Stop Being So Damn Helpful: The Curse of the Over-Responsible Leader

Are you the person everyone turns to because you'll "just handle it"? The one replying to emails at 11pm, rewriting your team's work, or silently resenting the people you keep rescuing? In this solo episode, Cathleen O'Sullivan tackles a behavior that's as exhausting as it is common: over-functioning in the name of being helpful. 

Cathleen reveals why constant helpfulness isn't kindness—it's a control strategy that stifles growth, creates dependency, and keeps you small. She shares the story of a leader who was praised for being dependable but passed over for promotion because she wasn't seen as visionary, and unpacks why always being the fixer means you're losing time, energy, and strategic thinking space. 

This punchy episode delivers four practical steps to shift from over-functioning to actual leadership: building awareness around guilt-driven yeses, replacing rescuing with coaching questions, using scripts that empower without abandoning, and practicing the useful discomfort of not jumping in. Your team doesn't need a hero. They need a leader. And you need your energy back.

 

Episode Timeline:

00:01:01 Why being helpful is actually a curse 

00:01:44 "It's just quicker if I do it"—the trap of over-functioning 

00:03:43 The exhausted leader who felt like a parent to her team 

00:04:35 How helpfulness backfires: creating dependency, not ownership 

00:05:59 The people pleaser passed over for promotion 

00:06:45 Step 1: Build awareness—am I doing work that's not mine? 

00:08:19 Step 2: Replace rescuing with coaching questions 

00:10:09 Step 3: The script for letting go without guilt 

00:12:00 Step 4: Practice useful discomfort—let them struggle and grow 

00:14:08 The truth: over-helpfulness is a control strategy in disguise 

00:14:42 Your challenge: find one moment this week and don't jump in

 

Key Takeaway:

• Step 1: Build Awareness—Notice When You're Over-Functioning Am I doing work that's not mine? Saying yes out of guilt? Secretly resentful? One leader kept rewriting her team's decks—not for quality, but out of fear of being judged. Keep asking "why" until you hit the root cause. 

• Step 2: Replace Rescuing with Coaching Questions Don't jump into fix-it mode. Ask: "What have you tried? Where did you get stuck? What do you think could work?" Put ownership back in their hands. Let them think first—then see where they really get stuck. 

• Step 3: Use a Script for Letting Go Without Guilt Try this: "I trust you to run with this. If you hit a wall, I'm here, but I know you've got this." Leadership isn't about perfection—it's about empowerment and growing together. 

• Step 4: Practice Useful Discomfort—Let Them Struggle Wait 24 hours before replying. Let someone struggle without stepping in—they'll figure it out. Ask yourself: Am I fixing this to help, or to feel needed? Growth is messy. If you never let them wobble, they'll never walk on their own.

 

Connect with Cathleen O’Sullivan: 

Business: https://cathleenosullivan.com/ 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cathleen-osullivan/ 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legendary_leaders_cathleenos/ 

 

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