Reframing the Question: Why I Stopped Asking What's Wrong With Me?

Reframing the Question: I Stopped Asking “What’s Wrong With Me?”

For years, I asked questions that already assumed something was wrong with me.

Why was this so hard? Why couldn’t I remember? Why did my brain and body respond the way they did? Why couldn’t I just make myself do things that seemed so simple for everyone else?

Over time, I began learning to ask different questions. Instead of only asking, “What’s wrong with me?” I began asking, “What happened to me?” Eventually, that became an even deeper question: “What happened inside me because of what happened to me?” And now I’m learning to ask one more: “What do I want to do with that understanding?”

In this episode of The Courageous Journey, I talk about what changed when I stopped beginning with judgment and started approaching my own struggles with curiosity. I share how years of unexplained physical, neurological, memory, and emotional symptoms led me to create explanations about myself that were often far less compassionate than the truth.

We also explore why this matters far beyond my own story. A patient may not simply be “difficult”—they may be having difficulty. A survivor’s decision may be influenced by circumstances we cannot see from the outside. A witness struggling with chronology may need another question before we make assumptions about credibility. And someone struggling to follow instructions may be experiencing cognitive overload.

But this conversation is not about explaining every behavior through trauma. Curiosity isn’t diagnosis. Trauma, brain injury, fear, cognitive load, medical issues, exhaustion, environmental barriers, or financial barriers may matter—or none of them may explain the behavior at all. Sometimes boundaries and accountability are still necessary.

For me, understanding has become less about finding an excuse and more about finding somewhere to begin. My past can explain pieces of who I became without determining who I have to remain.

This episode also marks the beginning of the next season of The Courageous Journey, as I share where we’re headed through the rest of 2026 and invite you to come along as I write, build professional education, speak, learn, continue my own rehabilitation, and keep asking better questions.

TIMESTAMPS

00:00 — Welcome: Reframing the Question
Why I stopped asking “What’s wrong with me?” and began asking different questions.

02:05 — The Questions We Ask Matter
How the way we frame a question can determine where we go looking for the answer.

04:19 — When No One Could Explain What Was Happening
Years of physical, neurological, memory, and emotional symptoms—and what happened when I began creating my own explanations.

06:49 — Turning Symptoms Into Character Flaws
Why unexplained struggles can become labels like weak, anxious, difficult, lazy, or broken.

08:15 — Reframing “What’s Wrong With Me?”
Moving from judgment toward curiosity and asking, “What happened to me?”

10:28 — What Happened Inside Me?
Why knowing what happened wasn’t enough—and how questions about the brain, nervous system, memory, processing, brain injury, and strangulation began connecting the pieces.

13:09 — Being Difficult vs. Having Difficulty
How I began reframing my own frustration with memory, processing, overwhelm, technology, and learning new things.

17:13 — Curiosity Isn’t Diagnosis
Why becoming trauma-informed should not mean automatically explaining every behavior with trauma.

19:11 — Understanding Has to Lead Somewhere
Responsibility, growth, brain rehabilitation, writing, speaking, learning, and challenging myself in new ways.

22:37 — Where The Courageous Journey Is Going Next
The thread connecting the work and the themes we’ll explore through September, October, November, and December.

24:48 — The Different Perspectives I’ll Bring
Paramedic. Professional. Survivor. Educator. Student of my own brain. And sometimes simply a person living the journey.

25:40 — Finding My Lane
Why I spent years trying to figure out where I belonged—and what changed when I finally recognized how the pieces fit together.

28:05 — What Question Are You Asking?
An invitation to identify a question you keep asking and consider whether a better question might lead somewhere different.

A QUESTION TO CARRY WITH YOU

What is one area of your life—or one person you work with—where you may have been asking the same question over and over?

What might change if you asked:

What might be happening underneath this?
What don’t I understand yet?
What might be making this difficult?
What information am I missing?
Now that I understand more, what do I want to do with that understanding?

Sometimes changing the question changes everything.

Healing begins with understanding.

#TheCourageousJourney #TraumaInformed #BrainInjuryAwareness #HumanBehavior #HealingJourney #TraumaRecovery #BrainHealth #NervousSystem #DomesticViolenceAwareness #BrainAware #SurvivorVoices #PaulaWalters