To Hump A Pillow with Coach Ellen Melon

Interviews, discussions and storytelling around sex, relationships, and intimacy: “The Sex-Ed Curriculum You Never Had.” A podcast for adults who need help building language in how they talk about sex with partners and children, “To Hump A Pillow with Ellen Melon” offers communication tools and new ideas around intimacy, anatomy, and relationships. Sex is something most of us do it yet find it difficult to talk about. Ellen Melon is enhancing the language and conversation around sex while giving communities the courage to speak up and ask questions.

#67: Embracing Uncertainty & Overcoming Scarcity Mindset 03/24/2025

#67: Embracing Uncertainty & Overcoming Scarcity Mindset In this episode, I explore the deep discomfort of uncertainty, the scarcity mindset, and how they intertwine with faith, trust, and self-worth. Since going part-time at work and navigating new family responsibilities, I’ve struggled with the fear of the unknown. Inspired by a powerful quote from Conclave and insights from The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist, I discuss how scarcity thinking shapes our daily lives and how we can shift towards sufficiency and trust. This episode includes reflections, guided meditation, and mantras to help reframe fear into faith and remind you that you are enough. Key Topics Covered: Navigating Uncertainty: How my transition to part-time work and increased family responsibilities heightened my fears. The way uncertainty can feel like a sneaky illusion of risk. Lessons from Faith, Trust, and the Role of Doubt: A powerful quote from Conclave on the necessity of doubt in faith. Why certainty can be a dangerous mindset that limits growth and connection. Learning to trust in ourselves, each other, and the unknown. The Scarcity Mindset & Its Impact: How we wake up every day feeling like we don’t have enough—time, money, energy, success. The cultural obsession with scarcity and how it disconnects us from our truth. A reading from The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist on shifting from scarcity to sufficiency. Practices for Overcoming Fear & Lack: Guided meditation to connect with inner abundance. Mantras to reinforce self-worth and sufficiency. A reminder that we were all born worthy, enough, and deserving of abundance. This episode is an invitation to let go of fear, reframe uncertainty, and remember that you are enough—exactly as you are. Hit subscribe to catch future episodes, and let’s reflect together! 🎙️✨ Coach Ellen Melon links: Instagram: Facebook: For questions regarding this topic, please email /episode/index/show/tohumpapillow/id/35845675

#66: Reflections & Lessons: Top 10 Things I Learned in 2024 02/15/2025

#65: How to talk about sex, before, during, and after pregnancy and post-partum - Relationship Series Part 3 with Mike and Ellen Melon 12/13/2023

#64: How to talk about money, finances, spending habits - Relationship Series Part 2 with Mike and Ellen Melon 11/15/2023

#63: How to talk about jealousy and envy - Relationship Series Part 1 with Mike and Ellen Melon 10/11/2023

#62. How to find a place for grief - with Coach Ellen Melon 10/26/2022

#61. What does sex & relationship coaching look like - with former client Addison 09/28/2022

#60. The trick to using dating apps - a real convo with my boyfriend Mike 09/07/2022

#60. The trick to using dating apps - a real convo with my boyfriend Mike Welcome back to To Hump A Pillow! We're kicking off Season 4, our 20 episode season with episode #60 — on dating apps. When most of us think about dating apps, we roll our eyes at the thought of what a task that can be. “Dating apps suck” — a common refrain from most of my clients. I've said those word myself! What if the app isn’t the problem? What if you’re the problem? I’ve always wanted to do an episode about dating apps, and now I’ve got the data and experience (my own and from clients) to create meaningful content around this topic. In this episode I’ve brought my boyfriend of 6 months, Mike, to discuss our experiences of dating apps — the different intentions for getting on dating apps over the course of our dating journeys, including before we met, our experience of meeting on Hinge, and how using dating apps felt after being in long term relationships. Lastly, I’ll walk through my dating app framework I use with clients who are single, thinking about dating, new to a relationship or just wanting to explore hook ups. Dating App Framework: intention: what part of me wants to download a dating app? what part of me is holding me back from trying dating apps? profile creation: what meaningful and authentic stuff can I put out there? swiping considerations: what parameters do you have in place for swiping? what red flags are you looking for? what green flags? communications and boundaries: how do want to protect your time and energy by setting boundaries on communications? how long do you want to talk on the app until there's a sense of trust built? when is the right time to meet up? This framework is mostly geared toward people with an anxious-attachment style, historically quick to have sex, and often attract emotionally immature partners, people that are only physically attractive (vanity-based dating), or emotionally unavailable partners. Coach Ellen Melon links: Instagram: Facebook: Website: ____________________ /episode/index/show/tohumpapillow/id/24295650

