Ep 135 - Misyar, Secret Wives, Polygamy, Mut'ah: Halal or Haram? | Habeeb Akande
Release Date: 10/24/2025
Ep 135 - Misyar, Secret Wives, Polygamy, Mut'ah: Halal or Haram? | Habeeb Akande
Boys In The Cave
Habeeb Akande joins BITC to talk misyar, secret wives, polygamy, passport wives, sex negative culture, and the nafs. We unpack how some men cherry pick fiqh to justify secrecy, how praiseworthy aims differ from loophole hunting, and what real justice and consent look like in practice. We also ask the question, have Muslims adopted a Christian style suspicion of pleasure and projected it onto Islam. Habeeb speaks from classical learning and lived research, Maliki fiqh, usul, erotology, African and Muslim cultures. We cover consent, maintenance, time rotation, publicity, and the harm rule, then...
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Ep 134 - Professor Joel Hayward on Rethinking Medina’s Covenant, Treaties & Statecraft
Boys In The Cave
Professor Joel Hayward unpacks how Medina actually worked, the Sahifat al Madinah, parallel pacts by clan, covenant enforcement, and the Prophet’s statecraft in moments like the Sawiq raid, the Qaynuqa crisis, the Nadir siege, and the Trench. We dig into source criticism, what the early texts really say, and why the dominant narrative needs a rethink. What we cover: • Sahifat al Madinah, what the charter says and how it functioned inside a web of bilateral pacts • The Prophet’s statecraft, treaties, arbitration, measured enforcement, generosity in terms • Banu Qaynuqa, cause of the...
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Ep 133 - Shaykh Asim Yusuf on Ghazali's Ihya: Timeless Wisdom for Modern Seekers
Boys In The Cave
Shaykh Dr Asim Yusuf joins Boys in the Cave for a deep dive into Imam al Ghazali’s Ihya Ulum al Din, how to read it in our time, and how its spiritual psychology maps onto modern clinical insights. We cover decontextualizing and recontextualizing sacred texts, the metaphysics of eating, marriage and companionship, contentment in a consumer world, and why spirituality is the ruh of the religion. What you will learn • Why an Ihya commentary speaks to today’s seekers, and how to apply it, context first, then decontextualize, then recontextualize • Metaphysics of eating, turning sunlight...
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Episode 132 - Dr. Yasir Qadhi on Rethinking Western Islam: Institutions, Salafism & The Tradition
Boys In The Cave
Dr Yasir Qadhi joins us to unpack Salafism, sectarianism, and how Muslims in the West can move from labels to leadership. We talk about what healthy disagreement looks like, why unity does not mean uniformity, and how communities can build real capacity, from mosques and schools to media, philanthropy, and liberal arts education. We get specific about funding ethics, local service to the poor, and civilizational projects that shape hearts and minds. The goal is practical, principled institution building that serves faith and society together. What you will hear: • Salafism in context,...
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Episode 131 - The Future of Western Muslims: Resistance, Sufism & Activism | Dr. Shadee Elmasry
Boys In The Cave
In this episode, Dr. Shadee Elmasry joins us for a powerful conversation about the challenges and responsibilities facing Muslims in the West today. We reflect on whether Muslims are in an “Abyssinia phase” or if the time has come to invest fully in building lasting institutions that can preserve faith and serve future generations. The discussion explores how to nurture resilient belief in young Muslims while navigating secular societies, and why institutions rooted in the deen are essential for long-term survival. Dr. Shadee reflects on the role of Sufism, noting that historically many of...
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Episode 130 - Jungian Psychology & Ibn Arabi Metaphysics: The Secrets of the Soul | Dr. Samir Mahmoud
Boys In The Cave
In this thought-provoking episode, Dr. Samir Mahmoud joins us for a deep dive into the intersections of Islamic spirituality and Jungian psychology. We explore how classical Islamic thinkers like Ibn Arabi, Al-Ghazali, and Ibn Sina understood the soul, and how their insights resonate - and diverge - from the work of Carl Jung. We discuss the concepts of individuation, shadow work, and archetypes alongside Islamic notions of tazkiyat al-nafs, fana’, and qalb. Dr. Samir sheds light on the imaginal realm (ʿalam al-mithāl) as articulated by Ibn Arabi, and how it challenges modern...
