#70 - The War Against Fear - Fear Owns You

#70 The War Against Fear

Fear Owns You

 

Intro

You heard that bell. That means we are in the ring to fight for your marriage.

In the last episode, I called you out. I called you cowards. I told you the truth most men won’t say to you: fear owns you.

And some of you got angry. Some of you felt attacked. Some of you nodded your heads in silence because you know it’s true.

But whether you like it or not, the truth remains: fear is running your marriage. Fear is shaping your daily choices. Fear is the silent master in your home.

This series is called The War Against Fear. And in this first episode, we’re going to drag fear out into the open. We’re going to expose it, name it, and show you the cost.

Because until you face fear head-on, you cannot lead.

So let’s get into it.

 

Point 1: Fear is Already Owning You

Let’s stop pretending fear is just “something you struggle with.” No. Fear owns you right now.

Look at your actions:

• You don’t confront her disrespect because you’re scared of conflict.

• You don’t initiate sex because you’re scared of rejection.

• You don’t make plans because you’re scared of failure.

• You don’t set boundaries with your kids because you’re scared of being the bad guy.

• You don’t lead spiritually because you’re scared of looking like a hypocrite.

That’s not leadership. That’s slavery.

And here’s the brutal truth: the pain you’re trying to avoid by hiding from fear is already happening.

You’re scared she’ll reject you if you try to initiate, but she’s already rejecting you by pulling away.
You’re scared of conflict, but you’re already living in a constant low-level conflict that never ends.
You’re scared of failing, but your passivity is already failing your marriage.

Fear promises to protect you from pain. But it delivers the pain anyway.

If you don’t face this truth, you’ll keep living as a man owned by fear.

 

Point 2: Fear Shows Up in Patterns

Fear is not random. It’s predictable. Let’s name the patterns.

Fear of Rejection – You want connection, but you don’t reach out. You’d rather stay silent than risk a no. So the distance grows.

Fear of Conflict – You don’t want the argument. So you swallow your words. You avoid. And the disrespect keeps happening because you’ve trained her that you won’t confront.

Fear of Failure – You don’t want to look weak, so you don’t lead. You shrug, “Whatever you want.” You think you’re keeping peace, but you’re handing her the burden of leadership.

Fear of Truth – You don’t want to admit how bad it is. So you pretend. You hide behind work, hobbies, screens. And every day the rot spreads deeper.

When you start naming the patterns, you see how fear has been directing the script of your life. You think you’re choosing. You’re not. Fear is choosing for you.

And here’s why this matters: your wife feels it. Women are finely tuned to a man’s presence. She feels your hesitation. She feels your weakness. She feels your passivity.

She might not always say it, but she knows. And every day you let fear run the show, her respect for you dies a little more.

 

Point 3: The Cost of Fear

Fear is not free. You are paying for it every day.

Fear is costing you your wife’s respect. She looks at you and sees hesitation. She sees silence. She sees a man who won’t lead.

Fear is costing you intimacy. A woman cannot desire a man she doesn’t respect. Love can hang on, but desire dies. And once desire dies, sex becomes mechanical or disappears altogether.

Fear is costing you your children. They watch you avoid. They watch you stay silent. They watch you hand leadership to mom. And they learn what manhood is from your example.

Fear is costing you yourself. Every day you obey fear, you lose a piece of your self-respect. You hate yourself a little more. You feel smaller. You feel weaker.

And if nothing changes, fear will cost you your marriage. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But eventually. Because no woman will follow a man owned by fear forever.

That’s the cost. And you are already paying it.

 

Final Thoughts

So let’s get real. You’ve been listening to me for months. You’ve been nodding along. You’ve been downloading. You’ve been consuming.

But have you acted?

Most of you haven’t. Because fear owns you.

And until you face it, until you admit it, until you name it, nothing changes.

This is the first step in the war against fear: exposure. Seeing it. Naming it. Admitting it.

Because once you see it, once you know how much it’s costing you, you cannot hide from it anymore.

 

Marching Orders

Here’s what you will do today. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Today.

1. Write down the ways fear owns you. Name them. Put them on paper. Don’t hide.

2. Pick one. Just one.

3. Act against it today.

If you’re scared of conflict, confront her calmly.
If you’re scared of rejection, initiate anyway.
If you’re scared of failure, make the plan.
If you’re scared of responsibility, take the decision.

One act of leadership in the face of fear. That’s your order.

And when you’ve done it, text me at 812.648.3380 and tell me: “This is how fear owned me, and this is what I did today.”

That’s how I’ll know you’re not just listening. That’s how I’ll know you’re moving.

Fear owns you now. But it doesn’t have to.

Act today.