#59. How ayahuasca has enhanced our lives - with Hypnotherapist, Kate Bandmann 06/08/2022

#58. Childhood emotional neglect, shame, and school shootings - A perspective on self-hate - with Coach Ellen Melon 05/29/2022

#57. What is your feeling on porn? - with Coach Jessica Childs 05/12/2022

#56. Relationship Tips: Skills for Repair - with Coach Jessica Childs 04/27/2022

#55. Penis size and satisfying women - with Sex Educator and Author, Kenneth Play 04/13/2022

#55. Penis size and satisfying women - with Sex Educator and Author, Kenneth Play For those of you who struggle with not being enough — your body type, your penis size, your ethnicity — this is an episode for you. In this episode I interview international sex expert and sex educator, Kenneth Play. Named the “world’s greatest sex hacker” by GQ, he has been featured by more than one hundred media outlets, including The New York Times, Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, Huffington Post, and Nightline. Kenneth is an Asian immigrant with an average-sized penis who lived most of his early life with crippling sexual insecurity. Determined to overcome this anxiety, he dedicated his life to studying the complexities of academic sex research, exploring the mysteries of Tantra, immersing himself in the forbidden world of BDSM, and even joining the lustful chaos of underground sex parties. We’ll talk about his journey as a young man, his current lifestyle and relationships, penis size, and squirting, He pulls a lot from his new book, BEYOND SATISFIED: A sex hacker’s guide to endless orgasms, mind blowing connection, and lasting confidence. In Beyond Satisfied, Kenneth shares the sex hacking secrets he’s successfully taught millions of men. This book is a cross between Bruce Lee’s mixed martial arts approach and Tim Ferriss’ 80/20 rule—but for sex. Far from just another “find her clitoris” guide, Beyond Satisfied distills hard science and hands-on experience into techniques that any man can successfully put into practice. Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 or couples coaching with me: ____________________ Links we talked about: Hacienda - desire/belonging, responsible hedonism, high novelty needs vs high security needs “Open Smarter” by Dr Zhana Squirtingsurvey.com: https://kenneth-play.mykajabi.com/encore-1620413533 ____________________ Coach Ellen Melon links: Instagram: Facebook: Website: ____________________ /episode/index/show/tohumpapillow/id/22769147

#54. "Dating Sucks But You Don't" - An authentic conversation with Dating Coach for Men, Connell Barrett 03/30/2022

#53. How-to do intimacy and vulnerability in friendships - with best friend Amy Edler - Part 3 of 3 03/16/2022

#53. How-to do intimacy and vulnerability in friendships - with best friend Amy Edler - Part 3 of 3 “We have to belong to ourselves as much as we need to belong to others. Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.” — Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart Belonging is the key to intimate friendships. Never once have I felt the need to change myself or be someone else around Amy, Tom, or Hailey. I’ve always been able to be authentically received by them. Who is your support team? Who are the people who know how to hold you (metaphorically and physically) when you’re having a tough day? When you’re experiencing shame? Not enough-ness? Guilt? Anger? Grief? It took me a long time to find these people and cultivate what we have, but here is a 3 Part Series with my support team and a peek behind the curtain into what our conversations look like (via phone because they all live outside MN). So many clients ask me: “How do I cultivate intimate friendships?” In a society wrought with fears and securities, it’s so hard to trust anyone. It’s hard to create a foundation of safety. Both parties need to be willing to take the risk and both parties need to be open and willing to hear how the other person wants to be loved. In this 3 Part Series, we talk to my 3 close friends — Tom, Amy, Hailey — checking in about the state of our friendship. What’s working? What’s not? What’s hard? What’s easy? They are raw recordings containing laughter, vulnerability, compassion, and love. We are all showing up with a lot of trust in these interviews. If you need a glimpse into hard and fulfilling relationship conversations, please listen. Part 1 with Tom: In this episode, we discuss our rift in friendship over time — we questioned why friendships of the opposite gender experience distance when a new dating perspective comes into play. We talk about our college experience and how our friendship developed due to close proximity and collaboration in art projects. We also talk about why this friendship is important and what we’d like to see for ourselves in the future. Part 2 with Hailey: In this episode, Hailey and I talk about female friendships of our past — what worked and what didn’t — recognizing that a lot of those friendships were centered around drama. We revisit a very hard conversation and disagreement about vaccines to showcase how to hold both compassion (and understanding) and disagreement in both hands lovingly. We close out with what we love about our friendship and what improvement can be made. Hailey and I co-peer a support group every other Sunday called “Anxious Attached Hearts Club” for those with anxious attachment who need a place to work it out and find more security in their community. Part 3 with Amy: In this episode, you’ll see what a 12 year friendship looks like. I met Amy in college, so we discuss the early years of our friendship, getting to know each other, how we are both control freaks, how I tried to rescue Amy often in college (especially in her relationships). We discuss the ways in which we feel supported by each other — what we go to each other for. We’ll discuss the areas in which we can step up our friendship and define what vulnerability and intimacy means for us in our friendship. We end with some sentiments and a conversation on trust. Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 or couples coaching with me: ____________________ Links we talked about: 1on1 coaching: PARTS 1: PART 2: PART 3: /episode/index/show/tohumpapillow/id/22450766

