Scarlett Lewis: How to Choose Love After Tragedy – Part 2

Why is there so much violence and hatred in our communities today? What could cause someone to commit a heinous crime? Lisa continues the conversation today with Scarlett Lewis, the mother who experienced unimaginable tragedy when her 6-year-old son, Jesse Lewis, was killed during the Sandy Hook Elementary school shooting massacre in December of 2012. After the tragedy, Scarlett knew she had to find an understanding as she didn’t want the shooter to impact her living son. She knew she needed to move through the emotions. Scarlett began asking if it could be that society has failed those children who have had difficult experiences, thereby leading them to commit terrible acts of violence.

Scarlett discusses emo-diversity and how the more emotions we have, the healthier we are. Emotions assist you to navigate and provide information to help you live your best life. We don’t want to limit them. You can then examine your thoughts around the emotion.

Scarlett talks about starting the “Choose Love” Movement which is now in 14,000 schools around the world. She asks us to stop squashing and ignoring painful emotions. There’s a healthy way to adjust. It’s done through presence. Scarlett talks about the “moment of choice.” You react and you can thoughtfully respond. Our fear center is very fast, due to survival. Everything is filtered through the fear center first. You may have an immediate reaction. Your brain’s job is to defend you. Most people are living from their reactive center. It becomes easy to get triggered. But we can control this by pausing and thoughtfully responding with love or compassion.

Life gives us plenty of situations to choose love. If your life is not in danger, pause and get curious about that person’s point of pain. If someone is not kind, they are coming from pain. You can think about how to respond. You can learn to love and accept yourself. Know that you are not the cause of that person’s pain. Even if they are lashing out at you, it is because they are in pain. This can lead to compassion and even possible forgiveness. The person is 100% responsible for their behavior, but you can de-escalate the conversation, and this allows you to be in control. You can move beyond to healthier relationships.

Forgiveness is the way to healthy relationships and meaningful connections. This is a learned behavior. We need to find role models. This can begin to be taught in schools so we can move forward and can move through pain. Scarlett decided to focus on the root cause – pain. She was determined to heal her own pain and to teach others to do the same through her “Choose Life” movement. Scarlett talks about meeting Nick Ortner who taught her about using tapping for healing. She also shares the story of meeting Wayne Dyer and the profound affect he had on her life.

Scarlett discusses how communication is the opposite of violence. Communication is connection and connection is love. Love is what we all have in common. We are all human beings, and everyone wants to feel connection and love. This is the basis of what Scarlett teaches. We all want safety and peace. We need to be more vocal and courageous to achieve this and not devolve into bullying, whether through words or actions. It all starts with our thoughts and our words. Scarlett realized she needed to be the model of recovery and post-traumatic growth for her son. In every single action, we can be kind, compassionate, and ultimately choose love. If we can change one angry thought into a loving thought, our entire lives can change. We can truly be the change we want to see. This is the basis of the “Choose Love” Movement.

Through her “Choose Love” organization, Scarlett took the tragedy and turned it into an opportunity to build a culture of love, resilience, and forgiveness. She is the author of several books including, “Nurturing, Healing, Love” and the upcoming “From Sandy Hook to the World: How the Choose Love Movement Transforms Lives.” This is Part 2 of the interview.  Info: ChooseLoveMovement.org.