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ERP 488: Should a Secure Attachment Always Be the Goal? An Interview with Hanna Basel

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Release Date: 08/05/2025

ERP 514: Measuring What Matters: How Awareness and Alignment Create Enduring Love - An Interview with Zoey Charif

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Ever wondered why, despite our best intentions, we keep falling into the same relationship traps? Or how two people can feel worlds apart even when they desperately want things to work? The subtle dance of self-worth, mutual respect, and compatibility often determines whether love thrives or fizzles out. Too often, we end up settling for relationships that slowly chip away at our confidence, hoping for change while ignoring the mismatch in values, traits, and emotional needs. In this episode, listeners are guided through a groundbreaking and practical approach for understanding the science...

ERP 513: Why Openness Matters More than Resolution in Couple Communication — An Interview with Kathryn Ford M.D.

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Ever felt like no matter how much you prepare for an important conversation with your partner, you still end up missing each other entirely? In the heat of tough conversations, even the best intentions can get lost as tension rises and defenses go up. It's all too easy for moments of misunderstanding to snowball, leaving both people feeling disconnected and unsure how to find their way back to each other. In this episode, you’ll discover a radically simple approach to transforming those tense moments into opportunities for true connection. Looking through the lens of openness, which the...

ERP 512: The Courage Practice: How Facing Fear Deepens Intimacy and Connection — An Interview with Scott Simon

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

What if playing it safe is actually keeping you from the life and relationships you truly want? Too often, fear convinces us to stay small, avoid discomfort, and stick to familiar routines, especially when it comes to our most important connections. The result? Missed opportunities for deep intimacy, vibrant trust, and authentic connection. It's a paradox: the very quest for comfort may be the greatest risk of all. In this episode, listeners are invited to challenge the idea that comfort equals happiness. Through inspiring stories and practical tools, the conversation explores how embracing...

ERP 511: From Protection to Connection: Healing Shame and Building Secure Connection — An Interview with Dr. Arielle Schwartz

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Have you ever wondered why, in the moments you crave connection the most, you suddenly find yourself pulling back or feeling unworthy of love? It’s a confusing cycle—wanting deep intimacy yet stumbling over old shame and protective patterns that keep you at arm’s length from those who matter most. The echoes of our early relationships can linger, quietly shaping the way we trust, open up, and even interpret simple gestures of kindness. Left unspoken and unexplored, these internal beliefs can create barriers to the very closeness we long for. In this episode, listeners are invited to take...

ERP 510: The Last 8%: How to Have the Conversations That Matter Most in Your Relationship — An Interview with Bill Benjamin

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Ever notice that it’s not the everyday conversations or simple disagreements that shape the quality of a relationship—it’s those high-stakes moments, the tough talks that feel risky and uncomfortable, that truly define the connection. Far too often, we skirt around what really needs to be said, trading short-term relief for long-term regret. Whether it’s at work or at home, these avoided discussions can lead to resentment, disconnection, and a sense of self-abandonment. In this episode, listeners will dive deep into understanding why we tend to avoid these “last 8%” conversations,...

ERP 509: When Ambition Costs Connection: How Overachievers Can Find Healthy, Aligned Love — An Interview with Keren Eldad

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Are you chasing every gold star, climbing every ladder, and nailing every “right” mark—only to find yourself missing out on real fulfillment and meaningful connection? The relentless pursuit of achievement can sometimes leave us feeling lonely, disconnected from ourselves, and trapped in relationships that don’t truly nourish our hearts. When ambition runs amok, the cost may be far greater than just burnout or missed vacation days—it can lead to self-abandonment and relationships that feel more like a cage than a home. In this episode, you’ll discover how overachievement and...

ERP 508: The Power of Collaboration: Building Trust and Connection in Love and Life — An Interview with Leslie Grossman

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

In a world that often glorifies rugged individualism, finding real connection and mutual growth with others can feel elusive, especially when it comes to our closest relationships. The secret ingredient might just be what so many overlook: genuine collaboration—both at home and beyond. What if the key to thriving wasn’t “doing it all yourself,” but learning how to truly work together? In this episode, you’ll discover how building circles of collaboration can transform your personal relationships, family dynamics, and even your broader social and professional connections. Through...

