#163: Beyond Punishment: Practical Habits to Shape Identity, Not Just Behavior
Release Date: 08/20/2025
LOVE IS FEARLESS
What if the key to spiritual growth isn’t trying harder—but learning how to feel safe, seen, and loved? In this episode, Doug and Janet sit down with psychologist and author Dr. Todd Hall for a powerful conversation about attachment, transformation, and the kind of love that reshapes your life. Together, they explore how our early relational patterns affect not just our parenting and marriage—but our relationship with God. You’ll learn: How to recognize attachment patterns that keep you stuck Why behavior doesn’t change until your nervous system feels safe How to...
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What if discipline isn’t about becoming someone better—but about learning to live from the truth of who you already are? In this episode, we continue our conversation on discipline—not as punishment or control, but as the sacred practice of forming identity through daily habits of love, truth, and presence. We explore how discipline aligns with our new identity in Christ, and how we help our children grow into that truth—not by force, but by faithfulness. You’ll hear stories of real formation—what it looks like in parenting, in marriage, and even in how we relate to ourselves. We...
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Every family is practicing discipline—even if we don’t realize it. But the question isn’t whether discipline is happening… it’s what kind of discipline is happening—and whether it’s forming fear, frustration, or secure, lasting maturity. Some discipline conforms us to the patterns of this world; kingdom discipline transforms us into the truth of who God created us to be. In this episode, we reframe discipline as the quiet, relational work of forming the soul—not controlling behavior. We explore how real discipline starts with us, flows through meaningful...
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In today’s special episode, Doug and Janet share the story behind Rooted in Kerrville—a project born from their deep love of the Texas Hill Country, their partnership with Mercy Gate Ministries, and their heartache for a community forever changed by the devastating July 4 flood. This is more than a relief effort. It’s a long-term investment in soul restoration. When the flood hit, the physical damage was immense—but so was the emotional and spiritual toll. Local nonprofits like Mercy Gate are overwhelmed. Families are grieving. And pastors and helpers are exhausted, yet...
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Every family is being shaped by a story, whether we realize it or not. The question isn’t if formation is happening…it’s what kind of formation is happening, and whether it’s rooted in fear or freedom. In this episode, we introduce The Three Instruments of Formation—Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life—and explore how they help create secure, connected homes where faith and maturity can take root. We also revisit the Three Doors framework and share how real families—maybe even yours—are living in stories of survival, striving, or freedom. Most of us...
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Episode Summary: Before a single word is spoken, we’ve already told a story. The emotional and spiritual tone we carry into a room—our atmosphere—is one of the most powerful instruments of formation in family life. In this episode, we unpack what atmosphere is, why it matters, and how it quietly shapes what our children believe about love, safety, identity, and belonging. You’ll discover how the Three Doors framework (Survival, Striving, and Transformation) shows up in the “air” of our homes and why peace-building—not pressure—creates the soil where souls...
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What if prayer wasn’t about getting the words right, but about being real? In this tender and honest conversation, Janet and Doug sit down with poet and author Tanner Olson, whose new children’s book All the Things I Say to God is helping families make prayer a natural part of everyday life. They explore Tanner and his wife’s journey through infertility and adoption, the power of surrender, and what it means to live a creative life anchored in faith, family, and honest conversations with God. You’re in the Right Place If… You want to raise kids who feel safe enough...
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If your children are grown—or even moving back home—and you’ve just now found language for what it means to live loved instead of afraid… this episode is for you. Today, we’re responding to questions from listeners who’ve read the manifesto, heard the message at Network 220, watched , or started exploring Practicing the Art of Being Family. They’re asking: “Do these truths still apply if my kids are already out of the house?” And, "Is there still great hope if my children are already grown?" The answer is yes. Because you’re still a parent—but...
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Today, we have the joy of welcoming Robby Angle, President and CEO of , to the Love is Fearless Podcast! Robby is passionate about helping people move from simply knowing about grace to living out their true identity in Jesus—with trust, freedom, and relational depth. Before leading Trueface, Robby pastored thousands toward authentic community at North Point Community Church. Now, he’s helping steward a powerful new resource called —an experience designed to move believers beyond striving and into a transformational life of trusting God. Also, is designed...
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In this special episode of LOVE IS FEARLESS, Janet and Doug are joined by Sarah Boyd—author, child and adolescent development expert, and founder of . Sarah’s new book, Turn Down the Noise, offers a much-needed guide to raising emotionally healthy kids in today’s overstimulated world. This warm, insightful conversation explores the realities families face and the hope available when we slow down, simplify, and create a safe emotional atmosphere at home. You’re in the Right Place If… You feel caught between wanting to slow down and fearing what will happen if you do....
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✔ You want to help your children live from their identity in Christ—not just earn your approval
✔ You’re wondering how to grow into the truth of your own identity when it still feels unfamiliar
✔ You’re looking for a better way to parent than control—but you still want real structure and growth
✔ You long for family rhythms that feel secure, grace-filled, and aligned with the kingdom of God
- Discipline isn’t punishment—it’s the daily, steady work of forming identity and maturity.
- We’re all being formed by something—the only question is… are we choosing it, or drifting into it?
- Small, intentional habits—meaningful conversations, returning to joy, asking for help—quietly rewrite the story our families live in.
- You don’t have to get it perfect to make it powerful. Real growth happens in the ordinary, imperfect, love-soaked moments.
Share this episode with a friend who’s longing for a better way to parent—or simply to live loved.
Visit John15Academy.com for more articles and a growing library of resources to help you live, love, and lead from a place of freedom.
Resources We Mention:
Article: Discipline Is Not What You Think: How Habit Training Forms the Soul
Episode #161: The Three Instruments of Formation—How Atmosphere, Discipline, and Life Shape Your Family’s Story
Article: The Three Doors: Why Families Survive, Strive, or Find Freedom
The Curated Life Newsletter: Join the community for encouragement and resources to live loved, not afraid
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