Libsyn Directory

ERP 400: How To Pivot Away From Creating Unhappiness - To The Path Of More Happiness With Others

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Release Date: 11/28/2023

ERP 425: How To Find The Growth Opportunity In An Argument — An Interview With Linda Bloom

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Ever wondered how happy couples navigate irreconcilable differences and still thrive? Arguments in relationships are both inevitable and impactful. While they often stir up feelings of frustration, anger, and sadness, they also hold the potential for profound growth and understanding between partners. When managed with care and intention, conflicts can uncover deep-seated issues, foster better communication, and ultimately strengthen the bond. In this episode, we explore how conflicts can become opportunities for growth and deeper connection. By focusing on emotional regulation, curiosity, and...

ERP 424: How to Stand Firm in Your Boundaries — An Interview with Dr. Abby Medcalf

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

The absence of clear personal boundaries can lead to numerous challenges in relationships. Without defined boundaries, individuals may find themselves constantly overwhelmed by the demands and expectations of others, leading to feelings of resentment, frustration, and even powerlessness. Moreover, conflicts can escalate, communication can break down, and genuine connection becomes increasingly elusive without firm boundaries in place. Essentially, the problem of not having boundaries manifests as a pervasive struggle to maintain authenticity, self-respect, and healthy interpersonal dynamics....

ERP 423: How To Transcend Trauma (And The Effects Experience In Relationship) — An Interview With Dr. Frank Anderson

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do in certain situations or why certain relationships feel so challenging? In many cases, individuals may not realize how past trauma is influencing their present relationships and personal well-being. In this episode, we talk about trauma, its various forms, and its profound impact on individuals and their connections with others. Featuring expert insights from a leader in the field of trauma therapy, the conversation sheds light on how trauma from our formative years can shape our adult behaviors and interactions. Through an in-depth...

ERP 422: How To Work Through Jealousy & Insecure Tendencies In Relationship — Shanenn Bryant

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Jealousy is a complex emotional response often triggered by feelings of insecurity and fear of loss, and can profoundly impact personal relationships. It typically arises when an individual perceives a threat to a valued relationship, whether the threat is real or imagined. This emotion can lead to behaviors aimed at preventing loss, such as excessive monitoring or controlling tendencies, yet these actions often exacerbate the fears driving the jealousy. In this episode, we delve into pervasive issues surrounding jealousy, uncovering their origins rooted in individual past experiences and...

ERP 421: How To Keep The Fun & Positivity Alive In Relationship — An Interview With Arlene Pellicane

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Keeping the flame of passion alive in a relationship can be a challenging endeavor, especially amidst the demands and stresses of everyday life. From managing work responsibilities to navigating household chores and family commitments, couples often find themselves caught up in a whirlwind of obligations, leaving little room for fun and positive connections. In this episode, we explore actionable strategies and valuable insights aimed at addressing the challenge of maintaining fun and positivity in a relationship. From practical tips to infuse joy into everyday moments to revitalizing the bond...

ERP 420: The Importance Of "Turning Towards" In Relationship — An Interview With Laura Heck

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Loneliness and disconnection in relationships can often stem from unmet needs for emotional connection. When one partner reaches out for support, validation, or understanding, and their bids go unnoticed or ignored, it can lead to feelings of isolation and alienation. This lack of responsiveness can create a sense of being unheard or unseen, deepening the emotional distance between partners. Over time, repeated instances of unmet bids can erode trust and intimacy, leaving individuals feeling unfulfilled and disconnected in their relationship. In this episode, Laura Heck and Dr. Jessica Higgins...

ERP 419: How to Identify and Break Negative Cycles (Especially High Conflict Cycles) in Relationship — An Interview with Jennine Estes Powell & Jacqueline Wielick

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

How can we cultivate a culture of emotional safety within our relationships, where vulnerability is embraced and recurring negative patterns are met with empathy and understanding, rather than defensiveness or blame? Traumas, whether subtle or overt, can fuel recurring negative patterns that gradually erode the foundation of a relationship. These unseen wounds, left unattended, can manifest as distress and conflict, undermining the very fabric of our closest bonds. In this episode, we delve into the depths of these dynamics, exploring how awareness, vulnerability, and proactive communication...