ERP 507: The Power of Attention: How to Access What Really Matters in Moments of Conflict — An Interview with Dana Caspersen

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Why do the smallest disagreements with loved ones sometimes feel like the fiercest battles? Conflict in relationships often spirals into unproductive cycles of attack and defense, leaving us stuck, misunderstood, and further apart from the connection we crave. We rush to defend, strategize, and fix—yet rarely pause long enough to truly understand what matters beneath the surface. In this episode, listeners are invited to explore powerful strategies for breaking the cycle of reactivity and shifting attention toward curiosity, clarity, and genuine understanding. Through personal stories,...

ERP 506: Regulate Your Body, Transform Your Bond: The Habit Science Behind Healthy Love — An Interview with Hadlee Garrison

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Ever feel like your to-do list is running your life and you barely have any energy left for what matters most—like connecting with loved ones or just enjoying the moment? In our fast-paced world, we often believe productivity comes from pushing ourselves harder, burning the candle at both ends, and tackling more tasks. But what if the key to a happier, healthier life starts before you even get to your goals and conversations—right in the foundation of your daily rhythms and body awareness? In this episode, you’ll discover why tuning into your body’s core needs is the missing link for...

ERP 505: Money Wounds in Love: Healing the Hidden Stories Behind Your Spending and Saving — An Interview with Shari Rash

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

When was the last time you felt a sinking feeling just thinking about money? For many, money is far more than just numbers in a bank account—it's tangled up with our emotions, childhood experiences, and even our closest relationships. All too often, conversations around money get swept under the rug, leaving us to battle our financial stress and shame alone. But what if unraveling these hidden money wounds is the key to building stronger connections—with ourselves and with others? In this episode, listeners are invited to reimagine their relationship with money and begin addressing the...

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About this Episode

Is achieving a secure attachment really the ultimate marker of relationship success or could this mindset be doing more harm than good? In the quest for intimacy and connection, many of us fall into the trap of labeling ourselves and our partners, clinging to the idea that “secure” is the only way to be. But what happens when relationships don’t fit neatly into these categories, or when past experiences have shaped us in ways that make security seem out of reach? The pressure to be “securely attached” can sometimes backfire, leading to shame, blame, and a sense of hopelessness.

In this episode, you’ll discover why secure attachment doesn’t have to be the ultimate destination, and why striving for secure functioning—those daily choices and mindful practices that build safety and trust—can be a far more compassionate and realistic goal. Drawing on insights from trauma work, attachment research, and couples therapy, this conversation unpacks the pitfalls of categorizing relationships as “good” or “bad,” explores the nuances of healing within partnership, and offers actionable ways to build resilience, understanding, and growth—no matter where you are on the attachment spectrum.

Hanna Basel is a seasoned couples therapist and certified sex therapist. With expertise in attachment, trauma, and emotionally focused therapy (EFT), she helps people untangle their most complicated relationship patterns. As a former addictions counselor, Hanna brings both clinical expertise and lived experience to her work. She has been featured on CNN, Kare 11, MSN, and numerous podcasts where she talked about her ultimate and simple goal: to help people build relationships that help us heal and thrive.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Episode Highlights

04:23 Hannah’s path to couples therapy: From personal struggles to professional passion.

12:25 Understanding secure attachment and relationship dynamics.

15:26 Embracing relationship growth as a lifelong practice.

19:03 Debunking the myth that you must heal yourself before getting into a relationship.

22:00 Balancing guidance and judgment.

25:37 Neuroplasticity: How relationships shape and reshape attachment.

27:59 Understanding trauma’s role in relationship dynamics.

33:38 Compassion with boundaries.

34:59 Balancing love and constructive criticism.

39:07 Pacing, timing, and emotional safety in relationship repair.

42:10 Understanding pain and betrayal.

46:36 Slowing down for better attunement.

47:57 Breaking the cycle.

If you have a topic you would like it to be discussed, please contact us by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Episode Highlights

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