Ep. 31 | Recovery from Cannabis Use Disorder | My Sober Story | Meditation

My Recovery from Cannabis Use Disorder | My Sober Story | Meditation

❤️Welcome to the Luminous Recovery Yoga YouTube channel! Our mission is to create high-quality yoga videos for people in Twelve Step Recovery programs. In these videos you will find simple, but powerful yoga and meditation practices that support sustainable recovery. We welcome all levels, all bodies, all genders, and all recovery programs!

SUBSCRIBE to the channel to join our recovery family!

Discover new yoga practices and recovery themed talks that include recovery principles with yoga. Learn what it feels like to practice these principles in all of your poses!

- - - - - - - - -

Join the Luminous Recovery Yoga online studio! Your online membership includes LIVE weekly yoga classes with Kari and access to a full video-on-demand library with styles like Vinyasa, Yang/Yin, Mellow flows, Power flows, and Recovery themed yoga practices. This is your one stop shop for yoga, recovery, meditation, and all things Luminous!

📣 Please tell us what you think of this video ?

- - - - - - - - -

➡️➡️➡️Sign up for a FREE class with me

 - - - - - - - - - -

➡️➡️➡️Join my Patreon

 - - - - - - - - - -

One of the habits I resolved to give up a few years ago was looking at my phone first thing in the morning.

 

Inevitably, there was usually a text, email, or communication that would inspire me to become immediately crabby upon waking.

 

I started to notice how this behavior could spiral into a whole morning, or even full day, of aggravation—not good.

 

The changed behavior was to get out of bed and head to my meditation cushion first thing.

 

In fact, the rule became no phone contact until I’ve done my prayer and meditation practice.

 

Excepttttttttttttt, if I decided to blow off meditation that morning. 

 

I could come up with all kinds of reasons to blow off my practice for the day. 

 

Some of the excuses ranged from ‘it’s Sunday and I don’t meditate on Sunday’ to 'I slept late and I just don’t feel like it’. 

 

I could be pretty consistent unless I didn’t want to and then I would break the chain—so to speak.

 

Well, last April I didn’t meditate at all. Not one day in the whole month. 

 

I was traveling and it felt inconvenient. By the time I got home from all the traveling I felt like a basket case. I was tired of my excuses for not committing to a daily meditation practice.

 

I decided to commit to a one-year daily meditation practice. Every day, no matter what, I would sit on the cushion as soon as I woke up and practice.

 

May 4th, 2023 will be my one-year meditation-aversary. Ok, I’ll just go ahead and say it—May The Fourth Be With You!

 

One of the major life changes—among many—to happen for me this year has been sobriety. 

 

It’s not lost on me that my sobriety journey also fell within my one year of meditation commitment.

 

I am learning to hone in on one of the hardest things of all—how to sit with my feelings of discomfort rather than reaching for something to put in my mouth and change the subject.

 

This year I have learned how to be with myself in a whole new way. I am embracing the practice of feeling my feelings rather than turning them away.

 

In this week’s episode of the Luminous Recovery Yoga podcast I decided I wanted to share more about my journey to sobriety and healing from cannabis use disorder.

 

It’s not that meditation got me sober, but meditation has helped me to get present. My general M.O. for using substances—especially smoking pot— was to actively escape the present moment.

 

I want to be clear that I do not believe that everyone who uses cannabis has a substance use disorder. 

 

But my usage became obsessive and something I was finally ready to look at more closely.

 

In my active pursuit of a daily meditation practice I am learning how to heal my relationship with the present moment.

 

There have been many mornings where I wake up with big feelings. I go to my cushion, and I sit with the physical sensations that I’m experiencing in the moment. I am learning that emotions arise as physical sensations in the body.

 

I first revealed my sobriety during my interview episode with Durga Leela (find that episode here). As a result of that episode I had many people reach out with questions and comments, so I decided it was time to spend an episode talking more about it.

 

I share only my experience, strength, and hope in recovering. This is in no way representative of any program or specific method. It just felt like time to share.

 

If you’re curious about starting a daily meditation practice or sobriety and you need support, or have questions, please feel free to respond to this email. 

 

If you find this episode helpful, I would love it if you share it, comment on it, like it, and subscribe to my YouTube channel.

 

Happy May Day!

 

With love,

 

~Kari

 

⌚ SCHEDULE:

⌚ New yoga and recovery videos EVERY Monday

👉 Subscribe to my channel. And press the bell🔔 icon.

