ERP 499: Regulate to Relate: Building Embodied Safety in Love — An Interview with Aubrey Aust
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Release Date: 10/21/2025
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Are you living a life that looks great on paper, but feels like something's missing beneath the surface? You’ve climbed the ladder, checked all the boxes, yet relationships and real fulfillment seem just out of reach. The cycle of “almost, but not quite” can leave even the most accomplished individuals wondering why old patterns keep resurfacing and why true connection remains elusive. In this episode, listeners will explore how subconscious beliefs, habitual thought patterns, and unresolved emotional baggage shape the dynamics of love and connection. Through practical approaches like...
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Money isn’t just about numbers; it’s the silent language shaping intimacy, trust, and fairness in our closest relationships. Beneath the surface of budgets and bank accounts often lies a tangled web of beliefs, emotions, and unspoken histories that can spark misunderstanding, resentment, or even distance between partners. The challenge? Finding a way to transform financial conversations from battlegrounds into bridges of deeper connection. In this episode, listeners will discover how to unpack personal money stories, identify invisible patterns, and create a foundation for fairness that...
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Resentment is the silent killer of connection—creeping in beneath the surface, quietly eroding the intimacy and trust between partners. Too often, the frustration we feel in our relationships stems not just from our partner’s actions, but from deeper unmet needs and patterns we haven’t paused to examine. When left unaddressed, this silent disconnect can blossom into the so-called “roommate syndrome,” where couples drift apart, stuck in cycles of survival mode, logistical interactions, and emotional isolation. In this episode, listeners are invited to explore how resentment actually...
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Have you ever wondered why you keep finding yourself in the same relationship patterns, no matter how hard you try to change? It’s almost as if, despite our best intentions and awareness, we’re drawn to the familiar—even if it’s painful. The fear of uncertainty trumps the discomfort of what we know, leaving many stuck in cycles of repeated conflict, unmet needs, and unclear intentions. In this episode, listeners are guided through the origins of these repeating patterns, from early attachment experiences to later life trauma, and how they shape the template for adult relationships. The...
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Love alone isn’t always enough to keep everyone under one roof feeling connected and secure. Despite the dream of harmony and the promise of new beginnings, many families find themselves struggling with uncertainty, misaligned expectations, and recurring conflicts that love simply can’t resolve. Is it possible to create a sense of “home” where everyone feels seen, heard, and supported—without sacrificing your relationship or your own well-being? In this episode, listeners will discover why building a thriving blended family isn’t just about love—it’s about creating alignment...
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Ever notice how the smallest trigger in your relationship—a tone of voice, a lingering look, or a forgotten chore—can suddenly feel like a five-alarm fire? The truth is, most couples aren’t fighting about the dishes or the laundry; they’re struggling against the undercurrents of stress, anxiety, and unspoken needs that simmer just beneath the surface. When these emotions erupt, it’s not just about the task at hand but the deep human urge to be seen, valued, and connected. Left unchecked, these survival-driven stress responses can turn moments of misunderstanding into cycles of blame,...
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Why do so many relationships, despite the best intentions, end up stuck in cycles of hurt, disappointment, or disconnection? We search for “the one,” hope for a soulmate to fulfill us, and cling to romantic ideals—even as we find ourselves repeating old patterns and feeling powerless when things get tough. The real challenge, it seems, isn’t just finding love, but learning how to nurture it consciously and responsibly. What if the secret isn’t about changing others, but transforming how we relate, both to ourselves and to our loved ones? In this episode, discover how to break free...
