Imperfect Mens Club

Our podcast is raw...no edits, no music, no commercials. My buddy Jim and I have fun talking about life and business and anything we find interesting. We're both successful entrepreneurs, former athletes, fathers and we don't shy away from controversy. We don't agree on everything and we both like to laugh imperfectmensclub.com IG: @imperfectmensclubpodcast

Civil Discourse In A Divided World 09/18/2025

Civil Discourse In A Divided World In this episode of the Imperfect Men’s Club Podcast, Mark Aylward and Jim Gurulé dive into the lost art of civil discourse—why it matters, how we’ve strayed from it, and what it takes to bring it back into everyday life. The conversation explores: Why civil discourse is more than politeness Civil discourse goes beyond surface-level politeness or avoiding conflict. It’s about creating space for real dialogue that expands knowledge, challenges assumptions, and strengthens community. Mark and Jim unpack why this practice is critical for healthy democracies, strong relationships, and personal growth—and why its absence is fueling so much of today’s division. The rules of engagement The guys walk through the simple but often ignored ground rules of meaningful conversation: focus on issues rather than attacking people, defend your positions with facts instead of emotion alone, and be willing to entertain the possibility that you might learn something from the other side. They show how these guidelines, when practiced consistently, shift discussions from combative to constructive. The personal cost of polarization What happens when we refuse to hear opposing views? Jim shares how shutting down or resorting to labels prevents us from seeing nuance, while Mark reflects on how defensiveness narrows our ability to learn. They both highlight the mental, relational, and even physical toll of living in a constant state of us-versus-them—and how practicing civil discourse can relieve that burden. Practical steps to have better conversations Civil discourse doesn’t just belong in politics or philosophy—it’s useful at the dinner table, in the boardroom, and even on social media. Mark and Jim share practical steps: asking genuine questions instead of making assumptions, pausing before reacting, finding points of agreement before diving into differences, and setting clear intentions for the exchange. These tools help turn difficult conversations into opportunities for connection. How leaders (and men especially) can model calm, strength, and curiosity Men are often conditioned to argue, defend, or dominate conversations. Mark and Jim challenge this narrative, suggesting that true leadership shows up as restraint, humility, and a willingness to be curious. They discuss how modeling composure and curiosity—especially in front of family, teams, or communities—creates ripple effects that invite others to follow suit. Mark and Jim reflect on their own experiences—moments when they’ve struggled to stay grounded in heated discussions—and the lessons they’ve taken away about presence, restraint, and humility. This isn’t about “winning” arguments. It’s about building mutual respect, deeper understanding, and a stronger sense of connection in a time when it’s easier than ever to divide. If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “That went nowhere”, this episode will give you the tools—and the courage to try again, differently. /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/38271190

“Do It Anyway” - The Key To Mining Your Own Personal Gold 09/11/2025

“Do It Anyway” - The Key To Mining Your Own Personal Gold Short Description Mark and Jim unpack “self-alchemy”—turning your life’s raw materials (skills, reps, scars, notes, half-finished ideas) into something valuable. They connect it to the IMC wheel (Profession, Relationships, Money, Health/Well-Being, Worldview), talk about aligning work with values, and make the case for creating consistently despite criticism, delays, or imperfect outcomes. AI shows up not as artificial intelligence but as amplified intelligence that helps curate and ship your life’s work. The refrain: Do it anyway. What We Cover Self-Alchemy defined: Inner transformation using your “base metals” (experiences, frameworks, drafts) to produce your version of “gold.” The IMC Wheel & the Self: Self-awareness → self-evaluation → self-alignment → self-activation across the five arenas of life. Curation over chaos: Organizing years of assets into frameworks, priority, and sequence so they actually help people. AI as Amplified Intelligence: A second brain that remembers, structures, and accelerates your work. Frameworks that ship: “Capture → Create → Collaborate” as a practical pattern for getting ideas into the world. Do It Anyway: Drawing on the “Do it anyway” poem (often attributed in popular culture to Mother Teresa’s wall; originally by Kent M. Keith), the guys stress showing up regardless of judgment, jealousy, or slow results. Two real stories: Jim’s decade-long patent journey—risk, doubt, and finally momentum. Mark’s lunch with a 55-year-old exec whose confidence was rebuilt in one conversation—and the ripple effect that follows. Key Takeaways Your gold already exists in your notes, habits, reps, and history; the hard part is mining and refining it. Curation > accumulation: Put your work in order—first step, second step, third step—then frame it so others can use it. Process beats outcome: If your process is sound, outcomes arrive on their own timeline. Permission is internal: You don’t need a gatekeeper to create. You probably never did. Critics aren’t your coaches: “Never accept criticism from someone you wouldn’t seek advice from.” Impact scales sideways: Change one person’s outlook today; the butterfly effect handles the rest. Memorable Lines “AI isn’t artificial; it’s amplified intelligence.” “Do it anyway.” “Frameworks make things easier to explain—and easier to understand.” “First they laugh, then they criticize, then they celebrate you.” “Never accept criticism from someone you wouldn’t seek advice from.” Practical Frameworks Mentioned Capture → Create → Collaborate (Jim) REAL / IMC Wheel: Centered on Self, applied across Profession, Relationships, Money, Health/Well-Being, Worldview Curation Moves: Order (1-2-3), Priority (what matters most), Framing (how it’s delivered) Try This This Week Inventory your “base metals.” Make a one-page list of your assets: experiences, wins/losses, notes, talks, posts, client results. Choose one framework. Map your list into Capture → Create → Collaborate. What’s captured? What will you create next? With whom will you collaborate? Publish something small. A 200-word post that teaches one lesson you already know. Do it anyway. Call to Action If this resonated, leave a 4–5★ review on Apple Podcasts and drop one line about what helped you most—it truly helps other men find the show. Subscribe, share with a friend who’s “mining his gold,” and tag us with what you’re curating this week. Episode Tags Self-Alchemy, Confidence, Curation, Frameworks, AI/Amplified Intelligence, Purpose, Resilience, Leadership, Career Transitions, IMC Wheel /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/38183730

Self Gratitude Is A Muscle That Needs Reps 09/04/2025

Self Gratitude Is A Muscle That Needs Reps I open this one with a simple ask: if our stuff helps you, drop a quick rating/review on Apple. It really does get this message in front of guys who need it. What we cover Self-gratitude, defined. Appreciating and acknowledging yourself for who you are and what you’ve actually done—without chasing external approval. Bitter vs. better is a choice. The default is bitterness. Choosing better takes practice, self-awareness, and repetition. Regret, comparison, and the inner critic. How we reflect on past choices can inflame regret or dissolve it. Comparison is on my daily “surrender” list. Belonging and contribution. Underneath our titles and paychecks, most people want the same two things: to belong and to contribute—and to be appreciated for it. Leadership blind spot. Great leaders praise in public, correct in private. Appreciation is the most missing leadership behavior I see. Environment matters. Negative rooms and isolation will eat your mindset. Choose your company and your inputs. Mark’s daily practice (the muscle) I share my three-part morning ritual: Love: I send quick love/thanks toward five arenas—God, my kids, my work, my health, my girlfriend. Surrender: I write down the junk (comparison, regret, self-doubt, impatience, pride… about 7–8 items) and hand it off to God—“They’re yours for today.” I ask my inner critic (the “little guy”) to be kind. Visualize: I picture the life I’m building and the energy I’ll bring into rooms. Most days the payoff is quiet; some days it hits like a wave. Jim’s story: gratitude → impact Jim walks us through his 18th annual Hayward High Football Alumni Campout: Full varsity team in his backyard. Food, mentorship, standards. Message #1: Show up. Ninety percent of life is showing up—on time, every time, prepared. Message #2: Transitions matter. From “last whistle” (football) to “last bell” (graduation) to real life. Keep showing up when the spotlight moves. Message #3: Filtration is real. Life tries to filter you out. Earn your way into the 10% who keep going. A moment of firm kindness: A junior who lost eligibility asked to come. Jim told him no—then challenged him to fix his grades and earn it next year. The payoff: former players are now coaches, ADs, husbands, fathers—and they came back to lead. That’s impact you can touch. Quotes we reference “All comparison leads to misery.” “Don’t wish it were easier; wish you were better.” “People may forget what you said, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou Why this matters (to you and me) Self-gratitude is internal work. It’s how you talk to yourself when no one’s around. It changes rooms. I walk into trainings and tell myself: I’m going to light this room up. Gratitude fuels that. It sustains legacy. Not ego—purpose. Belonging + contribution over time becomes your life’s work. Try this this week Write a 3-line gratitude check each morning (love → surrender → visualize). Praise someone in public today. One sentence. Be specific. Audit your inputs: one negative feed out, one positive conversation in. Do one “show up” rep when you don’t feel like it. Then notice how you talk to yourself afterward. Quick CTA If this hit you, share it with a friend who needs it—and rate/review the show on Apple. One or two sentences helps more than you think. Thanks for listening. /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/38084385

Self Mastery - 12 Principles For A Rich Life 08/28/2025

Self Mastery - 12 Principles For A Rich Life Mark introduces the topic of self mastery and self transformation. Jim found 12 rules of self mastery online Discipline Focus Resilience Consistency Solitude Energy Mind Body Legacy Time Surround Untouchable Jim explains how he was attracted to this framework He connects this exercise to self awareness. He shares that our life is “on us”. No one is coming to help. We are responsible for our lives Mark begins by reading the definition of each word. First is discipline. Mark suggests there is no destination. It’s a journey. Jim suggests discipline requires us to do hard things every day. Mark distinguishes between what we can’t control and what we can. These 12 practices are all within our control Mark reads the definition of discipline. He talks about his routines and how he is impacted by missing his routine. Jim reflects on the irony of associating discipline with freedom Mark shares how all 12 are connected. He then reads the definition of focus Jim shares how all our devices make focus very difficult. Mark talks about how his intellectual curiosity is a challenge for him. Jim connects self awareness to self mastery. It’s the beginning of self mastery. Unfinished things become a source of regret and anxiety Mark reads the definition of resilience…one of his favorite words Jim says what doesn’t break you makes you. He sees this as the opposite of victimhood. Mark reflects on how we react to hardship. Jim agrees. Both guys reflect on how we react to people who opt for victimhood versus self accountability Mark shares how he qualifies people in interviews by asking about hardship Consistency is next. Small actions repeated over time. Mark shares his experience with getting close to quitting and says the closer you get to quitting, the closer you are to success. Jim shares how hard consistency is and how most people quit. He talks about the creative mind works regarding patents. Mark remembers the successful people he knows and Larry Bird in the context of showing up. Jim puts the perspective on showing up…ready, prepared, on time and energized Solitude is next. Jim loves this idea because of the clarity it brings. It eliminates distractions. Being alone is something to strive to be comfortable with. Mark separates being alone and being lonely Next is energy. Energy is a currency. Some people give energy and some people take energy away. Mark shares his experience with the news. He stopped watching because it was sapping his energy. Jim agrees. Mark says he lets people take his energy to a fault. He talks about both his daughters and how they handle new relationships. Both guys laugh about Mark’s ex-wife and her narcissism. Once agian it’s a matter of self awareness. Next is the mind. Mark brings up his mind centered work. He equates it with exercise and compares the mind with the body. Jim relates this topic to the flywheel framework and the 5 areas of life. How directly the body and mind are dependent on one another. The body is the next topic. Mark talks about eating with purpose and how challenged he is by it. Jim says if the body is not attended to, everything else is off. Jim says he gets his best thoughts when he is exercising. Mark shares how the 4 mile walk he took this morning, healed his mind. Next is legacy. Mark reads the definition of legacy and frames it as an issue that becomes bigger for men as we age. Jim talks about how he was thinking of legacy as an ego thing and how he has shifted his opinion toward impact versus ego. People want to serve and leave impact. He shares how he prefers not to get attention or credit for his service. Mark checks the time and suggests they quickly finish the list. He summarizes with time, surround and untouchable. Jim addresses time as be careful with who you give your time to. Be selective of who you spend your time with. Mark suggests that you are the product of the 5 people you spend most of your time with. Jim references the idea of being untouchable. Mark concludes with his opinion about young people today and their struggles. He shares how important these 12 principles are for young people to live by. Jim adds that these 12 are good for all men. Not just young men. Jim ends with his opinion that these principles have been discouraged for means thought they might be toxic or bad /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/38000940