#52. How-to do intimacy and vulnerability in friendships - with best friend Hailey Hosler - Part 2 of 3 03/09/2022

#52. How-to do intimacy and vulnerability in friendships - with best friend Hailey Hosler - Part 2 of 3 “We have to belong to ourselves as much as we need to belong to others. Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.” — Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart Belonging is the key to intimate friendships. Never once have I felt the need to change myself or be someone else around Amy, Tom, or Hailey. I’ve always been able to be authentically received by them. Who is your support team? Who are the people who know how to hold you (metaphorically and physically) when you’re having a tough day? When you’re experiencing shame? Not enough-ness? Guilt? Anger? Grief? It took me a long time to find these people and cultivate what we have, but here is a 3 Part Series with my support team and a peek behind the curtain into what our conversations look like (via phone because they all live outside MN). So many clients ask me: “How do I cultivate intimate friendships?” In a society wrought with fears and securities, it’s so hard to trust anyone. It’s hard to create a foundation of safety. Both parties need to be willing to take the risk and both parties need to be open and willing to hear how the other person wants to be loved. In this 3 Part Series, we talk to my 3 close friends — Tom, Amy, Hailey — checking in about the state of our friendship. What’s working? What’s not? What’s hard? What’s easy? They are raw recordings containing laughter, vulnerability, compassion, and love. We are all showing up with a lot of trust in these interviews. If you need a glimpse into hard and fulfilling relationship conversations, please listen. Part 1 with Tom: In this episode, we discuss our rift in friendship over time — we questioned why friendships of the opposite gender experience distance when a new dating perspective comes into play. We talk about our college experience and how our friendship developed due to close proximity and collaboration in art projects. We also talk about why this friendship is important and what we’d like to see for ourselves in the future. Part 2 with Hailey: In this episode, Hailey and I talk about female friendships of our past — what worked and what didn’t — recognizing that a lot of those friendships were centered around drama. We revisit a very hard conversation and disagreement about vaccines to showcase how to hold both compassion (and understanding) and disagreement in both hands lovingly. We close out with what we love about our friendship and what improvement can be made. Hailey and I co-peer a support group every other Sunday called “Anxious Attached Hearts Club” for those with anxious attachment who need a place to work it out and find more security in their community. Part 3 with Amy: In this episode, you’ll see what a 12 year friendship looks like. I met Amy in college, so we discuss the early years of our friendship, getting to know each other, how we are both control freaks, how I tried to rescue Amy often in college (especially in her relationships). We discuss the ways in which we feel supported by each other — what we go to each other for. We’ll discuss the areas in which we can step up our friendship and define what vulnerability and intimacy means for us in our friendship. We end with some sentiments and a conversation on trust. Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 or couples coaching with me: Anxious Attached Hearts Club info here: https://calendly.com/ellenmelon/anxious-attached-hearts-club? ____________________ PARTS 1: PART 2: PART 3: __________ Instagram: Facebook: Website: ____________________ /episode/index/show/tohumpapillow/id/22385843

#51. How-to do intimacy and vulnerability in friendships - with dear friend Tom Wixo - Part 1 of 3 03/02/2022

#50. "Fawn: When No Looks Like Yes" — Authentic sexuality and receiving pleasure - with Sex-Educator & Researcher, Nischa Phair, Part 2 of 2 02/23/2022

#49. "Fawn: When No Looks Like Yes" — Her new book on the nervous system, ignoring red flags, and fawning - with Sex-Educator & Researcher, Nischa Phair, Part 1 of 2 02/16/2022

#48. "The Pleasure is All Yours" - her new book and the importance of somatic work - with Dr Rachel Allyn, Holistic Psychologist 02/09/2022

#47. Informal sex stories - with Erotic Ed Somatic Coaches Jessica Childs and Ellen Melon 01/06/2022

#46. Self-compassion practice: How to talk to your inner child - with Erotic Ed Somatic Coaches Jessica Childs & Ellen Melon 12/23/2021

