Libsyn Directory

ERP 464: How to Understand Your & Your Partners’ Conflict Style for Lasting Success - An Interview with Dr. Don Cole

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Release Date: 02/18/2025

ERP 492: Riding the Wave Together: Finding Ease, Resilience and Connection in Love — An Interview with Daniel Miller

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

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ERP 491: Grief and Healing: Navigating Loss Together as a Couple — An Interview with Madeleine Garner

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

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ERP 490: Co-Creating Your Future: A Guide to Dreambuilding Together as a Couple — An Interview with Mary Morrissey

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

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ERP 489: Flow State and Sexual Connection: A New Dimension of Intimacy — An Interview with Emily Jamea

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

About this Episode Passion and intimacy are at the heart of every thriving relationship—yet even the healthiest couples can find these sparks fading over time, or wonder if their desires are truly “normal.” For so many couples, sexual connection can become routine, tangled up in old beliefs, busy schedules, and silent worries about whether you’re truly satisfied or doing it right. The search for authentic sexual fulfillment often brings up more questions than answers, leaving many people longing for deeper, more meaningful connection but uncertain about how to find it. In this episode,...

ERP 488: Should a Secure Attachment Always Be the Goal? An Interview with Hanna Basel

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

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ERP 487: Staying Close Through Conflict: Strategies for Responding, Not Reacting — An Interview with Alyssa Scarano

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

About this Episode Many couples find themselves caught in unproductive loops of reactivity, defensiveness, and miscommunication, often rooted in old patterns and unhealed wounds. If you’ve ever felt stuck repeating the same arguments, or struggled to respond with empathy instead of reacting on autopilot, you’re not alone. Conflict doesn’t have to drive you and your partner apart. In fact, the way you handle disagreements might be the very thing that brings you closer together or pushes you further away. In this episode, you’ll discover practical strategies for staying close through...

ERP 486: Breaking the Blame Loop: Forgiveness as a Path to Deeper Intimacy — An Interview with Dara McKinley

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

About this Episode Are you stuck in a cycle of blame and resentment, wondering why forgiveness feels so elusive even though everyone says it’s the key to inner peace? Many of us hear that forgiving others will set us free, but when we try to let go of anger or seek justice for betrayals and hurts, practical steps are hard to find and genuine relief can feel out of reach. What if forgiveness isn’t just about pardoning or forgetting, but something deeper—something that could pave the way to real healing and even deeper intimacy? In this episode, listeners are invited to re-examine...

ERP 485: Misused Words, Misunderstood Relationships: How Therapy Speak Can Erode Trust in Relationship — An Interview with Dr. Isabelle Morley

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

About this Episode Words have power. They can heal, but they can also harm when we wield them without fully understanding their meaning. In today’s world, the language of therapy is everywhere, filtering from clinicians’ offices into viral social media posts, heated arguments, and everyday conversations. But with this widespread use comes a hidden problem. When words like “narcissist,” “gaslighting,” or “toxic” are misused or weaponized in our relationships, they not only muddy honest communication—they erode trust, block growth, and can even do real damage to our connections...

ERP 484: Unpacking Your Money Story: How Money Trauma Shows up in You—and Your Relationship — An Interview with Shannah Game

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

About this Episode Money isn’t just about numbers—it’s woven into the fabric of our emotions, relationships, and even sense of self-worth. Have you ever noticed how anxiety, stress, or even shame can surface when dealing with finances, both individually and in your most intimate partnerships? If conversations about money leave you feeling overwhelmed, you’re not alone. The underlying emotional stories and even traumas we carry about money can impact not only our bank accounts but also our ability to connect and thrive in relationships. In this episode, you are invited to explore how...

ERP 483: Flirting with Consent: Rewriting the Script on Sexual Communication - An Interview with Danielle Harel, Ph.D and Celeste Hirschman, M.A

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

About this Episode Is sex in long-term relationships destined to fade into routine, become awkward, unsatisfying, or quietly avoided? Many couples find themselves sidestepping desire, making silent assumptions, or repeating the same old script while craving deeper connection and renewed excitement. The outcome is often sexual boredom, miscommunication, and a growing emotional distance that affects the entire relationship. What if the key to lasting passion isn't just about technique? What if it lives in courageous, ongoing conversations about consent, desire, and our evolving needs? In this...

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Conflict is an inevitable aspect of any relationship, but how we handle it can make all the difference in the world. Whether you're finding that your disagreements escalate quickly or that issues get swept under the rug and resurface later, understanding your and your partner's conflict style can be a game-changer. How do you transform these clashes into opportunities for growth and deeper connection? The key lies in recognizing the patterns and learning the skills to navigate through them effectively.

In this episode, we dive deep into the dynamics of different conflict styles—volatile, validating, and avoidant—and offer insights into how these patterns play out in relationships. You'll discover the importance of understanding not just your style but also your partner's, and how mismatched styles can be addressed for better harmony. With practical guidance and real-world examples, this discussion aims to equip you with the tools to foster a more resilient and connected relationship, even in the face of disagreements. Tune in to explore how you can create a new positive dynamic in your relationship by embracing and working with your unique conflict styles.

Dr. Don Cole is the Clinical Director of The Gottman Institute and a licensed mental health counselor in the state of Washington. Along with his wife, Dr. Carrie Cole, he founded The Center for Relationship Wellness. With over 30 years of experience, he has worked with individuals and couples in various areas, including marital therapy, affair recovery, depression, anxiety, trauma recovery, parenting, and personality disorders.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

In this episode

05:55 The three conflict styles: volatile, validating, and avoidant.

14:38 Conflicts arise in mismatched styles: the validator vs. the avoidant.

17:17 Understanding conflict styles: it's not about maturity or emotional intelligence.

19:34 Examining the volatile style: comfort with high energy and emotions.

26:06 The validator style: problem-solving and seeking understanding.

33:56 Managing conflict with avoidant partners: strategies for understanding.

35:37 Using the Gottman Rapoport style for effective communication.

43:46 Tools and resources: books, workshops, and psychoeducational materials.

45:56 Normalizing conflict: learning to accept and grow through differences.

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

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*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

In this episode

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Connect with Dr. Don Cole

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