What Life Teaches Us About Self-Discovery - Reflection, Humility, and Belonging 08/23/2025

What Life Teaches Us About Self-Discovery - Reflection, Humility, and Belonging Mark introduces the topic of Self discovery He frames the topic with Carl Jung’s definition of what happens in life when we reach the age of 60 and then shares additional context about the beginning, middle and tail end of life and how we can “rediscover” ourselves many times over the course of our lives Jim views life in 5 and 10 year “stages”. He doesn’t think everyone goes thru self discovery exercises and then he brings the flywheel framework for context. He shares his research for this episode. He appreciates his solitude as an example of his self discovery and how the world gets smaller as we age Mark chimes in saying he agrees that not everyone goes thru continuous self reflection and he share his “career” angle. He says most everyone he engages with starts with self reflection and self awareness. He thinks it’s helpful to understand that others are evolving all the time and recognizing that can make us more empathetic. Jim agrees that context is important. Understanding the unique experience of others is important. Us “old” guys talk more than the younger generation Mark talks about wanting to share his wisdom with younger people Jim asks Mark to share the 5 areas of self discovery he came upon in his research. The beginning stage is the time where we develop our ego and how we develop it. Jim brings up the idea that developing your confidence is very important. He talks about his own family in terms of ego and self promotion. Both guys talk about how their families handled self promotion and celebration. How we now self promote and how that is contradictory to how we were raised. Jim shares his opinion on self promotion and personal branding Mark moves the discussion into phase 2. Predominantly living for others. Kids, bosses, spouse…Then it shifts. No kids, divorce, health…Menopause, aging. Mark thinks his marriage went south because communication stopped Jim talks about the unique experiences of women and how some of them deal with this turning point. When the nest empties, the conversation changes. Jim has developed a newfound appreciation for the female experience Mark thinks the key is self reflection and then communication Mark brings up the next stage…fitting in Jim grabs the conversation. He says everybody wants to belong. The wounded child. He talks about how we suppress our childhood wounds. How we can avoid them or address them. How we try to address them and how we all experienced the same time of life as very different memories. Mark talks about the difference between the eldest child and the youngest child. Ultimately it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you respond. Jim brings up self talk. Mark shares his opinion about his inner voice. Jim reminds us that the imperfection is the perfection. IMC. Mark brings up church and sinners. Jim chimes in about sinning Mark moves to the accumulation of experiences as phase 4. Jim thinks humility is a profoundly important human trait and that we all should aspire to being humble. Mark talks about his experience evolving into a more humble person. Both guys share their opinions on hardship and humility. Mark brings up his 60th birthday and his panic attack. He made a decision to try and figure that shit out and how he has evolved. “A return to the soul” The last phase of “simply being one’s self” Mark brings up legacy. Jim shares his opinion about the difference between men and women about legacy Mark talks about his dad and his end of life upcoming as he turns 97 in a few weeks Jim brings up Marks mom and her suicide and then shares his experience with his dad’s passing. Looking over his birth and death certificates and reflecting on the reality of his timeline and where the world was at those times Mark shares his perspective on how we might help and learn from those who are younger as well as those who are older /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37903355

Subconscious Self Doubt - The Silent Partner You Never Chose 08/14/2025

Subconscious Self Doubt - The Silent Partner You Never Chose Mark introduces the topic of the subconscious mind and the emotion of self doubt. He cites the science that shows we are driven by our subconscious. Somewhere between 85 and 95% of our actions are from subconscious memory Jim shares his opinion about how this topic fits into our wheel. He aligns the discussion to the wheel. He heard a podcast that talked about self doubt and money. He quotes the podcast and agrees with Marks incite into the science of the subconscious. Mark talks about his frame of reference being the people he knows that have varying degrees of emotional balance. Happy people and depressed people. He shares his opinion on how he tries to balance his subconscious mind. Jim misinterpreted Mark’s message and Mark corrects him. Jim brings up the concepts of energy, vibration and frequency. He says great leaders have high positive energy and vibration Both guys are supporting the idea that change begins with self awareness Mark thinks everyone has self doubt. He says if you aren’t doubting yourself every so often, you’re not stretching enough. Some things should scare you Jim shares his opinion about living with joy versus doubt. Both guys say that no one is “on” all the time. Then Mark shares his story about yoga and his “energy reading” experience. “She shrieked” and he transitions to how his energy dropped and it impacted his company during his divorce. Jim brings up self sabotage and Mark shares his opinion about disagreement. He thinks that our society has lost the ability to disagree and it causes heightened negative energy. Jim says some of this is due to disconnection. We now communicate at arms length. Texting and social media. He cites the upcoming meeting between Putin and Trump and how important it is for them to be face to face. Mark cites an article he just read that said 55% of communication is body language. Mark says most people don’t even pay attention to their body language. Jim talks about generational differences in how we communicate. Younger people prefer to text and older people want face to face talk Mark believes that we all have the ability to show up and impact what our subconscious mind does to us. Then he reflects on his experience with money from childhood to present day. A rollercoaster. Jim brings up Mark’s Catholic upbringing and the impact it has had on him. Mark shares his perspective and experience with his Catholic upbringing. He talks specifically about guilt and how it is so easily misinterpreted. Jim wants to go further with the discussion about Catholicism. Jim thinks Catholicism is a good morale compass. The guys share opinions about how religion can be misinterpreted. Mark shares a story about his Catholic priest uncle. Jim talks about the Mormon church and suppression. Mark talks about his dad and questioning things. Mark emphasizes the importance of speaking up and providing context. Jim brings up confession and Mark tells his story of going to confession and how profound it was. Both guys exchange thoughts about the importance of having someone to talk to. Jim continues with curiosity about the Catholic Church and religion. He frames his questions historically. Are these values still applicable. He talks about marriage as an “outdated” concept in the context of feminism and women’s rights. Mark disagrees and shares his opinion. He frames marriage as a sacrament, but also does not claim to be a great Catholic. They discuss sinning and relativity. Mark says the current opinion about marriage in our country is not good for our country. Mark asks how many marriages would have lasted if society frowned upon divorce. Jim brings up arranged marriages and both guys agree about that. Mark shares his habits regarding mindfulness and Jim shares how hard it is to be grateful. Mark thinks most “good” things are hard. Both guys reflect on growing old and how the clock running out makes things look different. They end with a question about shedding people who are negative /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37824040

Why Neurodiverse Minds Crave "Frameworks" 08/07/2025

Why Neurodiverse Minds Crave "Frameworks" Mark brings up the topic of frameworks and mentions Jim’s recent adoption of hi “5M Framework” Manifesto Methodology Mentality Machine Mindset Jim found a manifesto that Mark had written 2 years ago while preparing to do some promotion of the podcast and he ties that in to the IMC framework. Our 5 areas of life flywheel Jim shares that the actual topic came from my being 1 minute late (I’m never late). Jim then goes over our flywheel of life framework and the 5 areas. He reflects on where he was in life when we first met. He was out of sorts and seeking answers. Then he talks about his neurodiverse mind and how it works. He sees images and thinks in concept. As an inventor and an athlete this was an advantage. He struggles with alignment and connectivity He shares the evolution of the podcast This makes frameworks very important for him Behavior comes from experience and environment. Jim frames his work with the 5M’s Mark talks about his resistance to rules and structure and his more recent buy in to frameworks. He shares some funny stories about Jim’s communication challenges and learning how he talks. Jim shares his evolution with the embarrassment of his neurodiversity. Mark frames Jims embarrassment with a story about public speaking and flopping. People won’t make fun….they will admire your courage. Jim says things have changed. Mark agrees. You used to have to project an image. Now people are more transparent. Mark reads the 5 M’s and both guys go thru each of them one at a time Mark talks about his recruiting experience in terms of the methodology Mark reads the definition of manifesto and expands on his view of it Jim talks about leadership and politics in the context of manifesto Jim shares a mindset story about his high school football team “Nobody runs on Hayward” Mark talks about how his recruiting experience exposed him to culture and missions Mark reads the definition of mentality Jim talks about another teammate and the differences between his two teammates…but the same mentality Mark says success is contagious Jim asks Mark about his punctuality. He shares stories about his dad, the fighter pilot and borrowing his car. He was taught to be respectful…on time Jim shares the story about his “I can’t” experience with his dad. Mark calls it a “Life changing” moment Mark reads the definition of machine Jim says really good teams are well oiled machines. He cites the Patriots Jim cites Julian Edelman podcast where talks about the Patriot mindset Jim shares what he knows about Edleman’s childhood Finally see reads the definition of mindset Jim shares his cabinet story about competition and awards as a sales rep and then moves on to rugby and his national championship experiences Mark tells his story about why he hired people with no experience. He restates why he doesn’t think the order of the M’s. It’s only important that they are “aligned” Jim tells his story about Mr Green. Another coach and his high school coach He revisits the word alignment. Jim throws in calibration and connectivity /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37722310

