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ERP 511: From Protection to Connection: Healing Shame and Building Secure Connection — An Interview with Dr. Arielle Schwartz

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Release Date: 01/13/2026

ERP 511: From Protection to Connection: Healing Shame and Building Secure Connection — An Interview with Dr. Arielle Schwartz

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Have you ever wondered why, in the moments you crave connection the most, you suddenly find yourself pulling back or feeling unworthy of love? It’s a confusing cycle—wanting deep intimacy yet stumbling over old shame and protective patterns that keep you at arm’s length from those who matter most. The echoes of our early relationships can linger, quietly shaping the way we trust, open up, and even interpret simple gestures of kindness. Left unspoken and unexplored, these internal beliefs can create barriers to the very closeness we long for. In this episode, listeners are invited to take...

ERP 510: The Last 8%: How to Have the Conversations That Matter Most in Your Relationship — An Interview with Bill Benjamin

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Ever notice that it’s not the everyday conversations or simple disagreements that shape the quality of a relationship—it’s those high-stakes moments, the tough talks that feel risky and uncomfortable, that truly define the connection. Far too often, we skirt around what really needs to be said, trading short-term relief for long-term regret. Whether it’s at work or at home, these avoided discussions can lead to resentment, disconnection, and a sense of self-abandonment. In this episode, listeners will dive deep into understanding why we tend to avoid these “last 8%” conversations,...

ERP 509: When Ambition Costs Connection: How Overachievers Can Find Healthy, Aligned Love — An Interview with Keren Eldad

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Are you chasing every gold star, climbing every ladder, and nailing every “right” mark—only to find yourself missing out on real fulfillment and meaningful connection? The relentless pursuit of achievement can sometimes leave us feeling lonely, disconnected from ourselves, and trapped in relationships that don’t truly nourish our hearts. When ambition runs amok, the cost may be far greater than just burnout or missed vacation days—it can lead to self-abandonment and relationships that feel more like a cage than a home. In this episode, you’ll discover how overachievement and...

ERP 508: The Power of Collaboration: Building Trust and Connection in Love and Life — An Interview with Leslie Grossman

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

In a world that often glorifies rugged individualism, finding real connection and mutual growth with others can feel elusive, especially when it comes to our closest relationships. The secret ingredient might just be what so many overlook: genuine collaboration—both at home and beyond. What if the key to thriving wasn’t “doing it all yourself,” but learning how to truly work together? In this episode, you’ll discover how building circles of collaboration can transform your personal relationships, family dynamics, and even your broader social and professional connections. Through...

ERP 507: The Power of Attention: How to Access What Really Matters in Moments of Conflict — An Interview with Dana Caspersen

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Why do the smallest disagreements with loved ones sometimes feel like the fiercest battles? Conflict in relationships often spirals into unproductive cycles of attack and defense, leaving us stuck, misunderstood, and further apart from the connection we crave. We rush to defend, strategize, and fix—yet rarely pause long enough to truly understand what matters beneath the surface. In this episode, listeners are invited to explore powerful strategies for breaking the cycle of reactivity and shifting attention toward curiosity, clarity, and genuine understanding. Through personal stories,...

ERP 506: Regulate Your Body, Transform Your Bond: The Habit Science Behind Healthy Love — An Interview with Hadlee Garrison

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Ever feel like your to-do list is running your life and you barely have any energy left for what matters most—like connecting with loved ones or just enjoying the moment? In our fast-paced world, we often believe productivity comes from pushing ourselves harder, burning the candle at both ends, and tackling more tasks. But what if the key to a happier, healthier life starts before you even get to your goals and conversations—right in the foundation of your daily rhythms and body awareness? In this episode, you’ll discover why tuning into your body’s core needs is the missing link for...

ERP 505: Money Wounds in Love: Healing the Hidden Stories Behind Your Spending and Saving — An Interview with Shari Rash

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

When was the last time you felt a sinking feeling just thinking about money? For many, money is far more than just numbers in a bank account—it's tangled up with our emotions, childhood experiences, and even our closest relationships. All too often, conversations around money get swept under the rug, leaving us to battle our financial stress and shame alone. But what if unraveling these hidden money wounds is the key to building stronger connections—with ourselves and with others? In this episode, listeners are invited to reimagine their relationship with money and begin addressing the...

