tollefson Todd - Eli Nilsson Gee - Melissa Bartell Barb - Beverly Poole Andy - Mike Campbell Bud - Jasper Loovis Tina - Chandra Wade Missy - Jade Thomson Jake - Michael Faigenblum other students - Sky Iolta, Shelbi MacIntyre, Henry Mark FACULTY Principal Peabody - Reynaud LeBoeuf Mr. Ervin Carpel, Woodshop - Gene Thorkildsen Ms. Angela Wellesly, Crafts - Gwendolyn Jensen-Woodard Mrs. Snodgrass, Lunchroom - Robyn Keyes P.A. Announcements - Julie Hoverson Rent-a-cop Bob - The Caretaker OTHERS Cop 1 - Glen Hallstrom Cop 2 - Joel Harvey 911 Voice - Julie Hoverson STAFF Writer - Julie Hoverson Doll Wranglers - Julie Hoverson, Kimberly Poole (Warp'd Space) Sound and Mastering - Julie Hoverson Stock sound effects - Soundsnap.com; sonomic.com Music - Prom - Music - background - Kevin MacLeod () __________________________________________________________________ Prom Evil PART 2 MUSIC 1. Wood shop SOUND DISTINCTIVE WOOD SHOP CLOCK TICKS SOUND SCRITCH OF METAL ON WOOD - KIND OF AIMLESS LAUREL [questioning sound] LEDERHOSEN [negative] DUDE [huh-huh-huh] SOUND WOOD THOCK MONKEY HEAD [screech] 2. AMB - GYM SOUND CANNED MUSIC PLAYS STUDENTS CHATTER SOUND HARSH NOISE OVER THE SPEAKERS PEABODY [P.A.] All right, everybody. Quiet down. I know you don't want to listen to this old fuddy-duddy all night, [waits for laughter, which is scarce] [fading into background] but I have a few announcements that have to be made. Emergency exits are at the front and back of the room, should there be any ...um, emergency. LYN You're sure Andy'll still be coming tonight? BARB Oh, sure...maybe he'll even try to get me back, wouldn't that be a riot? LYN Yeah. [no] BARB [to Tina] Hey Tina! Where're you going? The night's still young! TINA Huh? Barb? [too fast] Nowhere. BARB [nastily] Hot date? TINA [gasp] I-- I-- Oh! SOUND DASHES AWAY BARB [considering] Hmm. LYN Why are you so harsh to your friends? BARB Oh, please. Any guy she can't bring to prom isn't worth dating. LYN Maybe she has to pick him up from work or something. BARB [scorn] Work? Tscha. [up] Ooh! Jake! LYN Don't leave me! BARB I'm your cousin, not your babysitter. Andy'll be around somewhere. MR. PEABODY [fading back in] Finally. The only washrooms that are available are the ones in the locker rooms. The school is locked, so no matter how long the lines are, you have to wait. 3. SOMEHOW SEGUE TO OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL. PEABODY's VOICE STILL PLAYS, JUST MUFFLED SOUND CRICKETS, DISTANT TRAFFIC MR. PEABODY Anyone seen using any...ahem... atypical facilities, specifically the school's flower beds, will be taken into custody. SOUND WALKING TODD Ew. Who would use the flowers. [shudder] [gasp as he almost walks into someone] DUDE Freak! The world's up here. CHICK [giggle] TODD [evasive] Sorry. Sorry. SOUND FEET QUICKLY SHUFFLE PAST CHICK Who's that? DUDE That's the [up] freak [down, fading out] who's all obsessed with his damn woodshop project. TODD [muttering] I'm not obsessed. Obsessed is bad. I'm passionate. All great artists are passionate. SOUND LAST FEW QUICK FOOTSTEPS, QUIET TRY AT DOOR - LOCKED SOUND MUSIC STARTS IN THE GYM TODD [chuckles] Perfect. SOUND JANGLE OF CHAIN, LOCKPICKS MUSIC 4. DANCE FLOOR AMB - GYM, MUSIC IS LOUD BUD Dude. HAL [polky voice - goofy and muffled] Hello! BUD [disgusted] Oh, man. Ditch the Spot and go talk to the brain. She's been left unattended and needs to be towed away. SOUND VELCRO OPENING HAL [slightly muffled] I don't have anything else to wear. I was gonna just-- BUD God, you are the king of dork. Find something in the drama closet. They just did some pig-thing show. HAL [exasperated sigh] Pygmalion. BUD There must be something. HAL [considering] Hmm. Maybe... MUSIC 5. PUNCH BOWL SOUND LIQUID BEING SLOPPED INTO GLASS BOY1 [dubious] Thanks. SOUND FEET APPROACH LYN How's the punch, Mrs. Snodgrass? MRS. SNODGRASS I've confiscated three flasks so far. [pitbull] No one gets past me. LYN Great. Give me a double. SOUND DIPPER POURS LYN Cheers. ANDY Hey. LYN [gasps] SOUND PUNCH SPILLS LYN [frantic noise] ANDY Damn. Sorry. You wanna dance? LYN [uncomfortable but pleased] Um, sure. I mean...that'd be great. ANDY Cool. MUSIC 6. WOOD SHOP AMB WOOD SHOP CLOCK TICKS SOUND SCRITCH OF METAL ON WOOD - KIND OF AIMLESS SOUND MUFFLED SOUND OF METAL ON METAL LEDERHOSEN [urgent noise] SOUND METAL ON WOOD STOPS DUDE [HUH?] SOUND WOODEN THOCK SOUND METAL ON METAL STOPS, DOORKNOB TURNS CAUTIOUSLY, DOOR CREAKS OPEN TODD [whispered] Mr. Carpel? [surprised] Candles? MUSIC 7. BACKSTAGE AMB DRAMA LOCKER GYM MUSIC IS MUFFLED SLIGHTLY SOUND HEAVY PADDED THING HURLED TO FLOOR HAL [coughing, then sighs] Yuch. Sorry old Polky, but you need to die. [makes gun noise, pauses, then empties the other five shots into it] SOUND SCRATCHES HIS HEAD VIGOROUSLY GEE Delousing? HAL [gasp] SOUND CLATTER GEE [laughs delightedly, but clearly not "interested"] You're so cute. HAL Gee? What are-- you--? GEE Thought you could use a hand. I did wardrobe for the last three shows and know where everything is. HAL But how did you--? GEE I'm a psycho - or do I mean psychic? [holds a second, then laughs again] I heard you and Bud. HAL Ahh. MUSIC 8. DANCE FLOOR AMB - GYM SLOW MUSIC PLAYS ANDY Ooh [interested noise] Mm. LYN [gasps] oh. ANDY Mm. What? LYN [nervous] Let's get some punch. ANDY Don't you like dancing? LYN I'm just suddenly really thirsty. ANDY [resigned] Punch it is. MUSIC 9. OUTSIDE SOUND OUTSIDE MUSIC IS MUFFLED CRICKETS SOUND OMINOUS RUSTLING AND GROANING NOISES CAN BE HEARD IN THE NEARBY BUSHES, BUT THEY QUICKLY RESOLVE THEMSELVES INTO A COUPLE MAKING OUT. SOUND RAIN BEGINS TINA [oh no!] Aah! BUD Ah, shit. Come on. SOUND RUNNING FEET TINA We can't go in! BUD Well... [indecisive] Come on. TINA The school's locked! BUD [insinuating] But it's got a nice dark, deep doorway... TINA [interested] Ooh! SOUND QUICK FOOTSTEPS BUD Come here, then. TINA Mmm. SOUND DOOR FLIES OPEN BUD Geek. SOUND TODD DASHES PAST TODD [frantic breathing] SOUND DOOR SWINGS SHUT BUD [speculative] Hmm. TINA Are you thinking--? BUD Aren't you? TINA [teasing] Mr. Bud, are you trying to lure poor lil' ole me off to some dark place where you can take advantage of me? BUD Well, I really just wanted your opinion of my civics project, but now that you mention it... Sure. I'll take advantage of you, baby. Come on. SOUND DOOR OPENS MUSIC 10. PUNCHBOWL AMB GYM SOUND PUNCH POURS SNODGRASS [snarls] just one at a time. KID [frightened] Um, OK. SOUND SCAMPERS AWAY SNODGRASS Back again, Lyn? LYN Just thirsty I guess-- SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN, TODD RUNS IN, SLAMS DOOR TODD [gasping] SNODGRASS Hmph. ANDY Dork. LYN He looks hurt. SNODGRASS See if he has a ticket. [disgusted] Or pupils. SOUND LYN CAUTIOUSLY APPROACHES LYN Todd? That's your name, right? Are you OK, Todd? TODD [whines and whispers] Mr. Carpel. Missy. They're DEAD! SOUND HE SINKS TO THE FLOOR MUSIC 11. BACKSTAGE AMB BACKSTAGE GEE Hold on. Now look. SOUND HAL TURNS, SQUEAK OF TENNIS SHOES HAL [surprised and cheered] Wow. GEE I figured you were about Higgins' size. Oh wait-- SOUND DRAWER OPENS, RUSTLE HAL [admiring himself] Damn. I clean up good. GEE Everyone looks good in a tux - that's kind of the point. Here. SOUND STICKS FAKE FLOWER IN THE LAPEL, PATS IT DOWN HAL Feels like a wedding. GEE Plenty of time for that later. Start with trying to speak to her - at least in her general direction. HAL [gasps] MUSIC 12. PUNCHBOWL AMB GYM SOUND SNAPPING FINGERS LYN Hey? Hey! TODD [whimpers] LYN Andy! Help me get him into a chair! ANDY [disgusted sigh] SOUND CLUMSY MOVE INTO A CHAIR TODD [mumbling, more of the same] ANDY What the hell's he saying? LYN Um... [listening, then repeating Todd's words, getting more creeped out as it goes along] Mr. Carpel... Wood Shop... dead... Missy... [worried] blood... ANDY Blood? What the f--? [realizing] Ohh! LYN Shh. [going on] They attacked me... they must have killed them... she wouldn't let them kill me... they're dead. TODD [groans and passes out] SOUND BODY FALL ANDY [slyly] Well, we could go and take a look at the Wood Shop. LYN Us? Shouldn't we send Rent-a-cop Bob? It IS what he's here for. Besides, someone should stay and look after Todd. ANDY [whispered explaining] It's a gag, see? Bob'll skin anyone who gets him to shift his lardbutt for a prank. LYN It doesn't sound like-- ANDY Babe, it's practically Polk High tradition for some bozo like Todd here to pull a big prank during prom. LYN He sounds really scared. ANDY [ignoring her] At least this sounds like a winner. [with a naughty wink] Let's check it out. MUSIC 13. SCHOOL HALLWAY AMB EMPTY SCHOOL HALL SOUND MAKING OUT BUD Mm. Me likee. TINA ... /episode/index/show/nineteennocturne/id/26235819

PromEvil (part 1 of 4) (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) 03/16/2023

PromEvil (part 1 of 4) (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) PromEvil takes you to that most horrifying of places - HIGH SCHOOL. On prom night, naturally. And something horrible is about to come out of the woodshop, and we don't mean Hal in his school mascot costume.... A lot of people put their heart and soul into producing this memorable event: STUDENTS Hal - Mathias Rebne-Morgan Lyn - Molly Tollefson Todd - Eli Nilsson Gee - Melissa Bartell Barb - Beverly Poole Andy - Mike Campbell Bud - Jasper Loovis Tina - Chandra Wade Missy - Jade Thomson Jake - Michael Faigenblum other students - Sky Iolta, Shelbi MacIntyre, Henry Mark FACULTY Principal Peabody - Reynaud LeBoeuf Mr. Ervin Carpel, Woodshop - Gene Thorkildsen Ms. Angela Wellesly, Crafts - Gwendolyn Jensen-Woodard Mrs. Snodgrass, Lunchroom - Robyn Keyes P.A. Announcements - Julie Hoverson Rent-a-cop Bob - The Caretaker OTHERS Cop 1 - Glen Hallstrom Cop 2 - Joel Harvey 911 Voice - Julie Hoverson STAFF Writer - Julie Hoverson Doll Wranglers - Julie Hoverson, Kimberly Poole (Warp'd Space) Sound and Mastering - Julie Hoverson Stock sound effects - Soundsnap.com; sonomic.com Music - Prom - Music - background - Kevin MacLeod () _______________________________________________________________________ Prom Evil - Part 1 MUSIC AMB BUSY HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY P.A. VOICE Don't forget! It's your last chance to pick up those prom tickets! Show your Polk high Spirit! Polky says - don't drink and drive! AMB FADE IN ON WOOD SHOP SOUND HEAVY DISTINCTIVE TICKING CLOCK IN THE WOOD SHOP CARPEL [off] All right, um, kids. Let's start finishing up-- BUD You up for prom tonight? HAL Gotta be there. School spirit and all. BUD Ew, Hal, you're not bringing ..."IT"? HAL It's my job, Bud. Polky lives. CARPEL [off] Let's get everything put-- SOUND BELL RINGS SOUND CLATTER OF STUFF JUST BEING LEFT ON TABLES CARPEL --Away. [sigh] SOUND MASS EXODUS HAL Bud! Dude! [exasperated noise] SOUND GATHERS UP TOOLS SOUND KNOCK ON DOORFRAME TODD Mr. Carpel? SOUND SLAMMING BRIEFCASE SHUT CARPEL [ow!] Damn! [composing himself] This... it's my break, Todd. TODD I just wanted to see... her. SOUND TAP ON GLASS CABINET TODD [almost silent] Hi! CARPEL Todd! TODD She-- They can come home soon, right? CARPEL After tonight, they can do...I mean, YOU...can...do whatever you want with them. ... Her. It. SOUND SCRABBLE OF FEET CARPEL Go on now. I'm not...done... grading. Scoot scoot. TODD Right. [almost silent] Bye! SOUND FEET CARPEL [sigh of relief] HAL [clears his throat] CARPEL [startled] Ahh! HAL Sorry. I was just putting away... CARPEL Of course, of course. Go on now. HAL Right. They're really pretty great, you have to admit. CARPEL What? HAL The carvings. SOUND LIGHT TAP ON GLASS HAL I woulda gone for it, but I don't have the patience. Or the carving skillz-- CARPEL Right, right - just please-- HAL Got it! Evaporate. SOUND FEET, DOOR SLAMS CARPEL [sigh, of extreme relief] MUSIC AMB HALLWAY SOUND LOCKER CLOSES LYN [sigh] OK, nothing happens. Surprise! BARB It's coming. What? You're all hot to go study? It's party night, Lyn. Loosen up. LYN [sigh] A moment, then-- BARB Jake! You're SO late! LYN Huh? Jake--? BARB Mmm. Come here! SOUND LONG SMOOCHING LYN But, Barb--! Barb! Barb? SOUND SMOOCHING ENDS JAKE [catching his breath] Hey. So, What's the deal? BARB This is my cousin, Lyn. LYN [panicky] uh, yeah. JAKE Hey, Lyn. I-- BARB [sudden rush] I was telling her all about you, and she's just [as if she's looking for something] ...dying ...to meet ...you. [angry sigh] [shrill] Anyway. She doesn't have a date for tonight, so I-- ANDY [coming in] Whoa. What the hell's up? BARB Aha! Jake? You know Andy. JAKE [chuckle] LYN [this is ugly] Ohh! ANDY What's up with this? What-- BARB I meant to tell you earlier, Andy, but you weren't picking up-- ANDY I don't got my cell on me at practice-- BARB [flippant] Andy... it's over-- ANDY Over? It's not over until-- JAKE Oh yeah? BARB So you'll have to find yourself a new "bunny". Right Jake? ANDY You bitch! You said-- BARB For prom. ANDY But, Prom's TONIGHT! BARB Sorry. [she's not] Not my problem. Come on, stud muffins. JAKE [chuckles] SOUND THEY START TO WALK AWAY LYN [rueful] Barb. Jeez. BARB [over her shoulder] Lyn's free tonight. LYN [gasp!] ANDY [to himself] Fine! [to Lyn, muttered] I got tickets, wanna go? LYN I'm really sorry she-- ANDY C'mon...don't make me waste 'em. LYN [tsks] Fine. ANDY See you in the gym? Gotta get back to the field. SOUND HE TROTS OFF LYN Right. Bye. GEE [coming on, whispering] Extra, extra - read all about it. Dumped jock falls for head of debate team. LYN I've already had my heart attack for the day, thanks, Gee. GEE No hearts were injured in the filming of this-- LYN I don't even have a dress. GEE [mock serious] Wanna shock everyone? You could be my date. [goofy kissy noise] LYN [laughs] SOUND BELL RINGS, THEY START DASHING LYN Come on! [hustling] Barb'll have a plan. GEE [keeping up] Oh, yeah. That'll be good. MUSIC SOUND BELL RINGS SOUND STUDENTS POUR OUT - END OF DAY SOUND LOCKERS BEING OPENED STUDENTS [conversations about the prom tonight] SOUND DOOR CREAKS OPEN CARPEL Oh, um... [hoarse] Miss, um, Francis! [clears his throat] Miss Francis! MISSY Yes? Something I can do for you, Mr. Carpel? ["CAR-pull"] CARPEL [irritable, automatic] That's Carpel. ["car-PELL"] [clears his throat again] I, um, I could use some advice... Could you step in for a moment? MISSY [unsuspecting] Um, sure. What do you need? CARPEL [lying] I have this niece, and it's her birthday, and I want a, um, well, a young woman's opinion of the present I bought for her. It will just take a moment, um, if you can spare the time? MISSY [indulgently] Oh, sure. MUSIC AMB OUTSIDE, STUDENTS, TRAFFIC, ETC. STUDENTS [lots of chatter about prom] BUD Life's almost over...what do you plan to do once YOU graduate? HAL Not a clue. Dad says I've got-- [apes dad's voice] ..."no ambition, no drive." I guess he's right. I just don't have a burning desire to DO anything with my life... [LYN AND BARB PASS BY - FADING IN AND THEN OUT] BARB --taffeta underskirt - but not too long, you know? I was all like, how can I possibly dance in that? LYN I don't dance. BARB Let me finish! Sides, I want to show off the adorable prada pumps-- HAL [heavy sigh] Except... BUD [Following the look] Ex-cept? Still got the hots for that brain? HAL She's not a brain, just smart..."Brains" look down on the rest of us, and Lyn...she can be really nice. Not like the barbies you date. BUD Nothing wrong with dumb girls‑‑ HAL Takes one to know one. MUSIC AMB WOOD SHOP MISSY Ooh! Is this what the woodcarving class has been working on! Wow! Look at her teensy little hands! SOUND TAP ON GLASS CARPEL [getting more and more nervous] Ahem. It's just over here, Missy. MISSY Oh, right! SOUND PAPER GIFT BAG FULL OF TISSUE SET ON DESK CARPEL I hope this is something a... young lady would like. MISSY Let's see. SOUND BAG RUSTLES SOUND SOMETHING PICKED UP ON WORKBENCH MISSY What is it? SOUND RUMMAGING IN TISSUE SOUND HAMMER BROUGHT DOWN ON HER HEAD. MISSY Oohhhhh! SOUND BODY DROP SOUND FEET RUN TO DOOR, LOCK IT CARPEL [breathing heavily, panicky] MUSIC AMB OUTSIDE BUD Ask her. HAL Nah. Polky goes stag. BUD Buy a clue, Hal...school mascot never gets laid. 'sides, running around as a big purple - what the hell is Polky, anyway? HAL Polky is the Polk high polka-dot. BUD Ri-i-ight. Well...let's just say it ain't gonna get you a job. HAL Scoff all you want. If I work real hard, someday I could be a giant cell phone at the mall. BUD Hark! The wolverine has left the lamb unguarded-- HAL Barb's gone? Where? BUD She probably went to pee on some poor guy. Mark her territory-- HAL [speculative] Maybe I will.... [grunts as he gets up, then fading] What's the worst that could happen? SOUND CREAK OF BACKPACK MUSIC AMB WOODSHOP CARPEL [still wheezing] SOUND ASTHMA INHALER CARPEL [Deep breath, then an exaggerated one] Clear the mind. [half another breath, cuts off with] Oh, crap! Clear the desk! SOUND EVERYTHING BEING SWEPT OFF THE DESK MISSY [groan, hit by something] CARPEL Oh no! No, no! Come here, you! [grunts as he gets a grip on her] MISSY [groans again] CARPEL And U-U-U-U-U-P! [grunts] SOUND THUMPS [humorous bit, with him trying to get her onto the desk, finally] CARPEL [breathing heavily] MISSY [groans] CARPEL [whispering, afraid to wake her] no! Nononono! Stay down! [a moment of breathing] Good. [a demented whisper of a chuckle] SOUND ROPE BEING UNROLLED CARPEL [to self] need about... hmm... three yards for the feet, and-- SOUND KNOCK AT THE DOOR CARPEL [startled to death] Ahh! SOUND EVERYTHING DROPS, ENDING WITH A GOOFY CLATTER TODD [off] Mr. Carpel? Um, are you there? SOUND DOORKNOB RATTLES SOUND ROPE MOVES AGAIN, BEGINS TO BE KNOTTED CARPEL [barely able to breath] Go away, Todd. I'm busy. Come back tomorrow. MISSY [groans] CARPEL [frustrated noise!] TODD [off] I just wanted to...to check on my project. SOUND KNOT TIED TIGHTLY CARPEL You got an A. Now go away! TODD [off] I...um...Well, all right. SOUND SECOND KNOT CREAKS ... /episode/index/show/nineteennocturne/id/26235813