Thank you for supporting “ Luminous Recovery Yoga ” you can follow me on the Social Media Links Below:

❤ Instagram: https://bit.ly/3yCNqxe

❤ Facebook: https://bit.ly/3LdrqAN

❤ Website: https://www.luminousrecoveryyoga.com/

 ❤Patreon: https://bit.ly/3CaKmuY

 - - - - - - - - - -

📧 For Business Inquiries

📧 Mail: [email protected]

⚠️ "DISCLAIMER:⚠️ This Channel DOES NOT Promote or encourage Any illegal activities, all contents provided by This Channel is meant for EDUCATIONAL purpose only. ⚠️

Transcripts:

------------------------------------

 

My sober story
===

Kari Doherty: [00:00:00] Thank you for listening to the Luminous Recovery Yoga Podcast, hosted by Kari Doherty. The views and opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you like and leave the rest. These views and opinions do not represent any specific 12 step program, only my experience, strength, and hope in recovering from the dise of addiction and codependency.

If you'd like to learn more, please visit my website at www. Dot Luminous Recovery yoga.com. Hello my friend. Thank you so much for joining me today on this episode of the Luminous Recovery Yoga Podcast. I'm Kari, and welcome to today. I am in a beautiful Portland Park, Laurelhurst Park. It is an amazing sunny day.

And I thought, what better than to just take my camera and my tripod outside and to film an episode? Which is funny, like I have this moment of needing [00:01:00] to get over myself. Like, oh my gosh, people are gonna see me talking to myself. Well, I see people talking to themselves all the time. I think that's one of the interesting things about Bluetooth is when Bluetooth started to really pick up.

I had this like is that person talking to themself or are they having a full-blown conversation? Because sometimes you really don't know, like you see people talking to themselves all the time in Portland and you don't really know who they're talking to, whether it's like an ethereal being or somebody on the other line of a phone.

So I had to get over myself for a minute of like, yeah, I'm gonna do this here because. This is where I want to enjoy myself today, and yes, I'm going to perhaps be seen in the park by people. Doing something that they don't know what I'm doing. So here I am. I found a cozy, beautiful little nook in the park and I'm so grateful to be outside.

I'm so grateful that the season is changing. It's almost hard to be grumpy when the sun is [00:02:00] out. Like I could feel sometimes like that urge to complain or gripe, but. When the sun is out and it's warm, it just feels harder to get those thoughts to penetrate through. So anyway, with all of that being said, if you hear some noises or see somebody passing behind me on a trail, that's because I am out and about in the world and I wanted to take this time to stop and talk to you today.

So I'm really happy to be here. Thank you so much for sharing this space with me. This is a place where I like to come and share. I share about what I'm going through in the world, how that relates to my recovery, how that relates to yoga. I like to share a little yoga at the end of the practice with what I call embodied understanding, where we practice these principles in our affairs and our affairs.

Could be. Situations that we're going through in the world, but our affairs could also be our yoga poses or just the places [00:03:00] where we find our body in space, whether that's in a situation or a moment in time. So practicing these principles can become a way to try them on in our body to see how it feels to put that practice into place in the moment.

Recovery only ever happens in the moment. That's one of the things that I'm really, I've been thinking about a lot lately, is that recovery happens in the moment. I don't recover in the past. I don't recover in the future. I don't breathe in the past. I don't breathe in the future. All of those things happen in the moment, so in a, in a moment where I'm activated, right, where like where my nervous system is activated, where I'm.

You know, hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or there's a situation that's bringing stuff up in those moments where I choose not to use a substance or abuse myself in some way, or send a vicious text or [00:04:00] email, any of those moments where I choose to be present with the experience that my body is going through.

Those are the moments that I recover. Those are the moments where I call my spirit back from the people, places, situations, things, moments where I tend to lose my grip on reality, where I tend to act out, and any moment that I choose to not act out in any of those behaviors, I am calling myself home. I am calling myself back to the present moment, to be in the experience of the emotion.

Of the feeling. And you know, I, I read lately, and I've talked about this before on the podcast, that I think I just read this in the New York Times. That's what it was. And if it's in the New York Times, it must be true. Well, you know, I read the New York Times every day and they have some good stuff in there.

And one of the things that I read recently was that emotions, when we experience them, when we [00:05:00] take the time to be with it, we are much more likely to pass through it. It's when we don't experience it, it's when we shove it aside or shove it down or cover it up with a behavior that we extend. The experience that we make.