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Episode 129 - False Flags & Manufactured Enemies: Unmasking Iran, Israel & Pakistan’s Shadow Wars | Ibrahim Moiz
Boys In The Cave
We’re joined by political analyst Ibrahim Moiz to dissect the unfolding chaos in the Middle East. From Israel’s escalating war rhetoric against Iran to Pakistan’s cynical geopolitical manoeuvres — we explore how narratives are weaponised, enemies are manufactured, and resistance is co-opted. We unpack: Whether Israel's war with Iran is about survival or hegemony The truth behind “Sunni vs Shia” framing in modern geopolitics Leftist solidarity with Palestine: genuine resistance or ideological trap? What this all means for the future of Muslim unity and resistance Is this the...
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Episode 128 - Who Decides If You’re Muslim? Faith, Government, or Community? | Dr. Jonathan A.C. Brown
Boys In The Cave
What makes someone a Muslim? Is it personal faith, government ID cards, or the community’s judgment? In this profound discussion, Dr. Jonathan A.C. Brown explores the tensions between Islamic identity, state power, and social expectations—from Malaysia’s laws defining "who counts" as Muslim, to the Tablighi Jama’at’s role in enforcing prayer, to Gaza’s impact on global Muslim solidarity. Key Topics: Faith vs. Formality: Can governments enforce Islamic practice without killing sincerity? Malaysia’s Paradox: Why some laws define Muslims by "what others think" of them. Prayer...
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Episode 127 - Decolonizing Islamic History: From Constantinople to the Mughals (feat. Mustafa Briggs)
Boys In The Cave
In this deep and enlightening conversation, Mustafa Briggs joins us to discuss the rich and often overlooked history of Islam and its profound impact on the modern world. From the contributions of Muslim civilizations to the legacy of figures like Muhammad Iqbal and the Ottomans, we explore how reclaiming these narratives can empower Muslims today. Mustafa also shares insights from his upcoming book, Islam and the Making of the Modern World, and why understanding our past is crucial for shaping our future. ✅ How Muslim scholars gave Europe "Arabic numerals" (including zero) — and why it...
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Episode 126 - MVM: Mobilising the Ummah or Normalising the System? | Ghaith Krayem & Dr. Yassir Morsi
Boys In The Cave
Is Muslim political mobilisation in Australia empowering the community — or playing into a system that was never built for us? In this powerful and timely episode of Boys in the Cave, we host a critical dialogue with Ghaith Krayem (national spokesperson of Muslim Votes Matter) and Dr. Yassir Morsi (lecturer, political theorist, and author of Radical Skin, Moderate Masks). Together, we unpack the tension between grassroots activism, electoral politics, and the deeper philosophical questions around identity, power, and belonging in a settler colonial state. One of the most urgent questions...
info_outlineHabeeb Akande joins BITC to talk misyar, secret wives, polygamy, passport wives, sex negative culture, and the nafs.
We unpack how some men cherry pick fiqh to justify secrecy, how praiseworthy aims differ from loophole hunting, and what real justice and consent look like in practice.
We also ask the question, have Muslims adopted a Christian style suspicion of pleasure and projected it onto Islam.
Habeeb speaks from classical learning and lived research, Maliki fiqh, usul, erotology, African and Muslim cultures.
We cover consent, maintenance, time rotation, publicity, and the harm rule, then end with a practical justice audit couples can use today.
Key topics
• Misyar, valid form versus wise practice, rights that are commonly waived, housing, maintenance, scheduled nights, publicity
• Secret nikah and ghosted maintenance, predictable harm patterns, how to prevent them
• Polygamy, justice in time and spending, financial readiness, disclosure, consent, children and custody
• Sex negative culture, what Islam actually says about pleasure, reciprocity, privacy
• The harm rule and maqasid, when legal form must give way to justice
• Online masculinity scripts, cherry picked texts, how to read responsibly
https://www.humanappeal.org.au/
Timestamps
0:00 Intro and sponsor, Human Appeal Australia
6:20 Sham marriages and travel examples, Morocco and Indonesia
22:12 Secrecy and first wife, why that is wild
33:30 Utopia myth, gender tension is not new
47:40 Legal versus ethical, muhallil and misuse
1:07:26 Misyar defined, two types in practice
1:08:39 Rights waived, Sauda example and scholar logic
1:26:25 Legalism versus spirituality, closing reflections
1:28:39 Polygamy basics and justice
1:36:39 Misyar and secret marriage
1:46:39 Rights versus responsibilities
1:56:39 Secrecy and predictable harm
2:06:39 Ethics over loopholes
2:16:39 Practical safeguards and consent
2:24:39 Closing counsel and outro