ERP 499: Regulate to Relate: Building Embodied Safety in Love — An Interview with Aubrey Aust
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Release Date: 10/21/2025
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
What if the key to lasting love wasn’t just about finding the right person, but about growing the right partnership? Too often, couples step into long-term relationships without the relational tools, shared vision, or understanding of virtues that make for true unity. Instead of connection, misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts take root—leaving even the most committed couples wondering how to sustain harmony and joy in the face of life’s everyday challenges. In this episode, listeners are guided through a practical roadmap for cultivating deeper unity within their relationships....
info_outlineEmpowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Repeating the same old arguments with no satisfying conclusion? It’s a frustrating cycle—misunderstandings compound, resentment simmers, and the sense of connection begins to fade. Many couples find themselves stuck in patterns where efforts to communicate and show love seem to miss the mark, leaving both partners feeling unheard and unfulfilled. In this episode, listeners will uncover why these recurring disconnects happen and what can be done to break free from them. Through exploring the hidden influence of sensory preferences in communication and love, and sharing actionable techniques...
info_outlineEmpowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Are you tired of feeling like you have to choose between keeping the peace and being true to yourself in your relationships? Many people mistake silence for harmony, stuffing down their true feelings for fear of conflict, only to wake up one day feeling unheard, unseen, and disconnected. But what if speaking up—being honest about your needs and setting boundaries—was actually the path to deeper connection and intimacy, not the source of division? In this episode, listeners are invited to rethink what it means to be authentic in close relationships, especially when it comes to sharing hard...
info_outlineEmpowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Ever found yourself stuck in an argument, desperately clinging to being “right,” only to realize it’s pushing you further from the person you love? So many of us fall into this silent trap—believing that our idea of respect, kindness, or connection is universal, only to watch as those assumptions breed tension, misunderstanding, and emotional distance in our relationships. In this episode, listeners are invited to challenge these rigid notions of right and wrong that quietly erode intimacy. By exploring the difference between complaints and vulnerable requests, unpacking the dangers of...
info_outlineEmpowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Are you stuck in the painful loop of blame, shame, or resentment after a breakup or conflict? “Forgive and forget” sounds simple, but the reality of moving forward—especially when trust or boundaries have been violated—often feels like an impossible task. The baggage we carry from past relationships can quietly dictate our choices and limit our possibilities for genuine connection and growth. In this episode, listeners are guided through the often-misunderstood concept of forgiveness, exploring why it is a vital process for both personal growth and deeper intimacy. The conversation...
info_outlineEmpowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Are you living a life that looks great on paper, but feels like something's missing beneath the surface? You’ve climbed the ladder, checked all the boxes, yet relationships and real fulfillment seem just out of reach. The cycle of “almost, but not quite” can leave even the most accomplished individuals wondering why old patterns keep resurfacing and why true connection remains elusive. In this episode, listeners will explore how subconscious beliefs, habitual thought patterns, and unresolved emotional baggage shape the dynamics of love and connection. Through practical approaches like...
info_outlineEmpowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Money isn’t just about numbers; it’s the silent language shaping intimacy, trust, and fairness in our closest relationships. Beneath the surface of budgets and bank accounts often lies a tangled web of beliefs, emotions, and unspoken histories that can spark misunderstanding, resentment, or even distance between partners. The challenge? Finding a way to transform financial conversations from battlegrounds into bridges of deeper connection. In this episode, listeners will discover how to unpack personal money stories, identify invisible patterns, and create a foundation for fairness that...
info_outlineEmpowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Resentment is the silent killer of connection—creeping in beneath the surface, quietly eroding the intimacy and trust between partners. Too often, the frustration we feel in our relationships stems not just from our partner’s actions, but from deeper unmet needs and patterns we haven’t paused to examine. When left unaddressed, this silent disconnect can blossom into the so-called “roommate syndrome,” where couples drift apart, stuck in cycles of survival mode, logistical interactions, and emotional isolation. In this episode, listeners are invited to explore how resentment actually...
