The Night My Boyfriend Strangled Me - Karoline's Story

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) and Domestic Violence (DV) affects millions of women worldwide. According to recent research, almost one in two women (47.3% or 59 million) in the US report experiencing IPV at some time during their lifetime (Leemis et al., 2022). According to The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, approximately 1 in 3 teens is the victim of dating violence. 

IPV and DV may be considered the same thing, but they are not. Domestic violence is any abuse happening in the home. It can involve more than just intimate partners and can mean that a victim is fearful of violence in the house, possibly by more than one person. Intimate Partner Violence implies the victim is afraid of one individual, their partner. They do not have to be living in the same home.

A Relias Media article explains, “Because the need for power and control is at the root of IPV, abusers generally need to manage every aspect and every minute of their victims’ lives, including increasing isolation from family and friends, using intimidation and emotional abuse, coercing and threatening, threatening to harm loved ones or pets, using the children, destroying important and sentimental objects, minimizing and denying the abuse, and shifting blame onto the victim.”

According to the CDC, “‘intimate partner violence’ describes physical violence, sexual violence, stalking, or psychological harm by a current or former partner or spouse.” The abusers in these relationships use intimidation, emotional abuse, coercion, threats of harm, belittling, blame, minimizing, controlling, and denying behaviors (and words) to keep the victim silent, isolated, and oppressed. The root of these destructive relationships are power and control. 

How subtly does DV or IPV begin? How can young women recognize the red flags early?

Our SOS guest today, Karoline, helps us understand how these dangerous relationships progress over time. Karoline was in a committed relationship with her boyfriend for a few years before he became physically violent. 

Why did she not share his dark side with even her closest friends? They weren’t married; why didn’t she break up with him? For the person experiencing the highs and lows of the IPV cycle, these situations are very complicated and confusing. Victims want to believe that their partner will change when they promise that they will. The hard reality is that change in these situations usually does not happen because of a promise to “do better.”

If you, or anyone you know is experiencing any form of abuse, please call for help immediately. As Karoline shares, there is hope outside of the relationship. Empowered action for yourself is the first step to healing. You are not alone.

RESOURCES

If you or a loved one are in an abusive relationship, please call your local police or any of the following...

 *988 the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

Call your local police or National Centers for Victims of Crime (NCVC) 1-800-FYI-CALL
if you suspect that you have been the victim of crimes 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline [phone].SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 

The National Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474
A service of Love is Respect,  this national, 24-hour resource is specifically designed for teens and young adults. The Helpline is accessible by phone or online chat and offers real-time, one-on-one support from peer advocates trained to offer support, information, and advocacy to those involved in dating abuse relationships as well as concerned friends, parents, teachers, clergy, law enforcement, and service providers.

Love is Respect
A collaboration between Break the Cycle and the National Dating Abuse Helpline, this web resource provides  information and resources on dating violence and healthy dating attitudes and relationships for youth. The site includes an overview of the issue (e.g., early warning signs, types of abuse, the cycle of abuse), quizzes for teens to determine whether they are experiencing or inflicting abuse, a live chat feature that connects youth with a peer advocate 24/7, videos, a blog, and more. In addition to the live chat, Love is Respect connects youth to the National Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 or 1-866-331-8453. Youth can also reach out for help by texting “loveis” to 22522.

TIMESTAMPS

00:00 Content Warning

00:15 Cold Open & Introduction

01:28 A Shocking Story of Abuse Unveiled

03:36 Understanding the Dynamics of Abusive Relationships

06:18 Caroline's Harrowing Journey Through Abuse

14:52 The Cycle of Abuse and Its Red Flags

16:56 Insights on Toxic Relationships and Communication

23:23 The Importance of Recognizing and Acting on Red Flags

28:03 The Impact of Differing Social Habits and Values

29:53 The Role of Self-Worth and Fear in Staying

31:30 Confronting Abuse and Seeking Help

41:04 The Healing Journey: Therapy and Self-Discovery

50:27 The Importance of Autonomy and Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

55:16 Closing Thoughts: Empowerment and Awareness