It really a longer experience. So the more able we are to experience the emotion, the feeling in the present moment, the more likely it is to pass. And, and I can say that from experience lately, the more I'm willing to sit in the muck of the feeling, the sooner I am able to move through it. I like to say one of my little quips, my little isms it's like sitting in a pile of your own shit and wondering what smells.

And if you're sitting in cold, old, crusty shit and it, that smell just follows you around, right? Rather than being like, oh no, [00:06:00] I'm sitting in shit. This stinks. I'm gonna go bathe. I'm gonna go wash this smell off of me. And that's kind of how I see the emotion. It's like I could sit there in the experience of like, oh my gosh, I just sat in shit or stepped in shit.

I need to acknowledge that, be in that, and then, Go get myself clean as opposed to ignoring the smell, right, ignoring the smell, pretending it's not happening. And yet that smell just keeps lingering around me. And, and so I guess that's the analogy that I can make around that, that it, that makes sense in my head.

So let's see if that lands on you. So I'm here in this beautiful place. I'm here with you, my dear friend. And. I've got some things on my mind today that I want to talk about. First I wanna say, if you're new to the podcast, welcome. I'm Carrie. I'm so happy to be here with you. I'm a person in recovery.

I'm recovering from [00:07:00] codependency bad attitudes recovering from mood altering people, recovering from cannabis addiction and food addiction. And you know, sometimes anything I can get my hands on can become. An obsession. So I suffer from obsessive behavior, whether that's people food or substance.

And so what I wanna say is welcome that, I'm glad you're here. I have created this space as a place to share because I find that sharing. Is is good for me. It helps me to process and to understand myself better in the world. But also when we listen to other people sharing, if we're listening, we could hear our own story in somebody else's share.

So if there's anything that I say today that resonates with you, I'm grateful. I'm grateful that my experience can benefit you in some way because it's in listening to the experiences of others that I've been able to recover myself. Bring in more recovery. I [00:08:00] never say that I'm recovered. That's like jinxing it, right?

We're never recovered. We're always in recovery. Practicing recovery. Our recovery time gets quicker if we stick with it. Sometimes not, sometimes, you know, they say that you gain a second of pause for every year you've been in recovery. I'm coming up on seven years, so possibly a seven second pause. But I'm glad you're here.

And please, if you wanna help a fellow creator out like the episode, hit that little thumb up icon. Share the episode. If you found something valuable and you think somebody else would find this valuable, please share it and subscribe to my channel. Whether that's, if you're listening to this on podcasts like Apple, Spotify, or anywhere where you take in your podcasts, or if you're listening to this on YouTube, I would just love to build a community of people who are interested in yoga and recovery, because that's actually what really is [00:09:00] interesting to me.

I developed yoga and recovery alongside of each other. I found both of those practices at roughly the same time in my life, and so, I noticed that things that were happening in the meetings were also things that were coming up on the map. And so my recovery journey has evolved where those two practices have helped me a lot.

So that's why I bring these things together because I find that I can't quite separate them and, and that it, it actually works better together for me. Okay, because I've got the emotional, mental stuff, but then I also am in this physical body and I learn how to try these principles on in my physical body, which goes back to what I was saying earlier, embodied understanding because 100% of our experiences happen through this body.

So our body holds a lot of that story, a lot of that trauma. If you want to go that way. A lot of whatever is going on with us happens in the body. So [00:10:00] one of the things that I wanna talk about today, or the topic of today's share and episode is my cannabis use disorder. I came out a few months ago, let's see, it's like April right now.

And so I actually, it was like last month that I released an episode with Durga, who is the creator of Yoga of Recovery. And in that episode I. Revealed for the first time on this podcast that I have. As of today, right now I'm going on coming up on nine months of sobriety. Actually it's eight months in this month.

It's eight months of sobriety. And, and what was funny is that after I came out and said that on the episode, I had many people get ahold of me asking me about it cuz it's not something that I've talked about a whole lot. Partly because I was still trying to understand it, and so it's something newer to [00:11:00] me, but I feel like more and more I'm ready to talk about it and, and this is kind of a place where I have created to do that.

So I'm gonna talk about it here. And you know, since I've embraced sobriety, It's, you know, things don't necessarily get easier. They, they get a little bit simpler in that I'm not adding in additional things on top of whatever's going on. But for me, I always raced to the bong. That was a place where I found solace.