The Temple, from a story by H.P. Lovecraft adapted by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) 03/09/2023

The Temple, from a story by H.P. Lovecraft adapted by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) The crew of a U-Boat in the Great War find some danger runs very very deep CAST Cap. Karl Heinrich - Rick Lewis Lt. Keinze - J. Hoverson Crew: Shawn Connor & Bryan Hendricksen Music by: Kevin MacLeod () Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Art - Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a U-boat of the Kaiserliche Marine - can't you tell?" ______________________________________________________________ THE TEMPLE Cast: Lieutenant Commander Karl HEINRICH, Graf von Altberg-Ehrenstein, Lieutenant-Commander in the Imperial German Navy, Prussian (mid 30s?) Lieutenant Jurgen KIENZE, second in command, "womanish Rhinelander" (30) Boatswain MULLER, elderly "superstitious Alsatian swine" SCHMIDT [mid 20s - goes mad] ZIMMER [mid 20s - leads delegation to get rid of idol] BOHIN [mid 20s - goes mad] RAABE [early 20s - engineer] SCHNEIDER [early 20s - engineer] OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a U-Boat of the Kaiserlich Marine, can't you tell? (That's World War I, for all you younger folks...) [My apologies for any mischaracterization of Germans - it's all from Lovecraft's original text. His complete lack of knowledge of U-Boats also - But I had to leave in the portholes to support the story. Any mistakes in military etiquette of the time are probably mine, though.] MUSIC SCENE 1. AMBIANCE U-BOAT ENGINE SEAMEN [murmuring voices] SOUND HATCH OPENS, CLANGING FOOTSTEPS KIENZE Achtung! Kapitanleutnant Heinrich on deck! SEAMEN [instantly silent] HEINRICH [commanding, slightly angry sounding] Ser gut! I have been reviewing the log regarding the sinking of the British freighter Victory, and I must say [getting ominous] that you are - most definitely - [spitting out the words] the single, absolute, most efficient U-boat crew in the Atlantic. [laughs] At ease, at ease. SEAMEN [Excited chatter] KIENZE I myself cannot wait to view the film we took. HEINRICH Ya, ya. [aside] The camera was off before we sank the lifeboats? KIENZE As always, Kaleu. SOUND HEARTY CLAP ON SHOULDER HEINRICH Most excellent. Come Kienze, I have a bottle of some fine Schnapps. You must help me celebrate. MUSIC in then under SCENE 2. HEINRICH [on a recording, tired sounding] On August 20, 1917, I, Karl Heinrich, Graf von Altberg-Ehrenstein, Lieutenant-Commander in the Imperial German Navy and in charge of the submarine U-29, deposit this bottle and record in the Atlantic Ocean at a point to me unknown but probably about North Latitude 20 degrees, West Longitude 35 degrees, where my ship lies disabled on the ocean floor. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 3. SFX SUBMARINE SURFACES SOUND HATCH OPENS AMBIANCE CALM SEA, OCCASIONAL BIRDS SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON METAL HEINRICH [grunt - stretching noise] There is nothing like the first step out on deck after a victory, eh?. KIENZE A "Victory"? [chuckles] Ya. Very amusing. MULLER [off] Kaleu, sir! Come! SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON METAL HEINRICH What could be so-- Oh! MULLER He must be from the Victory, sir! KIENZE Alive? HEINRICH Don't be foolish, Kienze, we were far too long submerged. He would have had a better chance if he let go and braved the waves. [shouting off] Remove the corpse! [NOTE - red text will come back at the end in echoes] ZIMMER Sir! His hands are in a death grip! HEINRICH Fingers break more easily than railings. ZIMMER [hesitantly] uh... Aye sir! SOUND POUNDING NOISES HEINRICH [sanctimonious] One more victim of the unjust war of aggression the English schweinhunds are waging upon the Reich. KIENZE Truly, he is our victim. Nothing more. HEINRICH You do not see the whole picture - [amused] Just like a soft-headed Rhinelander. If you were a solid Prussian like myself-- SEAMEN [OFF - NOISE OF AN ALTERCATION] HEINRICH Vas is los? Go and see. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON METAL KIENZE What is this? What is this? Achtung! SOUND SCRAMBLE OF MEN GETTING TO THEIR FEET KIENZE What is so very exciting? ZIMMER Sir! Schmidt took something from the pocket of the ... [gulp] d-dead one. KIENZE Schmidt? Would you show this to me? SCHMIDT It is nothing, Leutnant. KIENZE I will judge that. Give it me. [beat] Well, this is... certainly something. I am confiscating it - now put that over the side. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON METAL HEINRICH So? KIENZE A bauble. Ivory, I think - looks like a classical bust, ya? HEINRICH Not a senator, though - this one is much too young and handsome. KIENZE Possibly a kaiser? HEINRICH Or a god. KIENZE [reluctantly] It is yours, if you want it. It might be valuable-- HEINRICH No, no. I have not the sentimental-- MULLER [off, screams] SOUND FOOTSTEPS RUNNING ON METAL HEINRICH [puffing only slightly] What is it? SCHMIDT [shivering with fear] Muller, sir - it is Muller! KIENZE Muller's unconscious. HEINRICH Wake him. SOUND SLAPS MULLER [wails] SOUND ANOTHER SLAP MULLER [gasps, is silent] HEINRICH Get him up here. [command] Stations! SOUND RUNNING FEET CLANG AWAY KIENZE Are you going to talk sense now? MULLER [hollow] His eyes! His eyes! KIENZE Whose eyes? Speak sense! SOUND SLAP HEINRICH Enough! Muller. Tell me what is wrong. MULLER Ya, mein kapitan! [trying to calm down] The body - the eyes were closed. But when they rolled it over the side, they opened - and they were mocking us! HEINRICH [casual] Superstitious rubbish. Muller, you have seen corpses before now, and-- MULLER Sir! But that is not all! He-- [sullen, inward] You will not believe me! KIENZE You are under orders to speak. MULLER I-- watched as the body hit the water. I saw it sink beneath the waves, and-- HEINRICH And--? MULLER [almost a whisper] It drew its limbs in, and swam away. KIENZE You filthy lying--! [grunt as about to slap him again] HEINRICH Nein, Leutnant. [calming] Muller. You know this cannot be true, don't you? MULLER But I saw-- HEINRICH Water is deceptive. It is strange, ya, that the body simply sank - but that is probably due to its waterlogged condition after being held under on our railing for hours. Beyond that--? It is all a trick of the light. MULLER Truly? HEINRICH I will hear no more about it, ya? MÜLLER But you should keep no part of him on the ship - it is bad luck. The statue-- HEINRICH Is nothing. It is a trinket. You go about your duties now, Boatswain. SOUND RELUCTANT FOOTSTEPS AWAY HEINRICH Pfaugh. [muttered growl] Superstitious Alsatian swine! Why am I surrounded by inferior-- KIENZE Kaleu? Do you wish that I throw the bust overb-- HEINRICH Nonsense. We do not give in to fear. We are men of the twentieth century - and, more importantly, officers in the Kaiserliche Marine. KIENZE I could... tell them I threw it-- HEINRICH Do not show weakness. It makes you sound unreliable. MUSIC in and under SCENE 4. HEINRICH [canned] The next day a very troublesome situation was created by the indisposition of some of the crew. Evidently suffering from the nervous strain of our long voyage, they had had bad dreams. When weather turned choppy, we descended to a depth where the sea was comparatively calm, despite a somewhat puzzling southward current which we could not identify from our oceanographic charts. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 5. SOUND HATCH CLOSES SFX SUBMARINE SUBMERGES SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON METAL RAABE Under-Engineer Raabe, here to make a report, sir! HEINRICH Where is Schneider? RAABE He is ... unwell, sir. HEINRICH What is wrong? RAABE He... did not sleep well, sir. HEINRICH What? KIENZE It is the same with many of the men, Kaleu. They are feverish and say they have had bad dreams. HEINRICH If they are shirking, I will-- RAABE Sir, no! Schmidt is burning up with fever, screaming all night in his berth. HEINRICH [sympathetic] Then you did not sleep well either, I expect? RAABE Nein, Kaleu. HEINRICH [very pleased] Yet you are here, like a good sailor. Good man-- MULLER [muttered off] It is the idol. It is accursed. HEINRICH What? Muller? MULLER [panicky] Nothing. I said nothing sir. KIENZE He said-- HEINRICH [grim] I heard what he said. Muller, I will have none of this wild peasant superstition on my ship! KIENZE [amused undertone] You forget, mein noble Kapitan, I am a commoner as well. HEINRICH [dismissively] Burgher stock. [teasing slightly] And they made you an officer - you must have some good qualities. MULLER What does it matter? We are all doomed! RAABE [dismissive] Doomed? Because some men are sick? HEINRICH Sehr gut. We must remain rational at times like these. Retain our iron German will. [sharp] Kienze? KIENZE [snapping to] Ya mein kapitanleutnant? HEINRICH Remove Boatswain Muller. KIENZE Ya, Kaleu. MUSIC in and under SCENE 6. HEINRICH [canned] The moans of the sick men were decidedly annoying; but since they did not appear to demoralize the rest of the crew, we did not resort to ... extreme measures. It was our plan to remain where we were and intercept the liner Dacia, mentioned in information from agents in New York. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 7. SOUND INSIDE THE BOAT. MANY FEET RUNNING ACROSS METAL, FEET STOP ABRUPTLY CROWD [muttering, backs up Zimmer throughout the scene.] HEINRICH Und vas is los? ZIMMER [clears throat] Kapitanleutnant, we must request - most strenuously - that you-- HEINRICH Is this about that knickknack? What sort of Gypsies are you, to believe such phantasms? ZIMMER But what could it hurt, sir? It is surely not so valuable that it is worth risking-- HEINRICH What? Risking what? The only thing we are risking here is our mission. BOHIN We will all die! ZIMMER Shh. [trying to sound reasonable] Morale, mein kapitan. It is such a small thing, yet would mean so much to the men. HEINRICH [low, despising] I see no men here. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 8. HEINRICH [canned] Everyone seemed inclined to be silent now, as though holding a secret fear. Many were ill, but none made a disturbance. Lieutenant Kienze chafed under the strain, and was annoyed by the merest trifle - such as the schools of dolphins which passed the U-29 in increasing numbers, and the growing intensity of that southward current which was not on our chart. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 9. SOUND HATCH CLANGS SHUT AMBIANCE UP TOPSIDE SCHMIDT That makes seven of us. We can surely-- ZIMMER Muller is still in irons. He can be no help. BOHIN Muller saw them! ZIMMER Shh. None of the crazy talk, Bohin. We cannot let ourselves-- BOHIN [too intense to be sane] I have not seen them, but they call to me! Their voices are like the waves - but waves that make words! SCHMIDT [sigh] So there are six of us. SOUND HATCH OPENS, A COUPLE OF FOOTSTEPS RAABE What is going on here? SCHMIDT [snort] We are planning a party. What does it look like? RAABE What is happening that makes everyone so-- BOHIN There! In the WATER! They have come! RAABE --Crazy? SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, A STRUGGLE, A BODY SLAMMED AGAINST METAL. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 10. HEINRICH [canned] He was in a detestably childish state, and babbled of some illusion of dead bodies drifting past the portholes; bodies which he recognized, in spite of bloating, as having seen dying during some of our victorious German exploits. And he said that the young man we had found and tossed overboard was their leader. This was very gruesome and abnormal. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 11. RAABE Seaman Bohin tried to leap off the deck. We had to hold him down until the madness left him, sir. KIENZE All for such a small thing. SOUND SMALL IVORY STATUE SET ON TABLE RAABE That is what this is all about? KIENZE Just that. SOUND FOOTSTEPS, STATUE IS SNATCHED UP AND PUT AWAY IN A POCKET ZIMMER Sir! Leutnant Kienze? Bohin is gone! He is nowhere on the ship. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 12. HEINRICH [canned] It at length became apparent that we had missed the Dacia altogether. Such failures are not uncommon, and we were more pleased than disappointed, since our return to Wilhelmshaven was now in order. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 13. SOUND MEASURED FOOTSTEPS AMB INSIDE SEAMEN [Muffled, CHEERS!!!] HEINRICH [sigh] This soft-headedness is not good. Morale is the result of willpower, not coddling. KIENZE Still, I too will be glad when this trip is over. That southern current we have blundered into bothers me. HEINRICH It explains how we missed our target. Not every inch of the ocean is charted properly. KIENZE But it is so strong - to be overlooked. RAABE [clears his throat] Sir? HEINRICH Schneider still not feeling well? RAABE He prefers to remain in the engine room, sir. He does not like ... being near portholes. KIENZE Portholes? RAABE His dreams haunt him. [hurriedly] But he is not impaired in his job. HEINRICH [teasing] Well, certainly you did not come all this way to tell us Senior Engineer Schneider does not like portholes. Out with it! RAABE Something fantastic has happened. The boat - it is surrounded by -- dolphins. HEINRICH Dolphins? How many? SOUND KIENZE'S FOOTSTEPS GO AWAY KIENZE [off] Ya, come and look! They are everywhere! HEINRICH Finally something the superstitious can interpret as a good sign, ya? KIENZE [jubilant] Just as we decide to return to Schlicktown! This should truly mollify them. HEINRICH [dry] How fortunate. MUSIC IN AND UNDER SCENE 14. HEINRICH [canned] At noon June 28 we turned northeastward, and despite some rather comical entanglements with the unusual masses of dolphins, were soon under way. MUSIC HAS FADED OUT SCENE 15. SOUND SNORING [HEINRICH] SFX EXPLOSION HEINRICH [wakes up] What? What? SOUND MANY RUNNING FEET, SOME BARE, ONE PAIR OF BOOTS STOMPS THROUGH CALMLY HEINRICH Report. Someone report! SCHMIDT This is your fault, you swine! You made us‑‑ SOUND SLAP, BODY HITS METAL WALL HEINRICH SHUT UP. Is there anyone who can talk sense? KIENZE [breathless, and coughing] They have the fire out. The explosion was in the engine room. HEINRICH What caused it? KIENZE They have found no cause as yet. The damage is extensive. All systems have not yet been tested, but it is certain we have no steering. HEINRICH No--? What about the air compressors? KIENZE They appear undamaged. But, mein freund-- HEINRICH Ya? What is it? KIENZE Schneider and - and Raabe - they were killed instantly.... /episode/index/show/nineteennocturne/id/25820016

