Nowhere Fast: A Virtual Bike Racing Podcast

The bike racing might be fake, but the podcast is real. Join hosts Kevin Bouchard-Hall, Mike Swart, and Zach Schuster for the virtual bike racing podcast you didn't know you needed that includes Zwift commentary, interviews, and coverage of real fake bike races.

Episode 53 - The Cheating Detective, with Bjoern Ossenbrink 12/27/2024

Episode 53 - The Cheating Detective, with Bjoern Ossenbrink Bjoern Ossenbrink's eyes *clap clap* are watching you, they see your every move. Well, kind of, but he does use data analytics to verify virtual racing performances at the high levels of the sport. He joins the pod to talk about the low-cadence craze, power meters and smart trainers, and that one time he raced against KBH. We also try to determine if CrossFit is the Zwift of working out. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for Mike's coffee stop glitch research, head to to become a member of the network and contribute to our advanced virtual racing research. To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/34634725

Episode 52 - We Are So Back, Again 12/11/2024

Episode 52 - We Are So Back, Again We are back! For real this time. We promise. We catch up on what everyone has been up to in the last 13 months, including Mike's Gong Show and Kevin's CrossFit assault bike Zwift race. We talk a bit about MyWhoosh Worlds, and then of course, cheating. /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/34390845

Episode 51 - We Are So Back 11/02/2023

Episode 51 - We Are So Back Just like Zwift, we got stalled out on Level 50, but since the levels go to 60 now, we should probably record more podcasts. We catch up, talk about the end of RGT, eWorlds moving to a new platform, and other things in the world of indoor racing. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for Kevin's legal fees, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/28494329

Episode 50! The Return of Eric Schlange 04/26/2023

Episode 50! The Return of Eric Schlange Eric Schlange of Zwift Insider returns to toast our 50th episode. We chat about ZI's Tiny Races, the new pack dynamics, the future of Zwift, and of course, cheating. Also, you'll def want to tune in for perhaps the greatest Story Time with Kevin of all time. Check out Zwift Insider at . Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for Kevin's legal fees, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/26657388

Episode 49 - Tri Hard, With a Vengeance 03/27/2023

Episode 49 - Tri Hard, With a Vengeance We watched a Super League Triathlon live event broadcast so we could speculate if it is the next big thing in virtual racing. We also went back and talked about MyWhoosh Club a bunch, even though that is technically against the rules of MyWhoosh Club. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for Mike's clocks, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike at and Zach at on Twitter. To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/26347236

Episode 48 - 2023 Zwift Worlds 02/28/2023

Episode 48 - 2023 Zwift Worlds The 2023 UCI Zwift World Championships are in the books, and you know as a podcast covering real racing on fake bikes, we have to cover it. Get reactions, hot takes, and everything else you need to recap this year's eRacing World Championships. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for Mike's clocks, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/26073876

Episode 47 - The First Rule of MyWhoosh Club 02/15/2023

Episode 47 - The First Rule of MyWhoosh Club You know the drill. The first rule of MyWhoosh Club is ... don't talk about MyWhoosh Club. Big money is on the line in the upcoming race series from the upstart virtual racing platform. There is also that lesser competition, UCI Zwift Worlds, and RGT has a new steering feature that will leave you saying BRAvo. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for Mike's clocks, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/25936287

Episode 46 - NeXT p/b Enshored 02/06/2023

Episode 46 - NeXT p/b Enshored Ian Jackson and Greg Abbott of the NeXT p/b Enshored e-racing team join the pod to talk about bringing a non-endemic sponsor into the virtual racing world. They talk about what's next for virtual racing, and we discuss ideas for future IRL events. Follow NeXT p/b Enshored on Instagram: . Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for Mike's clocks, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/25839939

Episode 45 - The Ski Erg is the New Zwift 01/21/2023

Episode 45 - The Ski Erg is the New Zwift Is a watt a watt? Is a ski erg a bike trainer? Is Mike a little bit upset? We dive into these philosophical questions and try to find the meaning of the Zwift universe. Also, stick around for a poetry slam with KBH. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for Mike's clocks, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/25687140