Getting high. Smoking weed. That was one of my very first outside of food, which is something that I learned at a very young age as far as a, a way to deal with stress. Weed was like the second substance I ever picked up in terms of a way to [00:12:00] manage stress. And it's funny cause I'll never forget the first time I got high.

I was a junior in high school. And I was tutoring middle school choir or something like that. It was like middle school music. Cause I was into choir in high school and I was helping for. You know, credit, I was doing tutoring in the middle school, and I remember the middle schoolers, which as middle schoolers are, were particularly terrible on this particular day, and they were so terrible and so rough that I found myself rattled.

Like just absolutely rattled and I couldn't shake it. And so I remember going into chemistry, like I went back to the high school cuz I would go offsite for this tutoring. I went back to the high school and I was in chemistry and I just remember sitting in my desk being like deeply stressed and couldn't seem to shake [00:13:00] this feeling of induced stress.

And so I remember, I think it was that day or that. Afternoon after school, I called up one of my best friends and I was like, today's the day I'm ready to get high. And there was like something in me that knew that a substance would help me unravel this stress, at least at that time. So I remember going over to my friend's house, they got me high for the first time.

Still love these people. These are still beautiful people in my life. But I remember the first time I ever smoked weed was because I was stressed. And in that moment, I think that's how, like that became a new way to de-stress through a substance. And what's funny is that as my life progressed, stress became a really easy way to be like, oh, I gotta get high because I'm stressed.

And so it, it just, I really associated that behavior with how to [00:14:00] unstress myself. And that could probably show up in lots of different ways for lots of people. Like how you first learned to deal with stress. And for me it started out with food and then it evolved into cannabis use. And at the time, I mean this was like, Hey, this was the early two thousands, like took a lot to get weed, took a lot to find it.

It took a lot to get ahold of it. You had to go find a place to smoke it, which was never like at home, which usually resulted in driving around in a car also a. Weird behavior to pick up at a young age. Like, yeah, let's drive around and get high. So, you know, I'm just bringing you my honesty, unfiltered, raw because this is the way I experience it.

And so then I went to college and I remember I had a rule at first. I would only get high on the weekends and then a friend. Who again, still [00:15:00] love. This person today suggested to me one day, Hey, let's get high tonight. And I was like, well, I have homework to do. And she said, well, after your homework is done.

And I was like, oh, I don't have to wait till the weekend. I just have to get my homework done. So I got my homework done. We went, we smoked weed, and I started smoking weed every day after that. I mean, it really only took one person to give me permission. That I was looking for, like it, it really was a lot of times at that time based on exterior validation of like someone being like, no, you could just do it this way.

And then being like, oh, okay. So from then on I just started getting high every day. Like, okay, get the homework done, let's go get high. And then it creeped into let's get high early in the morning before class. Like, I mean, it just started to really creep into one permission, led to. Well, if it's okay to do it after school, once my homework is done, then why not in between class?

Why not before class? Why not in the morning? As soon as I wake [00:16:00] up, why not have it on the table while I'm eating dinner? Like it just became this behavior that crept into every single facet of my life. And at that time, the obsession grew and, and I say at that time, and this was all up until eight months ago.

You know, so like this crept into a, an addiction of over 15 years that like became really, like deeply habitual, deeply addictive for me. I recently read in the New York Times that really only 10% of people developed cannabis use disorder, and I was definitely in that 10% where I just found that. It could help with all of life's troubles, whatever it was.

If I was happy, if I was sad, if I was stressed, if I was relaxed, like I greeted every moment, every emotion, every mood with a bong hit. Like that was just how I was managing the [00:17:00] world and, and I've been thinking about this lately. You know, I would, I would think like, oh, well that person doesn't smoke weed.

I don't really want to be friends with them. Like, what are, you know, what are we gonna do together? And what I realize now is that it, weed was the friend, it was almost like weed was the friend. And it's like, oh, well you have to be cool with my friend here. And if you're not cool with my friend here, then you and I aren't gonna be cool.

And of course I wasn't like, not cool with people who didn't smoke weed, but I certainly didn't really consider going deeper into those connections. I think I have one committed friend who didn't smoke weed and she would like sit in the car with me while I did it or something. And like, as long as she was okay with being in the car, you know, like it, when I think back to it and I think of the harm on myself and others, like, there was just a lot going on, you know, and I met plenty of people who supported that obsession.