What Advice Would You Give Your 15 Year Old Self? 08/01/2025

What Advice Would You Give Your 15 Year Old Self? Mark introduces the topic of Jim’s interaction with his young niece at 15 asking him what he might do differently looking back at his 15 year old self Both guys thought it was cool for such a young person to ask such a wise question Mark reads the response that Jim sent in a text message to his niece Jim reflects on his response and how context and circumstance are so important. Mark agrees and cites the difference between good and bad advice. He iterates on the value of what you don’t do versus what you should do. Jim feels that what you should not do is more important than what you should do Mark starts to read Jim’s list of 5 pieces of advice 1. Don’t waste time on social media Jim shares his vice of spending time on YouTube. Both guys believe that social media is poison Mark thinks it’s about letting in bad influences. 2. Minimize or eliminate drugs. Including prescriptions The guys talk about traditional medicine and how misled we are about health and mainstream information. You need to ask questions. Both guys admire young people who ask good questions. Investigate. Jim warns about worshiping doctors 3. Minimize or eliminate processed foods. Jim reflects on our youth and the absence of processed food. Mark talks about what we know now that we didn’t know then. He expands on the what you put in with all the other senses. See, hear, eat drink…all of it. Jim shares how as kids become adults they can have input on what they put in their bodies. Both guys talk about judging others. They both talk about who to trust and how convenience is lazy 4 Hydration and exercise daily. Mark talks about being outside all the time as a kid. Both guys emphasize simplicity. Drink water and move around. Then they talk about dosage and water quality. Jim gets granular about water quality. Mark shares his water filter perspective and how easy it is to move around. Jim says it’s easy to remain sedentary and both guys share the importance of sunlight and joke about sun 5. Work to improve at things you’re good at and that you love. Mark shares his professional take on this and quotes John Wooden about what success is Jim says we all have unique abilities and that if we work at things we’re good at, it’s easier to be happy Mark talks about making decisions at a young age. He quotes his dad’s opinion about “how are you doing today versus 12 months ago. He talks about the value of simplicity Jim says what doesn’t break you makes you Mark loves the resilience and personal accountability. He shares how he tries to respond to hardship. Mark ends with the notion that people need to be ready for advice and willing or they won’t benefit from it /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37637265

Your Self-Narrative: Hero or Hostage? 07/24/2025

Your Self-Narrative: Hero or Hostage? Mark introduces the topic of one’s self narrative. He says you either take personal responsibility or seek blame. Mark reads the definition. He says it’s important to know what you can and can’t control. Jim relates the topic to the wheel. The self’s in the center. Jim says he’s been more aware of the self narratives of other people he’s encountered. He thinks conflict in this country is at an all time high. Jim brings up a recent encounter where trust was lost. He feels like he’s being judged as a white man. He said that this encounter was unnecessary. Mark thinks we’ve made victimhood acceptable. Even fashionable. Marl explains where his values come from and that blame was never his thing. Jim agrees about victimhood. It’s giving your power to others. Both guys feel like being a white man is now worthy of judgement and negative. Jim thinks both sides are doing it. Mark disagrees. Jim brings up privilege in the context of other current issues Mark likes the notion of treating people as humans and not by the “groups” they can be put in. Mark reads the definition of “privilege” White, male and class. Mark shares the injustice he experienced in the domestic justice system. Mark shares that everyone has privileges and hardships and to focus on the equity or inequity is silly. Jim throws out that we all have looks, weight, height…they could be either advantages ir disadvantages. Mark thinks advantage should be appreciated. The guys get into sports analogies, black swimmers and hockey players Next is toxic masculinity and male privilege. The definition is really more of an opinion. AI has male bias! They breakdown and disagree with the definition. Mark shares the opinion that what is important is what you do with your gifts, not what gifts you were granted. Jim brings up confidence. Some people are intimidated by the confidence of others. Both guys feel like a lot of success and failures are just choices Mark shares some of his choices. Self awareness helps people make better choices. Both guys know rich kids that got crushed by their “privilege. Drugs and alcohol”. Highly competitive and shame as a weapon Mark talks about the reality that we all have two lists. Gratitude and complaints. Jim brings up DEI in relation to his recent encounter with the person who disappointed him Mark doesn’t believe that “equitable” is not a reasonable goal. Mark thinks the only way to change people is with actions not words. He quotes John Wooden and success and peace of mind. “Are you bringing your best”. How are we doing? Am I giving my best? Are we winning the argument or striving to be the best you can be? Mark calls it childish. Mark thinks affirmative action has done the opposite of its intended purpose. Mark shares the story of his brother and his female copilot…it’s bullshit Jim says some people are elevated because of optics and not merit. Mark shares about what he wants to accomplish. Mark quotes MLK. Have we gone full circle. Mark says racism and discrimination will never go away, but we should strive to say and do things the same way. Life can happen to you or for you. You can get bitter or better /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37536705

Your Inner Critic - Rewriting the Story You Tell Yourself 07/17/2025

Your Inner Critic - Rewriting the Story You Tell Yourself Mark introduces the deep dive Jim took into the writing of Carl Jung and the specific topic he writes about - self talk Mark thinks most us have more negative self talk than positive Jim adds context - Jim likes stuff related to our podcast and our wheel. Particularly the self. He goes around our flywheel. When you’re challenging yourself, self talk can creep in Mark says this voice is powerful and not always positive. It’s also often subconscious. Mark reads the definition Mark reads Jung’s 5 archetypes The Good Student The Silent Healer The Starving Artist The Invisible One The Over Giver Jim found himself in all 5. Mark thinks he has 4…not the good student Jim shares that we become these types from childhood and from all kinds of different mentors and relatives Jim thinks the world is looking for authentic people more than ever Mark thinks things are changing as opposed to already there. He thinks light shines on everything eventually. You can’t hide much. He tries to lead with authenticity and does believe anyone can hide anything. Jim calls it “rescripting” Mastery comes through action Mark struggles with an overload of information. He separates knowledge and wisdom and talks about failure as learning. In order to be OK with failure you have to work thru this inner voice shit Leadership is sharing authentic self. Mark talks about treating others like we treat ourselves Mark goes thru all 5 in more detail with Jim. As far as value, Jim thinks agents are important for negotiating one’s value. He talks about being an inventor and how he needs to create to be fulfilled. Mark say the value of things is what the market is willing to pay. Mark thinks we speak differently to ourselves depending on our circumstances, but we can reframe all these voices with effort. They discuss the starving artist in terms of real painters. Picasso, Van Gogh and Gotti. Mark shares that he has sought out the opinions of others in times of self doubt for support, but that he feels that he needs to work on unblocking himself. He appreciates blissful ignorance and Jim cites how the young don’t have enough experience to overthink things or speak poorly to themselves. Mark tries to serve others without any expectation in return…but it’s not easy. Mark shares his awareness of having control over this and the routines he’s adopted to exercise control over his inner voices. He has results from this routine and he chooses to influence his inner voice. He thinks all of us have all 5 tendencies and most of us are predominantly 1 or 2. Jim brings back up Mark’s faith and Jim stoic leanings. They compare and contrast the two. Jim shares his experience with the Stoics and Mark gives his opinion on Catholicism. He speaks to the structure and frameworks of the Catholic religion /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37447155

Navigating Our Response To Trauma With Grace 07/10/2025

Navigating Our Response To Trauma With Grace Mark introduces the topic of trauma and how we respond to trauma This topic came up from some family events and aging and how people respond to trauma Jim brings a framework to the discussion…The 5 “F’s” Jim fits trauma into our flywheel framework. He breaks down the 5 areas and we decide to focus on relationships and The Self We can’t seem to discuss anything without coming back to self awareness Jim got this framework from a podcast he listened to about trauma. The 5 F’s of trauma response are Fight Freeze Fawn Flop Flight Jim thinks most people opt for flight. They run Mark says he’s reacted using all 5, but his primary choice is fighting…in the context of “protection” H talks about what he might do in the moment…saving a kid in the street Mark says trauma can take on many shapes. Simple all the way to severe Jim gives insight on the “Phases” of response. The initial response and the longer term evolution of the response over time as context and circumstance unfold. The secondary response Mark agrees. It’s an emotional initial response and then as things develop and you can adjust up or down Mark says our response might also be toward a particular end. Sometimes we model a response to elicit the response of another Mark shares a story about road rage with his kid The guys break down each of the five. Mark reads the definition of “Trauma response” which is automatic and instinctive and then the 5 F’s. Caveman stuff. IN our DNA Mark reads all 5 definitions Fight - Both guys get a chuckle about when they physically responded as younger men…but don’t any more. Mark talks about people that push buttons on purpose. It can be a strategy…on purpose Flight - Jim says this one is very powerful. Going silent as a power play. Mark shares his experience with his ex-wife. And both guys think this one is cowardice. You can’t make progress with people who take off Freeze - Playing dead. Animals do this and soldiers too. Jim brings up sports and Mark calls it a survival tactic. Jim says he freezes more now than he ever has. Things are overwhelming. Mark says, sometimes you just need to pause and collect your thoughts, but as time elapses, who you really are comes out. Awareness is the key. Self control Mark talks more about how helpful it is to pause. Jim says sometimes you need to forgive yourself for being stuck. Accountability can be preserved if you adjust after the trauma subsides Fawn - People pleasing at one’s own expense. Mark says this sounds manipulative. Jim disagrees. Mark thinks all of them are…I’m not sure what to do. He only finds fault if you remain in one of these states as things calm down. Mark thinks these are righteous as long as you can take responsibility as things relax Flop - total collapse from overwhelm and hopelessness. Mark says, “that’s heavy” Jim says, you just don’t know what people have been thru…give people a place to land…empathy. Mark says take the time to try and understand. Where are they coming from? Apology and context can bring resolution and humanity We have the power to bring people back down with empathy and not being presumptuous that you know what’s going on in people’s lives Mark reads a note from Jim about how to bring perspective to these traumatic situations The podcast that Jim got this from is named “PT Meal” Podcast We really don’t know what’s going on with people so we need to make space and not assume. It always comes back to the self. We can exercise control over our response…so we should try to /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37363440

