#68 The Watchtower Series – “Father First, Husband Second”

#68 The Watchtower Series – “Father First, Husband Second”

 

Watchman’s Call

 

You heard that bell—
That means we are in the ring, fighting for your marriage.

“You’re listening to Men, Save Your Marriage. No judgment. No fluff. Just a straight shot of clarity into the middle of the chaos that is your marriage.”

This is the Watchtower Series—where I climb the tower, scan the horizon, and sound the alarm.

These episodes aren’t soft, and they’re not for the passive. They’re warnings. Wake-up calls.

If you're in crisis, consider this your call to arms.

If your children don’t know what strength looks like, don’t be surprised if your wife forgets.”

Most men in marriage crisis think the battlefield is between them and their wife.

And while that may feel true—there’s a deeper battlefield you’re standing on every single day:

Your role as a father.

 

Because while you’re trying to figure out how to fix things with her—

Your children are watching.

Listening.

Learning.

They’re soaking in your tone.

Your passivity.

Your mood swings.

Your leadership—or lack of it.

And if you’re not careful, you’ll spend all your energy trying to repair your marriage…

While unknowingly transferring broken patterns to your children.

Here’s the truth:

The way you father will either restore your marriage or reinforce its destruction.

Because your wife isn’t just watching how you treat her—

She’s watching how you treat them.

And in many cases, how you lead your kids will become the foundation for how she sees you again.

This is something no one is talking about, no one is teaching and every husband in every marriage needs to understand this, especially if you are in a strained marriage. 

Let’s get into it. If you were with me a few episodes ago I used an analogy of me tossing grenades into your life to disrupt what you think and how you act about your situation. Well hang on gentlemen, here comes some more. 

 

POINT 1: YOUR CHILDREN DON’T NEED YOUR LOVE AS MUCH AS THEY NEED YOUR LEADERSHIP

 

This might hit hard:

Being affectionate isn’t the same as being a father.

Being present isn’t the same as being powerful.

Being around isn’t the same as being rooted.

You can love your kids deeply and still be failing to lead them.

And while you’re busy trying to fix your marriage—

Your kids are becoming like you.

Whether you want them to or not.

If you’re a father, you’re already a leader. Period. That is not up for discussion, you don't get to have an opinion about it, you don't have to like it or want it, but it is true. So man up, and understand that if you are a father, you are a leader.

The only question is—what are you leading your children towards?

Emotional reactivity?

Silent passivity?

Constant apology without change?

Weakness disguised as “peace”?

Or—

Strength under control?

Firm correction in love?

Mission-minded masculinity?

Calm, clear presence?

Your kids don’t just need affection.

They need a map.

They need a man.

They need a standard.

And the standard starts with you.

Here’s what you may not realize:

When your son watches you avoid conflict—he learns to back down.

When your daughter hears you disrespect her mom—she learns to lower her standards.

When your kids see you checked out emotionally—they start believing manhood is weak, soft, or silent.

Brother, this is not about perfection.

This is about intentional presence.

Every day.

Because whether you show up strong or not—

You are still forming the legacy your kids will walk in.

POINT 2: YOUR WIFE JUDGES YOUR VALUE BY HOW YOU LEAD THE HOME

Let’s be honest:

She may not say it.

She may not even be able to articulate it.

But your wife is constantly measuring:

How safe do I feel in this home?

How disciplined are our kids becoming?

How much weight does my husband carry—or leave to me?

Every woman feels it.

She was wired to notice it.

When she sees things like this:

You ignore the tantrums.

You avoid correction because you don’t want to be the “bad guy.”

You scroll through your phone while she wrangles chaos.

You let her handle all the decisions, the appointments, the discipline.

Then she starts thinking:  “I don’t have a husband—I have a third child.”

That kills respect.

That kills attraction.

That kills safety.

But when she sees this:

You calmly correct.

You initiate spiritual guidance.

You set standards.

You hold space for both her and the kids.

Then something shifts: “He’s leading us. I can breathe. I can trust. I can rest.”

Most men want their wife to respect them, and to want them, and to follow their lead.

But if you’re not leading the home—she can’t trust you with her heart.

It starts with how you father.

 

POINT 3: IF YOU WANT TO RECLAIM YOUR MARRIAGE, BUILD A LEGACY WORTH FOLLOWING

Let’s flip the script.

What if your crisis isn’t just about fixing what’s broken—

But about becoming the man your children will rise behind?

What if this moment—this heartbreak, this tension, this leadership vacuum—Is the call from God, the fire from heaven, the divine shove that says: “Build the house. Be the king. Raise the standard.”

Because let’s face it—

The world isn’t going to raise your kids right.

Culture isn’t going to model manhood.

TikTok won’t teach your son how to lead a family.

That’s your job.

And the minute you own that—your wife will feel it.

Even if she doesn’t say it.

Even if she’s still guarded.

Even if she’s still halfway out the door.

She will feel the shift.

Not because you said something.

But because you became something.

 

How to start fathering like a king:

 

1. Set immovable standards.

No more “maybe” rules.

No more letting mom handle discipline.

No more acting like a guest in your own house.

Decide how your home will run—and enforce it with strength and love.

2. Model emotional strength.

Don’t blow up.

Don’t shut down.

Don’t lecture.

Model calm correction.

Be the anchor in the room.

Be the gravity your kids orbit around.

 

3. Speak truth into your kids.

Not just rules.

Vision. Identity. Legacy.

Say things like:

“You’re a Davis, and we don’t lie.”

“You’re a king in training. This house is where we forge that.”

“You were made to protect, provide, and lead with courage.”

 

Speak life.

Speak identity.

Speak purpose.

 

Because a father’s voice becomes a child’s internal compass.

And when your kids feel that strength—your wife will feel it too.

 

Orders of Engagement

 

If you’re a father—this message was for you.

Subscribe to the podcast.

Leave a 5-star rating.

Write a short, honest review.

You don’t know what man is listening right now—barely hanging on, trying to figure out how to save his family.

And your review might be the message that leads him here.

 

FINAL WORDS

You’re not just a husband.

You’re not just a paycheck.

You’re not just a guy trying to survive.

You’re a father.

A king.

A legacy-builder.

And your kids will either thank you…

Or recover from you.

So lead.

Speak.

Guide.

Stand.

Not in perfection.

But in presence.

And when you do—

Your kids will rise.

Your wife will feel the shift.

And your house will come back into order.

Not because you said so.

But because you became the man who leads it there.

Marching Orders

You’ve been warned. You’ve been equipped. Now move.

Don’t wait for permission—lead her, pursue her, protect what’s yours.

The man your marriage needs is already in you—
It’s time to wake him up.

This is Men, Save Your Marriage. Share this with a brother who’s in the fight too.

And remember—when she looks at you, she’s not hoping for a roommate. She’s looking for a man with fire in his chest and a plan in his hand.

Don’t go silent. Don’t go soft. Don’t disappear.

Set your sights, stiffen your back, and lead with presence.