#45. Deep-dive on boundaries and guided boundary mapping meditation - with Coach Ellen Melon 12/08/2021

#44. A guide to hook-up culture and casual sex for women - with Kink Coach & Author, Lia Holmgren 11/24/2021

#43. A story of recovery, postpartum motherhood, and overcoming resentment in married sex - with full-time mama, Madeline Clair 11/10/2021

#43. A story of recovery, postpartum motherhood, and overcoming resentment in married sex - with full-time mama, Madeline Clair Here’s the thing about having kids — it changes everything. Your physical body, your mind, your hormones, your sex life, your sleeping life, what you eat, when you eat, and beyond. Many people don’t talk about all the sucky parts of child-rearing because of fear that they are “doing it wrong” or will be deemed “bad parents” but what NOT TALKING ABOUT IT actually creates is mothers’ beliefs that “there must be something wrong with me or my kids.” Postpartum anxiety and depression are a huge part of this conversation — and happening more frequently. In the United States alone, approximately 70% to 80% of women will experience, at a minimum, the ‘baby blues’. Many of these women will experience the more severe condition of postpartum depression or a related condition. (https://www.postpartumdepression.org) Many mothers don’t know they are experiencing it because they are in the throes of no sleep, new experience, and without a template. In this episode, we talk to Madeline Clair Fisher and her experience of postpartum depression and anxiety. She tells us about doing some preventative work ahead of pregnancy to make sure she set herself up for success, and how her husband actually called out her behavior — “Hey you’re not acting like yourself, let’s get support.” We also discuss her recovery story, having been addicted to drugs in high school. Madeline also shares with us a hard conversation she had with her husband about feeling resentment in their sex life...and what was really underneath that. Interesting in working with a Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 coaching with me: ____________________ Links we talked about: Madeline Clair Fisher: https://www.instagram.com/madeline.clair/ ____________________ About Ellen Melon: Sex & Relationship Coach and Un-Educator Ellen Melon links: Instagram: Twitter: Facebook: Youtube: Website: ____________________ /episode/index/show/tohumpapillow/id/21102374

#42. Sex and relationship insights for drug addicts, alcoholics, and the sober community - with Life Recovery Coach, David Marion 10/27/2021

#41. How intimacy changes after kids, postpartum, and repair after an affair - with Life Coach for Mums, Kiri Honey 10/13/2021

#41. How intimacy changes after kids, postpartum, and repair after an affair - with Life Coach for Mums, Kiri Honey Motherhood is hard. I don’t even have kids and I know that. I have this amazing opportunity to speak with Kiri Honey, Life Coach for Moms whose mission is to inspire women to empower themselves to take the lead in their lives and relationships. To support them to take action that feels aligned and authentic to their wants and needs and on a practical level, help them focus on the key steps needed to rekindle the passion and fun in their relationships. In this episode we hear about Kiri’s experience in being a mom of 2 children, her postpartum depression she didn’t know she had, and how to repair a relationship when an affair occurs — what kind of conversations, honesty and accountability are truly required. We also discuss her new digital series – 30 Interviews from Sex & Intimacy Experts called, “Falling in Love Again, Season 1.” These interviews are FREE until October 17th so sign up NOW. (Click link in show description or IG bio) Kiri’s mission is to have a community of Mother’s who are equipped with the confidence to value themselves and their worth as well as honour their truth are an unshakable force! Helping Mother’s feel valued and part of a team will do wonders for humankind and future generations. The benefit of feeling loved, appreciated and respected has no bounds. Imagine how many families we could keep together if women were equipped with the tools they need to communicate their desires. Interesting in working with a Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 coaching with me: ____________________ Links we talked about: Falling in Love Again Digital Series for FREEuntil October 17th: All episodes for Falling in Love Again will release October 18th – Nov 4th, with a Replay Weekend Nov 5-7th Where can people find you? [email protected] ____________________ About Ellen Melon: Sex & Relationship Coach and Un-Educator Ellen Melon links: Instagram: Twitter: Facebook: Youtube: Website: ____________________ /episode/index/show/tohumpapillow/id/20799665

#40. Sexual abuse, religious trauma, and her healing journey - PART 2 of 2 - with Faith Deconstruction Coach Melanie Cain 10/01/2021

#39. Sexual abuse, religious trauma, and her healing journey - PART 1 of 2 - with Faith Deconstruction Coach Melanie Cain 09/15/2021

#38. Grief, loss, and being alone - with Coach Ellen Melon 09/01/2021

To Hump A Pillow with Coach Ellen Melon

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