Self Alignment Toward That "One Thing" 07/03/2025

Self Alignment Toward That "One Thing" Mark brings in the topic in the context of our Wheel. The concept of focusing one only one thing until you momentum and can diversify with only the cash flow from that one thing. Simplicity Jim brings up the idea of focus and how that is bolstered with simplicity. He expands on our wheel and the five areas of life and the center of the wheel, the self Jim and Mark share their experience with the mainstream news. Both guys share that they have tried life with it and without it…and the impact is real. It’s a massive distraction Jim brings in self alignment in the context of being self aligned toward that one thing Jim shares the definition of self alignment. Mark talks about his “one thing” routine Mark reads the definition of self awareness Jim marvels at the simplicity of it and Mark agrees. Mark brings in Jim’s idea of doing “reps”. Mark shares where his most recent “One thing” focus came from…a level of dissatisfaction with his state of mind and productivity. He shares how impactful it’s been by just stopping the consumption of the news..for three day! Jim brings up the well being part of our wheel. He thinks it’s about being in control of your own thoughts. It’s alignment. When you watch news, you give away control of your own thoughts Mark brings up the notion of opening up email first thing in the morning. You give away control to other people’s definition of urgent or important Mark reads the definition of self alignment The definition includes the words harmony and coherence Jim cites self connection as being a quantum physics idea not a mindset. He tries to start his day with breathing and breath work can align and connect, removing friction. It’s another” reps” idea Mark says it’s all about what you let into your “self”…all of it The guys bring up Wim Hof and the idea that it’s also about letting things “out”. Keep in mind, this is an exercise that can be done in minutes Mark shares his morning routine, specifically his journaling prompts Jim shares how his variety of projects pulls away from the “one thing idea”. Much harder as an entrepreneur. Mark agrees The idea of comparison and how structure is the hardest part of working alone Mark reads the definition of self connection. Everything is connected Marks issue is how hard it is to stop paying attention to so many different things. The guys compare how challenging it is today versus when they started their careers regarding human connection. Mark talks about how his kids can multitask, but how this distraction might be the cause of an upswing in depression and mental health. They wonder what the cause really is and where this is going Mark talks about how online bullies punch…and those same people would not do so face to face He thinks this invisibility is not good. Humans have constraints face to face, but not online. Jim brings back up the importance of the 5 sense Mark thinks the handshake is gone and he thinks this is a big deal…all five sense Is this difference bad or do we simply take this for granted. Mark is pushing back toward face to face communication because people are craving it Is human interaction in support of your “one thing”? Jim says connectivity is done at the local level. We can’t connect nationally, but we can locally. Mark says he hasn’t tapped in to the local market. Mark lives where he didn’t grow up. Jim’s connections are mostly childhood local relationships. A very different dynamic. Mark does give Jim credit for traveling…local connections, but also exposure to other cultures…a bug deal /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37276840

Self Identity - It's Hard To Look In The Mirror 06/26/2025

Self Identity - It's Hard To Look In The Mirror Mark introduces the topic of self identity The guys joke about their lack of Biblical knowledge around God’s statement to Moses “I am who I am” Jim refers to a podcast he heard that mentioned the we’re never ready and you just have to face your fears Mark reflects on his career and how he speaks with everyone he helps about their self identity. It’s the most important part of his work. You have to be able to tell your own story. He thinks most people cannot tell their own story. Jim agrees Mark reads the definition of self identity Mark reflects on the 1000’s of people he’s helped and shares that most people who are in career transition are burdened by other emotions that make self reflection harder. Shame, self doubt, etc… The concept of an agent comes up and both guys see great value in using a qualified agent for self reflection Jim tells his story about a young rugby player who is lost after finishing his professional rugby career. He has tried to help and isn’t sure if the kid will follow his lead or even come back for more coaching. He’s 27 now and has no experience that he can articulate. Jim believes that the skills it takes to be a professional athlete are transferable Mark offers his opinion on how he might help this kid, including building up his self esteem and how to overcome fear Before “Who you want to be”, “Who are you” Mark reflects on his techniques with helping people looking for something else. Jim shares more about this young man. No car, no network… Mark tells his story about anxiety/fear before his most recent webinar that same morning. He thinks we all have to overcome fear Jim’s quote. “I’d rather die trying…than not try at all” Mark shares some of his inner work. He thinks people avoid the inner work because it’s too hard Jim says this inner work energizes you Another quote “people seek out the truth”. Then Jim uses Trump as an example. We are drawn to people who you think are filled with truth Mark suggests that this kid just needs to get started Jim brings up the instability and anxiety in the world Mark reflects on his profession and self reflection. Then he expresses how hard the noise is in the world and Jim agrees. The news and the noise makes us anxious Another quote from Jim. “We are all actors in this world. He or she that plays the best role wins” Mark ends with his position on acting in the face of fear He then tells his tory about the toxic manager He says you can’t let people treat you poorly. “You promote what you accept” Jim shares the importance of self awareness Last quote “All comparison leads to misery” Mark shares his opinions on comparison and how to respond to a disrespectful person /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37168075

Reinventing Yourself At Any Age - How To Be Clever About It 06/20/2025

Reinventing Yourself At Any Age - How To Be Clever About It Mark introduces the topic of reinventing yourself in the context of a personal brand. Both guys have been working on their brands. Jim is finishing up a formal effort with his brand Mark puts his career up as a reinvention experience Jim shares his view of how stories and brands have evolved over time and explains why he has made his recent investment of time and money working out his brand and messaging. Contextually he explains this journey as one with three parts. The past, present and future. He talks about the work and the advisor he hired. He brings our 5 key areas of life framework Mark brings up his method of developing his client relationships and the piece of that work that is their STORY. He says people can tell you what they do, but they struggle with who they are. He calls it self awareness and self assessment. He thinks most people don’t do this work because it’s hard Jim shares his opinion on the value of using frameworks. He is following the structure of the LinkedIn profile and he begins to share the progress he’s making with his profile and all the messaging he has updated Mark suggests pretending you’re going on an interview and have that conversation with yourself. Both guys share their opinions on their LinkedIn profiles starting with the headline. Mark comments on the power of the visual imagery. Picture, smile, background, etc…. Jim agrees. Mark then says he looks for “what can this person do for me?” Mark shares more of his methodology and going “5 levels deep”. He shares how emotional these conversations can be. Jim continues to share details of his profile updates. Both guys talk about how podcasting should be advertised and promoted more in their profiles. Mark asks Jim why he decided to invest time and money now Jim tried it on his own and he needed the objectivity and accountability of a third party. He’s very happy with his deal and shares a bit about how they work together. One of his biggest challenges is the number of different things he does. Jim talks about the power of words. Common language. Mark talks about his frame of reference and the importance of authenticity, being concise and being clear. He tells about how hard this story messaging exercise is. Jim says the branding exercise also supports volunteer work as well as income driving work. Jim then shares his “about” section. Both guys talk about the reality that this is a living piece of content, to be polished with some consistency over time. Mark talks more about the integration of personal development with his professional self. Jim shares this as being one of the driving factors of starting the podcast. He shares more about his ideal prospects and how he is, for the first time, talking about how his dyslexic brain works to his advantage. Mark talks more about his work. This idea that people limit and restrict themselves and his work is all about taking people deeper into areas that are less obvious to them. Frameworks and differentiation. More self awareness talk and the framework. Mark repeats his fondness for clarity and authenticity. The guys disagree a bit about who to seek advice from. Mark adds context to his response. He shares his “superpower” exercise and recommends it to everyone /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37091825

Worldview: Politics, Perspectives & People Who Still Talk to Each Other 06/12/2025

Worldview: Politics, Perspectives & People Who Still Talk to Each Other “You cannot kill a thought. It needs to die of old age or natural causes” Mark introduces the topic of worldview and the different belief systems we all have…and where we get them Jim adds the influence of the political distress specifically in LA and brings in the flywheel Mark clarifies the politics of it all and both guys laugh at how everything is about politics Jim says most of us don’t like to have our belief systems challenged, but agree it’s important to do so Mark reads Jim’s 5w’s assessment…What, why, where, when and who Jim brings up self awareness and Mark agrees that self awareness is important Mark talks a bit about how we acquire our belief systems Jim shares his stories about two recent conversations he had with people with different world views and although they disagreed, they got along Both guys think most of us want the same things. We are all humans first After Mark jumps in, Jim continues to share his stories. One woman fro NJ and a great friend from his childhood The woman is passionate about her work, which Jim admires Mark says when he goes out in the world, everyone is nice to him Jim appreciated both of their positions Mark shares the importance of context. Context resolves a great deal of miscommunication Mark shares his story about travel regarding world view and how valuable that cross cultural experience is Jim totally agrees and shares his favorite quote “You cannot kill a thought. It needs to die of old age or natural causes” He adds the context of the military leader who shared this quote. 18 to 23 year old males with no hope are the biggest danger in the world Cultural and religious thoughts in particular Jim cites the progressive movement as one that is possibly dying “We kill our leaders. Be good enough to be killed” If you put yourself out there, they’ll come after you Mark brings in his position on presumption about others Jim takes us around the wheel and goes deep into the worldview portion of our wheel Both guys like the idea of revisiting their sources of worldview and the view itself and reevaluate things Jim brings up victimhood. Both guys are repelled by victimhood Bitter or better They also value self deprecation. Mark mentions the idea of some of these thoughts are not conscious How the tough stuff makes you durable Jim brings up the LA riots and both guys have disdain for the “leaders” in CA Mark likes our current presidents worldview - not a politician Mark brings up the police and the law being enforced and them being respected Both guys see this system as broken, but the Mayor and Governor are the problem Mark talks about history and understanding history to predict the future Mark emphasizes the power of self reflection regarding worldview Jim goes back to his stories. He got into a discussion about homelessness because they were in San Francisco. They started out in disagreement and ended up mostly in agreement. A big part of this problem is the lack of enforcement of existing laws Mark shares his opinion about the word “compassion” and it’s misuse The bad behavior was tolerated for long enough to become and expectation Jim shreds the leadership of California and questions how they have stayed in power. Who keeps electing them The guys talk about the differences between living in Florida versus California Then they wrap up with voting and the notion of how things might look in a few weeks Jim and Mark are both glass half full guys and think the system will hold up /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/36975210

