Episode 292: Keenan's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
I am quite sure I have never spoken with a parent whose child had their own Wikipedia page, but Erin's son, , does. Certainly, when Keenan was born, Erin did not ever imagine that someday, he would become an internet celebrity. From an early age, Erin worried about Keenan and his growth and development. When Keenan was 12 months old, Erin mentioned her concerns to Keenan's pediatrician. Keenan was diagnosed with Mucopolysaccharidosis Type VI. The disease was not curable, but was treatable. He underwent a bone marrow transplant to slow the progression. Erin was told that his life expectancy was...
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Episode 291: Lydia's Mommy
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
When today's guest, Danielle, went into her 21-month-old daughter Lydia's room to wake her from a nap on Christmas Day 2022, she noted how peaceful Lydia looked. She began to gently rub her back to rouse her gradually, but Lydia did not move. Danielle started to jostle her a bit more and soon realized that something was very wrong. Lydia was not waking up. Danielle screamed for her husband's help and quickly called 911. Even as she drove to the hospital, Danielle says she did not realize the gravity of the situation. Lydia had died. They learned from Lydia's autopsy that she had a rare...
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Episode 290: Kelsey's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Andy always loved dogs. I think he loved dogs so much because his personality was similar to a puppy's. He was always on the move and always excited to meet new people and to see new places. Over the years, Andy tried in vain to talk Eric into getting us a family dog. Eric came from a cat family. I came from a dog family. I am allergic to cats and Eric did not really like dogs, so our poor children ended up with pet fish instead. Once, when Andy was young, he asked me, 'If Dad dies, can we get a dog?' I was caught completely off guard but eventually had to answer that we could likely get a...
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Episode 289: Conni's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Adlai Stevenson famously eulogized Eleanor Roosevelt, saying, 'She would rather light a candle than curse the darkness.' When today's guest, Sherri, first heard this quote, she knew that she wanted it to apply to her life as well. Sherri's youngest daughter, Conni, battled through addiction and mental illness for 10 years. Sherri stayed by her side for all of that time, supporting her through the good years as well as the bad. She attended 12-step meetings with Conni and learned about addiction during Conni's low moments and celebrated with her when it seemed she was beating the addiction at...
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Episode 288: Rob's Dad
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
When Larry lost his son, Rob, to suicide six years ago, Larry was devasted. He immediately found a grief counselor and signed up to be in a grief support group. After two months of waiting, he attended his first support group meeting. He said he did not expect to like being in a support group, but, shortly after starting, Larry realized that he had found 'his people'. Larry felt like they could speak a language that 'ordinary' parents could not understand. When one of the other parents in his support group wished out loud that there was a guidebook for bereaved parents, Larry felt...
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Episode 287: Drew's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
I have been told that my podcast is an important part of the therapy process for many grieving parents. Today is the first time, however, that I have interviewed someone whose therapist instructed her to reach out to me and be on my podcast as a guest. When Robyn's son, Drew (Andrew), was killed in a motorcycle accident in 2021, she was 'shocked, but not surprised.' She certainly had that shock of losing Drew, but Drew was a daredevil most of his life. He had no fewer than three accidents in the months before his death that could have taken his life, but he had miraculously walked away...
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Episode 286: Eric & Threads of Gold
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
This week's podcast was supposed to be from a Livestream I had planned to do with Gwen earlier this week. If you follow me on Facebook, you already know that the Livestream was canceled. Gwen got very sick with Influenza A, making it impossible for her to do the Livestream. I told her not to worry at all and that I would just 'wing it' so to speak. (By the way, Gwen assures me she is beginning to feel better.) This made me think of the saying, 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.' Thinking back over the past six years since Andy died, I realize I have been forced to make a lot of...
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Episode 285: Brennan's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
I was so touched by talking with today's guest. Erin has been an elementary school music teacher for more than 10 years. Music was an important part of Andy's life, whether he was singing in the choir or playing the piano, drums, or French Horn. I often wonder how music would have shaped his future growing up. Although Andy said he wanted to be a pilot, Eric always felt he would have become a music teacher instead. Music touched him in such a special way. Andy's elementary school music teacher was important in introducing him to his love for music, so I felt drawn to Erin immediately. ...
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Episode 284: Hollis's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
None of us want to be bereaved parents. We love the idea of being a new parent. It is a title we wear proudly. We love the first time our children call us mama or dada. Although many thoughts go through our minds when welcoming our new baby, the average parent certainly does not think that they could ever be a bereaved parent. Our children aren't supposed to die before us, so those thoughts don't enter our minds. When talking to Hollis's mom, Amanda, she is quick to admit that she does not want to be a bereaved parent. She wants to continue to be Hollis's mom, but she wants to be a regular...
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Episode 283: Mason's Mama
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Can TikTok be therapy? After today's guest, Lindsay's 2-year-old son, Mason, died in his sleep due to complications from a febrile seizure, Lindsay felt lost. She didn't know what to do. She tried seeing two different therapists early on in her grief, but at the time, that didn't feel right to her. Lindsay says that she couldn't even begin to process her grief. That is when Lindsay turned to an unusual place. She turned to TikTok. Lindsay () began making videos about Mason, showing him running around and giggling. Mason was never going to meet new people who would see his fun personality, but...
info_outlineSince this week's livestream fell on Veteran's Day here in the US, it made Gwen and I think about ideas of sacrifice and honor. We set aside this day to honor veterans and the sacrifices that they made while fighting to defend this country. Military awards are often given as an honor for military heroism or outstanding service. Over a military career, a serviceperson might earn many such awards which can be displayed on military uniforms.
Grieving people go through many sacrifices themselves after losing loved ones. We lose not only our child but often our sense of purpose and security. We lose our hopes and dreams for the future. We may feel that life is hardly worth living. We certainly don't feel we deserve to be honored with a medal.
I honestly feel like some days I am just barely hanging on, but I was challenged by two different people this week. The first was my dear, sweet aunt Penny who has been like a mother to me since the death of my mom in college. After listening to last week's podcast with David Kessler, my aunt wrote, 'Marcy, what you have done on your grief journey fills my heart with love. I know you won't like me saying this, but you are my hero.' She was right, I didn't like hearing those words at all. I am not a hero. I can think of dozens of people who are heroes, but that certainly does not describe me.
Then Gwen challenged me again in this episode. She asked grieving parents to submit names for awards they could earn in their own grief journeys. All of the answers were amazing, but some of my personal favorites were the Changed Heart Award, the Best Fake Smile Award, and the Got Out of Bed Award. She then asked me what my award would be. I was quick to think that I really didn't deserve an award, but then I thought of Aunt Penny and being her hero.
If I am her hero, then maybe I do deserve an award. And if I can be a hero, then we can all be heroes. We may not have a special day or be able to wear a uniform covered with medals, but we can honor ourselves and each other because what we are doing is heroic, even if some days, we only earn the Got Out of Bed award.