Are you an ASSertive Person In Your Circles 5-7?
Release Date: 02/23/2023
Authentic Men's Group podcast
What is “Shadow Work”? Shadow Work involves digging into the parts of ourselves we've hidden away because they seem too ugly, weird, or unacceptable. This survival tactic might help us through childhood, but it wreaks havoc on our adult lives, leading to inauthenticity. Shadow Work is about embracing your whole self – the good, the bad, and the ugly – and integrating these parts into your life. The Enneagram and Shadow Work The Enneagram is a powerful tool for understanding our personality and the shadow parts we hide. Each of the nine Enneagram types has qualities that...
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Shadow Work (Part 2) Today, we're diving into a topic that’s as crucial as it is uncomfortable: authenticity. Let me set the stage for this podcast. Picture this: a man finds his marriage on the brink of falling apart. He's convinced he's doing everything he "should" do to keep it together, yet he feels like he's constantly falling short. Growing up, he learned that showing certain emotions or traits of himself like being “too excited” or “too hyper” could jeopardize his relationships and get him in trouble with his parents – "boys don't cry," "toughen up," “Good...
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The Shadow is all those parts of ourselves we’ve shoved into the dark because we were told they’re unacceptable. This is what we call repression – unconsciously hiding these aspects to fit in and feel loved. And no shame. This helped us survive as kids. But as adults, we take it a step further with suppression – consciously choosing to hide these parts, leading to inauthenticity. Resources we mentioned to start engaging in your own shadow work: Book: Podcast:
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Chapter #7 Suicide The word “”committed” is usually used in the context of crimes. 2016 suicide was ranked the 10thcause of death in the US. Pg 116 men die from suicide 4x more then women. Pain is a natural reaction to death but suffering is what our mind does to us. 118 Death by suicide is not a selfish act or even a choice. It’s a sign of a mind that needs help. 114 The path to freedom from the suffering caused by our minds is through finding meaning. Pg 118 There are many paths to meaning, and if you search for them, you will eventually find them. 119 Give the...
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Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning. What is Grief? Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important or essential, particularly to the...
info_outlineAuthentic Men's Group podcast
Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning. What is Grief? Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important or essential, particularly to the...
info_outlineAuthentic Men's Group podcast
Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning. What is Grief? Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important or essential, particularly to the...
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How effective are resolutions? Do they work?
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In a culture of “artificial intelligence” and “virtual reality” it can be a challenge to be authentic. In this podcast we continue this conversation and give 4 key factors of how to start unlocking our authentic self. Michael Kernis and Brian Goldman developed an They came up with a technical description of authenticity as "the unimpeded operation of one's true or core self in one's daily enterprise." People who score high in authenticity are also more likely to respond to difficulties with effective coping strategies, rather than resorting to drugs, , or...
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In this podcast we talk about what it is like to live authentically during the holidays. We reference the 8 qualities and how we personally will look to incorporate these into our holidway experience with friends and family. 8 Qualities of Authenticity: Curiosity Calm Clarity Connectedness Confidence Courage Creativity Compassion
info_outlineIn this podcast we discuss how to be assertive in our #5-#7 circles of relationships paradigm. These circles consist of work, giving, boundaries, possesions and coping mechanisms of life.
Circle #5 – The Mandatory Relationships (work and to do lists)
Assertiveness in the workplace means being confident in communicating our opinions, suggestions, challenges and desires. It means representing ourselves well in the company while representing the company well.
It is about making conflict about the problem or challenge that is important to face in order to make it a better workplace.
It is about trusting if the authenticity of the company is worthy of personal authenticity.
Circle #6 – The Peripheral Relationship
Boundaries are important in these relationships.
There are two different categories in this circle:
- The people who have hurt
- The people who will take from us.
Give no energy to our enemies.
It’s not harsh to be assertive, it’s harsher when people take advantage of you. Janna Cachola
Don’t argue with someone because they have a difference of opinion unless we are willing to argue with ourselves in 10 years when your changes.
Be assertive in our research of where we will give.
Be assertive with our giving.
We have three things to give; energy, time and resources.
Circle #7 - Temporal
Are the things that help us cope or give us status. These relationships are attached to a materialistic or consumer based culture. They add a temporal fix and try to satisfy the inner by the outer.
Addictions - Alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling - Guys who struggle with addictions are often trying to change the behavior.
Get assertive about the desire or want that is present. Identify the core issue.
This is a number Circle #1 issue not a Circle #7 issue.
Be assertive about understanding ourselves
Get assertive about what is enough personally.
Get assertive about what it means to have a good life. Define this for ourselves and don’t let our culture define it for us.
Practical Notes of Application
1. Communicate clearly and directly: Speak in a clear and confident tone, and use specific language to express your thoughts and feelings.
- Keep it short, clear and censer
2. Stand up for yourself: Don't be afraid to speak up when you feel that your rights or needs are being disregarded or ignored.
- Know your values and priorities and then communicate them. Communicate what you do want. Example: I would love to go but I am going to hang out with my family.
3. Use "I" statements: When expressing your thoughts and feelings, use "I" statements to take ownership of them. For example, instead of saying "you're wrong," say "I disagree."
4. Respect others' opinions: While being assertive, it's important to respect others' opinions, even if you don't agree with them.
5. Listen actively: Listen to others' opinions and concerns and acknowledge them.
6. Be flexible: Be willing to compromise and negotiate in order to find a solution that works for everyone.
7. Practice confidence: Believe in yourself and your abilities, and practice assertive behavior in different situations.
8. Seek professional help: If you're having trouble being assertive, consider seeking professional help from a counselor or therapist.
Use DESC model by Sharon and Gordon Brower in book asserting yourself.
Describe the behavior that affecting you
Express emotion I am feeling
Solution that may help
Conclusion or consequence if something doesn’t change.