Trump Derangement Syndrome And The 10 Commandments 06/05/2025

Trump Derangement Syndrome And The 10 Commandments Mark introduces the topic by reading the definition and symptoms As much as the guys believe it to be real, it’s also funny Jim asks Mark what “Psychic pathology” means and he takes a shot Jim shares his opinion about friends and family that seem to struggle with this Jim talks about his mom. She exhibits physical manifestations Mark thinks this physical reaction indicates a pretty severe condition Jim calls it impulsive Mark calls Trump insensitive and crass. He’s a fighter and not a politician Mark talks about one friend who is very smart, but can’t remain objective when Trump’s name comes up Both guys say they’ve never seen anything like it Neither guy feels that he’s a bad guy. He’s not treated fairly in their opinion Neither guy is interested in defending Trump Mark says if you can’t talk about this guy without losing your shit…it’s likely some form of mental illness Both guys are more interested in issues than personality Jim shares another story about his mom and common ground. He also doesn’t tell people who he voted for He also shares his daughter’s experience and some friends Mark says people are more nuanced. Liking one issue doesn’t necessarily put you in any other groups, but people do assume and presume Mark asked Jim’s opinion on what the political climate is like living in California Mark shares his opinion on living in Florida Mark shares his experience wearing a Trump shirt Both guys are entertained by people with TDS Jim says, in CA people take immediate positions. Red team or blue team He shares his recent encounter with a woman who got emotional when she discovered Jim’s friend was a Trump guy. She mellowed a bit after getting into the discussion. She expressed pride in being an “American” The woman brought up the pending law in Texas about hanging up the 10 Commandments in public schools Jim’s position is against it and Mark disagrees Mark shares his view of how nuanced this woman was after getting deeper into the discussion People aren’t as obvious as they might seem to be Both guys respect people with strong positions. That stand for something and have some humor and self deprecation. Jim has no time for the passive aggressive people who get lost in emotion. He seeks common ground Mark reminds people that Trump behaves on purpose. It’s a strategy that people with TDS don’t even understand Jim’s friend asked her where she was from and she dug into being an American The discussion became more interesting after a few drinks Mark cites this an another example of why we can’t assume things about people and their beliefs Mark feels that Trump has repositioned the US as a strong nation Jim explains the political landscape of different areas of CA. Red and blue areas Jim voted more against the blue team than he did for the red team. He feels his vote didn’t matter, but he also believes in voting. His was a “protest” vote The guys introduce the 10 Commandments topic that this woman asked about Jim agreed with the woman. No religion in the school Mark disagrees. He feels that the US was founded on Judeo Christian values so putting the Commandments in schools is OK. It’s different than teaching religion Both guys add context to their positions. They agree to disagree go deeper into their respective positions Mark shares the 10 Commandments and each guy gives his thoughts about each and some of the hypocrisy around sins Mark feels like the TDS people hold Trump to a higher standard than others Mark share the last 7 Commandments and suggests they would provide for a good life without the religious flavor Mark feels that Christianity can’t be watered down Mark shares his position on his faith and his awareness that other people might push their beliefs on others He shares his opinion on Notre Dame’s celebration of Pride month and his response He shares his response about the difference between “accepting” others and “promoting” others /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/36866955

90% Of Life Is Just Showing Up 06/02/2025

90% Of Life Is Just Showing Up Mark introduces the topic and frames it in the context of his recent experience with having a plumber show up at his home to do some work He shares how gratitude plays a part in the discussion. He expresses a concern that the topic is so rich that staying on topic might be tough Jim reflects on the story Mark has already told him Jim expands on the “Showing up” concept Jim shares his perspective having been a tradesman and having gone into many homes and being treated poorly, more often than not. He applauds Marks treatment of the plumber Jim expands on the notion of appreciation and gives his opinion on how Mark’s behavior influenced the outcome Jim emphasizes the importance of appreciation. Then he connects the topic to the wheel and the 5 areas of life Mark shares the story. He felt vulnerable. The problem was he didn’t have water coming into his home. Mark tells his side about showing up too. He was very impressed with the plumber who showed up and shared all the details about what he liked about the experience. Jim steps in and shared his perspective from being a tradesman as well. He emphasized how Marks behavior was unique. Mark jokes about some trade experiences with his ex wife. Jim resets the discussion as Mark gets distracted with the emotion of the experience. Mark shares more of the story. Jim continues to play the role of tradesman and adds more context and appreciation about how unique Mark’s experience actually was Jim enthusiastically shares his view of Mark’s experience. Mark acknowledges his skepticism prior to arrival but also shares how he didn’t let his skepticism prejudge Jim brings up the skilled labor “crisis” as another angle on this story and shares his opinion about that…strong feelings Jim thinks the trades are at risk for a number of reasons. Then he brings up the race component of this. Jimmy was black and Jim speculates that other clients may disrespect him because of his race. Mark jokes about the race topic. He also thinks people respond better to being treated well Jim brings up the credit that he feels the home warranty company deserves too. Mark shares the history of deciding to take on the home warranty when bought the home in 2007 and how that relationship has evolved Jim asks Mark to “write Jimmy’s review”. Mark shares what he’s already done and both guys talk about what else Mark could/should do for Jimmy. Jim wants more details from Mark. Marks goes deeper about the whole experience Mark brings back up the notion of modeling and reminds Jim to share his story about ending his own trade career. Why he stopped Mark reminds us that all the great behavior is available to all of us. Anyone can behave well Jim shares stories about his childhood, his dad and the phrase “I can’t” while raking leaves on a Saturday morning and going to the dump Jim feels that experience shaped him Mark had a similar experience with his dad Jim then shares more about the evolution of his career and some other childhood formative moments….pay the electric bill or get your own place:) Then Jim tells the story of ending his trade career and why. Girls, suits and meeting his wife Mark starts to wrap up and says Jim’s dad was right…you can Jim credits his dad for what he did - modeling - less about what he said Mark says he takes offense at people who don’t show up…because it’s so easy Jim tells Mark again how much he appreciate shim and Mark returns the praise /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/36815800

The Disingenuous Epidemic - Cowards, Clowns, and Characters 05/22/2025

The Disingenuous Epidemic - Cowards, Clowns, and Characters Mark introduces the topic of disingenuous people. Both guys have had recent experiences with people who were being disingenuous. Mark asks whether he thinks people are born this way or do become this way based on environment or circumstance. Jim says he’s been using that word more often lately Mark reads the legal definition of the word Jim shares his definition. He clarifies the nuance of this activity being intentional Mark says there are different levels of it, but that some people are just stupid Jim shares his recent encounter with a disingenuous neighbor Deception from the get go. Jim says this guy isn’t dumb…he’s just a dick Mark shares something he used to tell his kids to help them get to the truth. “Look at what people do and then what they say. When those are the same, you’ll find truth” Mark brings up his ex wife as an example Then the guys bring up justice Jim…”it’s not what you say, it’s what you do”. His neighbor said, “I thought we were friends? Mark reacts aggressively to that behavior Jim says this guy was many things…deceptive, delusional and dishonest. He took the high road even as this guy dug his hole deeper, but he did tell him “you might want to get back on your meds” Mark loves that line Jim decided to let the guy keep revealing himself, but he continued to hold him accountable Mark thinks people who pretend to be dumb might be worse and he alludes to our current political landscape Mark brings up the trend of not asking follow-up questions. Then the guys go to Trump as an example and talk about his behavior. Also the contrast between Biden and Trump. Mark recognizes that many people feel Trump is a liar. Mark calls him an embellisher. A master embellisher who does so with a very specific intention to move people Mark says disingenuous people behave in 3 distinct ways. Raise their voice, change the topic or walkaway. People who are genuine will welcome follow-up questions Jim shares more words that he looked up based on this experience Cowards, clowns and characters Both guys feel that there are a lot of cowards in the world. Jim asks him to read the definition of coward Mark shares his frustration with people who are afraid to speak up about problems at work Jim is a big fan of his AI tool - Gemini. They joke about “her” Mark says Biden is also a clown. He reads the definition and they laugh about how clownish Biden is Mark talks about doing nothing. Either not taking a stance or watching bad things happen and not interveneing Jim talks about the Biden group and the lack of integrity Jim asks Mark…how can you tell what the truth is Mark brings up Bernie Sanders and gives him credit for speaking from the heart. He doesn’t use notes Jim shares his thoughts about Kamala Harris and Mark replies with more Trump authenticity and how good he is at holding people accountable Both guys speak highly of Trumps cabinet members Jim says “news does not get reported it gets created”. Jim shares a story about a high school football coach who got run out because of a bullshit race issue. When the reporters came, she couldn’t get anyone to bite on race…so they didn’t run the story. They spent all the time and money wasted because they couldn’t create the story they wanted Mark shares how he watches both sides of the news every so often just to see how the left is distorting. He says this in the context of his girlfriend’s kids. They watch channels that distort facts Characters - Mark reads the definition Jim thinks the media is now full of characters. Putting on the show Jim asks about justice. Will we get any. He has stopped waiting Mark feels that he needs to leave this alone. It’s affecting his mental health Jim believes in Karma /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/36679770

How A Simple Framework Can Help Us Communicate With Candor And Clarity 05/15/2025

How A Simple Framework Can Help Us Communicate With Candor And Clarity Mark brings up the topic of communication in the context of self talk and self reflection Then he shares a framework Jim brought that he uses for communication. The triple A method Assumptions/Agreement/Action Mark is a fan Jim brings up a favorite quote of his - “The most important conversation you’ll ever have is the conversation you have with yourself”…and that’s a crazy person Mark shares his self talk routine Jim - simply…you have to turn the channel He shares how his mind works. He finds or creates tools to help him. That’s where this AAA framework came from. He uses it to make meetings and conversation brief and productive. He does it out of respect and courtesy. It encourages personal accountability Jim jokes that everything he just said doesn’t apply to women:). Joking aside, both guys see big differences, but believe them to be compliments Mark sees the conversation being about personal responsibility as they talk about Stoicism Jim distinguishes between different types of conversations and different times in our lives Clarity, transparency and efficiency are all served by the framework Mark shares the saying on his t-shirt - “What do you mean by that?” Mark shares his appreciation for frameworks…specifically Jim’s AAA framework Mark says a lot of people don’t like to be held accountable Jim shares a visual rendering of his framework and offers some explanation of how the framework works. Mark chimes in in agreement Mark shares his experience with people who are scared to speak up. Most people don’t like candor and confrontation. It makes them afraid Jim clarifies his opinion of women as being better than men at many things Jim also clarifies that his framework is not for more personal conversations. It’s a business framework Mark shares his story about taking meeting notes in his sales meeting. How 10 people handed in 10 different sets of notes Jim thinks AI tools will help with this. Transcripts. Word for word. He explains how he might use them to bring in. His framework on command. Prompts and percentages of time that people talk during the conversation Mark shares how he started handing out transcripts of meeting notes. He was surprised at how reticent people were to be held to what they said by the transcript Mark shares his stories about how he handled this before AI Jim clarifies that his framework is to be used before, during and after conversations. Not just before. Then Jim brings up our wheel to add context to our topic. He has redone it for his use in an upcoming speech. And because we haven’t updated it in a while. He reflects on all the selfs…agent, respect… Both guys express their appreciation for the wheel. Their framework Jims goes over the wheel in detail Mark shares his opinion that he changes the way he communicates depending on what life area he’s in Mark goes into detail about the difference between how Jim’s brain works versus Mark. Jim continues to analyze how the wheel works and gets into ideology and politics as well as other levels outward on the wheel. He goes into details about the profession category. The differences between employed people and self employed people. Whose money are we playing with. Not a criticism. An observation Both guys share their father’s perspective on this Mark shares the power of “WHY” and “WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT” The value is in the follow up question. Clarity and context /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/36581960