Sword Kvetch by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) 03/02/2023

Sword Kvetch by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) When Cael Carzfinker, blade maiden of the ninth rank (etc., etc.) comes to the castle of Evil Wizard Mazurin to rescue a captive prince, the outcome is.... magical. Cast List Cael - Julie Hoverson Amalan - Krystal Baker Mazurin - Gareth Bowley Gigli - Reynaud LeBoeuf Prince Tupin - Abner Senires Music: and Matti Paalanen Editing / Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover design: Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why, it's a road through a dark and spooky forest, leading up to an evil wizard's castle" ________________________________________________ SWORD KVETCH Cast: Mazurin, Evil Wizard Cael, Amazon Warrior Tupin, Captive Prince Gigli, Goblin Amalan, Magic Sword OLIVIA What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's the dark woods outside an evil castle, can't you tell? MUSIC AMB SPOOKY NIGHT WOODS SOUND WOLF HOWL IN THE DISTANCE SOUND HOOVES ON DIRT UNDER CAEL [sigh] Typical. AMALAN What? CAEL I could write a ballad already. AMALAN Oh, no. No, no, no - that's not your job. CAEL Shh. I'm composing. [muttering to self] AMALAN [whispered] [sigh] Typical. CAEL Evil castle looms ahead.... Hmm... Nighttime, need to rest my head-- AMALAN You can't rhyme head with ahead. CAEL It rhymes, doesn't it? AMALAN [exasperated sigh] CAEL [vague threat] I'm getting another sword. AMALAN You always say that, but you know you couldn't do without me. CAEL [exasperated sigh] AMALAN And who could you ever pass me off to? CAEL Someone deaf. MUSIC AMD ECHOEY CASTLE SOUND SLAPPY FOOTSTEPS RUN IN GIGLI [coming on] Master! Master! MAZURIN [distracted] Mm? GIGLI Master! MAZURIN Shh-shh-shh. [excited] Do you see what I have here, my smelly little homunculi? GIGLI But master--! MAZURIN [tsks] I've turned this drop of water into an equal measure of dust. GIGLI [flat] Why? MAZURIN It's a vital transmutation. A change like this could make a great deal of difference! GIGLI To a thirsty cockroach? MAZURIN No no, you have to see how, yes, on a tiny scale, this could be a negligible change-- GIGLI [sigh] Sir? MAZURIN --But if you do this a million times at once, with a million drops of water, you could cause an entire lake to suddenly turn to dust, ruining agriculture. And then, with a simple reverse, water from dust! GIGLI Good. Lovely. Can I report now? It's kind of urgent. SOUND FIDDLING ABOUT WITH BOTTLES, ETC. MAZURIN [still distracted] Uh - what? Yes, of course, go ahead. GIGLI Are you listening? SOUND BOTTLE SET DOWN MAZURIN [distant] Of course. GIGLI [exasperated] Oh! SOUND BOTTLE SMASHES ON FLOOR MAZURIN What? Why did you--? GIGLI Listening now? MAZURIN [annoyed] Yes, get on with it! GIGLI Someone is approaching the castle! MAZURIN [losing interest] Oh, well - set up the defenses. GIGLI It's an Amazon! MAZURIN [mildly interested] Oh, that's different. [shrug] Still, the defenses... GIGLI The moat monster is in labor. MAZURIN I thought it laid eggs. GIGLI Well, not after you did one of your little experiments on it. And it's not best pleased about it. MAZURIN Oh. GIGLI And the man-eating vines--? MAZURIN What? I didn't do-- They're not giving birth, are they? GIGLI Think it through? MAZURIN What? GIGLI Man-eating vines? Amazon warrior? MAZURIN [realizing slowly] Oh? Oh! GIGLI [sigh] MUSIC SOUND HOOFBEATS ON WOOD AMALAN Cael, I don't like this. CAEL You mean the way nothing at all tried to stop us from strolling right up to the front door of the evil wizard's castle? AMALAN [sarcastic] No, I meant the two-headed gargoyles - they're so passe'. Of course that's what I mean! There must be a trap-- CAEL I'll keep my eyes peeled. AMALAN Me too. CAEL You haven't any eyes. AMALAN Don't nitpick. SOUND HOOFBEATS STOP SOUND TAPPING OF FINGERS ON THE POMMEL CAEL [musing] No reception committee. No moat monster.... The gargoyles? AMALAN They're tacky as hell, but I don't sense any magic there. CAEL Well, then. SOUND DISMOUNT, HORSE NICKERS SOUND POUNDING ON HUGE WOODEN DOOR AMALAN Subtlety. I like it. CAEL It's what I do. MUSIC SOUND DISTANT BANGING ON DOOR GIGLI [calling from off] Master! MAZURIN Stop banging, Gigli. SOUND SLAPPY FOOTSTEPS APPROACH GIGLI [a little closer] They're at the door! MAZURIN Tell them we don't want any. GIGLI [almost here] The Amazon? MAZURIN Oh, yes. She got through the defenses--? Oh, yes of course. GIGLI What are you going to do? MAZURIN Oh, the usual. GIGLI [sigh, down] Send me to find out what she wants? MAZURIN Good idea. Let me know what she says. MUSIC SOUND POUNDING ON DOOR AMALAN If it's abandoned, that would explain the lack of defenses. CAEL The high council doesn't send a questor to an empty castle. AMALAN They might not know. CAEL Yes. [sarcastic] Why don't you just go and point that out-- GIGLI [yelling from off, above] Hail, warrior! CAEL Hmm. Manners. [up] Who hails me? GIGLI I represent Mazurin, wizard of the crooked path, mage of the 8th tier, sorcerer-- AMALAN [muttered] Yeah, but can he dance? CAEL [side of mouth] Shh. [up] I have come to face your wizard. Open the gate. GIGLI What is your charge? Mazurin is an exceedingly busy mage. AMALAN Crooking tiers? CAEL [tiny sigh] I am Cael Carzfinker, Blade maiden of the 9th rank, slayer of 3 gorgons, and participant in the slaughter of the great red armadillo of Murcie-- AMALAN With a minor in [shudder] songwriting... CAEL --and I am charged by the high council of her most royal majesty Luria the balladeer-- AMALAN [muttered] Ballbuster. CAEL [trying not to react] --to find and recover the missing Prince Tupin of Vagon, with an eye toward marriage. GIGLI And my boss is supposed to care - why? CAEL The scryes say the prince is here - a captive in durance vile under the thumb of this "boss" of yours. AMALAN Excessive. CAEL And thus have I come to reclaim him. GIGLI Oh! Right. Hold on, I'll tell the wizard. CAEL Where'd he go? AMALAN Ducked behind one of those excrescences. CAEL I didn't see any of those. AMALAN [exasperated] The gargoyles. CAEL So we wait for the wizard to speak. SOUND DRUMMING OF FINGERS AMALAN Oh, you're not-- CAEL "Green and crooked, small and beady"... [searching for a rhyme] beady? Beeeee-dy. AMALAN Eyes are beady. He was more... seedy. CAEL Ah! "--Small and seedy, his locks were lank and eyes were beady". AMALAN [sigh] MUSIC SOUND SCRITCHING OF A PEN SOUND SLAPPING FEET RUN UP GIGLI [slightly puffed, laughing his ass off] Sire! She's here for him! SOUND DOINK AS OF FINGER SNAPPED AGAINST SOMETHING GLASS MAZURIN Him? Oh, well. That's simple then - I'll just un-glaze him, and-- GIGLI You can't just hand him over! MAZURIN Why not? Then she'll go away. Problem solved. GIGLI [exasperated sigh] Tradition? Ring a bell? MAZURIN Tradition? Oh, you're not going to say I have to fight to the death over a trifle like-- GIGLI No! But you're supposed to make her do tasks to earn him, so she'll spread word of your cunning and deviousness. [muttered] And so she'll keep him once she gets him. MAZURIN Oh. I'm far too busy to come up with some silly tasks. What does tradition say? GIGLI I'll make you up some note cards. Want me to let her in? MAZURIN An... Amazon? Don't they sleep in barns or something? GIGLI I certainly wouldn't want to be the one to suggest it to her. I'll find her and tell her you will speak to her at dinner. MAZURIN I will? GIGLI Tradition. MAZURIN [pouting] Fine. Tell her, then come back and find me some [vague] ... robes. MUSIC GIGLI [off] ...This way, and the wizard will be with you shortly. SOUND BOOTED FEET ENTER ECHOEY HALL AMALAN Roomy. CAEL Kind of dusty, isn't it? AMALAN Hard to keep help in an evil castle. CAEL [agreeing] Hmm. SOUND POOF! MAZURIN [booming voice] Dusty? Humph! SOUND POOF! SOUND WATER DRIPPING ALL OVER. AMALAN [doubtful] Impressive? MAZURIN [muttered] Oh, drat. CAEL [wiping her face] Well, that's new. SOUND SPLAT OF WATER SHAKEN OFF MAZURIN [trying to save face "I meant to do that"] It's... something I've been working on. AMALAN You could use it, back home. CAEL Shh. AMALAN You could finally get your quarters clean. CAEL Shh! MAZURIN What? CAEL Nothing. [declaring] Mighty Wizard, I have come to recover the most noble prince Tupin and bring him home to wed. This is my quest. [snarls] Do not stand in my way. MAZURIN Oh, of course not. AMALAN What? GIGLI [hissed] Master! MAZURIN Huh? Oh right - as long as-- um, you-- GIGLI [whispered prompting] Can overcome my challenges three. MAZURIN --Can overcome three challenges. GIGLI [muttered] Close enough. CAEL Of course. Name your challenges. MAZURIN [taken completely aback] Oh! Well-- GIGLI [whispered] You forgot the cards? [stepping forward] My great master will issue you each challenge at the break of dawn on three successive days. Then you will have until sunset on the same day to complete each one. CAEL Morning? Why not start now? AMALAN Tradition. GIGLI Tradition, milady. CAEL Fine. What now? GIGLI Dinner? CAEL Hmm. How about showing me the prince, so I know I'm not wasting my time? MUSIC SOUND RINGING OF CRYSTAL AMALAN Well, it's a guy. CAEL He's... glass? MAZURIN Much less irritating that way. GIGLI [jumping in] For the great wizard finds the company of mere mortals a burden - he turns them into glass to show his mighty contempt. AMALAN That's a lot of contempt. CAEL It’s rather a lot of prince. Ok, oh great wizard - let's just get this straight right up front. When I beat your challenges, you'll turn him back to normal before letting me take him, right? MAZURIN That goes without saying-- GIGLI After the first challenge, he will be returned to flesh. After the second, he will awaken, the third, you may take him. CAEL Good, I don't want to have to cart around a giant glass statue - must weigh a ton. And it would be rather unfortunate if I dropped him. MAZURIN Not really. AMALAN Nice. CAEL You said something about dinner? MUSIC SOUND DINING GIGLI More port, sire? MAZURIN [dismissive] Yes, yes. Now um, if you can picture this fork as an oncoming enemy-- SOUND CLINK OF FORK - clink clink clink MAZURIN Then the napkin - I mean the entrapment grass, remember - would of course slow him-- GIGLI Your port. MAZURIN Over there, beside the battlefield. GIGLI [exasperated sigh] SOUND CUP SET DOWN. MAZURIN Where was I, oh yes, slow him-- SOUND CLINKS GET MUFFLED, THEN SLOW MAZURIN --and eventually stop him. SOUND MUFFLED CLATTER AS FORK IS WRAPPED UP IN NAPKIN CAEL [interested] Clever. MAZURIN Really? CAEL Immobilizing an enemy makes him an easy target. So you put your strength into archers, to pick off the enemy soldiers stuck in the fields like-- AMALAN Garden gnomes? CAEL --like so many topiary. Hmm. Not bad at all. I could even write a song about that. AMALAN Oh, please don't - he'll turn you to glass. CAEL Shut up. MAZURIN I didn't say anything. CAEL Not you-- [sigh] I have this curse-- AMALAN I am not cursed. CAEL --of a sword. It talks to me. MAZURIN Do you often hear weapons talk? AMALAN [snickers] CAEL No, really. Here-- SOUND UNSHEATHES SWORD CAEL Say something. [beat] [apologetic] Great, now she's pissed at me. [muttered] Don't make me look bad. [up] When she's in the sheath, I'm the only one who can hear her. GIGLI Your sword is a girl? Isn't that somehow counter-intuitive? AMALAN Big words from a goblin, bub. CAEL [heavy sigh] See? MUSIC SOUND WALKING INTO SMALLER CHAMBER GIGLI Sleep tight! SOUND DOOR CLOSES CAEL I can’t believe you would embarrass me that way! AMALAN Embarrass you? Who called who cursed? CAEL No, I said you were "my curse", not that you were accursed. AMALAN Oh. That's different. CAEL How's that damn wizard gonna have any respect for me now? AMALAN Who cares? He's old. And evil. CAEL He's not that old. AMALAN And evil. CAEL [shrug] That's his job. MUSIC SOUND DOOR SHUTS, TIPTOEING SLAPPY FEET MAZURIN [roaring] Gigli? GIGLI Gurk! [deep breath, then bright] Yes, master? MAZURIN What did you think you were doing, insulting an Amazon like that? GIGLI I -- I didn't-- MAZURIN You called her a lummox! GIGLI She was... playing you, sire! I was only defending your-- MAZURIN What? Playing what? GIGLI Playing games. You know no one ever actually listens to you when you rant on about one of your inventions, and there she is [squeaky] "oh how clever! You're so smart!" [normal] blech! And you-- MAZURIN [wounded] Of course people listen to me-- GIGLI I don't. MAZURIN [huffy] You're just a familiar. GIGLI [muttered] Don't remind me. [up] Sire, what I meant is she's trying to soften you up, get you to like her, so the tests will be easier. MAZURIN What's wrong with that? GIGLI [sigh] You have a reputation to uphold, my mighty lord. MAZURIN Oh, I really don't-- GIGLI --and if it gets out that you're a pushover, every Tom, Dick and Harry will be at your doorstep, looking to get something from you. MAZURIN [gasp of panic] GIGLI And when will you ever get anything done? MUSIC SOUND PACING IN THE ECHOEY DINING HALL AMALAN So wizards don't wake up as early as warriors. So what? CAEL It's dawn. He said dawn. AMALAN Barely. Sit.... /episode/index/show/nineteennocturne/id/25819995

Housewarming by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) 02/23/2023

Housewarming by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) In classic 1940s Hollywood, aspiring screenwriter Fiona Cross discovers the pitfalls of writing remakes - including, perhaps, romance with an undying legend of the silver screen. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Fiona Cross - E. Vickery Victor Malacard - Cole Hornaday George - Jerry Bennett Margie - Kristina Yuen Andy - Michael Faigenblum Additional Voices - Rhea Lutton, Julie Hoverson, Reynaud LeBoeuf Music: Gabriel Garcea () (also available on ) 19 Nocturne Theme: Kevin MacLeod () Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Sound effects found on Soundsnap.com Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Cover Photos: (courtesy of ) "What kind of a place is it? Why, it's a movie studio office - can't you tell? Where else would you find... a screenwriter?" _______________________________________________ HOUSEWARMING Cast: [opening credits/Olivia] Fiona Cross, screenwriter George Webber, producer Victor Malacard, actor/director Margie, best friend Mason, butler Andy, a Messenger Instructor voice, on P.A. Landlady OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a film producer's office, can't you tell? SCENE 1 MUSIC SOUND EFFICIENT TYPING, PHONES IN THE BACKGROUND GEORGE The bad news is -it's really very good. FIONA [excited] Wonderful! [waitaminute] That's the bad news? GEORGE Yup. Because we can't use it. SOUND SHEAF OF PAPERS TOSSED ONTO TABLE. FIONA What? But ...but Mr. Webber, you said it was GEORGE Practically brilliant. I'll even read your next one, and I don't say that often. [pauses, thinks] Ever. But, Miss Cross... you should know by now that writing remakes is a complete waste of time. There's all sorts of issues. We don't want to get sued. FIONA But The House on the Peak was made- GEORGE Twenty-odd years ago. It's still dicey. Whoever owns it could sue us, and after that fiasco at Champion pictures last year... We're taking no chances. We're not Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, you know. FIONA If ... what if I could make an arrangement with the owner? Would you still be interested? GEORGE [cagey] Well, I said it was good, but I never actually said I was interested. [beat] Come back when you've got a signature. MUSIC BRIDGE SCENE 2 SOUND TINNY PHONOGRAPH MUSIC INSTRUCTOR [off mike throughout] And lift. One. Two. FIONA [puffing slightly throughout] All that work! MARGIE [puffing slightly throughout] Goodness, Fiona, didn't anyone ever tell you never adapt? INSTRUCTOR ...five and six. Arms up! FIONA I guess I figured the studio would handle all that. MARGIE [teasing] Did you just drop off the turnip truck -Oh, sorry, the porkchop truck. INSTRUCTOR ...seven and eight -keep them up! FIONA [teasing back] You just watch it, we Piggottsville girls are tough! [puffs a bit] Now I just have to get up the nerve. MARGIE [sarcastic] Nerve? YOU? I can't imagine! INSTRUCTOR [off] I hear someone talking! FIONA [whispered] Enough nerve to go and talk to Victor Malacard. MUSIC BRIDGE SCENE 3 SOUND CAR DRIVES AWAY. WOODSY NOISES FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL. FIONA OK, Fee. Let's see what you've got. Scene: Heroine walks up to big spooky house. She is nervous. Almost trembling -wait, no scratch that. She is resolved, plucky. Much better. SOUND CREAK OF WOOD, BIRD CALL FIONA [slightly spooked] Or not. Come on, Fee. You can DO this. Plucky heroine, for goodness sake. Pluck up. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL. FIONA What a scene. Artfully disheveled garden. Overgrown and dried out fountain. Huge mansion in exactly the proper state of dilapidation. [tries to laugh] I should be taking notes. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON WOOD STAIRS FIONA [practicing] Mr. Malacard, I am such a big fan of--No, I'm sure he hears THAT all the- SOUND FOOTSTEPS SLOW DOWN, THEN STOP. FIONA [firm] Mr. Malacard. I have a proposition for--Oh pooh! [ingratiating] Mr. Malacard. How wonderful to finally meet- SOUND DOOR CREAKS OPEN. FIONA [gasp] MASON [spooky and unwelcoming] May I help you? FIONA [muttered] I bet you get a lot of these roles. MASON Hmm? FIONA Sorry. Nothing. I would like to speak to Mr. Malacard. MASON No. SOUND DOOR SLAMS SHUT. FIONA What? Aren't you supposed to say something like [aping his voice] "I'm afraid Mr. Malacard... isn't himself today." [normal voice] and give me a chance to argue with you? [pause] Huh? SOUND TWO FOOTSTEPS ON WOOD, THEN SHE SITS ON THE STAIR WITH A CREAK. FIONA [calling over her shoulder] Very well, then. I'm not leaving. I'll just sit here until the spiderwebs grow up over me and I become part of the set! SOUND BIRDS. FIONA [muttered] Or at least until I get up the nerve to walk back to town. [sigh] Well, it's kind of nice here, anyway. Peaceful. [takes a couple of deep breaths] SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL APPROACH VICTOR [coming on mike] Can I help you? FIONA What? Oh! [noises, as she stands] Mr. Mal--Wait. You can't be--I'm confused. VICTOR [chuckles] I look just like him, don't I? I'm Victor Malacard the lesser. Call me Vic. FIONA Fiona Cross. I'm so pleased! I'm a writer, you see, and-15 VICTOR [cold] So sorry. Father doesn't give interviews. FIONA Oh, no -I'm a screenwriter. I wrote a wonderful script- VICTOR [perturbed] He doesn't act any more, either. FIONA Does he let people finish their sentences? VICTOR [chuckling in spite of himself] All right. Just point to me when it's my cue. FIONA [deep breath] I wrote a new version of The House on the Peak, your father's masterpiece, and I would very much like to get it produced- FIONA --because I spent a lot of time on it, and I know he would be flattered if he could only read it, because, well, the original was brilliant, but most people DO like sound nowadays, and this would bring his work back for more people to see, and if I could just get his permission, I have a studio which is VERY interested. VICTOR [pause] My turn? Then... all right. FIONA All right then, what? VICTOR Let me read it. I'll see if it's all you say it is. FIONA But your father- VICTOR Is old and very ill -one reason I cannot let anyone into the house. I have all the authority necessary. I assume you brought your script? FIONA Oh, yes! SOUND SNAPS OPEN SHOULDERBAG, PULLS OUT SHEAF OF PAPERS. FIONA Really, I'm a much better writer than I must sound like, from the way I talk. I just get really- SOUND A COUPLE OF PAGES FLIP VICTOR Come back in a couple of days. Saturday. FIONA Oh, no! I've heard that one before. It's not so late, I'll wait while you read it. [BEAT] Besides, I need to borrow your phone to call a cab. VICTOR [cold] I'm afraid you're doomed to disappointment on many levels, Miss Cross. I refuse to read on demand, and you cannot come in. FIONA But it's miles to the nearest- VICTOR You'd better start walking. I will see you on Saturday. MUSIC TIME PASSES SCENE 4 SOUND DOOR OPENS. CRACKLE OF WAXED PAPER. VICTOR [warning] I am not going to--[surprised] What is that? FIONA Lunch. You're not going to what? VICTOR You brought - FIONA If there's one thing that Hollywood taught me, it's come prepared for a siege. You're lucky I didn't have time to make pastrami and onion sandwiches, though they work a whole lot better in an office. VICTOR Work... better? FIONA Nothing like the chance you might stink up someone's office to motivate them to give you five minutes. VICTOR [chuckles] FIONA Want some? VICTOR What? Oh, no -I've eaten. FIONA [snort] Hospital food, I bet -all bland and toothless. It's always like that when someone in the house is sick. VICTOR No, [sighs, then, resigned] no -if there's one thing Mason makes certain of, it's that the food is good. FIONA That your butler? Or is he some kind of nurse? VICTOR Some kind... um, something. FIONA [bright, teasing] So, did you read it yet? VICTOR There's hardly been time- FIONA [Sweetly] Then why waste it talking to me? VICTOR [sad] It's not something I get to do very often. Talking. To someone. FIONA Read the script, and I promise I'll come back and talk up a storm. SOUND DISTANT THUNDER VICTOR [sigh, pause] Speaking of storms, it looks like rain. If you need to walk back to town, you'd best get started. FIONA I'm a farm girl. We're built tough. And reasonably waterproof. VICTOR [chuckle ruefully] SOUND DOOR SHUTS. MUSIC TIME PASSES SCENE 5 SOUND CRICKETS, NIGHT SOUNDS, RAIN [a beat] DOOR OPENS VICTOR Tsk. Do you know what time it is? FIONA Judging from the position of the stars, what little I can see of them -my watch says about 9. VICTOR [a beat, then] I read it. FIONA [gasps, then tight] And? VICTOR It's brilliant. FIONA Really? VICTOR Here's your release. My lawyer can validate it in the morning. FIONA Oh! I could kiss you [SHE DOES] VICTOR [shaken] I... Miss Cross...! FIONA Fiona. You know, you really do look like your father. You're lucky. He was really something, back in the day. It's those eyes. VICTOR Yes, I... [with emphasis] He... SOUND CAR APPROACHES, STOPS. VICTOR What? Who the devil--? FIONA My cab. I arranged for it to pick me up at 9. Siege or not, I'm not sleeping on anyone's doorstep but my own. Thanks again! SOUND RUNNING FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL. FIONA [off] ...and if you're ever in town...! VICTOR [yelling slightly] Of course...! SOUND CAR DOOR SLAMS SOUND HOUSE DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN. VICTOR [sadly to self] ...not. SOUND SLOW FOOTSTEPS ACROSS THE PORCH. MUSIC SCENE 6 SOUND TENNIS, CROWD, IN BACKGROUND THROUGHOUT. MARGIE So, they loved it. Did you write yourself a part? FIONA What? MARGIE Oh, come on-don't tell me you only aspire to be the pen and not the face? FIONA I just enjoy writing. I'm in complete control of the world. Everyone in my story has to listen to me and do what I say. MARGIE But acting is where the fame is. FIONA Who wants fame? VOICE ON P.A. [filter] Number 33, Court 1 is open. MARGIE Are we getting close? SOUND RUSTLE OF PAPER FIONA Should be next. MARGIE So you're in it for the money? FIONA No... I guess... I'm in it to ... to see it happen. MARGIE [pause] Are you explaining or should I order another drink? FIONA I want to see things from my imagination up there on the screen. I want to create something that people will remember. MARGIE And you don't want to be famous or rich? You're nuts. FIONA Rich would be OK, but famous just means you never get away. That must be why Mr. Malacard lives out in the country -to get away from the craziness. MARGIE Craziness? In Hollywood? Perish the thought! [pause] So, can I have your part? FIONA [laughs] There aren't really any good female roles in the House on the Peak. MARGIE Will I sound hopelessly undereducated if I admit I've never actually seen this fabulous item? FIONA You never--? Where did you grow up, a cave? I mean even in Piggottsville, it showed for three whole nights -and then each year near Halloween. I think the theater proprietress musta had a thing for Malacard. MARGIE Spare me the down home gossip and tell me about this masterpiece. FIONA Well, it's sort of modeled on this story by Edgar Allen Poe- MARGIE Didja have to get permission from him, too? FIONA Shush. He's been dead for -I dunno, a century? Besides, it's not really the same idea, just the tone. See, there's this guy who goes home after his father's death, to see his twin brother who he hasn't seen in years- MARGIE Which one was your mysterious actor? FIONA Oh, Victor Malacard played both brothers. It was groundbreaking at the time -using cutaways and doubles- MARGIE Is this important? FIONA [chuckles] I guess not. But the brother who'd been away was a man of the world, very caught up in business, and the one who stayed was a strange lonely man who talked to himself- MARGIE [sarcastic] In a silent film, no less. FIONA [agreeing] Malacard was a genius. They've got their eye on this new fellow -he was in that film, "Laura"- MARGIE Stick to the point! FIONA Tsk. So it turns out the house is alive, and must have a family member in residence or it will die. But the one who stayed would live forever, barring falling out of a window, which is what'd happened to their father. MARGIE Foul play? FIONA You got it -turns out one of the sons had killed dear old dad to take his place as head of the family, and live forever. MARGIE Was it the creepy one? VOICE ON P.A. [filter] Number 34, court 3 is open. SOUND GLASS PUT DOWN, BAGS SNATCHED UP FIONA I'll tell you whodunnit... but only if you beat me. MUSIC SCENE 7 SOUND CAR DOOR SLAMS. FEET ON GRAVEL. FEET SLOW DOWN. FIONA Oh. Hullo! SOUND CAB DRIVES AWAY VICTOR I heard you coming. FIONA Oh, and here I thought old Igor your butler was a warlock or something. VICTOR Mason is a lot of things, but--[pause] What's that? More scripts? FIONA No, silly. It's a picnic. VICTOR A what--? FIONA Pic. Nic. Food to eat outside so as not to bother those inside whom shall not be named. VICTOR But, you- FIONA I promised I would talk up a storm, didn't I? If Hollywood taught me one thing, it's to keep my promises. VICTOR Well. [bemused, but pleased] Very well, then. SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL. DOOR OPENS [OFF]. MASON [off] Sir? VICTOR [calling] Don't worry, I'll stay where you can see me. MASON [off] Very good, sir. FIONA Wow, he sure keeps you on a short leash. VICTOR [deep with meaning] So true. FIONA Well, this looks good -and see, there's a window right there where your keeper can peep out and make sure nothing improper happens. SOUND BLANKET SPREAD, THINGS BEING TAKEN OUT OF PICNIC BASKET VICTOR [deep sigh] FIONA [sincere] I do understand. My gramma raised me -she was from the old country, very wild Irish, and hospitals would never, never do. So when she took ill at the end, I had to look after her. And the farm. Just the two of us, right up til she passed. VICTOR So being tired of the sticks, you came right out to Hollywood, no training wheels or anything? FIONA Oh, I figure I'll go back someday -not to the farm, but to the country. Being down here -well, down there -is tough -there are so many people everywhere. VICTOR Better than being lonely- FIONA You can be lonely in a crowd just as easy as on a farm, and it's much noisier. The crowd, I mean. VICTOR More material for your writing. FIONA I don't agree. I figure growing up pretty much alone is why I have such a good imagination. Keeping myself occupied, making up folks to talk to. VICTOR [moving in romantically] And you enjoyed my --my father's film so much that you decided to put words to it? FIONA [slightly breathless] I... I didn't so much write them as sort of translate what he already said. VICTOR [deep and husky] And very well too. FIONA [gasp, deeply important] Before this goes any further, I have to say something. VICTOR [snapping out of it] I--we--of course, we shouldn't- FIONA Since the studio is picking up the cost of lunch, we have to talk business. I hope you don't mind. VICTOR [vastly relieved, deep breath] Of course. Mm, that smells good. No pastrami and onions? FIONA [laughing] No. [serious] See, the studio wants to know if we can add a girl -a romance -to the story. Seems everything just has to have a love interest these days. VICTOR [sharp] A what? FIONA And a happy ending. They don't want- VICTOR No! Under no circumstances! They're not going to ruin my--[through gritted teeth] my... father's vision -with sentimental claptrap. FIONA [teasing] Really? Sentimental claptrap is all the rage nowadays. [change of tone, satisfied] Good. That's what I thought, but they won't listen to me. Business over. VICTOR But you- FIONA Oh, don't get me wrong, I like romance as much as the next girl, but it would weaken the drama. Try a taste of this. VICTOR Um, yes. [takes a bite] That's -mmm, that's delicious. The drama, you say? Have you been writing for very long? FIONA This is my first script. That I've completed, anyway. I've got lots of ideas, but this one just sort of made me finish it. It's a bit of an obsession, I guess. VICTOR You should write more. It was very good. [pause, then throaty] Maybe... romance... next time. FIONA [oblivious] Maybe. I guess it's easier to write what you know, though. VICTOR [still making his move] Really? No romance on the horizon, no beau back home on the farm? FIONA [reacting, almost breathless] No -no one. I've ... never... not really, anyway... Oh. [long indrawn breath, then a teasing whisper] Your butler's watching us. VICTOR [breaks away] Blast! I can't even--! [muttered growl] Look at him. [heavy sigh, then businesslike] This has been very pleasant, Miss Cross, but I must go- SOUND GETS UP, FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL, MOVING QUICKLY FIONA Hmph? SOUND BITING A CARROT MUSIC SCENE 8 SOUND BUSY LUNCH COUNTER MARGIE So do you make a habit of scaring off men? FIONA Well -there was this boy back at Jefferson junior high ... No, I'm teasing. I've never had much of a chance to try -guess I'm just a natural. MARGIE And he was circling in for the kill, ready to land a knockout, when- FIONA The ref appeared and he threw in the towel. You don't usually think of grown men as needing a chaperone. MARGIE Maybe he's old fashioned and is trying to look out for your reputation or something. FIONA Old fashioned I would buy. He's got this courtly way about him...just like his father, at least the way he was on the screen. This sort of graceful way of moving that expresses so much. MARGIE And what was he expressing just before the bell rang to call the match? FIONA Well... [blushing] He wasn't afraid -I can say that for sure. MUSIC SCENE 9 SOUND CAR DRIVES AWAY, FEET ON GRAVEL VICTOR You found your way back? FIONA The picnic was to thank you. Now I'm buttering you up in case I want to remake another one of your father's films. VICTOR So what's in the bag this time? Dare I guess? FIONA No, silly. It's a surprise. I figure, not leaving the house much, you don't get to have a lot of fun. VICTOR My... father- FIONA Exactly. So, I figured I'd bring the some to you. VICTOR Fun? FIONA I remembered you had a swimming pool. VICTOR Pool? But--But there's no water- FIONA And swimsuits don't clank. SOUND CLANK OF SOMETHING METAL IN BAG VICTOR Then, what--? FIONA We-e-ell, can we go look at the pool? VICTOR Uh--yes? SOUND FEET ON GRASS FIONA I hope you don't mind my coming up here like this. I'm just so exuberant. Or is that the right word? VICTOR Well, you sound exuberant to me. FIONA Aha, the pool. Oh, good, it's nice and clean. VICTOR Mason sees to the grounds as well as the house. FIONA So, here. SOUND CLANK AS BAG IS SET DOWN, UNTYING OF KNOT VICTOR I--I'm... /episode/index/show/nineteennocturne/id/25817502