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Are you constantly racing against the clock, feeling like life’s demands are pulling you in every direction—and yet, your own needs, goals, and relationships are slipping through the cracks? Burnout, overwhelm, and the tricky balance of work, family, and personal fulfillment are challenges that leave many people wondering: Does time own me, or can I truly shape how I live within it? In this episode, the conversation delves deep into how our relationship with time can be transformed from a relentless source of stress into a foundation for personal wholeness and relational strength. You’ll...
info_outlineEmpowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Ever wondered why, despite our best intentions, we keep falling into the same relationship traps? Or how two people can feel worlds apart even when they desperately want things to work? The subtle dance of self-worth, mutual respect, and compatibility often determines whether love thrives or fizzles out. Too often, we end up settling for relationships that slowly chip away at our confidence, hoping for change while ignoring the mismatch in values, traits, and emotional needs. In this episode, listeners are guided through a groundbreaking and practical approach for understanding the science...
info_outlineEver feel like you know all the “right” things to do in a relationship, but when the moment comes, your body is flooded with stress, your voice tightens, or you just shut down? Many of us long for deep connection and trust, but when life gets real, our nervous system can hijack our best intentions. The invisible forces of old wounds, protective patterns, and the lightning-fast reactions of our bodies can make true safety in love feel just out of reach.
In this episode, you’ll discover practical ways to bridge the gap between knowing and feeling safe and connected with your partner. Drawing on insights from attachment and polyvagal theory, somatic psychology, and real-world relationship experiences, the conversation sheds light on what “embodied safety” truly means—and why it’s the foundation for intimacy, trust, and even passion. Listeners will come away with tools to notice their body’s cues, co-regulate with a partner, and develop relational intelligence that supports lasting, resilient love—even when challenges arise.
Aubrey Aust is a writer and master’s candidate at NYU studying relational psychology and philosophy. Her work explores how emotional safety, embodiment, and relational intelligence shape intimacy and trust. Drawing from attachment theory, polyvagal theory, and somatic psychology, Aubrey helps individuals and couples understand how to build safety in relationships through both the mind and the body. She is passionate about making complex psychological insights practical, soulful, and deeply human.
Episode Highlights
08:38 How our bodies subconsciously sense safety or danger in relationships.
10:32 The importance of nonverbal cues and body sensations in emotional communication.
16:50 Identifying and changing self-protective behaviors that block intimacy.
19:10 Accessing vulnerability for co-regulation.
21:54 How consistency shapes true relational growth.
26:32 Navigating the tension between meeting others’ needs and self-care in daily life.
28:08 How curiosity about intense emotions can help heal shame and estrangement.
32:04 How understanding core needs brings freedom and new options in relationships.
35:17 Rewiring your reactions: How noticing your nervous system transforms relationships.
38:39 How small shifts in attention can instantly calm your nervous system.
41:30 Unlocking the power to heal and evolve through relationship challenges.
Your Check List of Actions to Take
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Take conscious pauses to slow down and deepen your breath, helping you regulate stress and become more present in relationships.
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Practice tuning into your bodily sensations during interactions—notice tension, breath patterns, or relaxation—to better understand your felt sense of safety.
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Build somatic awareness by gently observing your physical reactions when you feel unsafe or activated, such as tightness, speeding up, or shutting down.
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Create check-in rituals with your partner to attune to each other’s nervous system cues, like noticing changes in body language, tone, or energy.
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Normalize and expect moments of rupture or conflict, and view them as opportunities to build relational trust through repair and open communication.
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Get curious about your protective patterns (such as people-pleasing, avoidance, or hyper-independence) and consider when they may no longer serve intimacy.
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Use subtle self-regulation techniques in social situations, like grounding your feet, gently pressing your fingers together, or scanning the room to calm your nervous system.
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When you feel dysregulated in a conversation, ask clarifying questions or take a brief pause to gather yourself instead of reacting from a place of activation.
Mentioned
It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Social Baseline Theory (National Library of Medicine article)
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) (Psychology Today)
Polyvegal Theory (Polyvagal Institute)
Evolve in Love (program)
Evolve In Love Discovery Session with Dr. Jessica Higgins (Acuity booking link)
Connect with Aubrey Aust
Websites: aubreyaust.com
YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCozW2k08GkMQbjs1vyN_Fkw
Instagram: www.instagram.com/aubrey__aust
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/aubrey-aust-8b7744174
Newsletter: aubreyaust.com/newsletter