#042: If I don't manipulate--how do I get my kids to do the right things? PART 2
Release Date: 04/17/2019
LOVE IS FEARLESS
If you've been told your exhaustion is a personal failure — that better boundaries or better self-care would fix it — this episode is for you. Because what if the problem isn't how you manage your energy? What if the problem is where it's going? Janet and Doug name a pattern that lives quietly inside countless women's lives: the hidden energy tax of narrative management. The relentless, often unconscious work of holding your own pain and protecting others from the weight of their impact — simultaneously, in the same breath, sometimes in the same sentence. Janet tells her own story in...
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Introduction: "Pain has a way of interrupting purpose. And when pain lasts long enough, survival replaces growth." This devastating reality defines most of the systems we've built—medical, educational, even in the church. We've become really good at helping people survive, but we've stopped dreaming about helping them flourish. Today we're exploring the difference between empire dreams (optimizing within broken systems) and kingdom dreams (believing God has designed something better than we can imagine). You're in the right place if: You've settled into helping your kids just cope with...
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Guest: Dr. Lee Warren, Board-Certified Neurosurgeon Introduction: What if you could change your brain by changing your mind? Board-certified neurosurgeon Dr. Lee Warren joins us to reveal something revolutionary: you're not stuck with the brain you have. Through groundbreaking neuroscience research, we now know that what you repeatedly think about literally restructures your brain. For parents learning to live from agency instead of control, understanding what's actually happening in your nervous system changes everything. Dr. Warren's new book, The Life-Changing Art of Self-Brain Surgery:...
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Introduction: In all of history, there are only two ways to govern: by words or by force. As America celebrates its 250th birthday this year, we're asking: How will we govern our homes? Force demands compliance. Words invite relationship. And the operating system our children learn at home is the operating system they'll carry into the world. Today we're exploring how conversations—not arbitrary consequences—build the kind of trust that makes freedom and agency possible. You're in the right place if: Your child is old enough for tough topics (bullying, sexual identity, pornography,...
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What if the biggest risk isn't failing—but never discovering who God created you to be? In this episode, we revisit the letter B in the Love Is Fearless alphabet with fresh eyes. Back in Season 5 (), we introduced the idea that Beautiful offers safety, healing, and regard—while Functional is just about getting things done. But now we're going deeper. Beautiful isn't about being magazine-worthy. It's about being true. Beautiful is "the most true thing"—what reflects who God created you to be, what reminds you of your Source, what feeds your soul. Functional is what we reach for in...
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What if renewing your mind isn't just spiritual advice—it's actual brain training? In this episode, we explore how attention shapes affection, and how the difference between affections and addictions determines whether your family is being transformed or simply managed into conforming to the patterns of this world. We're introducing groundbreaking work on faith and neuroscience (stay tuned for our full interview with him next month), and discovering how Philippians 4:8 is God's prescription for mental health—not toxic positivity, but actual neural formation. This changes...
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Summary What if the "practical" parenting strategies you're searching for require something deeper first - the liberation of your own mind? In this episode, Janet and Doug explore the third instrument of formation: LIFE - the intentional pursuit and savoring of ideas that are good, true, and beautiful. Drawing on research about manufactured mental captivity and personal stories about breaking generational cycles, they reveal why parents can't create relational safety for their children while their own minds remain captured by anxiety-producing information systems. This isn't about adding more...
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What if the key to spiritual growth isn’t trying harder—but learning how to feel safe, seen, and loved? In this episode, Doug and Janet sit down with psychologist and author Dr. Todd Hall for a powerful conversation about attachment, transformation, and the kind of love that reshapes your life. Together, they explore how our early relational patterns affect not just our parenting and marriage—but our relationship with God. You’ll learn: How to recognize attachment patterns that keep you stuck Why behavior doesn’t change until your nervous system feels safe How to...
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What if discipline isn’t about becoming someone better—but about learning to live from the truth of who you already are? In this episode, we continue our conversation on discipline—not as punishment or control, but as the sacred practice of forming identity through daily habits of love, truth, and presence. We explore how discipline aligns with our new identity in Christ, and how we help our children grow into that truth—not by force, but by faithfulness. You’ll hear stories of real formation—what it looks like in parenting, in marriage, and even in how we relate to ourselves. We...
info_outlinePART 1 started a discussion about giving our children an honest childhood--which is more than simply a good chance at success. We can manipulate our children to work and perform, but manipulation damages trust instead of builds it. Trusting relationships are necessary if our children are going to grow up, instead of simply meet traditional performance standards for college admissions.
Join Janet and Doug in PART 2 as they continue to offer practical ways to relate with our children--instead of manipulating them. PART 2 offers these take aways:
- Experiencing life as a parent is more than simply having a toolbox full of good parenting strategies. There is no formula for loving bravely--and there are sound principles we can trust.
- We can find time for real conversations about our habits of responding to cultural influences instead of personal convictions. These conversations can be more powerful when we are vulnerable enough to say, "Me, too."
- This kind of honest conversation is happening in homes where families are building habits of engagement--rather than simply habits of evaluation.
Follow this link to listen now--and share BRAVE LOVE with your community. Let us know what questions you'd like us to address on a future episode. We'd love to hear from you. There is great hope.