ERP 418: How To Build More Emotional Maturity In Relationship — Part Five

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Emotional immaturity can hinder our ability to form healthy connections and make sound decisions. But is it truly possible to overcome emotional immaturity, even if you've experienced significant developmental setbacks or challenges? Similar to research findings that suggest it's possible to develop more secure functioning or earn a secure attachment style later in life, it's feasible to achieve emotional growth and maturity. In our fifth installment on the topic of emotional immaturity, we uncover practical strategies and insights to foster emotional growth. With a focus on seven key...

ERP 417: Why Every Couple Needs A Couple Mission Statement — An Interview With Dr. Heather Browne

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Many individuals and families encounter a common challenge: the struggle to harmonize their values, aspirations, and objectives. This issue is compounded by the inherent differences in perspectives, priorities, and communication styles within these relationships. When aspirations clash and priorities diverge, it often leads to misunderstandings that escalate into tensions and conflicts. Maintaining harmony becomes a daunting task without a clear understanding of each other's goals and values, leaving couples and families adrift in a sea of discord. In this episode, we delve into practical...

ERP 416: What To Consider If You Are In a Relationship With An Emotionally Immature Person — Part Four

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Emotional maturity stands as the cornerstone of a thriving and meaningful bond between partners. Yet, navigating the intricate landscape of emotional immaturity within relationships presents its own set of challenges. In this episode, we delve deep into this crucial topic, shedding light on how emotional immaturity impacts the dynamics of relationships and providing invaluable resources to aid individuals in navigating this intricate terrain. Building upon insights from previous episodes, we explore methods for identifying signs of emotional immaturity, understanding its roots in development,...

More Episodes

The holiday season traditionally beckons gatherings with loved ones, friends, and family, often involving travel to reunite with those we haven't seen in a while. While these occasions can be overwhelmingly positive, the nuances of family and relationship dynamics often introduce challenges.

In this episode, we delve into the common tendencies of complaining, comparing, and criticizing, which can disrupt the joyous spirit of gatherings. We delve into insightful strategies to pivot away from these unproductive habits, offering practical solutions for a more positive and enriching experience. By exploring the three P's—pride, pleasure, and purpose—listeners are guided on a journey toward fostering deeper connections during festive occasions, enhancing the quality of interactions with loved ones, and ultimately cultivating a path to greater happiness.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

In this episode

5:29 The impact of holiday gatherings on our mental tendencies.

9:18 Negative thought patterns and their impact on relationships.

15:52 Applying Gottman’s 5:1 ratio to strengthen connections in every relationship.

23:34 The impact of negative behaviors on relationships.

32:09 Cultivating happiness through connection and purpose.

Unpacking the Three C's

First, let's clarify the three C's to avoid.

1. Comparing

We often find ourselves anticipating comparisons, preparing to evaluate and rank ourselves, and engaging in a subtle one-up/one-down competition.

Measures of Success:

Career Achievements (promotions)
Health and Fitness (body weight)
Financial Status
Attractiveness and Beauty (aging, wrinkles, clothing, hair)
Knowledge (current events, politics)
Social Engagements (events attended, people met)
Fun (recreational activities, trips, etc.)

All these aspects contribute to an individual's sense of meaning, purpose, and pride. However, when the intention is to impress or compete to feel superior, it can lead to putting oneself above others, inadvertently diminishing their value.

Antidote: Practice expressing appreciation and gratitude for oneself, aiming for a list of 10 appreciations as a countermeasure.

2. Complaining

Expressing challenges is a natural way to seek attention and understanding, often as an attempt to bond with others who can relate to hardships. However, dwelling on difficulties, akin to sharing war stories, provides limited satisfaction in connecting.