For Art's Sake by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) 02/16/2023

For Art's Sake by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) [mature language and violence] Roy Chambers, self-proclaimed "artist of junk" becomes suspicious about the intricate work of another sculptor. Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Roy Chambers - J.D. Lloyd Gwynneth Robinson Molly Tollefson Vivienne - Rhys TM Robert - Mr. Synyster Arturo - Philemon Vanderbeck Solange - Angela Kirby Penelope Cartwright - Kris Keppeler Hank Norton - Powers Chamber 19 Nocturne Theme: Kevin MacLeod () All other music by (Creative Commons License) Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Photo: (courtesy of ) "What kind of a place is it? Why it's an art gallery - can't you just smell the culture?" _________________________________________________________ FOR ART'S SAKE Cast: Announcer Cabbie Olivia Roy Chambers, artist of junk Gwynneth Robinson, gallery owner Robert [ro-BEAR], art critic Vivienne, art critic Arturo, sculptor Solange, a supermodel Hank Norton, grieving brother Penelope Cartwright, psychic Gordie, aspiring young critic OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's an art gallery. Can't you just smell the culture? SCENE 1 MUSIC - PRETENTIOUS GRUNGE/INDUSTRIAL, BUT LOW. AMBIANCE LOW CROWD MUMBLE ROBERT and VIVIENNE sound bored and disinterested - very, very jaded intellectual. They are sort of fencing with each other. ROBERT It's so innovative, it's almost retro. VIVIENNE Jejune, yet piquant. ROBERT The raw power of the chain link simply draws the eye. VIVIENNE The underlying metaphor behind the cracked concrete base is very telling. ROBERT Trash cans have been overused this season. VIVIENNE Which is precisely what this piece is trying to say. It is a commentary on the current state of the art world. ROY That it's all garbage? ROBERT [snort of derision] Garbage? Perhaps to the petty and feeble mind, incapable of looking beyond the component parts-- VIVIENNE --this one would look at a forest and see trees. [ROBERT AND VIVIENNE chuckle.] ROY Oh, I understand this piece just fine. ROBERT Do you? Do you really? VIVIENNE What, then, is this putty-like brown graffitti in its indecipherable scrawl? ROBERT And that smell - it's almost visceral. ROY It's crap. ROBERT You'd best keep your voice down, dear fellow. The artist is a good friend of dear Gwynneth, our host tonight, and I hear he's actually graced us with his presence. ROY No- no. It's actually feces. The graffitti. I'm Roy Chambers. The artist? VIVIENNE F-feces? Excrement? ROY Yup. VIVIENNE B-but... doesn't it ... lose pungency after a time? ROY Of course. I freshen it up every couple of days. I hope you don't mind if I don't shake hands. A BEAT OF SHOCKED SILENCE, THEN ROBERT Well, that does put a new [trailing off] face ...on ...it. VIVIENNE Oh, look, they've opened the champagne. SOUND HURRIED FOOTSTEPS AWAY ROY [chuckles] GWYNNETH [sigh] Darling, you'll never sell anything if you keep telling people your work is shit. ROY [laughs harder] You know that's not the point. I just love seeing the look in their eyes. GWYNNETH Well, you may have the luxury of not needing to make your way as an artist, but I still need-- ROY I can always-- GWYNNETH [indignant] Write me a check? Not on your life, handsome. If I can't make it, I'll fail on my own two feet. [softening] But you can buy me dinner. Again. ROY [chuckling] I wasn't going to suggest charity - but since I seem to be the one losing you sales on my pieces, you could let me pay rent for the space-- GWYNNETH I don't understand why you're so down on your art. [serious] It's good Roy. It's powerful. I wouldn't have it in my gallery otherwise... [rowr] no matter how terrific you are in bed. ROY It makes me uncomfortable, like I'm ... exposing myself. GWYNNETH That's what makes it so strong-- SCENE 2 SOUND A COMMOTION IN THE BACKGROUND - SOMEONE YELLING - GETS LOUDER AS GWYNNETH AND ROY APPROACH GWYNNETH [muttering as she hustles] Oh, goodness, it's not the man enclosed in legos with his winkie hanging out again, is it? ROY [right behind her] Maybe a critic's seeing eye dog got at the sculpture in baloney. GWYNNETH Poor dog - that meat's been here a week. ROY Either one. SOUND COMMOTION HAS ENDED - JUST HEAVY BREATHING FROM A COUPLE OF GUYS GWYNNETH [authoritative] What is going on? ARTURO This ...person... was ...molesting... my statue. ROY [muttered] Is it the baloney? GWYNNETH [muttered] No. ROY [muttered] The winkie? GWYNNETH [muttered] Shh. ARTURO I demand charges be filed. HANK I was only-- ARTURO No one cares what you were trying to do, you philistine! GWYNNETH Arturo. ARTURO Luddite! Peon! GWYNNETH Arturo! Please, calm down. I promise I shall handle this personally. ARTURO [going off] Just make sure he keeps his filthy hands off my beautiful marbles. ROY [muttered] Maybe his marbles should meet lego man's winkie. GWYNNETH [trying not to laugh] Ahem. Now, sir, I'm Miss Robinson - and this is my gallery. And you are? HANK [subdued, apologetic, aw shucks] Hank - Henry, that is - Norton. GWYNNETH What were you doing, then? HANK The statue - it looks like Lizzie - Elizabeth - my sister. Just like her. ROY That not what she asked. HANK Well, I was thinking it might be like that old movie where the guy kills people, puts them in plaster and gets famous for his art... Lizzie's missing, ever since she wrote and said she had a job modeling for this guy. So I wanted to... check and see... GWYNNETH [gentle] I don't know the movie, Hank, but I'm pretty sure you can't put someone in marble the way you might with plaster. It simply doesn't work that way. HANK No? GWYNNETH No. ROY Hank, let's get us a glass of that champagne. GWYNNETH [stage whisper] Thank you! SOUND QUICK KISS SCENE 3 MUSIC A LITTLE TIME PASSES SOUND EXCITED COMMOTION, CAMERAS GWYNNETH Oh, god, what is it this time? ROBERT [in awe] It's Solange. She's here! VIVIENNE [going off] If I were only into women... ROBERT [going off] Me too... GWYNNETH [sigh, then clearly trying to convince herself] It's good. Publicity. I like supermodels. ROY [coming on] Who--? GWYNNETH Solange is the latest sensation. So bloody skinny. ROY Better keep her away from the baloney. GWYNNETH [slightly venomous] It would do her good. ROY I didn't mean her - just the dog. SOUND FOOTSTEPS AND JINGLE OF DOG HARNESS APPROACH GWYNNETH Solange, I am honored. SOLANGE [strange accent] Ah? Sorree, and you are? GWYNNETH I'm Gwynneth Robinson. This is my gallery. We are truly-- SOLANGE Where ees Arturo? GWYNNETH Right over there. SOLANGE Take mee to heem, pleez. SOUND JINGLE OF DOG'S HARNESS, SCRABBLE OF CLAWS ON FLOOR. GWYNNETH My pleasure. My arm is just to your right. Would you like something to drink? [fading out] Perhaps some water for your service animal? ROY Is that the latest thing - blind models? VIVIENNE 'Differently abled' darling. You could get sued -- ROBERT Or at least censured. VIVIENNE --for use of non-PC language. ROBERT Besides, with a body like that, who cares if she can see? And the dark glasses are her trademark - she's never seen without them. ROY Hmm. You two seem like just the type I need. VIVIENNE I don't do threesomes. ROBERT I do. ROY No, no - not like that, but [buttering up] you really seem to be in the know... VIVIENNE Of course. ROBERT Pity. ROY This Arturo guy - what can you tell me about him? VIVIENNE Quid pro quo, dear friend - tell us about you first. ROY Well... It's brownie mix - the brown stuff. ROBERT Re-e-e-eally...? SCENE 4 MUSIC SOUND CLUNK OF OVERHEAD LIGHTS GOING OFF GWYNNETH [coming on, low and sultry] So. The lights are off. The crowd is gone. And the door is locked against the night. You know what that means? ROY Hmm? GWYNNETH Come on, love. I need some serious stress relief. ROY In a moment. GWYNNETH What is so fascinating about these things? First that poor little man - now you? ROY Have you really looked at them? GWYNNETH Dearest, I don't really look at anything that goes in here, beyond deciding if I think it will sell. That way lies sheer madness. ROY How did legoman get in? GWYNNETH Oh, that. [sigh] I'm still not certain about that one. ROY Anyway, these statues - I don't know anything about marble sculpting, but I would assume it's not the easiest thing in the world, even with modern technology. GWYNNETH I suppose. ROY Look at the detail here. The clothes, hair - rivets in the jeans, even. Everything is exact. Perfect. GWYNNETH So he's anal. Surely you're not thinking that Arturo whats-his-name has somehow immured people in marble. ROY Nah. But I can see Hank's point. His sister's statue looks - almost alive. And she's not happy about it. MUSIC SCENE 5 AMBIANCE RESTAURANT GWYNNETH Where were you? I really could have used you at the gallery tonight. ROY Why? What happened? GWYNNETH I asked you first. ROY [sigh] I-I was trying to find that artist - the one with the statues. GWYNNETH And--? ROY He's harder to track down than ... than me. GWYNNETH [laughs] Perhaps he's another eccentric with more money than sense. ROY Hey--! I thought that was part of my charm. GWYNNETH No. I love you. But I don't make any claim to understand you. You don't even like your own art. ROY [slightly uncomfortable] It just comes out that way. SOUND A MOMENT OF EATING GWYNNETH [unpleasantly surprised] Oh god! Don't look. It's her. Just act normal. ROY What? Who am I not looking at? GWYNNETH The commotion. I mean the woman who caused the- PENELOPE [off] Hello! ROY I think she's seen you. GWYNNETH Oh, god. ROY Is there anything I should know before she gets here? GWYNNETH I'm going to be a coward and duck out for the loo. ROY About her, I mean. [beat] You've got a moment, the maitre d' has her in a headlock. GWYNNETH [laugh] She claims to be a psychic and made a fuss over Arturo's marbles. God, I'm seriously regretting ever taking them on. ROY Why did you? I mean, looking at his stuff, he could be showcased in the biggest gallery in town, and- [trails off uncertainly] GWYNNETH Rather than a piddling little upstart like mine? Oh, hell- See you! SOUND GETS UP FROM CHAIR, DASHES AWAY ROY Chicken. PENELOPE [slightly off] Miss Robinson! SOUND CHAIR SCRAPES ROY She'll be right back. PENELOPE [coming on] Oh. I'm so sorry - I didn't mean to interrupt - are you - you're her beau, aren't you? ROY I'm her boyfriend, yeah. SOUND CHAIR SCRAPES, SHE SITS DOWN PENELOPE I could tell the moment I really looked at you. ROY [giving her nothing] Ah. Well. PENELOPE Oh, I'm so sorry. She probably mentioned me, I'm Penelope Cartwright. [confidential] I'm a certified psychic. ROY Oh. Well. PENELOPE Oh-ho! I can tell you're a disbeliever, Mr. -? ROY Don't you know? You're the psychic. PENELOPE [laughs] It's not like that, handsome. Well, sometimes it is. Let me see, let me see. Hmm. I'm feeling the letter T. Can I see your hands? ROY [over-eager] T? As in Thomas? PENELOPE [pleased] Aha! Your palm? There. You work with your hands, are you in construction? ROY [noncommital] Mm. PENELOPE But there's something else - your money line is a bit baffling. Very strong - not what I usually see in someone doing manual work. And something about cats... [Surprised as he snatches his hand away] What?? ROY Look, Miss Cartwright. You've been right about one thing - and only one thing - I'm a skeptic. PENELOPE But, I-- ROY But, nothing. I think you'd better go before I feel like embarrassing you in front of Miss Robinson. PENELOPE Please-- ROY Go. PENELOPE [beat] Very well. [intense] But you need to hear this-- [before he can speak] No! I have to say it, and if you won't let me wait to tell her, then you have to hear it. ROY Fine. Whatever. Quickly. PENELOPE The statues - there's something very wrong with them - worse even than that painful installation near the front door with the brown stuff- I just walked past, and they shouted to me - screamed for help - as if they were alive! ROY Right. PENELOPE You don't have to believe, but you must hear me. I felt such evil in the presence of those poor dear things. ROY [very sarcastic] They're... evil statues? PENELOPE Oh, no. They're evil's victims. SCENE 6 MUSIC AMBIANCE STREET GWYNNETH I can't believe she would do that! You're such a saint to put up with everything. ROY Saint? No. Just amused by people. Probably why I like the gallery scene - art folk are hilarious. GWYNNETH Like Vivienne and Robert? ROY Who? GWYNNETH You were talking to them at the gallery last week - after that young man made the fuss over the statues. ROY Oh. Bert and Ernie. GWYNNETH Vivienne IS a female. I've known her for years. ROY The way they dress, who could tell? And who would care? GWYNNETH Dare I ask what 'the statue whisperer' had to say? ROY She said they were crying out for help, blah blah blah. GWYNNETH Oh, good, now we have two loonies who believe the statues are somehow alive. ROY Oh, and she apparently hates my work too. GWYNNETH [joking] Well. Then she must be normal. MUSIC SCENE 7 SOUND HEAVY DOOR OPENING ROY [echoey] Hello? SOUND ECHOEY FOOTSTEPS, SECOND HEAVY DOOR OPENING ROY Hello? I know you're in here. ARTURO [distant sigh, then, off] Come on, then - to the left. SOUND HESITANT ECHOEY FOOTSTEPS, ANOTHER HEAVY DOOR ROY Isn't it a bit dark in here for a studio? ARTURO [still distant] You want light? SOUND LOUD RUSTLE OF CANVAS, as a heavy curtain swoops to the side. ROY [reacts to sudden brightness] Jeez! Good thing I'm not a vampire. ARTURO [close] You come to steal my secrets? ROY [jumps, then laughs] Not my style. I sculpt from garbage. ARTURO [disdainful] Yes. I have noticed. So why? ROY You interest me. ARTURO I thought you were sleeping with our blonde gallery owner. ROY Um, and you're seeing the supermodel. So? ARTURO Not that kind of interest? ROY [reacts, then] Not very sociable, eh? ARTURO Hmm. Perhaps that is why my place here is unlisted and no one visits me. You have explained a lot. Feel free to leave. ROY [beat] I don't see any materials - working on... /episode/index/show/nineteennocturne/id/25817340

Exit Strategy by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) 02/09/2023