So it, it wasn't unsupported, it was very much. Easy to find friends who [00:18:00] only imbibed in cannabis, you know, and then it went on past college. It, it really went on and on and on and on. You know, my usage could get heavier or pull back a little bit depending on where I was living and how easy or hard it was it was to get.

But then once I moved to Portland and it became legal and. And I became a business owner where I didn't have a boss and, and suddenly there was nobody telling me it was inappropriate to get high in the middle of the day. Sure, there were people who probably, if they knew, would've thought that was inappropriate, but I just kept that to myself.

And so there really were no limits on who, what, where, when, why, and how. I think the only real boundary I had for myself around it is that I don't get high right before I teach a yoga class. I ca that was a boundary I had for me because I just didn't like the way I felt. So it, you know, and then as the years [00:19:00] progressed within the last year, you know, it really hit its head like, like any addiction.

It really peaked because I was under so much deep stress, so much deep stress in every area of my life, romantically, financially. My, my work life, everything was so deeply stressed that. It was like I was living to get high. Like, I can't even tell you. It was like, it was the first thing I did in the morning.

It was the first thing I did before I like, like I, I would gauge how far I needed to go out into the world and how soon I could come back to get high if I needed to bring it with me. It was the first thing I did as soon as I left work. It's like it would get me there and it would get me home. Like it, it just became like, Obsessive, like I, I, I don't even know what words to use to describe how deeply obsessive it became.

And, and what was interesting is that I didn't really know it was still a problem, like at that time because I really still thought it was the solution. [00:20:00] I really still thought that that's the thing that was helping. About a couple years ago I got diagnosed with asthma. And I was devastated, partly because I'm a smoker and I was, and I said to the pulmonologist, I was like, well I smoke weed.

And she looked at me like a scumbag and was like, well, you need to stop that right away. And I was like, who the frick are you lady? Like, who? What do you know about me? You know, I got mad at her. So then I decided to try to switch to vaping. That didn't work. I went back to smoking immediately. Because it is, it's the smoking.

It's like that's the part that I loved the most was the smoking. I mean, and the getting high part, but the smoking was a ritual. So I eventually, in the last eight months, like it got to a point where I couldn't. I couldn't do anything without it. Like I was feeling dead inside. And then with all of the loss that I experienced with you know, my [00:21:00] business and I had a romantic partnership that dissolved, like there was so much high emotion that I was just completely feeling dead inside.

Like, I don't know how else to describe it. It was dark, it was numb, and I finally got to a point. Before I was getting high and I didn't even want to, and I didn't know how to stop. And that's the part that got dark and scary is I was like, okay, I don't even want this anymore and I don't know how to stop.

And then, you know, that's where higher power steps in. I wanted to quit. There was this one day where I decided I had put away my bong. I had put everything away cause I had a friend coming over who did not smoke. And I thought, oh, let me put all this away so she doesn't see it. Cause I was hiding it at that point.

I was hiding how much I was using. And so I put it away for this friend to come over. And then I thought later, what if I just kept it put away? [00:22:00] Like, what if we just tried, you know, like I'm, I've been in recovery for years, not sobriety. But recovery for other things. And so I'm very aware of one day at a time.

I'm very aware of all of those moments where we have to make choices for ourselves, where we have to choose, do I still want to engage in this behavior? And it really just come, comes down to moment to moment choice. So I made a choice, okay, I'm gonna keep this stuff away. I woke up the next day and I didn't get high in the morning and I was so grumpy about it and really irritable.

And I had a Y 12 SR meeting that evening and this lovely soul came over and I shared that I had eight hours of sobriety from cannabis. And she was so loving and so supportive. And this person also Main, their main addiction was also cannabis, which it's like how perfect [00:23:00] that on like the day that you quit your behavior, you come into contact with a person who has sobriety and struggled with the same exact thing.

Like that to me is where I see higher power, where I see a power greater than me. Intervening in this obsession. So anyway, this person asked if I wanted their spon, if they, if they, I wanted them to sponsor me to help, to help. I said, yes, please. And I've had sobriety ever since. And it was hard at first, but it wasn't actually as hard as I thought it would be.

I would certainly think about it. There was almost this thing where I didn't know what to do with my hands. I was like, but what do I do with my hands? Well, you just put 'em down, relax them on your thighs and take a deep breath. And I just, I can't even tell you like the relief. And you know, even those moments where [00:24:00] stressful things would come up and I would be like, oh my gosh, I wanna get high right now.

