370: Chasing vs. Coasting: Why the Dynamics Change for Both Sexes
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:51 Q1: Are men destined to hold more power in relationships due to women being the higher investment party? 09:23 What are relationships? 18:08 Are women the only ones who need affirmation & esteem signals? 34:30 What do we need in a relationship? 46:32 The only hope for a dying relationship Q1: Are men destined to hold more power in relationships, aka in a position of power, because women are always the higher investment...
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369: Love - The Glue Between Anxious Women and Wandering Men
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:25 Q1: When Neuroticism Sees the Breakup Coming Before He Does 11:25 Small Adjustments vs Sudden shifts 20:30 Analyzing key parameters 36:20 Q2: Pair Bonding: Nature’s Anti-Chippy Software Update 45:15 Final thoughts Q1: I am a female scoring high on the vulnerability dimension of neuroticism on the Big 5 assessment. I have always left partners first when I felt any kind of instability in the relationship or felt they weren't...
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368: Great Romance vs. Great Regret… PLUS: Can the “Least Attractive” Still Be Happy?
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 04:03 Q1: Married for 20 years but never loved him 21:10 Using the written word to express yourself 40:55 Q2: Can the "least attractive" still find sexual satisfaction and happiness? 1:03:25 Final thoughts Q1: I have been married to my husband for 20 years, we are both 45 now. He is a wonderful person, gentle, caring, sweet, intelligent, and an amazing father to our three small children, who all love him deeply. We have been through so...
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367: Emotional Affairs: A Modern Problem in an Ancient Brain
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:08 Q1: Emotional Affairs – Is there such a thing? Is this a modern phenomenon? 16:20 Human Love instincts 24:10 A modern day problem 46:46 Can you prevent an emotional affair? 1:02:45 Final thoughts Q1: Does Dr. Lisle believe in such a thing as an emotional affair? For instance, if someone in a committed relationship has a friend, coworker, or other acquaintance that they are attracted to and even fantasize about, how do you know...
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366: Closing an Open Loop – Friend Disappeared 17 years ago
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:40 Q1: My friend went missing 17 years. How can I get closure? 14:14 Getting familiar with different causes of death 33:23 Trying to find out what you’re worried about 51:30 Final thoughts Q1: My question is about closing an open loop when it is impossible to get closure and all the information. A good friend of mine went missing 17 years ago. Police did an investigation but never found out what happened to him. He seemingly vanished...
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365: Hustle Culture, Burnout, and the Evolution of Self Esteem
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:56 Q1: Do we call people lazy to excuse ourselves or to change them? 12:42 Q2:If goals bring esteem, why so much burnout? 28:20 Who gets burned out most often? 44:44 Evolution of Self esteem 1:10:20 Final thoughts Q1: Is the attribution of 'laziness' to others a form of self-deception by people high in conscientiousness to justify lowering our empathy to others? After all no one chooses their personality, some people are naturally less...
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364: Marriage: Nature’s Most Optimistic Mistake?
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:50 Q1: What factors can predict divorce? 18:20 The Love Instinct 50:14 Q2: If marriage reduces effort to earn esteem, how can a woman feel secure having kids—and is it her job to vet the man well enough not to leave? 56:44 Final thoughts Q1: Can you speculate/attempt to predict who is most likely to get married and then divorced? My wife and I have been happily married for almost 45 years but all around us we hear of couples...
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363: Too Anxious to Relax, Too Average to Admire?
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:00 Q1: Too neurotic to ever feel truly calm? 18:26 Recommending an expert in anxiety & OCD 31:55 Q2: If I think I'm a 7 but men treat me like a 3, who’s right—me or evolution? 54:30 Final thoughts Q1: Dear Dr. Lisle, I'm a big fan of yours and have come to understand that a person's personality is defined by their genes. However, I feel like I cannot change my circumstances enough to be happy. I'm highly conscientious and highly...
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362: Esteem, Friendship, and Finding Your People
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:48 Q1: Regarding Episode 27 “How to make great friends”, Could DDL address more specifically how to make great friends? Similarly he has said we should earn esteem in the right way from the people who matter. How do we know what the right way is, and how do we identify the people who matter? 14:57 Conflicts of interest between friends 23:20. Never make a big decision, when a small decision will do 33:30 How do you earn esteem in the right way ...
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361: Lingering Loyalties, Distant Intimacies
Beat Your Genes Podcast
Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 04:25. Q1: Divorced dad entangled with ex 12:28 Genetic commitment calculations 27:14 Q2: Stuck with a closed-off boyfriend 33:53 Hugging an un-huggable friend 42:09 Final thoughts Q1: Any advice for a divorced dad who is still entangled with his ex wife? We have been divorced over five years now, but are still friends and live near one another. I initiated the divorce for a few reasons, mainly her emotional instability and our lack of intimacy....
info_outlineEvolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.
0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro
02:00 Q1: Too neurotic to ever feel truly calm?
18:26 Recommending an expert in anxiety & OCD
31:55 Q2: If I think I'm a 7 but men treat me like a 3, who’s right—me or evolution?
54:30 Final thoughts
Q1: Dear Dr. Lisle, I'm a big fan of yours and have come to understand that a person's personality is defined by their genes. However, I feel like I cannot change my circumstances enough to be happy. I'm highly conscientious and highly neurotic and I find that this combination is making enjoying life difficult. I'm sensitive, anxious and I have OCD tendencies. I'm also sensitive to loud noises, uncomfortable clothes and clutter. I'm always trying to perfect and optimize everything. I feel like I'm intelligent enough to realize that I cannot stop bad things from happening from cancer to accidents to criminality, but my brain is still trying to figure it all out and I try to prepare myself for anything and everything. I have a great pair bond relationship, I'm happy with the people who are my friends and family, a nice enough home and an okay job. But I'm just so stressed and anxious most of the time. Is it possible that I'm so neurotic that I'm just always going to be somewhat anxious and cannot find the environment/lifestyle in this world that would somehow calm my nervous system down? I started going to therapy once again to try and find some techniques that would help and my new therapist seems to be a good person and intelligent, but a part of me just feels that I'm not going to find relief there other than just some acceptance when the therapist tells me something like "it is ok to be just who you are". She says that cognitive behavioral therapy can help with generalized anxiety disorder. I'm not so sure.
Q2: I’m a young woman and all my life men of all ages have been mean to me for no apparent reason. I’m not talking about dating, but everyday life, like at the grocery store, at school, work, or just in general. They either ignore me or are just rude. Women, on the other hand, are always nice to me. I don’t think I’m unattractive, I’ve always rated myself above average, but men’s behavior toward me indicates otherwise. This has led me to hate men and actively avoid interacting with them. Should attractiveness be determined based on your opinion of yourself or on feedback you receive from the opposite sex? There is a discrepancy there for me, because I think I’m a 7 but I get treated like a 3 by men. Is pretty privilege a real thing and I just don’t get to experience it?
X: @BeatYourGenes
Web: www.beatyourgenes.org
Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com
Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com
Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use
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