Episode 44 - New Zwift Pack Dynamics 01/03/2023

Episode 44 - New Zwift Pack Dynamics The speed of the "blob" has long been annoying in Zwift racing, and with the new pack dynamics being unveiled, will the blob be reined in? The Echelon Racing League is back and RGT has its own physics issues. And is Zwift racing the new pickleball? Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for Mike's clocks, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/25487346

Episode 43 - Ed Hoole, Icarus Boy 12/12/2022

Episode 43 - Ed Hoole, Icarus Boy You may find this hard to believe, but an unbelievable cycling performance turned out to be ... unbelievable. We go inside Ed Hoole's chuckle-worthy "performance" at the European Zwift Worlds Qualifier. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for Mike's clocks, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at , Kevin at , and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/25305390

Episode 42 - KBH Qualifies for Worlds, Again 11/28/2022

Episode 42 - KBH Qualifies for Worlds, Again KBH survived the new three-stage Zwift Worlds Qualifier to earn a spot at Worlds for the second-straight year. This obviously makes for good content. We also cover the European Qualifier, and of course, cheating. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for Mike's clocks, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at , Kevin at , and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/25145187

Episode 41 - The Zwift Grand Prix is Here 10/13/2022

Episode 41 - The Zwift Grand Prix is Here Zwift is trying a new racing format with the Zwift Grand Prix. Kevin reports on how it's going so far. We also cover the new Zwift trainer, before the whole lawsuit thing happened. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for Mike's clocks, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at , Kevin at , and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/24672657

Episode 40 - Eric Schlange of Zwift Insider 09/02/2022

Episode 40 - Eric Schlange of Zwift Insider This podcast prides itself on being on the outside, but in this episode, we go inside Zwift with Zwift Insider's Eric Schlange. Learn about some of the inner workings of Zwift, what's coming next, and of course, how to pronounce Eric's last name. Check out Zwift Insider at . Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for Mike's clocks, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at , Kevin at , and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/24251253

Episode 39 - Zwift is Coming 08/10/2022

Episode 39 - Zwift is Coming The days are getting shorter and the bike trainers are a little less lonely, which can only mean one thing: Zwift is Coming. Which is weird because Kevin swears Zwift is Dead. And Zach did a Peloton ride, for content. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for Mike's clocks, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at , Kevin at , and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/24011889

Episode 39 - Zwift is Coming 08/10/2022

Episode 38 - Unbound Home Triathlons 06/25/2022

Episode 38 - Unbound Home Triathlons Kevin, Mike, and Zach were going to take the fake bikes to the real world at Unbound, but none of them made it there, because excuses. Also, Kevin tried a home triathlon in the name of finding fitness and lived to tell the story. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for the space, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at , Kevin at , and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/23536172

Episode 37 - Future of Zwift as eSport 05/30/2022

Episode 37 - Future of Zwift as eSport Who said only bad things happen on Twitter? After a Twitter thread inspired by a random Zwift B race, Frank Cundiff and Patrick Mahoney joined the podcast to discuss the future of Zwift racing as an eSport. You can follow Frank Cundiff on Twitter and follow Patrick Mahoney . Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for the space, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at , Kevin at , and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/23269007

Episode 36 - Rick Wenger of the No Breakaways Podcast 04/20/2022

Episode 36 - Rick Wenger of the No Breakaways Podcast We did a virtual bike racing podception with Rick Wenger of the No Breakaways Podcast joining to talk about virtual bike racing pod space, the state of Zwift racing, and his life as a pretty good Zwift racer. You can find and Rick on Instagram . Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for the space, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at , Kevin at , and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/22849739

Episode 35 - Mason Rocca, U.S. National Champ 04/01/2022

Episode 35 - Mason Rocca, U.S. National Champ Former collegiate and professional basketball player Mason Rocca has started a second career as a virtual bike racer. Rocca had a successful Echelon Racing League campaign this year and won the 2022 U.S. Virtual Racing National Championships. He joins the pod for the first edition of Fake Bikes, Real Basketball. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for the space, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at , Kevin at , and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/22644989

