"I'm Not Good Enough" The Origins And Impact Of Self Limiting Beliefs

Episode Summary

Mark and Jim dive into the belief that quietly caps potential: “I’m not good enough.” They trace where it starts (childhood messages, school systems, fear, past misses) and how it shows up in adult life: promotions we never ask for, relationships we avoid, work we don’t share, skills we won’t try. Along the way: stories from recruiting, entrepreneurship, parenting after divorce, and reframing regret as proof you care.

The Conversation Explores

• What a self-limiting belief system is
  Thoughts that feel like facts, internalized from fear, old messages, or past experiences.

• The 5 arenas (Wheel)
  Worldview, Relationships, Self (mental/physical), Money, Profession — how “not good enough” plays out in each.

• Work & promotion
  Why most people never ask for what they’ve earned, and how confidence changes the conversation.

• Entrepreneurship vs applying
  Creating your own game when the tryout mentality keeps you small.

• Relationships after divorce
  Giving yourself permission to try again; why confidence is attractive and insecurity isn’t.

• Sharing creative work
  Moving past impostor syndrome with repetition, practice, and kinder self-assessment.

• New skills and hobbies
  Transferable skills, permission to pivot, and expanding identity beyond a single job title.

• Regret, reframed
  Regret as a healthy signal you care; choosing “die trying” over “live with regret.”

Key Moments & Stories

• Recruiter’s lens: Mark’s thousands of candidate conversations start with identity and limiting beliefs. If you don’t surface them, they steer the process.

• The tryout that never happened: Mark on not trying out for Notre Dame basketball and how that voice can echo years later.

• Starting the company anyway: Zero doubt when building a business while others warned him off. Creating the job vs applying for it.

• Ten years post-divorce: Mark waited to date to protect his kids; his daughters later “gave permission,” unlocking forward motion.

• School, labels, and creativity: Jim on being misread by testing, then discovering his superpower for big-picture problem solving and invention.

• The pause technique: Mark’s 5–30 second reset before hard conversations to center, lead, and stay kind.

Practical Takeaways

• Name it to tame it. Write down the exact sentence you tell yourself. If it starts with “I am not the kind of person who…,” you’ve found it.

• Permission is powerful. If you’re waiting for it from others, give it to yourself in writing: “I authorize myself to ___ by ___.”

• Promotions are conversations, not coronations. Prepare a one-page value brief: outcomes delivered, metrics improved, what you’ll own next quarter. Ask.

• Create your own league. If gatekeepers won’t let you try out, design a game where your strengths are the rules.

• Ship small, ship often. Post the paragraph, not the book. Momentum beats perfection.

• Transfer your skills. List 10 core skills you use now. For each, map 3 roles or industries where it applies. Circle what excites you.

• Use the pause. Before tough calls or meetings: inhale, count to 5, set intention, enter calm.

• Reframe regret. Treat it as useful data: “I regret X, which tells me Y matters. My next right action is Z.”

Micro-Exercises (REAL)

• Reflect: When did “not good enough” first show up? Write the earliest memory and one adult echo.

• Evaluate: Evidence check. List 5 counter-facts that disprove the belief this week.

• Activate: One ask you’ve avoided (raise, referral, date, publish). Put it on the calendar with a script.

• Lead: Tell one person how they positively impact you. Confidence compounds when you give it.

Notable Quotes

• “Confidence is very attractive; a lack of confidence is very unattractive.”

• “No one’s coming to promote you unless you promote yourself.”

• “I’d rather die trying than live with regret.”

• “If you don’t surface limiting beliefs, they steer the process.”

Resources Mentioned

• The Imperfect Men’s Club Wheel: Worldview, Relationships, Self, Money, Profession

• Mark’s “pause” practice for hard conversations

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