046: Attachment Theory 101
The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships
Release Date: 01/01/2024
72: Rethinking Resilience: How Military Families Are Affected by the Resilience Narrative with Jennifer Barnhill
The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships
Have you ever felt like you had to put on your “brave face” even when everything inside was crumbling? Many of us in the military community wear our resilience like a badge of honor, but sometimes that badge can start to feel quite heavy. You might notice that while everyone else is praising your strength, you’re actually feeling more disconnected and alone than ever. In this episode, I’m joined by Jennifer Barnhill, military family reporter and the 2025 Navy Spouse of the Year, to talk about her new book, The Military Stories You've Been Told and the Ones You Need to Hear. We explore...
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71: How to Argue Without Hurting Each Other
The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships
Arguments don't have to damage your relationship. In fact, how we navigate those moments of friction can actually become a bridge to deeper intimacy. In this episode of the Communicate and Connect Podcast, I’m sharing some "mini-tips" on the difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict and why building emotional safety matters so much more than winning an argument. What You’ll Learn in This Episode: Arguments Don’t Have to Damage Relationships Healthy vs. Unhealthy Conflict: Recognizing the Patterns The Impact of Criticism and Name-Calling Understanding Defensiveness and...
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070: Navigating Erectile Dysfunction Together: Insights from Physical Therapist Eve Hall
The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships
Has physical intimacy in your relationship started to feel like a source of anxiety rather than connection? You are not alone. In this episode of the Communicate and Connect Podcast, I’m joined by physical therapist Eve Hall to discuss a topic that many couples struggle with in silence: Erectile Dysfunction (ED). We often see a pattern where a physical struggle leads to emotional withdrawal. One partner feels shame, the other feels rejected, and suddenly, a "blockage" in the body becomes a blockage in the relationship cycle. Today, we’re slowing down and getting curious about the physical,...
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69: Why You Keep Having the Same Fight with Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky
The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships
Have you ever wondered why you and your partner keep having the same argument — even when you both promise it won’t happen again? In this episode, I dive into one of the most common patterns I see in couples therapy: the repetitive relationship fight. Whether it’s about the dishes, money, parenting, or communication, couples often find themselves caught in a loop that feels impossible to break. But there’s a reason these cycles repeat — and understanding them is the first step to changing them. I’ll walk you through the three most common communication patterns couples get stuck...
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68: How the Stories We Tell Ourselves Can Make or Break Our Relationship with Lindsey Carnick
The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships
We all tell ourselves stories — about our partners, our relationships, and even about who we are. But what happens when those stories start to hurt our connection instead of helping it? In this episode, I sit down with Lindsey Carnick to talk about something that shapes every relationship — the stories we tell ourselves. As humans, we are meaning-making creatures. Our brains are constantly trying to connect dots, fill in blanks, and make sense of what’s happening around us — especially in our closest relationships. But sometimes, the stories we tell ourselves aren’t accurate, and...
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67: Married to an Entrepreneur? 5 Relationship Survival Hacks You Need Now with Heather Jones
The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships
Being married to an entrepreneur, especially within the unique context of military life, comes with a distinct set of challenges and rewards. How do you balance supporting your partner's dream while pursuing your own? What happens when household roles need to shift, and how do you navigate the difficult conversations about finances, time, and personal identity? In this episode "Married to an Entrepreneur? 5 Relationship Survival Hacks You Need to Know", Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky sits down with Heather Jones, a life coach for military spouse entrepreneurs, to have an honest conversation about the...
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66: How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry With Parenting Coach DJ Stutz
The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships
Sibling rivalry is one of the most common challenges parents face, but did you know it can also be an opportunity for growth? In this episode, parenting coach DJ Stutz shares practical strategies on how to deal with sibling rivalry while fostering lifelong skills in your children. From creating weekly family meetings to teaching negotiation through playful roleplay, DJ explains how small, intentional actions can transform sibling conflict into valuable lessons in communication, boundaries, and empathy. She also reveals why giving children ownership over certain belongings, offering...
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065: Secrets to a Successful Marriage with Veteran and Military Spouse Tina Erwin
The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships
What if the secret to a successful marriage wasn’t about being perfect… but about learning to love each other through the mess, the distance, and the fear? If you're a military spouse or in any kind of long-distance or high-stress relationship, you know it’s not always easy. The deployments, the uncertainties, the constant adapting. And yet, somehow, we still long for connection, for belonging, for a love that lasts. In this episode, I sit down with Tina Erwin, a retired Naval Commander, Navy wife, and mother, who’s been married for over 50 years. Through real stories and raw...
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064: How to sleep better with anxiety with Savannah Hipes
The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships
If anxiety is keeping you up at night, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to settle for sleepless, anxious nights. In this episode, we’re talking about exactly how to sleep better with anxiety, especially when stress, trauma, or PTSD are in the picture. Dr. Elizabeth is joined by Savannah Hipes, LCSW, DBSM, a sleep and anxiety specialist who works with high-achieving, sleep-deprived professionals to help them finally get the rest they’ve been missing. Together, they explore why anxiety impacts sleep, how it affects relationships, and what you can do, starting tonight to get real,...
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063: Understanding and Overcoming the Freeze Response in Relationships with Lauren Dry
The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships
In this episode of the Communicate and Connect Podcast, Liz talks with relationship coach Lauren Dry about the freeze response and how it shows up in communication, connection, and conflict. The freeze response is one of the most misunderstood nervous system reactions, especially in relationships. It can look like emotional shutdown, disconnection, or indifference but it’s actually a survival mechanism. Lauren explains why the freeze response happens, how it affects both partners, and what you can do to move from disconnection to reconnection. In this episode, you’ll learn: What...
info_outlineWelcome to The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships. I'm your host, Elizabeth Polinsky, and today we're talking about Attachment Theory, which plays a crucial role in understanding the dynamics of intimate relationships—particularly within military couples. This series is aimed at offering valuable insights into the intricacies of human attachment and how it can impact the resilience and satisfaction of couples navigating the complexities of military life.
In this episode, titled "Attachment Theory 101," we'll explore the fundamental concepts of Attachment Theory, originating from the pioneering work of John Bowlby. This theory investigates the significant impact that parent-child interactions have on personal development. We'll examine how these early attachments form an internal template that can affect our self-esteem and our ability to trust others as we grow into adulthood.
Throughout this series, I'll share perspectives from various experts in the field of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, a methodology deeply rooted in Attachment Theory. We will discuss how secure and insecure attachment styles manifest in relationships and their implications for couples experiencing the unique pressures of military life. From fears of abandonment and independence to the need for emotional closeness, understanding these dynamics is essential for fostering a supportive and stable partnership.
One of the key highlights of this episode is the relationship between attachment security and coping mechanisms. Based on my own research, I'll reveal how the quality of your marriage can significantly impact your resilience and ability to handle stress more effectively than individual coping abilities alone. This is particularly meaningful for military families, where deployment and frequent relocations pose additional stresses.
To help you assess the security of your own relationship, we're introducing a free, downloadable tool called the ARE Quiz. This quiz, developed from the Brief Accessibility, Responsiveness, and Engagement Scale used in my dissertation, allows you and your partner to measure the attachment-related behaviors in your relationship.
Make sure to like, review, and subscribe to get all the future episodes and help the podcast be found by others who would benefit the most.
- Access the ARE: Are You There for Me? Relationship Quiz to help you understand the quality and security of yoru relatiionship
- Read the show notes for this episode here.