Episode 34 - Saris | NoPinz'z Matt Gardiner 03/23/2022

Episode 34 - Saris | NoPinz'z Matt Gardiner Matt Gardiner is the founder of the Saris | NoPinz eRacing team and one of the most accomplished Zwift riders of all time, at least in terms of number of Ziles ridden. He joins the pod to talk about the state of virtual racing and of course, donuts. You can follow Saris | NoPinz on Instagram . Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for the space, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at , Kevin at , and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via or . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/22540082

Episode 33 - 2022 Zwift Worlds Recap 03/04/2022

Episode 33 - 2022 Zwift Worlds Recap The 2022 Zwift UCI World Championships had breakaways, gutsy attacks, and exciting finishes. Katheryn Curi joins KBH from inside the Zwift Worlds Zeloton as we discuss and analyze the races held in fake future New York. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for the space, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at , Kevin at , and Zach at . Katheryn doesn't do much social media tbh. To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via and . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/22334135

Episode 32 - 2022 eNationals Recap and eWorlds Preview 02/23/2022

Episode 32 - 2022 eNationals Recap and eWorlds Preview It's a Frenetic February in the eRacing world with the end of the Echelon Racing League, U.S. eNationals, and this weekend's eWorlds. Mike and Zach (No Kevin this week ... Sad!) talk about Kevin's epic battle with Mason Rocca at eNationals and look ahead to Kevin perhaps winning eWorlds. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for the space, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at , Kevin at , and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via and . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/22226450

Episode 31 - The Zwift Premier League Burrito King 02/15/2022

Episode 31 - The Zwift Premier League Burrito King KBH has quickly become the People's Champ with his valiant attacks in the Zwift Premier League, including one done in by too many burritos. We also develop a Premier League media strategy that may or may not include MOAR HEELS. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for the space, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. Follow Mike on Twitter at , Kevin at , and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via and . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/22135310

Episode 30 - Dave Towle, the Voice of Zwift Racing 01/25/2022

Episode 30 - Dave Towle, the Voice of Zwift Racing Dave Towle, the voice of Zwift racing, joined to pod to chat about how he got into Zwift race announcing, covering the Zwift Premier League, and adapting to the modern racing landscape in the U.S. Nowhere Fast is a member of the Wide Angle Podium network. To support this podcast and help pay for the space, head to to become a member of the network and support what we do. You can follow Dave on Twitter . Follow Mike on Twitter at , Kevin at , and Zach at . To keep up to date on all our real coverage of fake bike racing, subscribe via and . /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/21885206

Episode 29 - Winter Zwift Zestivities 01/11/2022

Episode 29 - Winter Zwift Zestivities The holidays were a time for Gimmicks with Zach's Zestive 500 and Kevin's 40 in 14. We also talk about the possibility of a new Tron bike, but for your living room. /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/21737678

Episode 28 - Mr. Zwift Worldwide KBH 12/20/2021

Episode 28 - Mr. Zwift Worldwide KBH Our own Kevin Bouchard-Hall qualified for the Zwift World Championships, and his team made the Zwift Premier League. Apparently he's pretty good at RGT racing too. What can't this guy do? /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/21540386

Episode 27 - Kathryn Curi's Second Career on Zwift 12/07/2021

Episode 27 - Kathryn Curi's Second Career on Zwift Kathryn Curi retired from professional bike racing a decade ago, but she has found a second career in cycling racing on the Zwift platform. She shares her experiences getting into virtual racing and competing in the ZRL. /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/21408599

Episode 26 - Zwift Race Tactics 11/23/2021

Episode 26 - Zwift Race Tactics While Zwift races aren't exactly a Spring Classic or Tour stage, there can still be tactics involved for winning a race. Kevin and Mike share thoughts on power-ups, ZPower people, early attacks, and more. /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/21254681

Episode 25 - KBH's KOM Magnum Opus 11/09/2021

Episode 25 - KBH's KOM Magnum Opus KBH's historic time on the Alpe du Zwift KOM turned into an entire thing last week. We cover his magnum opus of Zwift achievements from all angles. Also, Mike and Kevin share their experiences with the new Zwift drafting algorithm. /episode/index/show/nowherefast/id/21097424

Nowhere Fast: A Virtual Bike Racing Podcast

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