Personal Stories Of Neurodivergence - The Ability To Think Different 05/08/2025

Personal Stories Of Neurodivergence - The Ability To Think Different Mark introduces the guys and topic. He cites how aligned both guys are. As they enter the call they’re thinking of the same topics and thoughts Neurodivergence (See definition at the bottom of the show notes) Mark shares a call about his grandson and his current struggles which may well involve him being on the spectrum Jim shared his perspective about labels and crutches and his own story about being neurodivergent himself growing up Jim’s perspective is to reframe this label as an opportunity to think of things differently Neither guy likes meds, but do agree that in some cases they can be a Godsend Jim tells a story about meeting his son’s fiancee’s family…one of who was neurodiverse. So many different degrees of the neurodivergent mind Mark reads the definition that Jim provided (Version posted below) Mark jokes that there is no normal and the definition sounds like the description of a teenager Elon Musk comes up. Mark shares a recent interview he saw with Musk about Mars Mark was amazed. Jim agrees Jim talks about Dan Sullivan’s recent diagnosis in later age and how one of his clients benefits from doing work with him being a neurodiverse person - “Unique Abilities” The importance of self-awareness and self acceptance Mark shares his opinion on the value of self awareness as well as how unique people are. He also talks about the danger of labeling. Excuses, victimhood and manipulation. Both guys warn about the problems with victimhood. Mark thinks his grandson’s temptation might be the manipulation Jim shares more about Dan Sullivan’s position about neurodivergence Violence and anger are common traits of neurodiverse people who don’t get help Mark looks at neurodivergence as simply another challenge to be overcome. Jim agrees that overcoming hardship affects everyone Jim is very skeptical about academia and neurodiversity Mark shares his best childhood’s condition and his older brother’s inability to stay focused Jim says it’s been around forever. People just understand it better. He also clarifies that his challenge is dysgraphia. More than dyslexia. And how each condition affects how his brain works. He thinks AI will be a game changer for the neurodiverse Mark shares the details of discussing his grandson with his other parents and relatives. Mark asks Jim’s opinion on all of this and his own journey Jim mentions his efforts to develop his own brand and how his unique abilities are big part of this Jim brings up fortitude - the ability to develop it in the face of hardship He shares a few childhood stories about hardship and fortitude as a neurodiverse kid. The story about his dad and “I can’t” and some other school related stories. Being embarrassed about poor reading and comprehension in front of the other kids. How he beat up all the kids who made fun of him and how anger manifested itself. Jim’s football story speaks to the importance of a good mindset and proper mentality Final story is about his first concussion and subsequent failure at community college Essentially Jim is on a whole new journey with a new perspective on why he is who he is and how he’s accomplished what he has. Then he shares a story of how harmful comparison is The whole conversation is very personal and enlightening Mark frames the lessons…No labels, no victim behavior and no manipulation. No one is special and everyone is special. Mark thinks it’s very important and hopefully medicine is a last step Jim shares the wisdom of life happening for you and not to you. Just show up and there’s no such thing as “I can’t” ------------- "Neurodivergent refers to individuals whose brains function differently from what's considered typical or normative, encompassing a variety of conditions like autism, ADHD, and learning disabilities. It's a broad term that recognizes natural variation in how brains process information, rather than viewing such differences as deficits." /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/36488800

Beware The "Vortex". Aging Gracefully In Relationships 05/01/2025

Beware The "Vortex". Aging Gracefully In Relationships Mark introduces the topic of male and female relationships. Jim had brought up the recent Bill Belichick interview with his new 24 year old girlfriend Jim covers our framework and the wheel of life. Relationships is one of the five and women is a subset of that Jim likes looking at life in increments of 10 years. Now we’re both in our 60’s and things have changed Jim brings up the Belichick interview in the context of self awareness and how he was not self aware at all Both guys lost respect for him Mark goes back to his relationship with his girlfriend and brings up how recently he spent more time than ever at his girlfriend’s house. We have our own homes. Mark shares some frustration that came up and talks about why that might be. Then he brings up age. He specifically wants to pinpoint romantic/sexual relationships. Not platonic Mark thinks all guys want to have this discussion Jim brings up his 40 year relationship - married for 35 years Jim doesn’t believe we were meant to be together”forever”. He thinks marriage contracts should be like other licenses. Tests, updates, renewals, etc…terms and conditions He talks about renegotiating the marriage license. Reevaluate and reconsider He thinks relationships end because communication stops Mark shares his Catholic position where marriage is a sacrament which makes things a bit different Mark shares his frustration about communicating with his girlfriend as they age. Hearing and talking. Mark thinks is due to being together for 6 years and getting older Mark was saddened by the Belichick interview. How terrible the interview was to his reputation Jim thinks Belichick is at fault. Jim brings up his first hand experience with pro athletes and celebrity/praise Both guys are a bit taken aback with the lack of self awareness. What about his daughter? Mark laughs about what his daughters would say Mark thinks both people are at fault. Belichick is the older more powerful player. Mark thinks they both have ulterior motive Mark continues to be interested in the contract topic Mark feels he has a responsibility to bring up these conversation with his girlfriend and take some responsibility for the outcome Jim says calling a woman crazy is the new “C” word. He believes woman drive everything. They are the way they are due to evolution. Male and female roles and the woman’s menstrual cycle. Jim describes his view of why woman act the way they do. Mark thinks all of that is true, but…both guys know that discussion would be challenging:) Jim thinks often that women tells things that are not necessarily what they really feel Mark brings up examples of men and women who talked and set expectations before committing to one another. He thinks these discussions about expectations can make long term relationships last Jim agrees and says yes…but you also have to keep having them, adjusting and adapting. Keep discussing things as they change. Understanding the different roles id critical Also, we have more recently been confusing men and women about who they are Mark talks about his mom and dad’s divorce. He shares a few stories about their vastly different memories of different disagreements Jim likes the idea of the “vortex” Mark jokes about having had experience with “said vortex” with his ex-wife Mark feels strongly that self awareness is important and many of us don’t have it Mark thinks Belichick misses the attention. He feels we all need to adjust and replace as we age Mark recounts how he went inside to find blame with his frustration with his girlfriend and how helpful that is Jim shares a couple more stories. One friend was struggling with his marriage and the other was trying to help. He puts it in perspective of the vortex…his buddy ended up getting divorced. Beware the vortex The spell a woman has on a man Mark thinks we all have the ability to manipulate and we need to take this responsibility seriously Jim’s female friend shared an opinion that men are dumb and woman are far more complex. He feels men stay much the same and women change a lot. He defines what he feels are mens roles and women’s roles. Mark feels both people in a relationship have responsibilities to be kind and respectful Jim shares more of his opinion about roles. Mark reaffirms the differences between men and women and claims we should celebrate these differences He ends with the importance of communication and how it can make or break a relationship /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/36395265

Confidence Isn’t a Trait, It’s a Practice 04/24/2025

Confidence Isn’t a Trait, It’s a Practice Mark introduces the topic of confidence. Self-confidence The topic originated with Jim’s interest in elitism - entitlement - self-accountability - confidence In order to be self accountable, one must be confident Jim ties in the current news events and his recent book as he frames his view of confidence. Particularly sports and business He distinguishes between confidence and the competence required to be confident Jim brings up academia. See civically Harvard…and entitlements/elitism He shares the academic idea that perfection is attainable. We both support the reality of imperfection Mark observes that confidence can be under done and over done He shares his vision of where confidence comes from. Genetic and environment. Confidence starts to develop early Jim thinks it’s all relative. People have very different perspectives on these issues of elitism and confidence Jim shares his trade background and how educated people looked down on him and made him feel less than. Jim thinks the more “educated” you are, the less wisdom you have Mark distinguishes between knowledge and wisdom. He shares his upbringing close to the Boston Ivy League and his disdain for this specific elitism Mark thinks the family is huge in it’s role of confidence building Jim moves into sports He agrees about the family influence. Jim thinks sports really emphasizes and exaggerates the importance and influence of confidence. Jim brings up the example of Eli Manning who is referenced in this book as to his mental blocks before winning They joke about the Giants-Patriots games and Tom Brady comes up as the consummate mind-body guy Mark connects all the life areas in the wheel and shares his experience when one area is operating at his peak…how the other areas benefit Mark shares his thoughts about momentum and how contgious confidence can become Marks ask about ignorance and brings up Mike Tyson as an example of this Jim references his book again and shares the idea of a mental bank where confidence can be pulled from or deposited into. Managing the highs and lows by ignoring, forgetting and living in the moment Mark thinks confident people look at failure as an opportunity to learn Expectation management is required to keep the lows land highs regulated Jim talks about how some recent wins got him a little high and he’s keeping an eye on being let down Mark recalls feeling very confident and what a great feeling it is. But, he cautions that when you get that feeling, you have two choices: I deserve this…or I’m grateful for this…and that’s a Big difference. Mark says gratitude creates a “landslide” of more confidence. Now Jim moves to the next topic from his book…the personal narrative. How the brain can produce adrenaline like a performance enhancing drug Mark shares his daughter’s experience with anxiety and fear and her overcoming the fear by facing it head on…and your confidence can return. Jim says you can reframe your fear Mark shares his story about nerves during his 12 year old Little League Allstar game. How his dad talked him down and taught him how to channel nerves Jim brings up the next topic of filters and the power of reframing your focus toward success versus failures Mark brings up his “worst case scenario” strategy. If the worst case is a loss…so what. He then shares the value of either ignoring others or paying no attention to the criticisms of others. The mental filters Persistency and patience are two other qualities Jim brings up in the context of his patents and recent successes Another point is how little we have control over as we’re trying to accomplish something. Jim also appreciates how you can view the world as happening to you or for you Mark shares his daughter’s journey to business success…and frames it over the persistence required over 20 years Then he talks about her generous reference to him as the force that kept her going when she wanted to quit Then Jim asks Mark to recount the time his daughter almost lost her business some years ago to a cease and desist order Jim believes the Government position to shut her down was just another form of elitism. Both guys think the food and drug departments in government are being fully exposed now Elitism - entitlement - self accountability - self confidence /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/36296780