Exit Strategy by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) Gamers on their way to a convention run afoul of violent criminals on the run. Can they use their "skillz" to survive? [warning - some violence, language, and mature situations] Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Abby - Beverly Poole Mark - Brian Lomatewama Justin - Mathias Rebne Morgan Brianna - Lyndsey Thomas Tyler - Michael Faigenblum Clark - Brandon O'Brien News Report - Gwendolyn Gieseke-Woodard Man - Bill Hollweg Music of used with permission Show theme and Incidental Music: Kevin MacLeod () Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a van on a road in the middle of nowhere, can't you tell?" _______________________________________ EXIT STRATEGY Cast: Mark - Game Master, in a wheelchair Abby - strategy girl Justin - the driver, Mark's brother Brianna - nurse, dating Tyler Tyler - wiry LARPer, dating Brianna Clark - a criminal Thug - another criminal SOUND FOOTSTEPS OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a car on a stretch of road in the middle of nowhere, can't you tell? MUSIC SOUND INSIDE CAR NOISES SOUND Music plays on the radio SOUND "BING" FROM THE DASHBOARD SOUND Justin turns down the stereo JUSTIN We're riding E. [up] Eyes peeled for a gas station, everybody! MARK Hey, Justin, remember when it used to be sooo cool to cross the state line? JUSTIN Yeah - some things just lose their charm as you get older, little bro. MARK And can drink legally in your own state... ABBY Don't drink and game. It dulls your edge. JUSTIN You've got enough edge for all of us, Abby. BRIANNA [slightly off, giggles] I would too. TYLER [slightly off] That is so great. You are so great. ABBY You do realize we can hear you? JUSTIN Keep it clean back there. I'll lose my damage deposit on the van if it comes back stained. BRIANNA Ew! We were just-- TYLER [defiant] I was just telling Bree that if she ever got possessed by a demon, I would totally kill her. BRIANNA [squeaky] Isn't that sweet? ABBY [baffled] Yeah. [whispered] What do you think brought on this declaration of undying love? JUSTIN Tyler brought his DVD player. I think they're watching Evil Dead. ABBY Oh. [that explains it] MARK You guys are all going to help with the "Super Five" tournament, right? I can count on you? ABBY Well-- MARK Well? ABBY [hesitant] I was checking, and the final round of the "AfterBlast" championship is in the same time slot. MARK [excited] You really think you have a chance? ABBY Hell yeah. I plan to kick ass and take names. MARK That rocks. JUSTIN I-- I noticed you were the only - um - ABBY Discernibly female? JUSTIN Yeah, that - name on the semi-finals roster. ABBY Yup. Time to represent. MUSIC JUSTIN Pit stop! MARK Man, you are this close to losing your deposit. JUSTIN Shit. Your chair's packed! BRIANNA I got you, Mark. SOUND DOOR SLIDES OPEN, SHIFTING SOUNDS AS SHE GETS OUT SOUND FRONT DOOR OPENS BRIANNA Come on, then. TYLER [teasing, going off] No groping my girl, now. MARK Hey! My hand slipped. Once. BRIANNA Girl. [snort] I am a woman. [grunts as she gets Mark on her back] OK, hold on. Tyler, got the door? TYLER [off] Getting it! SOUND QUICK FOOTSTEPS ON CONCRETE SOUND DOOR OPENS. MEN'S ROOM SOUND FLUSH, STALL DOOR OPENS MAN Hey! You can't be in here! BRIANNA Puh-lease. I'm a nurse. Almost. [sarcastic] And you should get that looked at. MUSIC AMBIANCE NIGHTTIME ROAD, VERY QUIET MUSIC VERY QUIET ON THE STEREO JUSTIN [quiet] Hey Abby? ABBY [quiet, tired] Hmm? JUSTIN Just wanted to see if you're awake. ABBY Really? Nice of you to check. JUSTIN Well... I'm not sure how much farther it is to the motel, and I was starting to fade a bit. Help keep me on the road? ABBY [half yawning] Sure. What's on your mind? JUSTIN Any chance you and I - you know - sometime? ABBY [half a laugh] I've sworn a blood oath not to date any man who can't beat me in a fair game of AfterBlast. JUSTIN Really? ABBY Something like that. No offense, OK? You're nice. But we're kind of different worlds. JUSTIN I used to game-- ABBY Used to. You traded in your dice for the corporate world. JUSTIN It's not that bad-- [sudden change] Whoah. ABBY What? JUSTIN Nothing. Just - there's headlights behind us. They weren't there a minute ago. ABBY Must have come round a corner. SOUND CREAK, TURN ABBY [turned to look] Hmm. How fast are we going? JUSTIN Why? ABBY They're catching up. Should I wake everybody? JUSTIN Well... if there's a crash, they're better off asleep. Relaxed. It's a fact - why drunks walk away more often-- ABBY It's still coming. Can we get off the road? JUSTIN There just isn't any place to go! The ditches are ... gaping black chasms! ABBY What's our speed? JUSTIN Seventy. So far. SOUND GROWLING ROAR, GETTING CLOSER ABBY How much can you push a minivan? JUSTIN Don't know. It's a rental. ABBY All right. [thinking] Turn off the headlights. JUSTIN What? ABBY There's a good moon - the road is straight as far as I can see right now - can you hold the wheel straight while you're blinded? SOUND ROARING REVVING APPROACHES JUSTIN I... guess-- yes. SOUND HEADLIGHTS TURN OFF JUSTIN [heavy breathing] ABBY Once our eyes adjust, we can look for a turnoff - in the dark, with the headlights, we won't see it until it's too late. JUSTIN Does that work? ABBY I don't know. Yes! There, to the left, a road. JUSTIN We're going too fast! ABBY Start the turn early, and run in at an angle. It should work. MARK [half asleep] Yeah, the roll factors are considerably less-- JUSTIN Roll factors? MARK "Street Wars," core manual. The turn gauge modifiers. JUSTIN Whatever, here we go! SOUND SCREECH MUSIC AMBIANCE OUTSIDE SOUND TICKING OF THE ENGINE MARK I'm suitably impressed. JUSTIN Thanks. Me too. ABBY It worked! JUSTIN A flat tire-- ABBY Just one. MARK --is not bad, all things considered. ABBY [encouraging] Besides you missed the ditch, and the car didn't even flip. MUSIC SOUND ON THE ROAD AGAIN TYLER Doesn't this whole thing remind anyone of a movie? JUSTIN Movie? What, Texas Chainsaw Massacre? ABBY Wo! We do have the right carload for leatherface. MARK Hey, Justin, don't pick up any strangers, kay? I don't wanna be the first to die. TYLER No.... OK, think. A brother and sister in a car, in the middle of nowhere-- BRIANNA [helping] In the middle of the day-- TYLER Run off the road by a huge spooky truck--? Hmm? MARK That wasn't a truck. ABBY It wasn't? MARK While you guys were watching the road, I watched it go by - It was big and square-- TYLER A truck. MARK No. Better than that - I saw words on the side. BRIANNA A truck? MARK [sigh] Nope. I must have made a perfect success on my perception roll, though - it was an armored car. JUSTIN In the middle of the night? In the middle of nowhere? ABBY Radio. There must be something. SOUND RADIO ON, SURF CHANNELS, STOP ON AN AD MARK I like N-P-R. ABBY News channel, bub. [Moment just listening.] JUSTIN OK, enough with the ads - give us some news. TYLER If this was a movie, the minute we switched over, the news bulletin would come on right then. Cheesy, eh? BRIANNA It's just a genre convention - a way of condensing all this boring time spent listening to-- JUSTIN Shh. SOUND TURNS VOLUME UP NEWS ...the third armored car hijacking this year, and the second one with fatalities. Three security guards were injured in the attack-- JUSTIN Wow. We should call someone. ABBY Already on it. SOUND CELL PHONE BEEPS ABBY Damn. No reception. NEWS --two are in critical condition. Pursuers lost the car in a high speed chase when the hijackers realized they were being tracked and dumped the onboard GPS at the side of the road. JUSTIN Well, the motel must be close. They'll have a phone. NEWS Police believe that one of the hijackers may have been injured in the attack... SOUND CLICK RADIO OFF - no music here MARK I thought we were supposed to reach it by ten? JUSTIN Well, with all you small bladdered people, we had a lot more potty breaks than I allowed for. And, o'course, getting run off the road... Changing the tire... TYLER There was that. BRIANNA Think your Uncle Joey'll give us a discount for coming in so late - half the night, half price? TYLER I'll ask him. [yawns] In the morning, though. MUSIC SOUND CAR, SNORING FROM ALL BUT JUSTIN SOUND BUMP, THEN CAR PULLS TO A STOP JUSTIN [trying to stay awake noise] Holy crap, I think we're here. ABBY [waking] Mmm? Oh good... JUSTIN One moment and I'll go and check in... ABBY No, I'll get it. Gotta pee anyway. Small bladder. [yawns] All that. JUSTIN [receding] I didn't mean.... SOUND CAR DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS SOUND FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL, DOOR, BELL JINGLES ABBY Hello? Hello? SOUND RINGS DESK BELL SOUND DOOR OPENS SOMEWHERE ABBY [calling] Look, I'm sorry to be coming in so late! We had car trouble. Can we get a room? [beat] Hello? SOUND FLUSH OF A TOILET ABBY [needs to pee] Oh, jeez. [deep shaky breath] Hello? SOUND DOOR OPENS CLARK Hey. Sorry about that. I was catching a few. You want a room? ABBY Yeah, my friends and I - if you have a room with a couple of queens, we'll be fine. CLARK Uh, sure. Probably. [looking around] Nobody really here, tonight. ABBY Could we have the one out on the end, then? CLARK Don't see why not... um... ABBY Says here it's room 14. CLARK There you go. [unconvincing laugh] So tired my eyes won't focus. SOUND KEY SLAPPED ON TABLE ABBY How much? CLARK Oh, pay when you leave. ABBY Hmm. Are you Joey? CLARK Joey who? ABBY [sharp intake of breath, then faking being ditzy] Sorry - you look a lot like the cousin of a friend of mine. CLARK I get that a lot. SOUND FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPENS ABBY Oh, can I use your bathroom? It's kind of an emergency. CLARK [too sharp] No! I mean, sorry - no can do. Absolutely against policy. Too bad you didn't get a room closer in, eh? ABBY [flat, suspicious] Yeah. SOUND DOOR SHUTS, JINGLE MUSIC SOUND HOTEL ROOM DOOR SHUTS, FEET STUMBLE AROUND, BAGS DOWN, ETC. SOUND BODY FLOPS ONTO BED JUSTIN I am dead. As driver, I call a bed. SOUND WHEELCHAIR ROLLS MARK I'm with you. SOUND FLUSH BRIANNA I suppose Abby and I should share the... other...? I thought she said the room would have two beds? SOUND DOOR OPENS ABBY That clerk didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. Did you park right next to the door Justin? JUSTIN [half moan] Yes. Why? ABBY I have a bad feeling about all this. TYLER Any chance it has something to do with all the spooky movie talk in the car? BRIANNA And the guy who ran us off the road? ABBY Maybe. JUSTIN Well, unless you're ready to drive - and pay for the extra insurance - We're not moving from this spot until I wake up. ABBY But the clerk - there was something wrong there. Really. God, for a chance at a spot hidden roll. MARK [more awake] Describe him. BRIANNA [groans] Come on - it's beddy-bye time! MARK Abby's got good instincts, Bree. You know how hard it is for me to fool her. ABBY That's just in game. I'm not-- JUSTIN [half asleep, but trying] But you are the only girl-- BRIANNA [half-hearted] Woman. JUSTIN --to make it into the ... strategic final thingee-- ABBY Ok. Shit I'm tired. [long deep thinking breath] He wouldn't let me use the bathroom. He didn't try and hit on me. Didn't know which number room was the one on the end. Didn't ask how many "we" were. Didn't know which rooms have queen beds. Didn't ask for a credit card. TYLER So? He's dead tired too. Big whoop. It's [looks] 2 freaking 55 in the morning. MARK Jeez, folks, we've had sessions which went long past 3! What's wrong with you? JUSTIN [muttered into the pillow] Getting old. MARK Yeah. You 25-year old over the hill codger, you. Abby, what would you do now? ABBY What? MARK This is the scenario. Right here. What would you do? TYLER Sleep. BRIANNA Seconded. JUSTIN [Snoring] MARK Assume it's unlikely we can drive out of here - at least not conveniently. How would you secure the room? ABBY [perking up] We could set watches-- TYLER [mumbled] Screw you! ABBY I can't watch all night. Adrenaline is only good for so long. MARK That guy struck you that bad? ABBY Yeah. I'm probably just-- MARK Let's assume otherwise. We have a map - of sorts - on the door there. Take a look. ABBY I - well, I got the room on the end, since we'd have a better chance of seeing or hearing anyone coming. MARK [chuckles] ABBY I can't help it. I'm already in strategy mode. Ok, the room has windows at the front and back and a bathroom that abuts the next room. No windows in the end wall. If we could keep an eye either side-- SOUND FEET ON CARPET, CURTAIN PULLED ASIDE, THEN WHIPPED BACK INTO PLACE. ABBY Oh, shit. MARK What? ABBY God, I hope no one saw the light. MARK I'll turn it off. Let them think we're asleep. SOUND CLICK OF SWITCH MARK Now? ABBY It's the truck - car - whatever! The one that almost ran us off the road! MARK [gasps] Are you sure? ABBY Come and look! MARK I believe you. We need everyone if this is a real situation. Shit. ABBY There's woods - cover - right out back. If Tyler was up, he could go look. MARK He's not going to be up any time soon. ABBY I know what will-- I'm going to take a chance and get my other bag from the car. I'll see what I can see. MARK I'll try the phone-- ABBY No!... /episode/index/show/nineteennocturne/id/25817244

When Yellow Casts a Crimson Shadow by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) 02/03/2023

When Yellow Casts a Crimson Shadow by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard reissue of the week) Thanks for your patience! Winter is tough. ______________________________________________ This episode includes graphic violence, archiac psychiatric attitudes and terminology, gaslighting, and misogyny. It was written intentionally to emulate the style of Italian "GIALLO" thriller films of the 1970s and 80s. ______________________________________________ Hot chicks in peril, black leather-gloved killer, faces through plate glass, badly-dubbed voices, and lots and lots of the red stuff! Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Dr. Silver - Anthony D.P. Mann Jessica - Julie Hoverson Adrienne - Robyn Keyes Dana - Kate Waterous Chris - Tanja Milojevic Inspector Gules - Glen Hallstrom Manager - Dru Williams Voice on Phone - Lord Blood-Rah Cop1 - Desmond Reddick () Cop2 - Miguel Guerreiro () Coroner - Jack Kincaid (Edict Zero) Detective - Caretaker () Music: Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover: Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a psychiatrist's office, can't you tell?" ________________________________________ WHEN YELLOW CASTS A CRIMSON SHADOW Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Jessica Dr. Silver Dana Adrienne Chris Detective Gules Manager Voice Cop1 Cop2 Detective Coroner OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a psychiatrist's office, can't you tell? MUSIC SOUND LOW MUSIC PLAYS SOUND DOOR OPENS JESSICA Dr. Silver? SILVER Ah, you must be Jessica. Come in! Come in. Your father has spoken of you often. JESSICA Mm. He told me to come to you if I.... needed anything. SILVER Come in! Sit down! I can't tactfully say I am pleased to see you, but I can heartily say I am most happy to make your acquaintance. JESSICA Oh. Yeah. Thanks. SOUND DOOR SHUTS QUIETLY, SHE CROSSES ROOM AND SITS SILVER There. Now tell me what I can do for you. JESSICA Since I moved to Florence, I've - I've been doing really well. Sleeping. Even without the drugs. SILVER You haven't been taking your prescriptions? JESSICA My doctor back home said I could cut back some - once I started feeling better. SILVER Your doctor--? JESSICA Dr. Gelb. Joan Gelb? SILVER Ah, yes, I am familiar with some of her work. Go on. JESSICA Go... on? SILVER You had a reason for coming to me, didn't you? JESSICA Oh! Yes. [very down] The dreams. SILVER [after a beat] Yes? JESSICA Well, I came here to attend university. And be closer to my father. SILVER He is not in the United States? JESSICA No. He's on diplomatic attachment in the Netherlands - [amused] but I don't understand any Dutch. SILVER [chuckles] JESSICA So I found a room with three other girls from the college. They're all models. To pay for their classes. Well, except Dana - she just models for fun... Sorry. That's probably not important. SILVER Don't let it worry you. Go at your own pace. JESSICA Can I have a piece of paper? SILVER You want to take notes? [teasing] That's really my job. JESSICA No, no! It helps me concentrate. Please? SOUND PAPER RIPPED FROM NOTEBOOK, PASSED OVER JESSICA Thank you. SOUND PAPER FOLDED, TORN - UNDER THROUGHOUT JESSICA So, Dana, Chris, and Adrienne - are all gorgeous. I'm the mouse. [heavy sigh] Don't get me wrong - they're all very nice. SILVER But you are a bit jealous? JESSICA They've all got legs all the way up to their shoulders! SILVER [musing] A woman with legs up to her shoulders might be missing a heart. JESSICA [startled, laughs, relaxes a bit] I like that. But, they're nice - really nice. SILVER You're lucky. Good friends are hard to find. JESSICA Yes... [trails off, sighs, then absently] The dream. SILVER Whenever you're ready. JESSICA You're going to think I'm horrible! SILVER Nonsense. Dreams are primarily symbolic, and everyone dreams about things they are embarrassed by. I promise not to judge you. JESSICA [gulps, long breath] In the dream, I come home. Our apartment is on the top floor, so I walk up and up the endless stairs. It's the type that goes round and round an open space. [her voice slowly picks up an echo, as if in a stairwell] You know, where you can look all the way down to the ground floor - as long as you don't have to worry about vertigo? SOUND [under] FOOTSTEPS ECHOING UP THE STAIRWELL SILVER Mm. JESSICA And the door was ... open. JESSICA [under] Hello? JESSICA I pushed it the rest of the way, and went in. And everything was red. Red on the walls. I couldn't understand. All I could think was - did we repaint? SILVER Yes? JESSICA And then I looked up and saw the light fixture. It was red too. Red and dripping. [slowly] Slowly dripping. SILVER [after a pause] Is that when you woke? JESSICA [hollow, numb] No. [coming back] Can I have another piece of paper? I'll trade you. SILVER A crane? Very nice. JESSICA It was... part of my therapy. SOUND PAPER RIPS, PASSED OVER, MORE FOLDING BEGINS SILVER Still... very nice. JESSICA Thanks. [deep breath] I went into the next room. [half a chuckle] Out of the foyer into the frying pan. [lame laugh] You must think I'm awful, to be able to joke at a time like this! SILVER No. Humor is a very common way to deal with painful circumstances. Don't concern yourself with what I think. JESSICA Adrienne was in the sitting room. [trying not to choke up] Dead. She was - all cut up, and the mirror next to the kitchen door was smashed and bloody. I could see my reflection in the shards ....sticking ...out of her ...eyes. JESSICA [tinny] [screams] SILVER [after a short moment] Was that where the dream ended? JESSICA [trying to be chipper] Yes. Just that. Just... seeing her dead. SILVER I'd... like to venture an interpretation of this dream that might help you... come to terms with it. JESSICA Yes? SILVER It's a manifestation of a deep-seated jealousy. JESSICA I'm not jealous! SILVER It's normal - don't worry. She's a beautiful model and you want to see yourself in her eyes as she appears to yours. JESSICA [brightening] Really? But it was so bloody. SILVER Symbolism again. Red is the color of jealousy and passion. Nothing more. MUSIC SOUND HER FOOTSTEPS ECHO UP ENDLESS STAIRWAY SOUND HEAVY FOOTSTEPS BELOW SOUND HER FOOTSTEPS STOP SOUND A COUPLE OF HEAVY FOOTSTEPS, APPROACHING SOUND HER FOOTSTEPS, RUNNING UP THE STAIRS SOUND SHE PAUSES AGAIN JESSICA [heavy breathing, trying to be quiet and listen] SOUND NO FOOTSTEPS SOUND THUMPING SOUNDS APPROACH - SETS OF FOUR SOUND TURNS OUT TO BE A BALL COMING DOWN THE STAIRS SOUND SHE CATCHES THE BALL JESSICA [sigh, chuckle] CHILD [strangely bland] My ball! JESSICA [gasp, almost a scream] Oh! [more normal] I've got it. SOUND HER STEPS BEGIN AGAIN MUSIC SOUND DOOR OPENS DANA [lecturing] I only eat chocolate off a man. JESSICA [gasp] CHRIS Ha! What a line to come in on! Dana was just explaining her perfect diet plan. ADRIENNE It makes perfect sense - work up a sweat, then have all the chocolate you want! JESSICA You girls. DANA Don't tell me you wouldn't, if you had a chance? JESSICA Well... CHRIS Maybe she doesn’t like chocolate! ADRIENNE Maybe she doesn't like men. JESSICA I like chocolate! My father sent me some cocoa - the good Dutch kind. DANA I'm surprised you like men any more, Adrienne, after all that bastard Alberto put you through. ADRIENNE Don't get me started. [beat] You should really be allowed to shoot men when you're through with them. CHRIS I'd have a trail of bodies stretching to the sunset. JESSICA Are there any more of those apples? DANA Catch! SOUND CATCHING AN APPLE CHRIS What would we do when we run out of men? ADRIENNE [bitter, haunted] Not all men, just the ones who want to track you down and torment you. DANA He didn’t! CHRIS Again? JESSICA [bites into apple, then chewing] What? DANA You should tell her. ADRIENNE It makes me sound like such a victim. DANA Why do you think she never does bikini shots? CHRIS She's moved three times in the past year - but he always finds her. DANA She's got the scars to prove it. MUSIC SOUND SOFT MUSIC PLAYS SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN, HURRIED FEET ENTER JESSICA It happened again! SILVER Calm down, Jessica. JESSICA I'm - I'm so sorry to burst in here like this-- SILVER Sit down. JESSICA But I - I can't concentrate on anything today-- SOUND PAPER RIPPING FROM NOTEBOOK SILVER Here. Now sit. SOUND SHE SNATCHES THE PAPER, FLAPS IT JESSICA Thank you. Are you sure it's ok? SILVER I've got plenty of paper. JESSICA [chuckles] No, I mean-- [sighs] Thank you. SOUND SHE SITS, BEGINS FOLDING JESSICA I feel like such a fool. SILVER It obviously upset you. Sharing will make you feel better. You had another dream? JESSICA No! That's the weird part - it was the same dream! SILVER The same? JESSICA Well, it started the same. Going up the stairs, and the blood on the light, and ... [almost a whisper] Adrienne. SILVER And...? JESSICA It was all the same - except the ending. SILVER How did it end, then? JESSICA It didn't. I mean - it went on, from where I woke up before. SILVER Hmm. JESSICA I was staring at myself in the mirror shards - but then I realized it wasn't me. Not Jessica. Not this time - that was different. SILVER Who was in the reflection? JESSICA I think it was.... the killer! [NOTE - now the voices in the consulting room are tinny, as the scene plays out underneath] SOUND [repeat of Jessica's scream from the first dream, which trails off into a weird noise of breathing] SOUND FOOTSTEPS WALK SLOWLY THROUGH SQUISHY BLOODY PUDDLE SILVER Be as specific as you want. You won't shock me. You can give me every detail. JESSICA I can smell the blood. It's everywhere. SILVER It's quite a distinctive smell. JESSICA Yes. SOUND DOOR PUSHED SLOWLY OPEN, FOOTSTEPS MOVE INTO DRY SPACE SOUND SQUEAK AS KNIFE IS CLEANED OFF - LEATHER AGAINST METAL SOUND FOUR TAPS OF KNIFE AGAINST WOOD JESSICA It was Dana's room. And she was sleeping. SILVER So this was nighttime? JESSICA [slightly confused] I don't know. Dana sleeps late. SILVER Jessica - in the dream, are you Jessica, or are you the killer? JESSICA I - I'm not sure. I'm not... thinking in the dream, just seeing and feeling... and smelling. I can't see a face - even in the mirrors - I just knew it was the killer looking back at me, but I couldn't tell you what he...I...looked like. SILVER [too interested] What are you wearing? JESSICA Boots. Black. Leather gloves. I move toward Dana's bed... SOUND CREAK OF THE LEATHER GLOVES SILVER Do you stab her too? JESSICA [offhand] Oh, Adrienne wasn't stabbed - at least... that wasn't how she died. She was strangled. SOUND CREAK OF LEATHER DANA [gasps, awakens, tries to breathe] SOUND CLAWING AT LEATHER, SHAKING OF BED, POUNDING SILVER And then she died? JESSICA Oh, no. That would be too quick. I let up just in time - she's out. SILVER [licks his lips] Do you tie her up? JESSICA Yes. I tie her to the bed frame. Up and down. SILVER What is she wearing? JESSICA A scarlet negligee. She got it after one of her modeling shoots - the picture is on the wall over the bed. Huge. Her. Posed in red. Enticing. SOUND [tinny] CRUMPLE OF PAPER SILVER And then...? JESSICA [coming out of it] I-I- can I have another piece of paper? SILVER [breathing a bit heavily, trying to calm down] Of course. SOUND PAPER TORN RATHER CLUMSILY OUT OF NOTEBOOK - RIPS IN HALF SILVER Damn. What will you make? SOUND TEARS ANOTHER PIECE, SHE SNATCHES IT AWAY FROM HIM, BEGINS FOLDING JESSICA A box. I feel like I'm in a box. SILVER Perhaps you should make something more... open. Something you can get out of. JESSICA Maybe next time. SILVER All right. Was there more to the dream? JESSICA A little. After Dana woke up. SILVER [trying to hide his excitement] What happened? JESSICA [evasive] I just... killed her. MUSIC ESCALATES SOUND STABBING - SETS OF FOUR DANA [Screaming, begging, gurgling] SOUND SPLATTER DANA [gurgling] SOUND A COUPLE MORE KNIFE STABS DANA [death rattle] SOUND DRIPPING SOUND WIPING KNIFE WITH GLOVES AGAIN MUSIC SOUND FOOTSTEPS IN STAIRWELL, STOP FOR A SECOND SOUND FAR AWAY, DOOR OPENS JESSICA [sigh] SOUND TWO STEPS SOUND DOOR NEARBY SLAMS OPEN SOUND FEROCIOUS DOG!!!!! JESSICA [screams, then smothers it] SOUND SCRABBLING OF DOG NAILS ON TILE FLOOR JESSICA Mrs. Amarelo! Mrs. Amarelo! Please! MUSIC SOUND TEAPOT WHISTLING, TAKEN OFF, WATER POURS JESSICA [talking loudly to someone in another room] She really needs to keep that dog on a shorter leash. She's lucky I didn't jump back and fall down the stairs. SOUND DOOR OPENS, SLIPPERED FEET IN DANA [half awake] Mm. Coffee? JESSICA [silly!] Cocoa. [gasp] Oh! DANA You don't like it? It's imported French lace. JESSICA I'm just not used to-- DANA And red is such a good color on me. ADRIENNE [calling from the other room] --she's just shy. SOUND FOOTSTEPS COME IN ADRIENNE [close] Haven't you ever wondered, Jessica? JESSICA [disturbed] Wondered... what? SOUND A COUPLE OF STEPS DANA Mmm? ADRIENNE What it would be like with a woman? JESSICA [disturbed] Um - no. Uh, I don't even know anyone who does-- ADRIENNE Anyone who you KNOW does, anyway. JESSICA Um... I guess. SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN CHRIS [freaking out, out of breath] Oh, god! SOUND DOOR SLAMS SHUT, BODY THUMPS AGAINST IT ADRIENNE What's wrong? Sit down! SOUND DOOR LOCKS JESSICA Cocoa? CHRIS Thanks! [sips, then shudders in a breath] ADRIENNE What happened? CHRIS [gasping it out] On the street. A gun! It was so loud! DANA Someone was shot? I'm phoning the police. ADRIENNE Give her a minute! She's nearly hysterical! CHRIS No! No! Call them! The sooner I tell, the sooner he'll be caught! JESSICA Did you see the guy? CHRIS Uh-huh! [yes] MUSIC SOUND LOW MUSIC PLAYS SOUND PAPER FOLDING JESSICA I have this awful feeling-- SILVER Yes? JESSICA That this is all... some kind of premonition. SILVER You think you're seeing something that might happen in the future? JESSICA It would make so much sense. SILVER Is there anything in the dream that makes you think it will happen? JESSICA Like what? SILVER Something with the date? A newspaper, perhaps? JESSICA [concentrating] Mmm, no. None of us really reads the papers. Magazines, yes, but they don't come out that often. [beat] And they all kind of look the same. SILVER Have you ever had a dream - any dream - come true in the past? JESSICA What? [half a chuckle] No! SILVER Then I think you are safe. [teasing, fatherly] But make sure to lock your door. JESSICA [laughs a bit] SILVER [getting back on track] So. The dream came back. Again. JESSICA [quiet, sad] Yes. SILVER And it was--? JESSICA Longer. SILVER [avid] So once again, you saw your first two friends strangled and tortured and-- [swallows]... /episode/index/show/nineteennocturne/id/25817142

