ERP 502: Beyond Fear and Control: Building Emotional Flexibility in Relationships — An Interview with Dr. Patricia Zurita Ona
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Release Date: 11/12/2025
Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Have you ever wondered why, in the moments you crave connection the most, you suddenly find yourself pulling back or feeling unworthy of love? It’s a confusing cycle—wanting deep intimacy yet stumbling over old shame and protective patterns that keep you at arm’s length from those who matter most. The echoes of our early relationships can linger, quietly shaping the way we trust, open up, and even interpret simple gestures of kindness. Left unspoken and unexplored, these internal beliefs can create barriers to the very closeness we long for. In this episode, listeners are invited to take...
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Are you chasing every gold star, climbing every ladder, and nailing every “right” mark—only to find yourself missing out on real fulfillment and meaningful connection? The relentless pursuit of achievement can sometimes leave us feeling lonely, disconnected from ourselves, and trapped in relationships that don’t truly nourish our hearts. When ambition runs amok, the cost may be far greater than just burnout or missed vacation days—it can lead to self-abandonment and relationships that feel more like a cage than a home. In this episode, you’ll discover how overachievement and...
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In a world that often glorifies rugged individualism, finding real connection and mutual growth with others can feel elusive, especially when it comes to our closest relationships. The secret ingredient might just be what so many overlook: genuine collaboration—both at home and beyond. What if the key to thriving wasn’t “doing it all yourself,” but learning how to truly work together? In this episode, you’ll discover how building circles of collaboration can transform your personal relationships, family dynamics, and even your broader social and professional connections. Through...
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Why do the smallest disagreements with loved ones sometimes feel like the fiercest battles? Conflict in relationships often spirals into unproductive cycles of attack and defense, leaving us stuck, misunderstood, and further apart from the connection we crave. We rush to defend, strategize, and fix—yet rarely pause long enough to truly understand what matters beneath the surface. In this episode, listeners are invited to explore powerful strategies for breaking the cycle of reactivity and shifting attention toward curiosity, clarity, and genuine understanding. Through personal stories,...
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Ever feel like your to-do list is running your life and you barely have any energy left for what matters most—like connecting with loved ones or just enjoying the moment? In our fast-paced world, we often believe productivity comes from pushing ourselves harder, burning the candle at both ends, and tackling more tasks. But what if the key to a happier, healthier life starts before you even get to your goals and conversations—right in the foundation of your daily rhythms and body awareness? In this episode, you’ll discover why tuning into your body’s core needs is the missing link for...
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When was the last time you felt a sinking feeling just thinking about money? For many, money is far more than just numbers in a bank account—it's tangled up with our emotions, childhood experiences, and even our closest relationships. All too often, conversations around money get swept under the rug, leaving us to battle our financial stress and shame alone. But what if unraveling these hidden money wounds is the key to building stronger connections—with ourselves and with others? In this episode, listeners are invited to reimagine their relationship with money and begin addressing the...
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Navigating the complexities of family dynamics can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope—especially when relationships between parents and adult children become strained or even break down completely. Family estrangement is an increasingly common challenge that can leave everyone involved feeling isolated, misunderstood, and in deep pain. When communication falters and generational differences collide, how do we find a path toward empathy, healing, and growth? In this episode, listeners are invited into a heartfelt exploration of adult child-parent estrangement, its underlying causes, and...
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Many of us move through life repeating the same painful relationship patterns—feeling unsafe, unseen, or disconnected, even when we’re trying our hardest to “do everything right.” Invisible wounds from early experiences quietly shape the ways we love, cope, and relate as adults. Instead of recognizing these patterns as natural adaptations, we often turn the blame inward, not realizing that our attachment styles and protective behaviors are rooted in the body and nervous system as much as the mind. Real healing isn’t about forcing change or consuming endless self-help advice—it’s...
