ERP 514: Measuring What Matters: How Awareness and Alignment Create Enduring Love - An Interview with Zoey Charif
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Release Date: 02/03/2026
ERP 514: Measuring What Matters: How Awareness and Alignment Create Enduring Love - An Interview with Zoey Charif
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Ever wondered why, despite our best intentions, we keep falling into the same relationship traps? Or how two people can feel worlds apart even when they desperately want things to work? The subtle dance of self-worth, mutual respect, and compatibility often determines whether love thrives or fizzles out. Too often, we end up settling for relationships that slowly chip away at our confidence, hoping for change while ignoring the mismatch in values, traits, and emotional needs. In this episode, listeners are guided through a groundbreaking and practical approach for understanding the science...
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ERP 513: Why Openness Matters More than Resolution in Couple Communication — An Interview with Kathryn Ford M.D.
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Ever felt like no matter how much you prepare for an important conversation with your partner, you still end up missing each other entirely? In the heat of tough conversations, even the best intentions can get lost as tension rises and defenses go up. It's all too easy for moments of misunderstanding to snowball, leaving both people feeling disconnected and unsure how to find their way back to each other. In this episode, you’ll discover a radically simple approach to transforming those tense moments into opportunities for true connection. Looking through the lens of openness, which the...
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ERP 512: The Courage Practice: How Facing Fear Deepens Intimacy and Connection — An Interview with Scott Simon
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
What if playing it safe is actually keeping you from the life and relationships you truly want? Too often, fear convinces us to stay small, avoid discomfort, and stick to familiar routines, especially when it comes to our most important connections. The result? Missed opportunities for deep intimacy, vibrant trust, and authentic connection. It's a paradox: the very quest for comfort may be the greatest risk of all. In this episode, listeners are invited to challenge the idea that comfort equals happiness. Through inspiring stories and practical tools, the conversation explores how embracing...
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ERP 511: From Protection to Connection: Healing Shame and Building Secure Connection — An Interview with Dr. Arielle Schwartz
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Have you ever wondered why, in the moments you crave connection the most, you suddenly find yourself pulling back or feeling unworthy of love? It’s a confusing cycle—wanting deep intimacy yet stumbling over old shame and protective patterns that keep you at arm’s length from those who matter most. The echoes of our early relationships can linger, quietly shaping the way we trust, open up, and even interpret simple gestures of kindness. Left unspoken and unexplored, these internal beliefs can create barriers to the very closeness we long for. In this episode, listeners are invited to take...
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ERP 510: The Last 8%: How to Have the Conversations That Matter Most in Your Relationship — An Interview with Bill Benjamin
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Ever notice that it’s not the everyday conversations or simple disagreements that shape the quality of a relationship—it’s those high-stakes moments, the tough talks that feel risky and uncomfortable, that truly define the connection. Far too often, we skirt around what really needs to be said, trading short-term relief for long-term regret. Whether it’s at work or at home, these avoided discussions can lead to resentment, disconnection, and a sense of self-abandonment. In this episode, listeners will dive deep into understanding why we tend to avoid these “last 8%” conversations,...
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ERP 509: When Ambition Costs Connection: How Overachievers Can Find Healthy, Aligned Love — An Interview with Keren Eldad
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Are you chasing every gold star, climbing every ladder, and nailing every “right” mark—only to find yourself missing out on real fulfillment and meaningful connection? The relentless pursuit of achievement can sometimes leave us feeling lonely, disconnected from ourselves, and trapped in relationships that don’t truly nourish our hearts. When ambition runs amok, the cost may be far greater than just burnout or missed vacation days—it can lead to self-abandonment and relationships that feel more like a cage than a home. In this episode, you’ll discover how overachievement and...
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ERP 508: The Power of Collaboration: Building Trust and Connection in Love and Life — An Interview with Leslie Grossman
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
In a world that often glorifies rugged individualism, finding real connection and mutual growth with others can feel elusive, especially when it comes to our closest relationships. The secret ingredient might just be what so many overlook: genuine collaboration—both at home and beyond. What if the key to thriving wasn’t “doing it all yourself,” but learning how to truly work together? In this episode, you’ll discover how building circles of collaboration can transform your personal relationships, family dynamics, and even your broader social and professional connections. Through...
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ERP 507: The Power of Attention: How to Access What Really Matters in Moments of Conflict — An Interview with Dana Caspersen
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Why do the smallest disagreements with loved ones sometimes feel like the fiercest battles? Conflict in relationships often spirals into unproductive cycles of attack and defense, leaving us stuck, misunderstood, and further apart from the connection we crave. We rush to defend, strategize, and fix—yet rarely pause long enough to truly understand what matters beneath the surface. In this episode, listeners are invited to explore powerful strategies for breaking the cycle of reactivity and shifting attention toward curiosity, clarity, and genuine understanding. Through personal stories,...
