4203 When Did I Disappear?

It happened so slowly you didn't even notice—one day you were the woman with dreams of her own, opinions spoken out loud, hobbies that didn't need justifying. And then somewhere between the dinner, dishes, and dogs, she quietly left the room. Not dramatically. Not with a slamming door. She just… faded. And nobody noticed. Not even you. So when did I disappear?

If that question hits you somewhere deep, you're not alone. And you're not broken. You are a woman who loved so hard, so completely, that she forgot to save a seat for herself at her own table.

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#ConfessionsOfAnUpsetMama #CreateYourNow #TodaysParent

Here's what no one tells you when you become a mother: the world hands you a baby and quietly takes your name. From that moment forward, your worth gets measured in lunches packed, fevers managed, schedules kept, and tears wiped — everyone's tears but your own.

And then comes the guilt. Oh, the guilt. Mom guilt is a heavy, uninvited companion. It shows up the moment you sit down for five minutes. It whispers that rest is laziness. That wanting something for yourself means you're selfish. That a good mom doesn't have needs — she meets them. And if you're not completely exhausted by the end of the day? You must not be doing enough.

But can I tell you something? You didn't fail. You didn't become less. You loved so fiercely, so fully, that you forgot to leave room for you. You gave and gave and gave until the woman you used to be became a stranger. And the saddest part? You didn't even get to say goodbye to her.

You know who else got caught up in the doing? Martha.

In Luke 10, Jesus is at Martha's home. And while her sister Mary sits at His feet, Martha is running around the kitchen, managing the meal, making sure everything is just right for everyone else. She's serving. She's giving. She's doing what good women do — right? And she's doing it so hard that she finally breaks. She goes to Jesus and says, essentially, Don't You even care that I'm doing all of this alone?

And what does Jesus say? He doesn't scold her. He doesn't tell her she's a bad host. He speaks her name — twice. "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed — or indeed only one."

He called her by name. Not "the hostess." Not "the one in the kitchen." Martha. Because He saw what she had forgotten — that she was more than what she was doing. That her identity didn't live in the serving. It lived in the being. And somewhere between the bread and the worry, she had stopped being and started just surviving.

Mama, how many of us are Martha right now? Busy. Stretched thin. Exhausted. Wondering why nobody sees how much we're carrying — and not realizing that we stopped seeing ourselves first.

That's what the disappearance looks like. It's not one dramatic exit. It's a thousand tiny surrenders — the hobby you stopped making time for, the friend you haven't called in months, the dream you tucked away "for later" that quietly turned into "never." It's ordering for everyone else at the table and forgetting to order for yourself. Literally and figuratively.

But here's the truth that guilt doesn't want you to hear: recognizing the disappearance is the first brave step toward finding yourself again. The fact that you feel something missing? That's not weakness. That is your soul waving her hand from the back of the room saying, I'm still here. Come find me.

And Scripture backs that up.

Psalm 139:14 says, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." 

That verse wasn't written only for the version of you that existed before kids. It's for this you — the tired you, the stretched-thin you, the one who can't remember the last time she did something just because it made her happy. You are still fearfully and wonderfully made. That didn't expire when motherhood began.

And 1 Peter 3:4 reminds us that true beauty is "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

Unfading. Not earned by how well you perform. Not measured by how many things you checked off the list today. Your worth in God's eyes has never been about your output. It's about your heart. And that heart — your heart — deserves to be tended to, not just poured out.

So what do you do now? You start small. You start with seeing.

The K.I.S.S. ~ See yourself again!

Think about what you do now. Are you one who just puts your feelings in your pocket and moves on to the next person who needs you? 

Where is that getting you?

Or maybe you are one who knows that something needs to change, and you've tried a few things, but nothing has stuck.

You can see yourself again, and call yourself by name.

1. ASK the mirror question. Stand in front of the mirror for 60 seconds. You're not there to fix anything — just to see yourself. Say your name. Not "Mom." Your name. Remind yourself she's still here. You are beautiful!

2. REFLECT on this sentence. "Something I used to love that I haven't done in a long time is __________." Don't act on it yet. Just let yourself remember.

3. APOLOGIZE NO MORE for having needs. The next time you need something — rest, space, a moment alone — state it without saying sorry. Your needs are not an inconvenience, and neither are you.

Mama, I need you to hear this and hear it clearly: you didn't disappear because you weren't enough. You disappeared because you gave too much of yourself without anyone — including you — making sure there was something left. You can't pour into others what you've already poured out of yourself. And you've been pouring for a long, long time.

But the woman you were before the title of "Mom" landed on your shoulders? She's not gone. She's buried under the to-do lists and the carpool schedules and the guilt that told her she didn't deserve to take up space. She's still in there. And she is worth looking for.

Jesus didn't look at Martha and see a problem. He saw a woman who had forgotten her own name. And He spoke it back to her — gently, lovingly — because that's what He does. He calls us back to ourselves. Not to the version of us that performs well enough to feel worthy, but to the version of us that was already worthy before we did a single thing.

So today, take one step. Just one. Look in the mirror. Say your name. Remember what you love. And let the journey back to yourself begin — not with guilt, but with grace.

Because one step at a time leads to miles of greatness.

You are more than mama. And she — you — are worth every step it takes to find her again.

"Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!"

 

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Cover Art by Jenny Hamson

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Music by Mandisa - Overcomer

http://www.mandisaofficial.com

Song ID: 68209
Song Title: Overcomer
Writer(s): Ben Glover, Chris Stevens, David Garcia
Copyright © 2013 Meaux Mercy (BMI) Moody Producer Music (BMI)
One Songs (ASCAP) Ariose Music (ASCAP) Universal Music - 
Brentwood Benson Publ. (ASCAP) D Soul Music (ASCAP) (adm. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com) All rights reserved. Used by permission.