ERP 504: Loving Through Estrangement: How Couples Can Heal, Support & Stay Connected — An Interview with Dr. Rachel Glik

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Navigating the complexities of family dynamics can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope—especially when relationships between parents and adult children become strained or even break down completely. Family estrangement is an increasingly common challenge that can leave everyone involved feeling isolated, misunderstood, and in deep pain. When communication falters and generational differences collide, how do we find a path toward empathy, healing, and growth? In this episode, listeners are invited into a heartfelt exploration of adult child-parent estrangement, its underlying causes, and...

503: How to Feel Safe in Love: Healing Attachment Wounds and Building Secure Relationships — An Interview with Jessica Baum

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Many of us move through life repeating the same painful relationship patterns—feeling unsafe, unseen, or disconnected, even when we’re trying our hardest to “do everything right.” Invisible wounds from early experiences quietly shape the ways we love, cope, and relate as adults. Instead of recognizing these patterns as natural adaptations, we often turn the blame inward, not realizing that our attachment styles and protective behaviors are rooted in the body and nervous system as much as the mind. Real healing isn’t about forcing change or consuming endless self-help advice—it’s...

ERP 502: Beyond Fear and Control: Building Emotional Flexibility in Relationships — An Interview with Dr. Patricia Zurita Ona

Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Are you letting anxiety and the need to play it safe hold you hostage in your relationships and personal growth? Too often, fear—of rejection, failure, or the unknown—becomes the invisible fence shaping our actions. Perfectionism, procrastination, overthinking, and the constant urge to avoid discomfort can shrink our lives, leaving us disconnected from our true selves and the people we care about most. In this episode, we explore how fear influences perfectionism, anxiety, and avoidance in our relationships and daily lives. Discover compassionate approaches to working with...

More Episodes

In this episode, listeners are invited to take a compassionate look at how shame and childhood experiences impact our sense of self and our present-day relationships. Through real-life examples and insights from trauma and nervous system work, you’ll discover why you might struggle with receiving care, how protective behaviors like people-pleasing or withdrawal develop, and, most importantly, how healing and repair are possible within intimate partnerships. The conversation offers practical tools for recognizing these patterns, slowing down your reactions, and using curiosity and acceptance to gently shift toward deeper connection—with yourself and with others.

Dr. Arielle Schwartz is a licensed psychologist and a leading voice in the healing of trauma. She is an internationally sought-after teacher and award winning author of eight books including The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook, Therapeutic Yoga for Trauma, and Applied Polyvagal Theory in Yoga. As the founder of the Center for Resilience Informed Therapy, she offers a mind-body approach to therapy for trauma and informational mental health and wellness updates through her writing, public speaking, social media presence, and blog. She believes that the journey of trauma recovery is an awakening of the spiritual heart.

Episode Highlights

06:17 Uncovering attachment wounds and realizing childhood patterns in adulthood.

08:41 How shame and unworthiness show up in everyday relationship gestures.

10:59 The deep impact of relational trauma on trust and receiving love.

13:44 Cycles of childhood rejection and their lasting influence in relationships.

17:04 Understanding neuroception: Faulty safety cues and couple dynamics.

23:04 Common protective behaviors that mask shame and hinder true connection.

26:02 How longing to be authentically seen often leads to frustration and anger.

27:46 Facing shame: The role of curiosity, acceptance, and turning toward pain.

34:33 How slowing down and identifying underlying feelings in moments of reactivity allows for more vulnerable communication and understanding between partners.

37:03 Accessing and soothing shame through parts work and somatic awareness.

41:04 The power of presence: Attending to shame somatically and non-judgmentally.

42:57 Supporting partners in their activation: Invitations, patience, and repair.

Your Check List of Actions to Take

Start noticing moments when you feel unworthy or defensive in relationships, and pause to reflect on what’s being activated inside you.
Practice slowing down your reactions, even if just for a few seconds, to bring curiosity rather than judgment to your responses.
When you notice shame or discomfort, try labeling it as just one part of yourself—remind yourself it doesn’t define your entire being.
Invite more acceptance for uncomfortable feelings by turning toward them with compassion instead of pushing them away.
If you’re in a reactive moment with a loved one, communicate with phrases like, “Can I run something by you?” or “The story I'm telling myself is…” to clarify your experience.
Focus on building body awareness—notice where you feel tension, contraction, or the urge to hide, and gently stay present with it.
When you notice a protective behavior like people-pleasing or withdrawing, ask yourself what underlying need or emotion might be driving it.
In heated moments with your partner, offer supportive choices like, “How can I best support you right now?” instead of jumping into problem-solving or fixing.