info_outlineEmpowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Have you ever wondered why you keep finding yourself in the same relationship patterns, no matter how hard you try to change? It’s almost as if, despite our best intentions and awareness, we’re drawn to the familiar—even if it’s painful. The fear of uncertainty trumps the discomfort of what we know, leaving many stuck in cycles of repeated conflict, unmet needs, and unclear intentions. In this episode, listeners are guided through the origins of these repeating patterns, from early attachment experiences to later life trauma, and how they shape the template for adult relationships. The...
info_outlineEmpowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Love alone isn’t always enough to keep everyone under one roof feeling connected and secure. Despite the dream of harmony and the promise of new beginnings, many families find themselves struggling with uncertainty, misaligned expectations, and recurring conflicts that love simply can’t resolve. Is it possible to create a sense of “home” where everyone feels seen, heard, and supported—without sacrificing your relationship or your own well-being? In this episode, listeners will discover why building a thriving blended family isn’t just about love—it’s about creating alignment...
info_outlineEver feel like you know all the “right” things to do in a relationship, but when the moment comes, your body is flooded with stress, your voice tightens, or you just shut down? Many of us long for deep connection and trust, but when life gets real, our nervous system can hijack our best intentions. The invisible forces of old wounds, protective patterns, and the lightning-fast reactions of our bodies can make true safety in love feel just out of reach.
In this episode, you’ll discover practical ways to bridge the gap between knowing and feeling safe and connected with your partner. Drawing on insights from attachment and polyvagal theory, somatic psychology, and real-world relationship experiences, the conversation sheds light on what “embodied safety” truly means—and why it’s the foundation for intimacy, trust, and even passion. Listeners will come away with tools to notice their body’s cues, co-regulate with a partner, and develop relational intelligence that supports lasting, resilient love—even when challenges arise.
Aubrey Aust is a writer and master’s candidate at NYU studying relational psychology and philosophy. Her work explores how emotional safety, embodiment, and relational intelligence shape intimacy and trust. Drawing from attachment theory, polyvagal theory, and somatic psychology, Aubrey helps individuals and couples understand how to build safety in relationships through both the mind and the body. She is passionate about making complex psychological insights practical, soulful, and deeply human.
Episode Highlights
08:38 How our bodies subconsciously sense safety or danger in relationships.
10:32 The importance of nonverbal cues and body sensations in emotional communication.
16:50 Identifying and changing self-protective behaviors that block intimacy.
19:10 Accessing vulnerability for co-regulation.
21:54 How consistency shapes true relational growth.
26:32 Navigating the tension between meeting others’ needs and self-care in daily life.
28:08 How curiosity about intense emotions can help heal shame and estrangement.
32:04 How understanding core needs brings freedom and new options in relationships.
35:17 Rewiring your reactions: How noticing your nervous system transforms relationships.
38:39 How small shifts in attention can instantly calm your nervous system.
41:30 Unlocking the power to heal and evolve through relationship challenges.
Your Check List of Actions to Take
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Take conscious pauses to slow down and deepen your breath, helping you regulate stress and become more present in relationships.
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Practice tuning into your bodily sensations during interactions—notice tension, breath patterns, or relaxation—to better understand your felt sense of safety.
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Build somatic awareness by gently observing your physical reactions when you feel unsafe or activated, such as tightness, speeding up, or shutting down.
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Create check-in rituals with your partner to attune to each other’s nervous system cues, like noticing changes in body language, tone, or energy.
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Normalize and expect moments of rupture or conflict, and view them as opportunities to build relational trust through repair and open communication.
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Get curious about your protective patterns (such as people-pleasing, avoidance, or hyper-independence) and consider when they may no longer serve intimacy.
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Use subtle self-regulation techniques in social situations, like grounding your feet, gently pressing your fingers together, or scanning the room to calm your nervous system.
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When you feel dysregulated in a conversation, ask clarifying questions or take a brief pause to gather yourself instead of reacting from a place of activation.
Mentioned
It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Social Baseline Theory (National Library of Medicine article)
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) (Psychology Today)
Polyvegal Theory (Polyvagal Institute)
Evolve in Love (program)
Evolve In Love Discovery Session with Dr. Jessica Higgins (Acuity booking link)
Connect with Aubrey Aust
Websites: aubreyaust.com
YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCozW2k08GkMQbjs1vyN_Fkw
Instagram: www.instagram.com/aubrey__aust
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/aubrey-aust-8b7744174
Newsletter: aubreyaust.com/newsletter