Project Top Hat by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard Reissue of the Week) 12/22/2022

Project Top Hat by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard Reissue of the Week) once more, we return to the world of zombies.... Written and produced by Julie Hoverson Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson [warning - foul language] ******************************************************************* Tammuz Corporation has barely settled back in as top producer of undead workforce, when something much worse comes out of R&D. Cast List Fred - Leonard Streeper June - Melissa Bartell Dill - Mark Olson Chambers - Dave Marshall Dr. Plasmus - Kim Poole Landon Frost - Chris Barnes Pamela Frost - Julie Hoverson Doctor - James Sedgwick Nurse - Rachel Cavic Interviewer - Russell Gold Music by Kevin MacLeod of Incompetech.com Cover art by Julie Hoverson INTERLUDES: Cricket - Reynaud LeBoeuf, Julie Hoverson, M. Siero Garcia, Katy Fontenot Courtroom - Carl Cubbedge, Tanja Milojevic Champion Chum - Katy Fontenot, Rachel Cavic, Reynaud LeBoeuf Save the Zombies - Gwendolyn Jensen-Woodard New Year's Head Swaps - Justin Charles, Crystal Dennis Life Insurance - Joe Stofko Big Bob's - Richard Summers Lecturer - Robert Cudmore Classroom - Janny Hilverts, Katy Fontenot, Sirena Carroll, Mike Campbell, James Sedgwick, Julie Hoverson Zombie Show - Gareth Bowley Survivalists - Dave Fontenot, Matthew McLean "Working Stiff" - Chris Stockett Edna's Chum - M. Siero Garcia Scam - Rick Lewis Zombie Lib - Derek Koch Old Zombie Spice - Morgan Brown "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a secret lab, deep in the Tammuz Corporation, can't you tell?" *************************************************************************************** Project Top Hat Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Landon Frost, TV show host Pamela Frost, his wife Fred and June Doctor Plasmus, top researcher Chambers - executive Dill - less important executive OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a Top Secret Lab, on the human side of the wall, in the world of zombies, can't you tell? MUSIC SOUND computer and lab noises LANDON [on TV] I'm Landon Frost, and tonight on "the Z word," we'll take a behind the scenes look at how zombies are used in the manufacture of your dog's kibble. FRED How can they feed zombies to dogs? JUNE Ambulates make the food - prepare it. It's illegal to terminate them without "just cause." FRED As opposed to "just cuz"? [laughs] JUNE Hah. That's what "the Z word" is about - exposing the ways zombies are exploited. LANDON [TV] You'll be watching this series throughout the holidays, and I'll be tucked up at home with my family. JUNE He's always busy. Hardly ever gets to see them. FRED Oh, boo-hoo. This Frost guy gets to fly all over the world, cussing on TV, and making zillions of dollars, and he wants sympathy? JUNE Don't forget taking his shirt off... [chuckle] But he's also a romantic - always talking about how he misses his wife Pamela. FRED So? He could retire. JUNE Helping improve "life" for ambulates is like a crusade for him. SOUND DOOR OPENS, CUTTING HER OFF FRED [muttered exclamation] Oh shit! SOUND CHAIR SQUEAK, SCRAMBLE LANDON [TV] I'll be meeting my wife in secret at‑‑ SOUND SWITCH, TV OFF DILL [coming in talking] We should be able to improve the bottom line. CHAMBERS AND not expose Tammuz to any more... liability. We are just starting to get back to where we were before Mrs. Skray's... DILL Unfortunate accident? CHAMBERS [grim] Breakdown. DILL Ah. CHAMBERS I need your personal guarantee this won't come back to bite us in the butt. DILL If it does, my butt will have your back. CHAMBERS What? DILL uh... nothing. Dr. Plasmus is expecting us. CHAMBERS Plasmus? What kind of a name is that? DILL Dunno. I only know results, and the good doctor facilitated the "crickets". Look what they've done to help us get back in good odor over the last 18 months. CHAMBERS [favorably impressed] MMmm. DILL And now - [announcing] Project Top Hat! SOUND DOOR OPENS SOUND MUSIC SCENE CHANGE TV DUDE [ON TV] Do you ever have behavior problems with your ambulates? ZOMBIE Grr. OLD LADY [pleased] Cricket! TV DUDE Do they sometimes seem to have a mind of their own? ZOMBIE2 [weird noise] MAN [smug] Cricket. TV DUDE Would you ever have them in the house without it? WOMAN Around my kids? Forget it! KIDS Just CRICKET! TV DUDE Yes, Cricket, the "behavioral reminder" Implant that reminds zombies to toe the line. TV DUDE [quiet, rushed] Results may vary. Some side effects may occur. No guarantee of bodily safety is implied or express in the sale of this product. Not available in all areas. [up] Get Cricket today! Brought to you by your friends at Tammuz Corporation. SOUND MUSIC SOUND WALKING, DOOR SWOOSHES OPEN SOUND ZAPS and SQUISHY NOISES PLASMUS You're early. DILL Uh, no. It's - um - six? PLASMUS It is? Hmm. Well, just let me finish this, and-- SOUND BIG ZAP CHAMBERS What are you working on? PLASMUS Shh! DILL [hushed] Sorry, the doc doesn’t multitask. CHAMBERS What? SOUND ONE FINAL ZAP PLASMUS Done. He means I do not work and talk. When you have worked directly in as many brains as I have, you begin to value each function for its own worth, and not merely as a gestalt whole. CHAMBERS Uh, right. So are you ready to gestalted [get started] now? DILL Gestalt isn't-- CHAMBERS I KNOW. PLASMUS It was a bit of a joke? [small dry chuckle] Am I right? CHAMBERS Yeah. PLASMUS I thought as much. I fear that the humor seat of my own brain has probably been left a wee bit underdeveloped. Oh well. Could be MUCH worse. I could have an atrophied hippocampus! [laughs riotously] DILL Uh, yeah. [toady laugh] CHAMBERS That would be unfortunate, indeed. PLASMUS [stops laughing suddenly] But you are not here for pleasantries. You are here to see what I have wrought! CHAMBERS Aha! So that's the smell in here. PLASMUS What? CHAMBERS Rot? PLASMUS [laughs] MUSIC SCENE CHANGE to TV LANDON What the fuck do you think you're doing? You can't have rats in any ambulate work area, you moronic lavat'ry brush! They may not decay, but can still be damaged - do you want to be the one providing your workforce with replacement parts every time rats gnaw a bit off? Or perhaps rats are the only protein going in to your fucking kibble? SOUND MUSIC DILL So now the doctor will demonstrate--? [hint] PLASMUS Have you forgotten the name again? DILL [uncomfortable] No. no, I just was giving you a chance to - you know - take the glory. PLASMUS You should have warned me. [sigh] It is project top hat for a very simple reason-- SOUND METAL CLANK CHAMBERS It looks like a top hat. Original. DILL And what does it do...? [hinting] PLASMUS Stop doing that. DILL Sorry. PLASMUS [launching into lecture mode] The ambulate workforce is sturdy, capable - albeit slow - and cheap, since all they require is chum, unlike human workers who not only need food, shelter, sleep, etc., but also WANT things. DILL [muttered] Zombies want things too. That's part of the problem. PLASMUS Shush. It is this volition which is the only real drawback to the use of ambulates for many sorts of work - and which gives rise to the various debates over ambulate sentience, and to use an inexact phrase - over their "personhood". CHAMBERS None of this is news. PLASMUS I am setting it up. So if there was a way to mix the useful qualities of the ambulate with the mindless diligence of, say, a computer, wouldn’t that improve their value? CHAMBERS [interested] Yessss.... DILL Of course. PLASMUS So this mechanism will do that - replacing the corpse's brain with a limited function computer, only able to obey commands. CHAMBERS You specify "Corpse"? PLASMUS [pleased] Ah, you caught that. [chuckles] Much like the pre-edict abortion debates, this idealization of ambulates leads to the nasty question of when, precisely, one goes from human, to dead human, to ambulate. DILL You've seen the courtroom reality shows. MUSIC COURT REPORT We'll catch the plaintiff as she leaves. Missus Feinman, Missus Feinman? How do you feel about the jury's ruling? MISSUS Act of god, my eye! My husband had a very clear "do not reanimate" clause in his will - but that doctor failed to catch him at the exact moment to remove the head and prevent reanimation, and now he's stuck. MISTER [zombie moan] MISSUS I can't even have him decently put down, what with the iffy legal status of zombies. [sniffles] COURT REPORT [bland] You have our sympathy, I'm sure. In just a moment, we'll speak to the doctor and his attorney. MUSIC PLASMUS So we must catch them in that window - that tiny "between states" period when we can still legally treat them as objects. CHAMBERS And--? PLASMUS Remove the head. Once the head is gone, the body may yet convert, but does not move, as it has little sensory input to motivate it. CHAMBERS You remove the head? [Slowly gets it] And then you do - oh - ohhhh. The Top Hat. PLASMUS I see you are a quick thinker, Mr. Senior executive. Yes. The unit replaces the so-called "mind", by which we truly mean the physical brain, giving the animated carcass sensory input, all the while leaving complete control with the human controller. CHAMBERS Can the body re-animate, without the head? PLASMUS Do you know how the ambi-twist works? CHAMBERS The what? DILL [muttered] The T virus. PLASMUS No, no! That is a trademarked name and cannot be used without possible reprisal! DILL Sorry! That's what most people [call it]. PLASMUS I don't want to hear it! Besides, the ambi-twist does not make ravenous beasts. Animates are gentle. Like kittens. MUSIC COMMERCIAL AMB GROCERY SHOPPING SUSY Gee, mommy, Rolf pushes the cart real well, don't he? MOMMY That reminds me! We need to pick up some chum! ROLF [eager zombie noise] SUSY He knows THAT word! ANNOUNCER Of course he does, but can he tell the difference between Champion Chum and the bargain brand? MOMMY Is there a difference? ANNOUNCER Just ask Rolf! ROLF [sticky zombie eating noises] SUSY [laughing] Oh Rolf! ANNOUNCER Every zombie, every day, chooses Champion brand chum! MUSIC CHAMBERS They're tame enough with the cricket. If they were naturally docile, we wouldn't need it. PLASMUS And with the top hat, there will be no need for the cricket. Let me show you. SOUND CAGE OPENS CHAMBERS [horrified reaction] Oh! DILL ugh [bland] PLASMUS This stray dog was humanely euthanized, and the top hat was immediately attached-- SOUND COMPUTERIZED BARK PLASMUS We had to use a fairly large dog, so the top hat unit wouldn't overbalance it. It was designed for a human frame-- SOUND COMMOTION OUTSIDE PLASMUS What is this? SOUND DOOR SLAMS OPEN JACKIE All of you! Over by the wall! [to june and fred] Get in there! FRED Right, of course. JUNE Excuse me. Just - um - going through. CHAMBERS Who the devil are you? JACKIE I'm the one with the gun! And I said over by the wall! DILL She means it. Move it! Move it move it move it.... PLASMUS But the dog-- SOUND COMPUTERIZED BARK SOUND GUN SHOT INTO CEILING JACKIE And don't get any funny ideas. I'm not alone. CHAMBERS [reasonable and placating] Tell us what you want. JACKIE [almost a yell] I want you all over by that wall! SOUND COMPUTERIZED BARK DILL Already here! JUNE Me too! PLASMUS Allow me to-- [take the dog] JACKIE Leave that poor thing! SOUND COMPUTERIZED BARK JACKIE That is exactly the kind of horrid monster we're here to put an end to. PLASMUS Ah. Activists. [chuckling] CHAMBERS Don't mock the woman with the gun! PLASMUS Oh. Of course. JACKIE And what's behind here? PLASMUS No! Don't! It's not ready yet! CHAMBERS What IS it? SOUND CURTAIN OPENS JACKIE Mother of god! MUSIC SCENE CHANGE, AND then WUSSY POPSTAR I know all of you have heard and most of you have enjoyed my hit single "walking away with my heart" about the plight of the ambulate. ZOMBIE [pathetic moan] POPSTAR Too many of these poor once-human creatures are abused, neglected, and sometimes even abandoned to fend for themselves - forced to sell their bodies, bit by horrible bit, for the chum they need to survive. Can’t you spare just a little - the price of a cup of coffee - to help? MUSIC CHAMBERS Just tell us your demands, and let's get on with this. JACKIE [horrified] What have you done to this man? PLASMUS It is not a man. It is a corpse. JACKIE It's moving. PLASMUS There's no one there. As you can see, the computer has taken the place of its entire head, thus removing all chance of-- CHAMBERS [hissed, annoyed] You didn't say you'd already done this to a human - [correcting himself] a human corpse, that is. PLASMUS I simply hadn't got to that part of the presentation, yet. JACKIE [distracted and horrified] But why? FRED Hi-YAH! SOUND THUMP, SCUFFLE DILL Wow. SOUND GUN GOES OFF DILL Stay back! JUNE [indecisive but encouraging] Get her, Fred! SOUND SCUFFLE ENDS FRED Got her. PLASMUS Can I have her as a specimen? JACKIE You can't do that to me! PLASMUS Of course we could. We simply record that you died in an attack on our security, and your corpse will be ...recycled. JACKIE NO! CHAMBERS That's a bit much, isn't it? PLASMUS [quiet] Drat. [up] Heh-heh. Of course. Just a bit of - intimidation. Hah. Hah. DILL Right. PLASMUS What this young lady doesn't seem to understand is that there are many people who don't wish to return as a shambling, slow, and stupid ambulate. Many would rather know that their mind - their "soul" - had been allowed to pass on. JACKIE How the hell do you think you're doing that? PLASMUS Cutting off the head. The body is still useful - as you can see. It can be of service to the living. JACKIE The soul isn’t in the brain. The soul is - the soul. It will stay around no matter what. PLASMUS [derisive laugh] MUSIC SOUND PARTY! BRANDON And we're here on the dead side with the new years crowd! They start a week early, since they know it'll take 'em that long to arrive! Whoo! ARIA And the hottest thing this year is head swaps! BRANDON [prompting, not really questioning] Head swaps, Aria? ARIA That's right, Brandon! You know how zombies can cut off and attach body parts? They recently discovered that they can swap heads! They say it's totally the ultimate! BRANDON Unless they sew it on backwards! Man, that would be a pain in the ass! ARIA Yeah, but at least you could see your ass! BOTH [LAUGH] MUSIC CHAMBERS Where's security when you need them? JUNE I just called them, sir. Apparently, they've had a number of ...insurrections. DILL Must be how she slipped by. JACKIE You won't get... /episode/index/show/nineteennocturne/id/25201002

Atomic Julie - MAKE ME AN OFFER by Con Blomberg 12/20/2022

Three Exes For Xmas by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard's Reissue of the Week) 12/15/2022