And I would choose not to. I would choose not to act on the behavior, and that is for me, what I see as the recovery. Those moments where I'm triggered, where I'm activated, and the choice becomes to act out to use or to find a different tool.

And it was moment to moment, finding different tools, finding new tools, and. You know, an interesting thing is I've got 360 days. So I'm about five days short as of today, right now when I'm filming this, of having a one year long meditation practice, 365 days. That was my goal when I originally set out to have one complete year of.

Uninterrupted meditation because last year was such a shit show and when everything was getting really hard, I actually didn't meditate for 30 whole [00:25:00] days. And the day that I sat back down on my cushion after I hadn't sat for a whole month, I thought I am going to sit for a whole year, every day uninterrupted, because I always found different ways to interrupt my practice.

Whether it was like, eh, I don't meditate on Sundays, or, eh, I don't feel like it today, or Eh, I slept in and I just want to get to coffee in the news. I could always find excuses to not sit down and meditate. So I embarked on a one year long everyday meditation practice and as of today, I have 360 days, so by the time this comes out, I will probably have already hit 365 and that is so wonderful.

And so when I actually, and I'm making this connection right here in the moment that within the same year that I embarked on a year long, Everyday meditation practice that I also found sobriety. Like that's not a coincidence to me. It's not a coincidence, and I'm not saying that like it's because I [00:26:00] meditate that I found sobriety.

I'm not saying that at all. But what I'm saying is that the practice of meditation has helped me to get more equipped to be in the present moment because. That is the practice of meditation. It's the practice of getting present. It's an access to the present moment, and one of the things that I have learned, In this year of sobriety in this eight months so far of sobriety in the, in this year of meditation, is that I recover in the present moment and the more willing I am to get present to what's happening, the more I'm able to manage what's happening, feel the feelings, experience what I'm experiencing, and not turn that moment over to a substance.

And not decide to change the channel by getting high or reaching for something or drinking. I gave up drinking, and I'll just say this as an aside. I gave up drinking because drinking makes me wanna smoke pot. [00:27:00] So alcohol has certainly been a problem in the past in terms of like in my twenties, obviously I'd have messy moments, but alcohol was not something that I reached for.

Alcohol was not. Difficult for me to give up, and I know that that is not true for everybody and not everybody needs sobriety. I, I am not here even in any way suggesting that you need to get sober if you're not. Like, that is not it at all. I am sharing my experience with my cannabis use disorder. And tying in now how meditation, actually, when I line it up, the one year anniversary coming up of my one year of meditation and eight months of sobriety, how those things have developed alongside for me, my recovery and my yoga, right?

Like meditation is a yoga practice. And how those things really have lined up for me, and I'm actually making that connection right here in the moment. That actually wasn't something I was even thinking [00:28:00] about when I decided I wanted to sit here and share this with you. I'm still learning how to get present.

One of the things I heard in a meeting once that was so like revolutionary to me was that I am learning how to recover my relationship to the present moment. And that that is a part of recovery. Learning how to heal my relationship to the present moment because in the present moment, that's when I want to act out.

If I'm triggered, if I'm angry and I want to hurt somebody or say something mean, or whatever it is, whatever behavior I pick up, whatever character defect I choose to go deeper into in that moment, the present moment has helped me. To get more in reality, to feel what's going on rather than changing the channel.

And for me, cannabis was a really big way to change the channel. If you listened to my episode with [00:29:00] Dural, Durga said that A, any anything can fall under three categories, a food, a medicine, or a poison. And you know, there may have been times where cannabis had been medicinal, but for the most part, the way I've used it, it's been a poison.

And I'm not saying that everybody who uses it is, is using it as poison. It is a medicine. It also is, you know, different manifestations of it are food. But for me it was a poison. It was something that I was using to corrupt my relationship to the present moment, to really disengage with presence and. I'm learning how to heal that relationship, my relationship to the present moment.

So, ooh, I really wanted to share that story. I really wanted to share about sobriety because as I said, when I brought it up before I had people ask me about it and I, you know, I'm learning [00:30:00] more and more what it feels like to get honest. And so part of my new layer of honesty is, Getting honest about sobriety and getting honest with sobriety, I could say that having eight months of sobriety as of now, I really feel like the obsession has been lifted.

I don't, I don't think about it very much. When I have moments of upset or trigger, I don't feel an urge to reach for it. And that is just, I can't even tell you the gift, like the gift that is, that I have been lifted of this obsession. I have other obsessions, right? Because like one obsession goes, other obsessions can come.