Frameworks: The Invisible Structures Behind A Well Lived Life 04/18/2025

Frameworks: The Invisible Structures Behind A Well Lived Life Mark shares the value of the “pregame” the guys use to prepare for the podcast He introduces the topic of frameworks How they can be good or harmful Jim shares how frameworks evolve and how ours did. Our tagline “The Imperfection Is The Perfection” Jim used this with his kids when they got frustrated with him He thinks imperfections and failures make us who we are Jim shares how when we started the podcast, we were thinking of “Civill Discourse” as a theme. Then we came upon our Wheel Of Life Jim takes us around the wheel and digs into all 5 areas of life and then some deeper topics in each area. It’s our framework and it’s very helpful in keeping us on topic and consistent. That’s what good frameworks do Jim adds that we spend a good bit of time in the center of our wheel “the self”…and all the value that comes from “self” exercises (awareness, reflection, talk…) Jim talks about how he uses our framework in all walks of life. He thinks AI will only make frameworks more important Mark shares his journey with frameworks. How structure is something humans need. He used to resist them and now leans on them hard. He thinks they help with clarity, resonance, consistency and credibility Structure and order alone make frameworks valuable Jim mentions context and calibration in the context of frameworks. He also mentions alignment Jim talks about how helpful frameworks are with his dyslexia. He appreciates how we both compliment each other Mark shares how different both guys are and how productive it makes us. He talks about the ups and downs of “structure”. They can be helpful but also restrictive Mark and Jim both appreciate the pushback and combined experience working together for so long Mark thinks he is basically an opponent of “rules” and talks about how rules stay the same even when things change. Mark gets heated about his opposition to rules just for the sake of rules Jim agrees and cites some examples of things being “out of date” Jim brings up SWOT and SOARS as frameworks. He prefers a focus on positives only. Strengths, opportunities, aspirations… What does success look like - manifest that Mark likes the optimism of the SOARS acronym Mark talks about guys and what guys feel comfortable talking about Where can men go to talk about shit - The Imperfect Mens Club baby! Mark feels like Jim’s SOARS acronym supports what we’re doling here at IMC Jim sees how Mark uses frameworks every day in everything he does professionally Jim digs a bit deeper into he idea that things change and frameworks need to change and clarity is critical. Adjustments to frameworks keeps them fresh The guys talk more about the evolution of the podcast based on investigation and changes Mark now uses frameworks for many practices during his day. Faith, work, family, exercise… Jim reflects on what happens when we focus on only one area and neglect the others. Life get imbalanced Mark reflects on Jim’s story about the wealthy woman who had no gratitude…not appreciation…no context. Politics took her down a one way street Mark lets the audience know what they can get from the guys and their frameworks. Practical experience coupled with trusted frameworks /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/36221245

The Freedom of Solitude: Evolving Beyond Our Old Personas 04/10/2025

The Freedom of Solitude: Evolving Beyond Our Old Personas Mark introduces the topics of solitude and one’s persona Jim jumps in to help contextualize this discussion Mark reads the definitions of “Persona” and “Solitude” Mark asks Jim about his trip Jim separates being alone for a few minutes from the very different version of a 7 day solo trip Jim has chosen solo trips in the last few years He reflects on how his roles and personas have changed as he’s aged He talks about not caring what others think and how freeing that is Mark reflects on the solitude that can from his divorce. He didn’t choose that but did choose how to respond to it He says he really enjoyed being alone for 10 years. He defines what he means…no committed relationship for 10 years. He talks about what solitude provided for him. Thoughts, ideas, gratitude, etc… Jim says he’s the best version of himself when he’s alone He’s grateful that his wife is supportive of these solo trips. She is encouraging now after understanding the value of solitude for her husband Jim feels that women don’t like to be alone and men are more likely to enjoy solitude Mark suggests that solitude brings out our human nature. Our true nature Jim shares the recognition of getting older. How we don’t look or feel the same as we used to He goes on to share details of his social interaction on one particular evening on the road Jim says there are many different movies going on at the same time Mark talks about looks and how young women don’t notice him any more…and it’s OK. Actually laughable Jim talks about being in the same locale at three different ages…young, a bit older and middle aged Both guys reflect on how young they feel versus how they look. It’s a wake up call every time he looks in a mirror. He talks about how he moves from one persona to the next (dad, son, pro, brother…) Jim talks about intentionally changing and updating our personal personas to remain authentic Jim thinks we hold a lot in and don’t always feel comfortable being real…vulnerable. We don’t want to offend Caring less about what other people think is critical to happiness. Moving on Jim brings up the value and contribution of giving off positive vibes Mark agrees but cautions about feeling responsible for other’s people happiness and then talks about his dad and the value of ignoring. The ability to ignore people and circumstances Mark asks Jim about turning 60 Jim reflects on some of his experiences going back to places he went to as an older man. People are in a different place, different thoughts, different worldview He shares another story on another evening on the road Mark talks about how freeing it is to be around strangers. He feels braver. Less concerned about how strangers might feel about him Jim thinks most people want to engage, but many don’t Jim shares one of his stops at a property his dad left him. How different the place and people are now versus when he was young. How different he may have been had his family stayed and not moved to CA Mark thinks turning 60 has had a big impact on both guys. 60 triggers different roles and different views, different friendships Jim reflects on how industry and society have changed. The geeks aren’t running things anymore. Domain experts and solutions are more relevant than tech skills. Tech is tools. Problem solvers are in demand Jim talks about the evolving definition of what a man is. That became confusing and we stuck with our guns. Men were men and still are We’re proud that we didn’t cave in to the woke mob Mark share his process and how he begins every consultation with self reflection and he thinks people avoid self reflection because it’s hard/difficult /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/36088525

The Science of Self-Talk: How Thoughts Shape Our Reality 04/03/2025

The Science of Self-Talk: How Thoughts Shape Our Reality Mark introduces the topic of the power of the mind and self-talk The idea that we now have science and data to support the value of positive talk, visualization and vibration in influencing our happiness and peace of mind Jim got the idea from Billy Carson’s appearance on Lewis Howe’s Greatness podcast Jim shares the story of how we met. He was struggling mentally and emotionally and had some evidence that concussions might be part of his challenge. In his research, he found me. He flew out to Orlando and we met. Jim tells his concussion story and the details of his journey toward a solution Jim sought a mixture of traditional medicine and alternative approaches (me) When Jim got to a point of resolution, he thought his journey was over It wasn’t. He then continued investigating. This podcast was part of it. He then share his take aways from the episode Mark ties himself in by sharing his own routine. Mark brings out the wheel and points to the self, self-awareness and self-reflection Mark shares his memory of sports psychology all the way back to little league and high school Jim talks about this…the “zone” and how Michael Jordan functioned at a different frequency than everyone else. He played in the zone Jim goes deeper into the science. Frequency and vibration Mark shares his routine, which includes, breath, visualization, meditation and pryer Small progress daily over time Jim talks about hi being an inventor. How no-one actually invents anything new…they pull stuff from the universe and calibrate and align it to make it unique and novel Mark jokes about how he used to doubt this stuff and how this stuff is mainstream now - external influences He now exercises his mind with routines daily. He is excited about having control over his own well being Jim gives an example of how our vibrations can be felt by others. We can vibrate to get others to shine Jim brings politics He shares what the leader of Iran said about Israel…it’s a mindset…an ideology and mindset He transitions into how these things come from past trauma unresolved Einstein - Life is an illusion Mark goes back to Jim’s statement about control. We can control our thoughts by doing the work. Self awareness and overcoming/surrendering our limiting beliefs Jim share his podcast guests reflection on how he changed his own life with affirmations and overcoming his own limiting beliefs Mark brings up Sam Harris - If we talked to others like we talk to ourselves, we’d get into a lot of fights. Because we are so mean to ourselves Jim brings in the power of self forgiveness thru affirmations Mark thinks history shows this work being done as far back as history is written Mark talks about the notion of control and how he didn’t feel he had control over his thoughts for most of his young life Jim feels like we are held back until we resolve these past traumas. Mark talks about how his kids started holding him accountable to his unconscious behaviors and limiting beliefs Jim also feels that objective 3rd parties are also very helpful with this stuff Jim shares the connection between stress and physical illness Mark talks about his dad’s health and emotional balance based on his faith and the absence of stress in his life based on a Higher Power Jim is somewhat envious of people that have true faith and he appreciates it more now Mark shares how important it has been for him to maintain his mental/emotional routine Mark shares his Oh God movie story Mark reminds us that we now have science to back all this stuff up Jim concludes with how our brains develop as kids through our 20’s. The guys joke about the stupidity of young men whose brains aren’t yet fully developed The clean slate of young mens brains Mark suggests that because there are so many credible sources of info on this, that we should all investigate this stuff more /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/35996075

How Sensitivity And Unconscious Bias Shape Us As Men 03/28/2025

How Sensitivity And Unconscious Bias Shape Us As Men We just started talking. No Intro! Mark brings up human nature. He suggests that men and women have unique natures as well He says recognizing and acknowledging human nature is necessary as part of any discussion of behavior Jim asks Mark his opinion about homosexuality Mark shares his ignorance and his opinion as well as his curiosity Mark brings up the Catholic Church Jim shares his significant skepticism about the Catholic church, but he doesn’t want to go any deeper So Mark shifts the topic to “standing”. Who has it, how we give it to people and how it impedes our progress He say we’re all judgmental and that it’s also part of human nature He brings up toxic bosses and personal accountability Jim brings up unconscious bias and the evolution of the podcast from a point of self awareness Jim shares his recent experience at a “Green build” event How did we all become “activists”? Mark says he thinks it comes from a need to belong and how human nature produces this need to belong to something Jim brings back up agency and specifically writing a book. He thinks all men have a story/book in them. Jim thinks this “contribution” need is also part of our nature Jim thinks it’s more a male than female need Mark thinks this is an interesting conversation Jim thinks men do things “in silence” and he ties that into one of the purposes of the Imperfect Mens Club Mark reflects on his own sensitivity. The disadvantages and the advantages. Jim looks for clarity about his sensitivity and Mark shares how his sensitivity has been a double edged sword Jim identifies what he thinks is the important part of being sensitive. It’s good, unless it keeps you from being functional Sensitivity and weakness are NOT the same Jim shares a story - about conversation with a woman, “don’t take it so personal”…”I take everything personal” Jim challenged her and she got a bit defensive and awkward Jim says he thinks we get softer as we age and Mark suggests some people do and some don’t You get bitter or you get better Mark loves the topic of sensitivity Jim says to be good at something you have to be sensitive to feedback Jim quotes about being respected versus liked Mark shares his experience seeing a quote from Al Capone about weakness Mark goes back to Jim’s point about being functional. Weakness is a problem when it keeps you from functioning Jim calls this “hypersensitivity” Mark shares his perspective on the different “stages” or “chapters” in his life and how he needed to adjust as life evolved He moved around a bit confused about his sensitivity Mark observes how he’s seen Jim evolve too “A good human is going to evolve” The other choice is misery. Bitter and better Jim. “We are all actors in the theater of life” Jim agrees - different roles at different stages Mark shifts to his recent “Out of body experience with a sound healing session” Both guys appreciate the topic and share their respective opinions about it Mark had 4 out of body experiences at 4 different ages of his life. He likens it to dreaming Mark was inclined to share his experience with certain friends, including Jim Mark talks about how this kind of event can be really great…or much less so Jim talks about Steve Job’s experience with meditative reflection and success Mark talks about his different reflections on different protocols of self reflection, like his breath work. He reflects on the time he went looking for a church and a yoga studio and the importance of resonating with instructors Jim shares more quotes Fast - alone. Far - go together “Don’t become addicted to your own struggles” “Everything is hard. If it’s not hard, you’re not trying hard enough Mark - “It’s the Cool thing about wisdom”. Anyone can be wise and say wise things in different ways Mark talks about getting advice from friends. Nice versus kind Jim cautions about getting advice from friends and family…”some of the worst advice you can get” Mark agrees but takes a slightly different approach. His father’s opinion about starting his own company /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/35909840

