69: Why You Keep Having the Same Fight with Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky

Have you ever wondered why you and your partner keep having the same argument — even when you both promise it won’t happen again?

In this episode, I dive into one of the most common patterns I see in couples therapy: the repetitive relationship fight. Whether it’s about the dishes, money, parenting, or communication, couples often find themselves caught in a loop that feels impossible to break. But there’s a reason these cycles repeat — and understanding them is the first step to changing them.

I’ll walk you through the three most common communication patterns couples get stuck in — pursue-withdraw pattern, attack-attack pattern, and withdraw-withdraw pattern— and show you how to recognize your own version. These patterns aren’t signs of failure; they’re simply part of the developmental process every relationship goes through as you learn to connect in deeper, more secure ways.

You’ll also learn how to start identifying and naming your cycle so you and your partner can begin interrupting it together — before it turns into another fight.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• Why couples tend to repeat the same fights over and over
• The three main relationship patterns
• How unmet emotional needs drive recurring conflict
• Why these patterns are normal developmental tasks in relationships
• How to identify and name your specific relationship cycle
• A simple first step to pause the fight before it escalates

If you’ve ever thought, “We’re just stuck,” this episode will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface and how to take small, meaningful steps toward connection again.

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• Read the show notes for this episode here.