Antidote: Counteracting complaints involves identifying at least 10 positive aspects overlooked in the situation, fostering a more optimistic perspective.

3. Criticizing

Judging someone's behavior, especially in family or friendship dynamics, can stem from underlying longings, needs, or vulnerabilities, with limited potential for change compared to romantic relationships.

Antidote: If change seems unlikely, self-support involves addressing personal needs and longings through alternative means or advocating for oneself, including setting boundaries. Additionally, acknowledging 10 positive qualities or attributes the person brings to your life can help shift the focus away from criticism.

The Negative Effects of the 3 C’s

Diminished Self-Esteem: Engaging in constant comparison and criticism can lead to feelings of inadequacy, lower self-worth, and diminished self-esteem.
Strained Relationships: Continuous criticism and complaining can put strain on relationships, eroding trust, creating tension, and reducing the overall sense of safety and satisfaction.
Dissatisfaction in Interactions: The repetitive nature of the 3 C's can leave interactions feeling less meaningful and satisfying, contributing to a sense of dissatisfaction.
Avoidance and Disconnection: Over time, the cumulative effect of the 3 C's may lead to avoidance of certain individuals or a decrease in engagement, negatively impacting the connection in relationships.
Missed Opportunities for Growth: Focusing on the negative aspects may lead to missed opportunities for personal and relational growth, hindering the exploration of positive and enriching experiences.
Draining Interactions: Engaging in the 3 C's can be emotionally draining, both for oneself and others, as the emphasis on negativity outweighs the potential for positive and uplifting interactions.
Empowerment and Blame Cycle: The cycle of blame, competition, and one-upmanship perpetuated by the 3 C's can create a disempowered mindset, hindering the celebration of others and fostering deeper connections.
Lack of Meaning and Significance: Constant comparison and criticism may lead to a focus on surface-level attributes, overshadowing the potential for deeper connections and the meaningful aspects of relationships.

The 3 P’s of Happiness

Now that we've explored the challenges posed by the three C's, let's shift our focus to the transformative power of the three P's.

The concept of the three P's — Pride, Purpose, and Pleasure — draws inspiration from Blue Zone research, examining communities globally recognized for longevity and well-being. Here are actionable strategies aligned with the three P's to foster a balanced and fulfilling life:

1. Pride:

Build Community Bonds: Connect with your community, nurturing positive relationships for a heightened sense of belonging and pride.
Embrace Traditions: Celebrate cultural or community traditions to strengthen your connection to heritage and foster pride.
Achieve Personal Goals: Pursue goals aligned with your values, cultivating a sense of pride and satisfaction.
Share Your Successes: Acknowledge and share your accomplishments, reinforcing a positive sense of pride.

2. Purpose:

Discover Your Ikigai: Explore your 'ikigai,' finding purpose at the intersection of passion, skill, societal need, and earning potential.
Volunteer and Give Back: Contribute to causes aligned with your values, experiencing purpose through meaningful engagement.
Set Long-Term Goals: Establish enduring goals reflecting your passions and values for a sense of purpose.
Reflect on Core Values: Regularly align actions with core values, providing direction and purpose in life.

3. Pleasure:

Prioritize Social Bonds: Cultivate meaningful relationships with friends and family, crucial for overall happiness.
Opt for Balanced Nutrition: Enjoy a varied, nutritious diet in moderation for physical and mental well-being.
Incorporate Physical Activity: Integrate joyful exercises like walking or dancing into daily routines.
Practice Mindfulness: Dedicate time to mindfulness practices, enhancing the enjoyment of the present moment.
Embrace Nature: Spend time outdoors, connecting with nature for increased pleasure and well-being.
Cultivate Hobbies: Engage in passion-driven activities, such as art or gardening, for a more pleasurable life.

By integrating these strategies, you can elevate your overall well-being, embracing the principles of Pride, Purpose, and Pleasure observed in Blue Zone communities.