info_outlineEmpowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide
Are you letting anxiety and the need to play it safe hold you hostage in your relationships and personal growth? Too often, fear—of rejection, failure, or the unknown—becomes the invisible fence shaping our actions. Perfectionism, procrastination, overthinking, and the constant urge to avoid discomfort can shrink our lives, leaving us disconnected from our true selves and the people we care about most. In this episode, we explore how fear influences perfectionism, anxiety, and avoidance in our relationships and daily lives. Discover compassionate approaches to working with...
info_outlineAre you letting anxiety and the need to play it safe hold you hostage in your relationships and personal growth? Too often, fear—of rejection, failure, or the unknown—becomes the invisible fence shaping our actions. Perfectionism, procrastination, overthinking, and the constant urge to avoid discomfort can shrink our lives, leaving us disconnected from our true selves and the people we care about most.
In this episode, we explore how fear influences perfectionism, anxiety, and avoidance in our relationships and daily lives. Discover compassionate approaches to working with anxiety—learning why fighting it doesn’t work, and how, instead, our willingness to acknowledge, understand, and even befriend discomfort can become a gateway to deeper connection and greater freedom. Through practical tools and real-world strategies like "uncertainty workouts," values-based action, and self-compassion, this episode aims to help you navigate the messy, beautiful process of showing up more authentically for yourself and those you care about.
Dr. Patricia Zurita Ona is on a mission to help people break free from ineffective, play-it-safe patterns so they can begin living rich, purposeful, and meaningful lives. A trained psychologist, she is the author of seven books and co-author of two more. Her expertise has led her to present workshops at both national and international conferences. She also runs a boutique therapy and coaching practice that specializes in the application of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for anxiety. Passionate about her work, she delights in creating personalized resources for every client she serves.
Episode Highlights
06:03 The interconnectedness of anxiety and its impact on life.
09:07 The importance of accepting anxiety instead of fighting it.
10:02 Using values to guide responses and reduce anxiety’s control.
13:50 The need to tolerate discomfort in relationships.
18:53 Navigating fear of commitment and embracing uncertainty.
22:49 Building tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty.
24:32 How avoiding uncomfortable emotions can increase suffering and relates to trauma and emotional regulation.
29:52 Values-based exposure and compassionate approaches to fear.
33:41 Developing micro skills for managing difficult conversations.
35:41 Integrating self-compassion and Wise Moves for anxiety management.
38:01 Practical resources, parenting insights, and closing reflections.
Your Check List of Actions to Take
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Take a moment to pause with a deep inhale and exhale, noticing sensations in your body before engaging in difficult conversations or when feeling anxious.
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Instead of fighting anxiety, recognize it as a protective part of your humanity and make room for it.
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When anxiety arises, ask yourself what truly matters to you in that moment to guide your response.
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Embrace uncomfortable feelings in relationships without avoidance, viewing them as essential for growth and authenticity.
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Intentionally expose yourself to uncertainty in small, manageable ways (like trying a new restaurant or activity) to build tolerance.
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When fear surfaces, actively choose actions that align with your core values—even if they feel difficult.
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Treat yourself with gentleness during moments of avoidance, procrastination, or anxiety, recognizing your effort and courage.
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When facing a fearful situation, pause and check in with your body and thoughts, then proceed with intentionality rather than rushing through.
Mentioned
The ACT Workbook for Teens with OCD (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Living Beyond OCD Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Escaping the Emotional Roller Coaster (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Parenting a Troubled Teen (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Acceptance and Commitment Skills for Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
The ACT Workbook for the Anxious Procrastinator (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Dr. Z’s Online Classes (link)
ERP 238: How To Find Your Emotional Balance In Relationship
12 Relationship Principles to Strengthen Your Love (free relationship guide) (pdf)
Connect with Dr. Patricia Zurita Ona
Websites: thisisdoctorz.com | eastbaybehaviortherapycenter.com
Facebook: facebook.com/EastBayBehaviorTherapyCenter | facebook.com/Dr-Z-102029237841421
X: twitter.com/DrZ_behaviorist
YouTube: linkedin.com/in/patricia-e-zurita-ona-psy-d-949b5a15
Instagram: instagram.com/dr.z.passionatebehaviorist