Visiting France with Gracie
A Thousand Tiny Steps
Grab a baguette or an Oreo Coolatta, and find out what Gracie has been up to for 3 months in France as I recount our family’s visit to France to see Gracie. From Gracie making a lot of supportive friends from all over the world to Jack eating all the ice cream he possibly can, and talking about the fact that it’s been 10 years since Molly died. Key Takeaways: [0:37] Gracie has lived in France for 3 months [3:05] Public transportation is one of the biggest differences [5:25] Food quality in France is superior to America [7:56] Disneyland Paris is different...
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Memories of the Boston Marathon
A Thousand Tiny Steps
As I’ve come up on the 10th anniversary of Molly’s death I look back on how as much as things change, they also stay the same. I was in Europe 10 years ago at this moment and that’s where I am now, but this time I’m trying to figure out where do I belong in life and how do I feel like I still have purpose as I age? Key Takeaways: [0:14] My memories of 2016 and going to Europe [2:38] Not going to the Marathon for years - and finally going back now [3:47] Reconnecting with so many lovely people at the Marathon [6:47] The...
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Lady Justice and the Sisterhood of the Crones with author Jennifer Speidel
A Thousand Tiny Steps
Jennifer Speidel, my long time friend and now author, wrote a book called Lady Justice and the Sisterhood of the Crones. A story of a corrupt world where women are silenced and it’s up to Mavon and Buluku to get justice, gain wisdom, and rise to their true power. Key Takeaways: [0:39] Why I decided to write my first book: womanhood and getting older [4:20] I started the book by writing the chapter titles and developing characters [6:05] Crones in the book and what it represents in real life [12:07] The...
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Gracie's in France!
A Thousand Tiny Steps
Gracie has been living in France and is here to tell us all what it’s been like! From navigating bonjour correctly to making friends with people from all over the world, and just being in your 20s navigating new experiences and a whole lotta change. Key Takeaways: [0:44] I’ve been working for Disney in France for a 2 months and here’s what’s different [6:22] The pastries are to die for, but the food is bland [12:14] Portion sizes are definitely smaller [14:12] Disney World Orlando vs Disney Land Paris [17:59] The French go on strike a lot [19:52] Work...
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Molly’s Been Dead for 10 Years
A Thousand Tiny Steps
My mom is moving into what has been my office for years, another Molly birthday went by without her here, I’m exhausted from a lack of support, and I’m trying to find myself through it all. So if you also don’t know what you’re doing? Hi, I’m Barb! Join the club. Key Takeaways: [0:00] I bought my house 26 years ago [2:17] We’re moving my mom into my old office and it’s a lotta work [4:20] Molly’s been dead for 10 years [5:26] There’s a shift in the air [7:45] These past 18 months I’ve had to put myself aside for others [9:38] What’s next...
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Not Ready to Step Aside
A Thousand Tiny Steps
I’ve been thinking a lot about aging… and purpose… and what it means to still matter. This is where I’m at right now. Connect with me: Transcript: This is a man with an incredibly high IQ who helped thousands of children in his years as an educator. When I called him up to thank him, he cried, and he said, it's just so nice to feel needed. My good friend David, it's like he's fighting an uphill battle all the time. And, and he remembers that aspect of himself. He is definitely still wanting to contribute to society. He was super helpful with me last...
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He Didn't Know Me
A Thousand Tiny Steps
I didn’t know what to do. This is a story about the first time I realized something wasn’t right… and how long that moment stays with you. Connect with me: Transcript: It was a sunny summer afternoon in 1979. I was wearing a gold polyester uniform. I was a waitress at Weeks Family Restaurant. It was my first actual real job, and I loved it. Interacting with people, talking to people you would never talk to. I loved the people I worked with. As I looked toward the front of the restaurant, I saw a gentleman come in and sit at the counter. So I went down to...
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Underestimated, Overlooked, and Outcast
A Thousand Tiny Steps
As I watched Colin Kaepernick’s documentary, I thought about the times in my life I felt rejected, times I felt underestimated by the men in my life, and the times I felt outcast by different groups and like I’m constantly walking a path trying to find the right one. Key Takeaways: [2:18] Colin Kaepernick's documentary: rejection is not failure, but calibration [4:09] Colin being adopted and feeling like a second choice [6:02] I feel like a second choice in many ways [8:43] What does recalibration and rejection even mean? [12:37] Trust your power, even when...