Three Exes For Xmas by Julie Hoverson (19 Nocturne Boulevard's Reissue of the Week) [warning - mature language and violence] Carla Skray, CEO of Tammuz Inc., chief exploiter of hordes of unliving workers, finds herself "haunted" by her ex husbands - returned as the same zombies she employs... Cast List Carla Skray - Julie Hoverson Robbie - Scott C. Wentworth Monica - Melissa Pang Tick - Frankenvox Amy - E. Vickery Phil - Ayoub Khote Rick - Reynaud LeBoeuf 911 Operator - Jacquie Duckworth VOICE BOX - Tanja Milojevic () Stock Reporter Marianne Coleman-Hipkins Kathy - Gwendolyn Jensen-Woodard Fred, on the phone, Newscaster - Russell Gold Additional zombies: John Lingard Sidney Williams () Michael Hudson Robyn Keyes and the zombie chorus... Music by Jason Shaw () Show theme: Kevin MacLeod () Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a corporate office, can't you tell?" ****************************************************************************************** THREE EXES FOR XMAS Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] CARLA Skray (posh 50s), rich industrialist ROBBIE (20s), her fourth boytoy husband AMY (20s), his girlfriend MONICA (30s), Carla's personal assistant TICK (30s), Carla's go-to guy ZOMBIE PHIL (dead but 20s), Carla's first husband ZOMBIE RICK (dead but 20s), Carla's second husband Emergency OPERATOR (any) NEWSCASTER (any) FRED (any), on the phone KATHY (any) businesslike VOICE BOX OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a mansion in a very posh part of humantown, can't you tell? MUSIC SCENE 1. CARLA'S OFFICE SOUND LOW MUSIC CARLA The zombies in agricultural sector eight are refusing to comply with the new work orders? [incredulous] Refusing? You mean they're - they're going on strike? FRED [on monitor] I know it sounds wild, but-- CARLA Wild? Wild! It sounds like they've lost what little is left of their tiny maggot ridden minds! FRED They're asking for a slight wage increase-- CARLA Never! And to think I was kind enough to create jobs for those rotting bastards in the first place! FRED They want-- CARLA I don't care what they want! I want a twenty-year old's ass, but that's not gonna happen either! FRED I'll tell them-- CARLA Nothing. Don't even bother. Seal off sector 8 and turn off the chum. [note: chum, from the word for "minced up meat poured in the water to attract sharks", is basically what zombies "eat".] FRED There's hundreds of-- CARLA [venomous] Decaying dead bodies. Nothing more. The fact that they have volition is utterly inconsequential. The council has held they have no rights. Who am I to go against the law? FRED That might change sooner than you think. CARLA Just do it. Off. SOUND SCREEN GOES OFF ROBBIE [teasing] A twenty year old's ass? Does that mean mine's not good enough any more? CARLA [completely different] You've still got a coupla good years in you, Robbie honey. Come and give me a neck rub. ROBBIE Absolutely, boss lady. CARLA [grrrow] You know what it does to me when you call me that. ROBBIE Of course. SOUND BEEP MONICA [on monitor] Ma'am? The massage therapist is here. CARLA [exasperated noise] Give me a minute, I need to freshen up. ROBBIE [sexy] Does that mean what I think it does? CARLA Not today, sweetass. [walking away] You run along and make sure to have a nice hot bath ready for me - say in about an hour? SOUND HIS FEET LEAVING, WE FOLLOW HIM ROBBIE Right. CARLA [off, calling] Make it an hour and a half. SOUND DOOR SHUTS ROBBIE [quietly, fuming] Yes master. SOUND HE WALKS AWAY, OPENS ANOTHER DOOR NO MUSIC TO CHANGE SCENE 2. MONICA'S DESK MONICA Is she ready? ROBBIE A couple minutes. AMY [surprised] Robbie? ROBBIE Shh. [loud, hearty] Hey, Amy. Nice to see you. AMY Robbie, what--? ROBBIE [worried, rushed undertone] What are you doing here? AMY Outcall. Do you think I bring the table along for social visits? ROBBIE Are you nuts? AMY [shrug] Agency sent me. It's good money. ROBBIE That's my - my wife in there. AMY [teasing] Oh! I thought you just worked here. ROBBIE I do, but-- MONICA [calling] She's ready for you now. ROBBIE Shit. You should get outta here. AMY [reassuring] She can’t know. Why should she? ROBBIE Please... AMY Don't worry! CARLA [on intercom] Monica, wrap it up out there and take the rest of the day. MUSIC SCENE 3. TICK'S OFFICE SOUND NEWS IN OVER MUSIC NEWS PERSON Stock in Tammuz National went up three points today with the announcement of yet another advance in preservation technology. Keep your zombie workers fresher longer! [note: Tammuz was a Mesopotamian god of rebirth or on-going life] SOUND COMMERCIAL STARTS, TV TURNS OFF TICK [talking on phone] I received your package yesterday. I appreciate your promptness. Did you want to add anything to the instructions? [listens for a minute] [chuckles] Don't worry. "Accidents" happen every day. MUSIC SCENE 4. CARLA'S OFFICE SOUND NEW AGE MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY CARLA [moans] SOUND MASSAGE NOISES, PATTING, FINAL BIT, SMOOTHING AMY There. Sit up slowly. CARLA [deep breath, stretching noises] You're quite good. SOUND THINGS BEING PUT AWAY IN A CASE AMY Thank you. I hope you'll call on my services again. CARLA Oh... I don’t think so. AMY Hmm? CARLA And neither will anyone else in my... household. I hope you understand? AMY [slightly worried] No...? CARLA [sigh] Come. You need to see this. SOUND DOOR OPENS AMY The bathroom? CARLA [chuckles] SOUND LIGHT SWITCH ON CARLA I think you'll find it very interesting. AMY [sigh] Ok, but I should get going... Why are we in here? CARLA Easy to clean. AMY Huh? CARLA [grunt of effort] SOUND THROAT SLIT AMY [gurgling, dying] SOUND OPENS CABINET, LARGE METAL THING BROUGHT OUT, SET DOWN ON TILE, GARBAGE BAG OPENED AND FLUFFED OUT CARLA Pity really. You've got excellent hands. Ah well. I'm sure someone will make good use of them. [NOTE: AMY's body is the body Tick gives to Ben in Zombi to dispose of.] SOUND HORRIBLE JUICY SAWING NOISES BEGIN MUSIC SCENE 5. ROBBIE AT HOME AMY [on filter] Leave a message! Now! Wait, no, leave it now! SOUND BEEP ROBBIE Call me soon-- [cuts himself off suddenly] SOUND DOORKNOB SOUND PHONE SLAMS SHUT SOUND DOOR OPENS ROBBIE Got your bath. Let me run a bit more hot. CARLA Oh, that. [dismissive] I showered in my office. ROBBIE [trying to hide his disappointment] Oh? CARLA A little problem came up. SOUND POURING A DRINK ROBBIE [very anxious] How was... the massage? CARLA [sighs, then casual] You stupid boy. ROBBIE Huh? CARLA You think I don't know every little thing you do? ROBBIE What do you mean? CARLA It wasn't an accident that I ordered that particular young woman for my massage. ROBBIE Oh. CARLA And you won't be seeing her again. Ever. ROBBIE But-- I... I don't-- CARLA She's on the next train. Out. ROBBIE Where--? CARLA Unimportant. Whatever's leaving. It's amazing what a large sum of money will do to motivate people. ROBBIE [bereft] But... why? CARLA You're mine, Robbie darling, and I don't share my toys. When you're my ex-, you can sleep with any piece of tail you can catch. ROBBIE [very down] Right. CARLA [spitefully seductive] Now come over here and give mama some sugar. MUSIC SCENE 6. TICK'S OFFICE SOUND COMPUTER KEYS SOUND BEEP TICK [annoyed sigh] Who the--? SOUND CLICK TICK Figures. SOUND CLICK, OPENS FEED TICK Madame chairwoman. Every time I see your face, I hear the sound of money. CARLA Doesn't everyone? [dry chuckle] It's a week til christmas. You know what that means? TICK Hmm? [snide] And I didn't get you anything. CARLA Hah! [urgent] Only two weeks until the New Year, and the vote on zombie rights. TICK Ah. I knew it couldn't be peace on earth, good will to man. CARLA Good will is precisely my problem. Things have been very good - very peaceful - recently, and people are feeling ...chummy. Generous. TICK [mock concern] Are you melting yet? CARLA There's a point where even you get tiresome, Tick. TICK Well, let's speed this up, then. Tick tock tick tock. [TICK is his nickname because of his tendancy to push people by saying "tick tock" - this might need to change] CARLA I need an incident. [sarcastic] Am I speaking to the right person? TICK [derisive snort [duh]] What are you looking for? MUSIC SCENE 7. MONICA'S OFFICE ROBBIE [bored sigh] Is she in? MONICA Just a moment. [to phone] Read that back? ROBBIE It's a simple question! MONICA Shh! [to phone] Yes, that sounds perfect. Both packages. Good. I'll be expecting delivery. SOUND PHONE CLICKS OFF MONICA Sorry about that. A supplier who's very hard to get ahold of. [change subject] She's out right now. ROBBIE I'll wait inside. MONICA I'm sorry. Ms. Skray left specific instructions-- ROBBIE [whining a bit] I'm her husband, dammit. MONICA Very specific instructions. MUSIC SCENE 8. ZOMBIE WAREHOUSE SOUND LOW VAGUE MOANING NOISE OF MANY ZOMBIES CARLA [going down a line] No. No. Maybe. Hmm. [dubious] Maybe. No. No. No. No. [sigh] Is this everything? KATHY They're the freshest we've got. [joking in poor taste] It's not like we can make them to order. CARLA [as if she's considering it] Hmph. Have those two cleaned up and put in jumpsuits. Make sure they get muzzled and thoroughly shellacked. I dislike finding bits lying about. MUSIC SCENE 9. CARLA'S OFFICE SOUND DOOR SHUTS ROBBIE [whining a bit, slightly drunk] Where've you been? CARLA [cold] Working. Keeping you in that expensive brandy. ROBBIE Only [checks] half a bottle. CARLA How... highbrow. You really should take better care of yourself, Robbie dear. You're starting to lose your charm. ROBBIE [breaking down] You don't love me anymore. CARLA I didn't marry you for love, little boy. You're eye candy and good in the sack. Nothing more. And nothing at all, once you stop fulfilling those functions. ROBBIE You bitch! You said I was special! CARLA [maddeningly calm] I made you special. Now you're being common. You think you're the first? ROBBIE What? CARLA I've had others before you. And I'm sure there will be more after you're gone. ROBBIE [panicky] Gone? Where? CARLA [dismissive] Wherever broken toys go. MUSIC SCENE 10. TICK'S OFFICE TICK [on phone] Yes. I found the two you requested. [listens] Very lucky. You have what I need? Good. [sighs, listening] Yes. That's the day. Just call me santa claus. MUSIC SCENE 11. MONICA'S OFFICE MONICA Merry Christmas. CARLA [passing through] Whatever. Have there been any calls from Tick? MONICA [slightly worried] From... Tick? [note: monica is behind the appearance of the two dead husbands, and tick is working for both of them. This just hints at that] CARLA He's handling something for me. MONICA [relieved] Oh! For you. No. Not yet. CARLA Get him. SOUND DOOR OPENS, CARLA MOVES INTO HER OFFICE MONICA [calling after her] Robbie was looking for you. Again. CARLA [dismissive noise] SOUND DOOR SHUTS CARLA [musing] Seems it's just about trade-in time. SOUND CHAIR PULLED OUT, COMPUTER OPEN MONICA [on SCREEN] Tick. For you. CARLA Good. You can go. [beat] Leave. MONICA Merry Christmas! TICK She's a bit early. CARLA I've already given her tomorrow off. Where is my incident? TICK Open the news. SOUND CLICK, SCREEN COMES UP NEWSCASTER --near-riot when a guard fell off the wall near treadmill sector 5. A crowd of mobiles were subdued only after a protracted assault. The guard was not recovered. CARLA [satisfied] Ahhhh. TICK And my money? SOUND CLICK CARLA Open your account. TICK [very satisfied] Merry Christmas. CARLA Are you "doing something" for the holiday, or can you take on another little disposal job if I need you? MUSIC SCENE 12. CARLA'S HOME ROBBIE [distant, calling out] Hello? Hello? Where is everyone? CARLA I've given them the holiday off. ROBBIE [coming in] Look, I've been thinking, and if you want me to go, I'm fine with that. CARLA Go? Just when I thought we might spend the weekend "reconnecting?" ROBBIE Really? CARLA Of course. I have something very special planned for you. ROBBIE Oh. [ashamed] And all I got you was chocolates. SOUND OPENS BOX, MUSIC BOX PLAYS CARLA How... cute. [guarded] Why does that remind me of... something? ROBBIE I don't know. Monica said you would like it. SOUND SHUTS BOX, SETS IT DOWN CARLA [brisk again] Well. Don't worry - I'll think of something you can do to make it up to me. [chuckles] SOUND GUNSHOT CARLA Like... go quietly. ROBBIE [gurgles] SOUND BODY DROP CARLA Damn. You moved. SOUND A COUPLE OF STEPS ROBBIE [trying to make words] No, no! please! SOUND HAND GROPES ACROSS FLOOR CARLA It'll be easier if you don't fight it-- SOUND DOORBELL CARLA Oh, bother. If they heard the shot.... [determined hmph] ROBBIE [gurgling] CARLA [brightly] Don't go anywhere! SOUND SHE STRIDES AWAY MUSIC SCENE 13. CARLA'S HOME, FRONT DOOR SOUND DOOR OPENS CARLA Yes? [quizzical] Hello? SOUND SHUFFLING FOOTSTEPS PHIL [zombie moaning] CARLA [annoyed noise] euch. [talks very slow] You go. Not hiring. SOUND FOOTSTEPS APPROACH PHIL [moan ends on a quizzical note] CARLA [recognizing him] What the--? Phil? [freaking, but trying to talk slow] Go. Go now. Calling security!... /episode/index/show/nineteennocturne/id/25200291

The Gift of the Zombi by Julie Hoverson (with a wink and a nod to O. Henry) 19 Nocturne Boulevard's Reissue of the Week 12/08/2022

The Gift of the Zombi by Julie Hoverson (with a wink and a nod to O. Henry) 19 Nocturne Boulevard's Reissue of the Week Ben and Mia, young zombies in love, search for the perfect xmas present in a world of the walking dead. Cast List Mia - Brenda Dau Ben - Derek M. Koch of Geek - Glen Hallstrom Tick - Frankenvox Chuck - Bob Noble Andy - Reynaud LeBoeuf Doris - Julie Hoverson Sheri - Crystal Thomson Ted - J. Spyder Isaacson Voicebox - Beverly Poole Fred & Bob - Big Anklevich & Rish Outfield of Ben's Double - Danar Hoverson Mia's Double - Julie Hoverson Other zombies: Al Aseoche, Jacquie Duckworth, Reynaud LeBoeuf, Jack Hosley, Sidney Williams, Glen Hallstrom, Bob Noble, Brian Weingartner, Ferguson and family, Robyn Keyes, Kim Poole, Michael Hudson. Music by Jason Shaw () Show theme: Kevin MacLeod () Editing and Sound: Julie Hoverson Cover Design: Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's an apartment on the wrong side of town, can't you tell?" ******************************************************************************************** GIFT OF THE ZOMBI Cast: [Opening credits - Olivia] Mia, zombie (20s) dating Ben Ben, zombie (20s) dating Mia Ted, zombie (30s), Mia's horny neighbor Andy, henpecked zombie (40s) Doris, Andy's wife (40s) Geek, a broker (30s) Sheri, a lovelorn friend (20s) Tick, an unscrupulous intact (human, 30s) Fred, a zombie (any) Bob, another zombie (any) Chuck, overseer zombie (any) Voicebox - mechanical translator ALL ZOMBIES (unless noted as exceptions, below) have dual vocal tracks - the "zombie-voice" track, which is unintelligible, but vaguely mirrors the normal voice and events, and the "mind voice" (sounds like a voiceover), which is how they sound to each other. /n = normal"mind voice" /z = "zombie voice" There are places where we only hear the zoombie voice. Exceptions: DORIS has no "mind voice", just incoherent shrieks GEEK only has a zombie voice, but he is clearly understandable, if still zombie-like TICK is human, and has no zombie-voice. NOTE: The zombie apocalypse has come and been dealt with more or less. Zombies might still attack humans, if they see them, but humans tend to live in the walled cities and have become somewhat mythological to the zombies outside. Zombies still are self-aware, but they think and speak so very slowly that they are difficult for humans to understand. Conversely, to a zombie, humans seem to speak incredibly fast - almost incomprehensibly so. That's why humans developed the voicebox to take what they say and slow it down enough for a zombie to understand. OLIVIA Did you have any trouble finding it? What do you mean, what kind of a place is it? Why, it's a crumbling apartment building, can't you tell? MUSIC SCENE 1. MIA'S APARTMENT SOUND WIND-UP ALARM GOES OFF SOUND FLIES IN THE B/G THROUGHOUT MIA/Z [distant moan of awakening, which continues, sporadically, punctuating the narrative] MIA/n I hate Mondays. SOUND ALARM SLAPPED OFF TABLE, STOPS RINGING SOUND STUMBLING FOOTSTEPS MUSIC VAGUE WARPED CHRISTMAS CAROL PLAYS SOMEWHERE MIA/n It doesn’t help that it's two days til Christmas and I haven’t got Ben his present. MIA/z [roar of anger] SOUND SOMETHING CRASHES TO FLOOR, GLASS BREAKS. MIA/N The holidays just bring out the worst in me. SOUND DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE MIA/N [sigh] Checking my stitches in the mirror - nice to see nothing weird happened in the night. I love the hot pink against my pale skin. [beat] I know I'm swimming against the tide, but I still like to look nice, even when no one else gives a hang. They're welcome to run around unwashed, in raggedy-ass clothes, just leaves more Prada for me. SOUND SPRAY CAN PSSHT, FLIES STOP, TINY DROPPING NOISES MIA/n A little spray - no water, that's just asking for mold - and I'm ready to face the day. SOUND [under the next] SHAMBLING FOOTSTEPS OUT OF BATHROOM AGAIN, STRUGGLES FEET INTO SHOES, NOW SHAMBLING FEET ARE IN HEELS. MIA/n Ben's gift is the big problem. I know what I want to get him, but it won't come cheap. There just aren't that many floating around out there. MUSIC SCENE 2. OUTSIDE SOUND NO TRAFFIC. JUST BIRDS, SHAMBLING FOOTSTEPS, OR OCCASIONAL BREAKING THINGS. SOUND STRUGGLE WITH OBJECTS, THINGS FALL AWAY BEN/z [moans, fighting his way to his feet] BEN/n [hungover sounding] Wow, what did I do last night? BEN/z [shake head noise] BEN/n Oh, crap - Mia'll be expecting me-- SOUND SHAMBLING FEET SPEED UP BEN/n For all her persnickityness, Mia is totally the greatest babe around, and I am sooo lucky that I'm the one she's into. I figured for the longest time that she was just slumming with a grot like me - right up until we really did it. Went whole hog and did the handfast. It's like always having a piece of her with me. [note: in this case, the handfast was actually trading hands. zombies can buy and sell body parts and trade them with one another] ANDY/z [morning] BEN/z [yo! How's it going?] ANDY/z [falling moan, ending in a squeal] BEN/n Don't I know it! Man, if ever a guy was whipped, Andy is the poster boy. He's gonna catch hell for not getting home to Doris last night. Almost tempting to stay and see the fray, but meeting Mia is the only thing on my maggoty little mind right now. MUSIC SCENE 3. MIA'S STAIRCASE SOUND BODY FALLS DOWN STAIRS, FOLLOWED BY THE CLATTER OF A SHOE. MIA/z [distraught moan] MIA/n Darn stair carpet. Darn heels. SOUND FEELING AROUND FOR THE SHOE AND PUTTING IT BACK ON MIA/n Alas, vanity doesn't come cheap. Ben loves my little foibles. He understands why it matters so much to me, to be beautiful for him. Looking back at my pink stitches, almost tripping as I crane my neck to see, I wonder whether he will like them as much as I do. SOUND SHAMBLING FEET IN HEELS AGAIN, ANOTHER SET OF FEET COMES ON TED/z [moan approaches, vaguely suggestive] MIA/z [dismissive moan] MIA/n Not today, Ted. I don't have time for any of your nonsense. TED/z [moan ending in a squeak/question] MIA/n I'm with Ben, Ted. You know that. I'm not giving up what I have with him. He has my hand, and my promise. He even has my heart ... just in the old-fashioned way. TED/z [mournful and pissed moan] MIA/n Yeah, yeah, yeah - if you were the last one on earth, maybe. MIA/z [roar/moan as she brushes him aside] SOUND STUMBLING FEET QUICKLY TO DOOR, SLAMS OPEN, TUMBLES THROUGH MIA/z [roar of triumph] MIA/N First time!! [made it on the first try!] This is gonna be a great day! MUSIC SCENE 4. OUTSIDE, NEAR BEN ANDY/z [cursing groan] ANDY/n Come on, Ben. Doris likes you! If I say you needed my help, she'll buy it! BEN/z [dismissive groan] SOUND SHAMBLING FEET MOVING AWAY, STUMBLING AFTER ANDY/z [dude] ANDY/N Dude! Come on-- DORIS/z [distant strident squeal] ANDY/n Oh, crap! SOUND SOMETHING WET SPLATS ON PAVEMENT, THEN DISTANT FEET APPROACHING ANDY/z [strange gurgling warble] ANDY/n [sigh] I lose more tongues that way. DORIS/z [strident squeal, closer] MUSIC SCENE 5. OUTSIDE NEAR MIA'S BUILDING SOUND HIGH HEEL SHAMBLE MIA/z [low moan] GEEK/z [he speaks clear enough to understand, but still zombie-like] [hey, fingers!] MIA/z [quizzical] MIA/n Yeah, what's it to you? GEEK/z [you got any to spare?] MIA/n No! I like mine right where they are. GEEK/z [get you a good price. Fingers are always top value.] MIA/z [sharp moan of anger] MIA/n Look - these five are my boyfriend's, and this one says-- MIA/z [fuck you] GEEK/z [you'll be back [louder] they always come back!!] MIA/n Damn parts brokers - [jealous] always have the best tongues. MUSIC SCENE 6. OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE [note: throughout the rest of the show, unless otherwise noted, appropriate zombie noises play under] MIA [calling] Hey babycakes! BEN [off] Yo sweet thang! SOUND PLODDING FOOTSTEPS COME TOGETHER MIA Mm. Missed you! BEN Double that. SOUND DISGUSTING SLOPPY LICKY KISSY NOISES MIA [mild slurp, then hot] You are such a good kisser. BEN Don't know how I'd get up each day without you to look forward to. MIA [giggles] BEN Let's walk. Want to show you something. MIA Oh? Well, I've got a little time before hitting the old treadmill. BEN You know I'd support you if I could-- MIA I like looking after my own needs. [flirting] Leaves you to look after my wants. BEN Ooh! MUSIC SCENE 7. OUTSIDE, NEAR STORE SOUND PLODDING FEET MIA I should have worn more convenient shoes. BEN Sorry! Almost there. MIA What is...it...? [awe] Oh! BEN I thought you might say that. Just saw them. Of course, they're not cheap. MIA [drooling -- zombie noises under get really slobbery] Patent leather, thigh high - oh, I'd never have to take them off! BEN The heels aren't too high, are they? MIA [sigh of ecstasy] I love stacks... MUSIC SCENE 8. OUTSIDE, Later BEN [bummed] I was right, she loved the boots. ANDY And how much did you say they were? BEN More than I've had in living memory. ANDY At any one time? BEN EVER. ANDY Woah. Well, suppose you can hit the mills like the rest of us schmoes - if you're truly that desperate. BEN [scoff noise] The mills? It'd take me ten years - and they'd probably sell by then. ANDY What, then? Go out snatching? That's pretty much your only other option. BEN [sighs] I thought I might ask around, see what I could borrow-- ANDY Woah, there! You know Doris holds the purse strings! BEN If I was going to snatch anyone, I'd snatch her - she's got enough body for three. ANDY [musing] You know... That's not a bad idea. BEN [disturbed] Serious? ANDY Nah. I'd fall apart without her keeping me moving. I guess that's love. BEN [agreeing hmph] MUSIC SCENE 9. TREADMILLS SOUND HEAVY WHIRRING NOISE UNDER. DISTANT NORMAL STREET SOUNDS MIA Hey! OTHER ZOMBIES [Morning!] [nice to see you!] [Mia! Looking good!] SOUND MANY PLODDING FEET MIA Hey Chuck! Got a space? CHUCK For you? Always, babe. Wanna lose the heels first? MIA Brought my work shoes. Just need a moment at the bench. CHUCK I'd offer to help, but...[chuckles] Thank god for velcro, eh? MIA Hah! I have all my fingers. CHUCK [chuckles] Coulda fooled me - [teasing] That looks like your fellow's hand...? MIA [chuckles] Jealous? MUSIC SCENE 10. OUTSIDE, ELSEWHERE [note - Ben has zombie noises under, geek does not - he always sounds like a zombie trying to talk] GEEK [Psst.] BEN What? GEEK [heard you were having some money troubles.] BEN What's it to you? GEEK [I might be able to help you with that.] BEN I don't think so. I don't have anything I feel like selling. GEEK [You got some extra fingers. An entire hand that looks... spare] BEN No way. Man! That's - that's Mia's hand! I should smack you with it just for suggesting that! GEEK [Hey! I don't want no trouble! I'm just a businessman!] BEN [spits out the word] Businessman. You're a parts broker. GEEK [Yeah, and we both know you come to me when you need something, then you spit on me when I try to help you out.] SOUND SHUFFLING FEET START TO LEAVE BEN Wait. GEEK [what?] BEN What - what's in high demand? GEEK [What?] BEN I mean, if I was... going to sell something ...just if... what would you be [reluctant, forcing the words out] paying the best prices for? GEEK [[chuckles] See? When you need me--] BEN Cut the crap and tell me. GEEK [Appendages are always good. Fingers, noses, ears. And soft parts, like tongues and, uh.... [suggestive] you know.] BEN [gulp] GEEK [Toes not so much - most just get by without - unless you have a complete foot somewhere - those are collectible, but only in pristine condition. Eyes are pretty good, and you hardly need two.] BEN What about parts that - aren't mine? GEEK [Stolen parts? What makes you think I trade dirty?] BEN Your type always does. GEEK [[pissed again] My type? My type? I think you just talked yourself out of a good deal, pal.] BEN Shit, I-- GEEK [incoherent roar, as he leaves] MUSIC SCENE 11. TREADMILL AMB - underlying zombies moans, many many plodding feet MIA [no specific moaning for this speech] Being on the treadmill gives you plenty of time to think. You stare at the back of the guy in front of you and wonder what's going through his head. Ben doesn't like the nine to five, but I figure - heck, you gotta do something, and if you feel the urge to walk, might as well get paid for it, right? SOUND SOMEONE CLIMBS ON THE TREADMILL [vocals have zombie noises under again] TED Hey Mia! MIA [sigh] Hi Ted. TED Funny running into you here. Shove over? MIA Right. Like I don't do this every day. No room. SHERI Hey Mia! [warm] Hey Ted. TED [dismissive] Sheri. [wheedling] Come on, Mia, squeeze in a little. There's space next to you if you make room. MIA Sorry, Ted [she's not]. Been saving that for... Sheri. SHERI Huh? TED Sheri won't mind - will you? SHERI I - I guess not... MIA Oh, no Ted. We have girl talking to do. Bye-bye. Hop up Sheri. TED Fine. See you at end of shift? MIA [muttered] Not if I see you first. SOUND TED FLOPS OFF MIA [up] I don't know what you see in him, Sher. SHERI Neither do I. Pheromones I guess. MIA Well, he does smell. SHERI [on an ecstatic sigh] Yes. MIA [ugh] Hey, Sher, I gotta problem. SHERI Oh? [horrified] You didn't... break up with Ben? MIA No! Why would you say that? SHERI Nothing. MIA Did you hear something, or are you just worried that Ted might somehow luck out and catch me on the rebound? SHERI Um. The second one. MIA Kinda thought so. O-K, passing over your insecurity, can we discuss my problem? SHERI [relieved] Sure! MIA I found the perfect present for Ben, and I don't know how I'm gonna afford it. SHERI You mean...um...what you said he's missing? MIA Yeah. All his fleshy parts haven't lasted so well - I keep telling him that sleeping rough isn't good for him, but he hates being cooped up. Says being nibbled on by rats is preferable to a cage. SHERI You live in a cage? MIA He means an apartment. SHERI Oh. Well, I'm sure he looks fine without one. You see plenty of missing ones out there every day. [NOTE: they're discussing noses, but it makes it sound like something more suggestive] MIA I know, but he would - well, from things he's said, he would actually LIKE one. Make him feel like a new man. I thought I might get him one of those artificial ones - you know, cast in plastic? In a skin tone, though - not one of those weird colored ones. SHERI They're all the rage with the trendoids these days, the neon ones. I guess they figure if it's gonna look fakey, might as well make a statement. And... /episode/index/show/nineteennocturne/id/25199658