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ERP 506: Regulate Your Body, Transform Your Bond: The Habit Science Behind Healthy Love — An Interview with Hadlee Garrison
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Ever feel like your to-do list is running your life and you barely have any energy left for what matters most—like connecting with loved ones or just enjoying the moment? In our fast-paced world, we often believe productivity comes from pushing ourselves harder, burning the candle at both ends, and tackling more tasks. But what if the key to a happier, healthier life starts before you even get to your goals and conversations—right in the foundation of your daily rhythms and body awareness? In this episode, you’ll discover why tuning into your body’s core needs is the missing link for...
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ERP 505: Money Wounds in Love: Healing the Hidden Stories Behind Your Spending and Saving — An Interview with Shari Rash
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
When was the last time you felt a sinking feeling just thinking about money? For many, money is far more than just numbers in a bank account—it's tangled up with our emotions, childhood experiences, and even our closest relationships. All too often, conversations around money get swept under the rug, leaving us to battle our financial stress and shame alone. But what if unraveling these hidden money wounds is the key to building stronger connections—with ourselves and with others? In this episode, listeners are invited to reimagine their relationship with money and begin addressing the...
info_outlineEver wondered why, despite our best intentions, we keep falling into the same relationship traps? Or how two people can feel worlds apart even when they desperately want things to work? The subtle dance of self-worth, mutual respect, and compatibility often determines whether love thrives or fizzles out. Too often, we end up settling for relationships that slowly chip away at our confidence, hoping for change while ignoring the mismatch in values, traits, and emotional needs.
In this episode, listeners are guided through a groundbreaking and practical approach for understanding the science behind love and relationship fulfillment. The conversation explores how to identify personal values and trait preferences, assess compatibility, break destructive patterns, and recognize the significance of self-worth in sustaining a healthy partnership. With fresh, research-backed insights, the episode offers actionable steps and honest reflections to help anyone desiring deeper connection, clarity, and empowerment in their romantic life.
Zoey Charif spent two decades decoding patterns of human attraction, pulling from her background in criminology, data analytics, and a drive to challenge everything we’ve been taught about love.
Born in Afghanistan, raised in Vancouver, and now based in Orange County, California, Zoey brings a rare blend of emotional depth, analytical precision, and lived experience to her work. Her framework is coachable and designed to help people transform their relationships.
Episode Highlights
04:43 Explaining the Love Formula: Scoring self and partner alignment.
08:41 When perceived value differs: Anxious and avoidant relationship patterns.
10:05 Attachment styles, emotional investment, and patterns of effort.
14:12 Personality dichotomies: Are we attracted to similar or opposite traits?
18:34 Distinguishing between values and traits in attraction.
21:14 Recognizing and interrupting destructive relationship patterns.
26:15 Impact of inconsistency: How decreasing value affects relationship satisfaction.
29:34 Core values: Dependability and reliability as key to relationship stability.
30:27 Using the Love Formula to rebuild connection and alignment in marriage.
33:47 Maintaining mutual admiration and fulfillment in long-term love.
36:58 The crucial role of self-worth and normalizing singlehood.
Your Check List of Actions to Take
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Reflect on Your Self-Worth: Honestly assess your own values and self-worth before seeking or deepening a relationship.
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Identify Core Values: Clearly write down the values that matter most to you in life and relationships.
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Rate Yourself: Give yourself a score on how well you feel you embody your own values and standards.
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Evaluate Your Partner: Honestly assess your partner against your values, noting alignment and gaps.
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Notice Trait Preferences: Identify the traits you’re consistently attracted to, even if they might not serve you in the long term.
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Watch for Destructive Patterns: Examine your previous relationship patterns for recurring traits or behaviors that led to dissatisfaction.
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Communicate Openly: Share your value and trait scores with your partner as a tool for honest, non-defensive discussions about your relationship.
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Prioritize Self-Awareness: Regularly check in with yourself to ensure your choices align with your values and that you’re not compromising your well-being for the relationship.
Mentioned
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) (*Psychology Today) (link)
12 Relationship Principles to Strengthen Your Love (free guide)
Love Can, In Fact, Be Calculated (Hardcover) by Zoey Charif
Connect with Zoey Charif
Websites: lovecaninfactbecalculated.com
Instagram: instagram.com/zoeycharif
TikTok: tiktok.com/@zoeycharif?_t=8ruz0ZyCH9i&_r=1