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What Street Am I On?
A Thousand Tiny Steps
I read the most wonderful piece of writing that is short, but so impactful because in five chapters it made me think through all the crap in my life that hasn’t gone well, but also to the future and what I could do with it. As I continue into March, I do so with trepidation - and perhaps, just a little hope. Key Takeaways: [1:08] Missing Gracie, keeping time, the CrossFit Open, weight gain, and my newsletter [4:47] An autobiography in five chapters [6:46] Chapter one: traumatic things that have hobbled me [7:43] Chapter two: my weight gain [9:10] Chapter three: my...
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Life Gives More Questions Than Answers
A Thousand Tiny Steps
It’s crazy to think about how many people I’ve connected with and I’ll never meet them. How many times I’ll stand in a subway, wonder if I knew a person from school, and never find out. Because life doesn’t always give us answers, but it always gives us choices. Which ones are right and wrong? Well, I’ll be here with you as I find out. Key Takeaways: [1:23] Is it about the destination or the journey? [3:17] I’m just left pondering and ruminating [6:08] The show Ripple is so reflective of my life right now [11:46] Thinking of how we’re connected to...
info_outlineI didn’t know what to do.
This is a story about the first time I realized something wasn’t right… and how long that moment stays with you.
Connect with me:
Transcript:
It was a sunny summer afternoon in 1979. I was wearing a gold polyester uniform. I was a waitress at Weeks Family Restaurant. It was my first actual real job, and I loved it. Interacting with people, talking to people you would never talk to. I loved the people I worked with.
As I looked toward the front of the restaurant, I saw a gentleman come in and sit at the counter. So I went down to give him a menu and see if he wanted coffee or a glass of water.
It was my Grampy Max.
I said, “hi, Grampy Max!” and he grinned at me. I didn't notice anything at first.
“Max, it's me. It's Barbie!” I said to him, to which he responded with a very flirty, inappropriate reply about Barbie dolls.
I was looking at somebody I knew and they had no idea who I was. And saw me not as - a grandchild but as, as someone to flirt with.
I'm one day post funeral for a neighborhood mom. Neil's mother's name was Mary. Mary was your classic stay at home mom that opened her home to everybody. She lived in three different houses on one block, right near Whites Park in Concord.
So I went to the calling hours and I was talking to Neil, and I said, “how are we here? How are we here? I wish it was 1980” and he said, “I wish it was 1987” and that was the year both of us would've been juniors and seniors in high school.
We just wanted to go back to a time where we felt grown up enough to enjoy the grownup things. You know, sneaking beer in a field, I guess, but young enough that our whole life was ahead of us.
And I know for me, and I think it's true for a lot of people, the aging process happens quickly and all of a sudden you find yourself: caring for my mother.
The more I watch her, the more I see, where she's, you know, beginning the long walk home, right? Where she's struggling physically, where she's struggling emotionally, and, and it's a reminder that - there's a lot she just can't do by herself, and that's just the reality of it.
Then I look at Kenny, who's 70, he'll be 71 in September. Am I expecting too much of him? Does he sleep late in the morning 'cause he is just exhausted, not because he's trying to be a jerk? Am I asking too much of him around Jack? He has such a good rapport with Jack, but I, I just notice and watch now.
I'm watching how things change and they change subtly so you don't notice it right away. This hurts me and makes me sad and I'm surrounded by it.
And I was dumbfounded. I was 15 years old, just about to turn 16, and I was horrified - paralyzed.
The manager of the restaurant watched this interaction and came over to scold Max, my Grampy, and I said, no, no, no, wait. And walked away with him and told him that it was my step-grandfather, that he didn't know me. We should call my grandmother, which we did, and she came down and got him. She didn't realize he left the house.
I was looking at somebody I knew and they had no idea who I was.
I didn't know what to do.
[OUTRO]
I wrote all of this down later, on a crumpled, coffee stained napkin.
If you want to see it, it’s in my newsletter.
I hope you like it, Grampy Max.
Credits:
Sleepless by Clavier-Music