But right now, lately I don't feel completely steeped in obsession when it comes to substance. I feel so relieved. I feel like I've been. Like, I feel this is something I heard Baron Baptist say in a training once. I [00:31:00] feel like it gave me up, like I didn't give up weed. Weed gave me up. It let its grip off of me.

It, it let, its hold off of me and I don't feel like it's something I had to really claw my way out of. Once I decided, once I made that decision to give it up, I'm thinking about step two in this moment. Made a decision to turn or is that step three? Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.

As we understood God that Step three made a decision, like I think about that a lot, made a decision, made a decision, means that there's choice, made a decision means that moment to moment, I'm making all kinds of decisions and the decision to give up cannabis use. And to turn that over to a power greater than me and to turn the moments where I'm struggling over to a [00:32:00] power greater than me has been such a gift and I'm so grateful.

So thank you for letting me share. Thank you for letting me share about this topic. This is something that I've been wanting to share about and was feeling a little apprehensive. There's also that, oh my goodness, what will people think of me? And you know, I don't know what other people think of me is none of my business.

So if anything, I hope that you heard something today that helps you or maybe getting to know me a little bit better. Or maybe there's something in your life that you're struggling with and, and you haven't been able to see it until now, right? Like that's what sharing does is it gives us an opportunity to tap into what somebody else is going through.

I like to think of it as looking under the hood. Right. Like we get to look under the hood of what somebody else's life is like, and that is so helpful. You know, in just the time that I have quit smoking, I've shared with a number of friends that I quit smoking, which has inspired new behaviors for other people, and I don't share it.

So that they change, [00:33:00] I don't share it so that it's like, oh, I'm gonna share this with you, with the underlying motive that you're gonna want to quit too. But sometimes you're just waiting for somebody to say something to help you to make a new choice. Like I told you when that friend was like, oh, well, once your homework's done, you could get high.

Like I was just waiting for someone to give me permission. And so maybe you're waiting for someone to give you permission in a different way. The way I was waiting for someone to give me permission in a different way, so. That's why I think sharing helps is that sometimes we could say something that just sparks or plants a new seed in somebody else.

So maybe you're not struggling with cannabis, maybe you're struggling with something else that you're like, gosh, I really wanna give this thing up and I don't know how made a decision, make a decision, make a choice one day at a time, moment to moment, and it's not even one day at a time. Sometimes it's breath by breath.

Hour by hour, minute by minute. Sometimes we can't even think of one day at a time because that is just even too big of its own. So [00:34:00] whatever it is, whatever timeframe you're working on, I am here to tell you that you get to make choices and that life is a series, a sequence of choices built together.

Choice by choice, by choice. And so if there's anything that I can offer you today, it's what do you want? What do you want in your life? And what decisions do you need to make for you? And I hope that you heard something today. That helps. So from here, now I'm gonna transition to a really gentle yoga practice guided by the breath.

Simple. We're gonna sit right here. I'm gonna sit right here. You can sit wherever you are. I do suggest that you don't do this in a car. So if you're listening to this while you're driving, do this part later or do this part when you're in a safe place to maybe even close your eyes. So we'll transition to yoga and it'll be simple, [00:35:00] it'll be pretty brief, but just something to let this all land.

To let these words land in your body and to notice how you're feeling today. So with that being said, I'll see you in a moment and we'll transition to yoga. Okay my friend. Welcome back Here. We are still on the mat and. We've transitioned into the yoga portion of the episode. So this is for embodied understanding to practice these principles in our poses, in our physical body, and to see what it feels like to try this on in the physical realm.

So one of the things I shared today is how I've embarked on a one year long meditation journey, and I'm at three day, 360 and I'm, I'm. Let, let's bring that in. Let's bring in a little bit of sitting, so. Begin with a comfortable seat. If you have a pillow, a cushion, or [00:36:00] something that you can elevate your hips a little higher than your knees.

I'm actually on a slope right now, a little bit slanted, so I could feel that my hips are a little bit higher than my knees, and this helps to elongate the spine. So something that you can sit on that will just give you a little bit of lift, might be helpful. Find a comfortable resting position for your hands.

It could be palms down. Palms up. One hand resting inside of the other with your thumb tips, touching, but someplace to put your hands that keeps them free of distraction. Something comfortable. Next, lift your shoulders up to your ears. Roll them down your back. Lift the crown of your head up towards the sky or the ceiling, wherever you are.