Quail Seed (adapted by Julie Hoverson from a story by Saki) 19 Nocturne Boulevard's Reissue of the Week! 12/02/2022

Quail Seed (adapted by Julie Hoverson from a story by Saki) 19 Nocturne Boulevard's Reissue of the Week! (sorry i missed a couple of weeks - been crazy busy) Quail Seed A timely tale of marketing and social networking. [Saki was often way ahead of his time!] Announcer - Jennifer Dixon Mr. Scarrick - John Lingard Jimmy - Will Watt Lucy - Tanja Milojevic [] Boy - Reynaud LeBoeuf Man - Anthony D.P. Mann [] Miss Fritten - Robyn Keyes Mrs. Greyes - Jennifer Dixon Mrs. Gordon - Judith Moore Gloria - Beverly Poole Other women - Julie Hoverson Music by Kevin McLeod () Picture by , found with help from Bill Jones. Quail Seed Cast: Announcer Mr. Scarrick, shopkeeper Jimmy, Assistant Lucy, Jimmy's girl Boy Man/Beard Miss Fritten Mrs. Greyes Mrs. Gordon Miss Jones Miss Smith Gloria Mrs. Lipping SAKI OPENING MUSIC SOUND SHOP DOOR, BELL, FOOTSTEPS LUCY Hello? Helloooo? JIMMY [close] Morning, Lucy! LUCY [startled gasp] Jimmy! There you are. Bit... empty in here, isn’t it? JIMMY [heavy sigh] A bit. LUCY But where are all the Christmas shoppers? JIMMY Shh! Whatever you do, don't ask that in front of Mr. Scarrick. You'll quite set him off. LUCY Oh! JIMMY It's all right, he's out at the moment. LUCY [impressed] He left you in charge? JIMMY [heavy sigh, morose] Only in the certainty that there won't be a stampede on our services. LUCY That bad, eh? JIMMY Quite. SOUND DOOR, BELL, FOOTSTEPS Miss Smith Hello? SOUND QUICK STEPS JIMMY Yes? How may I assist you? Miss Smith [nervous] Oh, I was -um- just looking for a railway timetable? I'm going up to the city-- [breaks off] JIMMY Sorry. Clean out. Perhaps next week. MISS Smith Ah. Thank you. SOUND FOOTSTEPS, BELL DOOR LUCY You might have made a sale! JIMMY She just wanted to look. LUCY You don't know that. JIMMY [bitter admission] She's the fourth today. Everyone would rather take the train to town and shop in a big department store than [quoting] bother to take advantage of the convenience-- SOUND DOOR BELL MISS Jones Hello? JIMMY ...and that's five. MUSIC SOUND PUB SCARRICK The outlook is not encouraging for us smaller businesses. SOUND POURING DRINK SCARRICK These big concerns are offering all sorts of attractions to the shopping public which we couldn't afford to imitate, even on a small scale--reading-rooms and play-rooms and gramophones and Heaven knows what. BOY [normal, commiserating] People like shiny objects. SCARRICK And they don't care to buy half a pound of sugar nowadays unless they can listen to Harry Lauder and have the latest Australian cricket scores ticked off before their eyes. MAN Seems like quite a trip for sugar. SCARRICK With the big Christmas stock we've got in we ought to keep half a dozen assistants hard at work, but as it is my nephew Jimmy and myself can pretty well attend to it ourselves. In fact, I've left him in charge. I've never done that before. BOY I'm sure he'll be fine. SCARRICK [drinks] It's a nice stock of goods, too. I could run it all off in a few weeks time, but there's no chance of that--not unless the London line was to get snowed up for a fortnight before Christmas. MAN [musing] How you gonna keep them home on the farm? MUSIC SOUND SHOP DOOR, BELL MRS. GREYES --so tedious, but there it is, and what else is one to do? MISS FRITTEN We shall simply wait for the next-- SCARRICK May I help you ladies? MRS. GREYES Oh! [evasive] Really, we just stopped in to see about --- about-- MISS FRITTEN Bootlaces. MRS. GREYES Bootlaces! Yes! I've been in dire need of some-- SCARRICK [hearty] Of course. Over on the left wall, near the back. MRS. GREYES Of course. [whispering] You knew he'd try and sell us something if we came in here! Bootlaces indeed. I already have more laces than boots! MISS FRITTEN At least if we do make a purchase, they're small enough to carry when we go to-- MRS. GREYES Shh! SCARRICK Finding everything? MRS. GREYES Oh, yes. This is the best ... um... anchovy paste. Just what I was looking for. MISS FRITTEN Just lovely! SCARRICK Perhaps you ladies could help me. I was thinking of adding a little entertainment to the shop. MRS. GREYES Oh? SCARRICK I did have a sort of idea of engaging Miss Luffcombe to give recitations during afternoons; she made a great hit at the Post Office entertainment with her rendering of 'Little Beatrice's Resolve'. MISS FRITTEN [very uncertain] Oh, that would be ...just ... lovely. SOUND DOOR OPENS, BELL RINGS ODDLY SCARRICK What? SOUND ODD FOOTSTEPS ENTER SCARRICK [excusing himself] Your pardon. SOUND SCARRICK GOES TO THE COUNTER MRS. GREYES [whispered] Perhaps we should just do our shopping here. MISS FRITTEN But I'm in my best hat! MRS. GREYES Shh! Shh! Look at that! MISS FRITTEN What an odd looking boy. Brown as a nut, but we've not had sun in weeks! MRS. GREYES And those clothes. Like something out of the Arabian nights! SOUND CLANG BOY [accented now] Six pomegranates, please, and a packet of quail seed. MISS FRITTEN What's the bowl for? MRS. GREYES To carry the pomegranates? MISS FRITTEN Why not a string bag? MRS. GREYES Allergies? Shh! SCARRICK [business as usual] Here you are. We have some lovely pomegranates. MISS FRITTEN He doesn't even look surprised! MRS. GREYES The boy must have been here before. SOUND COIN SKITTERING, CAUGHT BOY The wine and figs were not paid for yesterday. Keep what is over of the money for our future purchases. SCARRICK [formal and serious] As you wish. SOUND BOY LEAVES, DOOR SHUTS SOUND SKITTERING OF LADIES FEET MISS FRITTEN [to Scarrick, hinting] A very strange-looking boy? SCARRICK [final] A foreigner, I believe. MRS. GREYES Does he shop here often? Surely there can't be much call for ...quail seed... at this time of year. SCARRICK It takes all sorts. SOUND DOOR OPENS SOUND HEAVY OMINOUS FOOTSTEPS MISS FRITTEN [gasp] MRS. GREYES Oh! [covering her consternation] Oh, I forgot those bootlaces! [hissed] Come on! SOUND THEY SKITTER AWAY MAN [accented] I wish for a pound and a half of the best coffee you have. SCARRICK [wary] Certainly sir. MRS. GREYES Look at that beard! MISS FRITTEN Like a comedy Russian. MRS. GREYES No, more like an ancient Assyrian. MISS FRITTEN Who do you think he is? MAN [suspicious] Has a dark-faced boy been here buying pomegranates? SCARRICK Can't say that I've seen anyone like that. MRS. GREYES Oh! [muffles self] MISS FRITTEN [whispered] How could he! SCARRICK [offhanded] We have a few pomegranates in stock, but there has been no real demand for them. MAN My servant will fetch the coffee as usual SOUND COIN SKITTERS, HEAVY FEET START TO WALK AWAY, THEN STOP MAN [very importantly] Have you, perhaps, any quail seed? GREYES AND FRITTEN [gasp] SCARRICK [unhesitating] No. we don't stock it. SOUND FEET WALK AWAY MRS. GREYES [whispered] What will he deny next? MISS FRITTEN And I always believed Mr. Scarrick to be such a truthful man. Heavens! He just presided at a lecture on Savonarola. SOUND DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES MRS. GREYES Don't let's bother about the 3.12. Let's dash, and talk this out at Laura Lipping's MISS FRITTEN Perhaps we should buy a few things first. Since we're here. MUSIC SOUND TEA MISS FRITTEN [recounting lusciously] Turning up the deep astrakhan collar of his long coat, the stranger swept out of the shop, with the air of a Satrap proroguing a Sanhedrim. MRS. LIPPING Do Satraps prorogue? MISS FRITTEN [coldly superior] Have you ever seen one that didn't? GLORIA I don't even know what a Sanhedrim is. Is it a dance? MISS FRITTEN It is a simile and hardly matters. Or do I mean an allegory? MRS. GORDON And the boy? MRS. GREYES I should have though him Greek, but after seeing that beard-- MRS. LIPPING They could have been unrelated. MISS FRITTEN Unrelated? And both asking for "quail seed"? Mark my words. There's something afoot. MRS. GREYES What bothers me most is this unprecedented streak of falsity in our local grocer! GLORIA I've never known Mr. Scarrick to prevaricate like that before! MRS. GREYES It's the influence of that artist that took the flat above the shop. Mark my words. [importantly] Bohemian. MRS. GORDON [tragically] I shall never again be able to believe what he tells me about the absence of colouring matter in the jam. MUSIC SOUND DOOR, BELL SOUND BROOM LUCY Jimmy? JIMMY Here. LUCY Goodness, it looks like a tornado touched down. JIMMY Fabulous, isn't it? LUCY But, what happened? JIMMY This afternoon, from tea onwards, we had a constant stream of shoppers. LUCY Is this something to do with the odd individuals who may or may not have been in this afternoon? JIMMY [overly innocent] Whom do you refer to? LUCY Come on! It's all over town. People talked about it at tea, and more people talked about it at supper. I expect they're all talking about it over Bridge even as we speak. The dark young man and the Beard. JIMMY Sounds a bit like a music hall act. LUCY [speculatively] Yes... yes, it does.... MUSIC AMBIENCE SHOP [MANY CUSTOMERS] MISS SMITH Is this the freshest jar of pickles? JIMMY Miss? I suppose so. MISS SMITH It looks a little dusty. JIMMY That would be my fault-- SCARRICK [commanding] Jimmy! JIMMY So sorry, must jump. MISS FRITTEN [whispered] Do you think they will return? MRS. GREYES I have it on good authority someone's rented that house at the far end of Plummergen. MISS FRITTEN But why should they come all this way to shop? MRS. GREYES [knowing] Plummergen drapers don't stock quail seed. MISS FRITTEN [getting it] Ah! SOUND REGISTER NOISE SCARRICK That will be three shillings and four pence. SOUND COINS MRS. LIPPING I'm looking for something interesting for a savory. Have you any-- SOUND GENERAL HUSH MRS. LIPPING [nervous] --any, um-- SCARRICK [as if nothing is amiss] I have some pickled olives. Imported from turkey. MRS. LIPPING Yes, anything. SOUND JAR SET DOWN, CASH REGISTER SOUND JABBER BEGINS AGAIN SOUND DOOR OPENS, BELL, JABBER SLOWLY DIES AWAY. SILENCE SOUND BOY WALKS IN. SOUND BOWL SET DOWN. SCARRICK [normal] What can I get for you today? BOY I require a pound of honey. SOUND BREATH BEING LET OUT ALL OVER BOY and - [quieter] and a packet of quail seed. SOUND GENERAL INTAKE OF BREATH, GIGGLE QUICKLY MUFFLED SCARRICK Very good, sir. SOUND CONVERSATIONS, FORCED LAUGHTER, BUT MUTED, LISTENING MISS FRITTEN [excited whisper] We might be living in the Arabian Nights. MRS. GREYES Hush! Listen! SOUND THINGS PLACED INTO BOWL, BOWL REMOVED, BOY STARTS TO LEAVE. SOUND QUICK FOOTSTEPS JIMMY [hurried, fraught with meaning] We have some very fine Jaffa oranges. Around behind here. SOUND QUICK SHUFFLE OF FEET SOUND DOOR OPENS, MAN STRIDES IN. SOUND GASPS SCARRICK [unperturbed] What may I get for you today, Sir? MAN A pound of dates and a tin of the best Smyrna halva. MISS FRITTEN Halva? What is that? MRS. GREYES It comes from Smyrna - that's figs, isn't it, Smyrna is? GLORIA Who would want dates AND figs? MRS. LIPPING Hush. SCARRICK There you are. MAN hmm [evaluating noise] Yes. SOUND COINS DROPPED MAN Has the dark-faced boy, of whom I spoke yesterday, been here to-day? GLORIA [stifled squeak of excitement] SCARRICK We've had rather more people than usual in the shop to-day... but I can't recall a boy such as you describe. SOUND [gasps] MRS. GREYES [satisfied] Didn't we say? MISS FRITTEN It's too too terrible. MUSIC TEA MRS. GREYES It is deplorable that anyone - particularly someone in a position such as Mr. Scarrick -should treat the truth as an article temporarily and excusably out of stock. MISS FRITTEN More quail seed! Those quails must be voracious! [realizing] or else... perhaps it isn't quail seed at all. MRS. GREYES I believe it's opium, and the bearded man is a detective. MRS. LIPPING I don't. I'm sure it's something to do with the Portuguese Throne. MISS FRITTEN More likely to be a Persian intrigue on behalf of the ex-Shah. The bearded man belongs to the Government Party. The quail-seed is a countersign, of course; Persia is almost next door to Palestine, and quails come into the Old Testament, you know. GLORIA [exasperated] Only as a miracle. [knowing] I've thought all along it was part of a love intrigue. MRS. LIPPING I distinctly saw a snarl of baffled rage as the man departed, sandwiched between that heavy moustache and upturned astrakhan collar. GLORIA I can’t imagine that that boy is the guilty party here. Much more likely he's simply perishing of love for someone - perhaps the daughter of the beard, but the match is quite unsuitable-- MISS FRITTEN Honey and pomegranates - of course!!! MUSIC SHOP, NIGHT, QUIET SOUND DOOR, BELL JIMMY [calling from off] Closed! LUCY I know, mutton head. JIMMY Oh, Lucy! SOUND BROOM DOWN, STEPS LUCY Another busy day? JIMMY The busiest. Another day or two of brisk trade and we'll be--[cut off with a gasp] SOUND KISS LUCY [laughing] I was here today, you know. JIMMY [uneasy] Oh? LUCY [indulgent] You were quite the hero. Hustling that poor young man off behind the biscuit tins in the very nick of time. JIMMY [flustered] Well, I have a good view of the street from my post at the cheese and bacon counter. LUCY [pouty] Jimmy. Have you EVER known me to gossip? JIMMY You, Lucy? I don’t think so. LUCY Quite a vote of confidence. JIMMY I didn’t mean that-- [sigh] No. No I've never known you to gossip. LUCY Let me in, then! Perhaps there's something I can do to help? MUSIC PUB SCARRICK It was quite marvelous! And we sold out of that blasted Halva. MAN It looked crowded, but were they actually buying? SCARRICK They bought and bought - some came back three or four times, just to have an excuse to linger. BOY "Oh, I forgot" and "silly me, one more thing." SCARRICK exactly. Even those women whose purchases were of modest proportions dawdled over them as though they had, uh-- MAN Brutal, drunken husbands to go home to? SCARRICK [chuckles] I've even had to take on a couple of extra assistants for tomorrow. MUSIC STORE - BUSY MISS FRITTEN What do you think? Is this bowl anything like the one that young gentleman carries? MRS. GREYES Nonsense. His is brass. Or bronze, perhaps. That one is copper. MISS... /episode/index/show/nineteennocturne/id/25199469

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