And if it's comfortable to you, close your eyes. That is not necessary, but it may or may not feel good to you. So if it feels good to close your eyes, I'm going to close my eyes

and start by noticing your breath.[00:37:00] 

Notice the sound of your breath.

I'm right now in a space where I could hear other people around. I hear someone playing some gentle music in the background, and even among all of the sounds,

identify your own sound,

the sound of your breath. Is the sound of life itself moving through you?

Because without breath, there is no life.

At least human life is 100%

reliant on breath.[00:38:00] 

And so begin by connecting to this vital life force energy.

Feel the gentle rise and fall of your belly and your chest.

Notice how you feel.

You don't have to call it anything or name it. You don't have to categorize it.

Notice how you feel.

Get present to the experience. Of your physical body,[00:39:00] 

notice any sensations.

Notice the temperature of your skin.

Notice any points of contact between your body and the floor

or other parts of your body touching each other, like your feet or your hands, and your legs.

And just take this moment to notice yourself

to be [00:40:00] present to what's happening right now.

Drop your chin to your chest, roll your head over to the left and to the right and take some gentle neck rolls. Move from side to side. In any direction, at any pace that feels good to you,

and reach your arms up over your head, interlace all 10 of your fingers. Flip your palms to the sky and take a full stretch.[00:41:00] 

Drop your right hand to the floor, stretch your left fingers over, and if it feels okay, look up.

Reach both arms. Back up overhead. Take a big, full stretch.

Drop your left hand down to the floor, reach your right fingertips over, and if it feels okay, look up

and slowly come back up to center. Bring your left hand to your right knee. Cross over your body tent, your right fingertips behind you. We're coming into a twist. Take a breath in to lift the crown of your head up and then gently [00:42:00] twist. And if it's possible, look in the direction of your left shoulder, your right shoulder.

Take a breath in

and a breath out. Make your way back to the center and we'll switch to the other side. Right hand to left knee, left fingertips come behind you. Start by taking a breath to lift the crowd of your head. Turn, twist,

breath in.

Breath out.

Gently come back to the center, bring your hands to your knees, start to move your torso in some circles, pick any direction and begin to [00:43:00] move at any pace that feels good to you. I want you to imagine that you were a spatula scraping the edges of a big bowl. So just make some big scoopy sweepy. Movements that feel good to you, and when it feels natural and organic, you will switch to the other direction.

So just start to move in the opposite direction and you can involve your head and your neck. Anything that feels good to you,

move organically. Move intuitively. Be in the moment with your body.

Hmm. Gently come back up to a seat. We'll take some seated cat cow. [00:44:00] Start by hands on your knees, pull your chest forward, draw your shoulder blades in,

and then round your back. Tuck your chin to your chest. Do a few more like that. Lift the center of your chest, round your back. Tuck your chin to your chest. Few more like that.

Come back up to a neutral seat. Bring the souls of your feet to touch like a bound angle pose. If you can reach your ankles, put your hands on your ankles, and pull your heart forward.

Notice where you feel this stretch. Notice [00:45:00] where you feel connected to sensation. Sensation is an access to the present moment. We only feel sensation in the present moment. So notice what you feel.

Take a breath in,

not a breath out. Come back to an easy seat, something simple. And we'll sit for another minute. We'll sit in meditation. So bring your hands back to a comfortable resting position. Soften your eyes, close them or keep them open. Whatever feels natural,

come back to the breath.[00:46:00] 

The simplicity of the inhale. And the exhale,

notice the rise and fall of your belly.

And then place both of your hands over the center of your chest. Hold yourself in for a moment

and just take this moment to acknowledge yourself, acknowledge your existence. [00:47:00] Acknowledge your physical being

and bring your palms to touch. Pull your thumbs to the center of your forehead. Bow your head towards your heart.

An honor of you and me in this practice that we share. Bow to you, my friend

Thank you so much for joining me today for this episode of the Luminous Recovery Yoga Podcast. Thank you for letting me share with you, and please, if you enjoyed what you heard today, share it like it, subscribe to it. And leave any comments that you might have. I would love to know what you think. I would love to know what you're struggling with.

If there's a certain topic that you want to hear me cover, please give me the feedback and let me know [00:48:00] what you would like to hear on this podcast. I love you for listening, and thank you so much. I'll see you again soon for listening to the Luminous Recovery Yoga Podcast. If you'd like to support the show, please consider joining my Patreon or leaving a comment and review.

If you're listening on Apple Podcasts or YouTube,