The Power of Agency: How Writing a Book Can Build Trust and Elevate Your Brand 03/24/2025

The Power of Agency: How Writing a Book Can Build Trust and Elevate Your Brand Mark introduces the topic of agency. Jim thinks Mark is a great example of what an agent is He reads a definition and adds some context to what an agent is and how he may, in fact, be one The value of having an objective third party negotiating on your behalf Jim thinks AI will make being an agent much more valuable He discusses the agents he uses. His patent agent, for example. Agents are not as close as we are to our capabilities and competencies Agents can be particularly helpful negotiating your price. What you’re worth He talks about his most recent projects to operate as an agent Jim shares his story about a meeting he had recently and how he’s being told he should write a book The value of having your own book He shares his “Greenbuild” story. What it’s like in the San Francisco Bay Area regarding diversity, women’s groups and other woke topics Jim thinks it would be great if we just got back to building things. Diversity on it’s own is a silly topic Jim shares his conversation with a grant writer…the importance of human interaction and how we are disconnecting from it She brought up the book writing topic Mark says he has also been told to write a book. He reflects on a couple of recent conversations. Both became about human interaction and the value of having an agent to move the professional ball forward. Objectivity alone can be very helpful. How powerful it is to have a 3rd party voice Mark talks about the value of authority/credibility that a book brings Jim asks Mark about how he works. He pokes at the details of how Mark chooses and helps people. He thinks we all underestimate our capability and willingness to help Our value goes well beyond our direct skill. Trust opens up those doors Mark shares how he has access to market data that might be worth even more than his coaching Jim cautions Mark that this knowledge is NOT FREE Second, he talks about IP and how valuable it is Jim puts on his agent cap and shares with Mark how he might be his agent Jim then goes into his opinion on AI and the creation content…podcasts, books, articles…everything Jim thinks AI create content “equality” Mark loves the contrarian approach to rules and ways of doing things Mark asks, “what am I worth?” Mark is convinced that Jim would ask for more than Mark would for himself Jim gives examples of agents we all work with Real estate agents, sports agents, career agents… He shares his pro baseball story about his friend the pro coach The $40 million dollar negotiation and the value of an agent in that negotiation Mark shares his perspective on the value of agency. He shares how helpful he can be to IT people who are mostly introverted Mark shares how candid and authentic approaches are so much more influential He shares his perspective on salespeople too Mark brings up helping friends and family and Jim cautions that they might be a little too close to help objectively Jim talks about being “unemployable” Mark shares the importance of messaging and how your “brand” fits in Jim gives us a bit more detail about his 3 recent requests for speaking/advice gigs Jim is wary of “big consulting firms” and Mark shares his perspective on this He talks about competing against big brands/logos/t-shits/reputations by being authentic and practical and trustworthy. Different ulterior motives Jim brings in the political agents who got it all wrong and are now wondering what to do next Mark shares his confusion about how these people/agents keep getting hired He also clarifies how powerful brand is and how clients without confidence hire brand simply to protect themselves. Momma duck and her ducklings Jim says the big ad agencies do the same thing Are the industries going away? If you can’t measure it, you can’t determine efficacy. Jim says AI will change this Mark - why do they hire the big known brand? It’s all changing /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/35838415

Finding Strength in Adversity: Navigating Suicide and the Power of Self Fortitude 03/13/2025

Finding Strength in Adversity: Navigating Suicide and the Power of Self Fortitude Mark leads with the definition of “fortitude” and “self fortitude” He suggests the one is more internal and the other more external Jim shares his recent difficult week due to 4 or 5 people he is close to are experiencing hardship. From illness to the loss of a young man to suicide Jim puts his experiences in the context of our “Flywheel of Life” “When you’re healthy you have hundreds of things on your mind. When you’re ill, you have one” Jim shares some of the challenges his friends have. His mom is in pain, his cousin has cancer and another has upcoming surgery. Finally his colleague who just lost a son to suicide Upon hearing the news, Jim thought he was seeing/hearing things…hoping it wasn’t true He shares how he responded “forgive me for what I say”…He’s in a better place…it’s difficult to be a man today…” Jim has 3 friends who have lost sons Mental illness becomes a topic of discussion Mark agrees how difficult it is to respond to such a tragedy Apologizing for the cliche, Mark reminds us that life is about how you respond…not what happens to you Jim - this is where fortitude comes in…you gotta reach deep Jim seems to feel he was helpful based on his friends response The guys discuss suicide. Is it selfish or unselfish? Mark talks a bit about his mom’s suicide. He tries to put it in perspective. How the emotional experience evolved from anger to relief to sadness to loss Jim chimes in about Mark’s story and gets perspective from it Then Mark talks about settling his mom’s estate. Prolonging the loss… Jim expounds on his comment - “It’s difficult to be a male” Mark agrees that society has challenged the notion of masculinity Mark shares that he has 4 generations to sample experience from He condemns the phrase “toxic masculinity. He talks about human nature and his experience as a man. It’s harder to be a man than it’s ever been Jim asks Mark to share some suicide stats. Biggest killer of men under 45 60 men every minute of every day 365 days a year He quotes Gabor Mate and suffering He mentions the Harvard study of men Jim brings up depression as a root cause of suffering and suicide Jim shares his own experience with depression Mark says his experience with mental illness is mostly second hand. His experience in context. How his position on mental illness has evolved and how he thinks we need to bring it more out into the open Jim says we have also lost our sense of humor and that doesn’t help. How being around people who can laugh at life is so important Mark and Jim laugh about Jim just turning 60. He says he’s thinking about doing a roast and both guys have fun with that. We can laugh at life Mark - the funeral is not for the dead. It’s for the people left behind…he attaches that to the young mans suicide. Celebrating their life and not living in sadness about the loss of Fortitude can get your through and past tragedy Mark applauds Jim’s choice of words. “Please forgive me for what I’m about to say”. How hard it is to express your sadness “he didn’t want to be here. he’s in a better place” Mark shares some perspective on how the living need to be considered. Also how sad people to present as sad Nobody Mark hopes people can take away something helpful /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/35671540

Unconditional Service: Navigating the Complexities of Helping Others 03/06/2025

Unconditional Service: Navigating the Complexities of Helping Others Mark introduces the topic of serving others and connects it to the flywheel of life in the category of relationships/others. Jim brings up the wheel and discusses each of the 5 areas - Money, worldview, relationships, health and career/profession This episode is about others. Men and women He says there are two types of service and then shares his recent event KBIS in Las Vegas. He was selected as #1 membership chair in the country Two types of service are paid and unpaid He talks about the unpaid type - how different it is to serve for pay and to serve simply to serve “Unconditional” service. Helping others with no expectation of anything in return Politics comes up Service isn’t for everyone Mark shares his view of service. He distinguishes between help and service. Purpose comes with more responsibility Mark and Jim disagree about the line between paid and unpaid Jim feels like one is a transaction and one is just service. Mark thinks its more nuanced than that The disagreement between the guys is interesting Jim brings up the local church and Mark laughs. Mark feels that there is a muddled definition of service in the church Mark shares his challenge with the Catholic Church and this exact confusion with service versus transactions. They agree to disagree Jim shares a story about his trip to Vegas and the call he got from a former player. The kid is in trouble and needs Jim’s help…in the form of money Jim explains his thought process as he determines whether to help the kid - the kid needs money. He misbehaved in an airport and he now has a court date Jim walks us through the conversation he has with the kid and his suggested resolution “I don’t loan money” He deftly walks the kid through the reality of his situation and he agrees to “give” him $1400 “I don’t want you to pay me back the money” As things develop, it becomes clear that this kids future is on the line He asks the kid to call him back tomorrow so he can reflect on it. Jim concludes that without his help, the kid is fucked Jim recognizes he may never see this kid again and he may never know if his help was effective, but decides to go all in Money, help, advice, paperwork, alcohol treatment, etc… Unconditional service…or conditional? Mark shares his opinion on why he supports Jim’s process for determining whether to help. Mark supports the kids personal accountability. He agrees it’s just a bad decision and the kid deserves a break Jim goes into more detail about the circumstances. Part of which is that he is a very big and dark man. He scared people…unintentionally. His encounter with cops was verbal, not physical. He swore at the cop and got cuffed Jim sees the opportunity to get off is real…no physical confrontation Mark summarizes his assessment of Jim’s process in determining whether to help the kid or not Jim - “You can pay me back in other ways. I want your word” Mark shares the importance of wanting to be helped. This kid was ready to be helped Mark readdresses the distinction between helping and charging for help. How he struggles with this Jim asks Mark about entitlement and then wants Marks opinion on the word “petulant” Mark pulled petulant out of political behavior. Petulant, entitled people don’t take responsibility and they play victim They have a laugh about their disagreement /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/35560055

How Are You Serving Others? What Does That Look Like? 02/21/2025

How Are You Serving Others? What Does That Look Like? Jim - the most important conversation you’ll ever have is with yourself…and that person is a crazy person Jim frames service in the context of bringing a product or service to the market to help people in some ways He frames this in the context of his most recent project that he asked Mark for help with - his talk about the kitchen and bath industry Jim asks. If it’s not just money, why do we seek to serve. What’s the bigger picture Both guys feel strongly that they have something to offer the world and the world has things to offer them Our experience leaves us with knowledge and wisdom that come from that unique experience Mark brings up his faith. “God, help me out. What do you want me to be doing again?” Jim brings up his summary doc (which he creates for each episode) on which mentions God’s greater design Are you going to die with your art in you or are you committed to putting it out in the world What have you overcome and how can you share that to help others Mark talks about obstacles and how we all find ourselves in a particular seat at a particular time for some reason Mark shares his journey into the recruiting world and how he evolved into an expert in that specific space - career development Jim shares how important he thinks Mark’s work is Mark says it’s top 5 for people. He takes that responsibility very seriously Mark shares his story about helping his friend with confidence Jim says confidence is everything and it’s hard to maintain over the course of a lifetime Mark mentions his divorce in the context of confidence and how he lost it and the trip to get it back. Validation from the outside Jim “You are most able to help the person you once were” He talks about resistance - fear is self centered Why wouldn’t you share? Because you’re scared Mark shares a few stories about helping a few people overcome their fears Enough confidence to overcome his fear - to take action Mark shares how fear is now a trigger for him to keep going. It doesn’t stop him, it encourages him Jim talks about the value of solving one specific problem. What is it and why is it a problem Mark says do we help them rid themselves of the fear or do we simply help them push past it Jim reads a few more quotes. Solutions versus problems Mark asks, “if my deliverable is confidence, what does that look like?” Messaging in a noisy world What specific problem are we solving? You have to frame the problem well. Specifically and powerfully Without the problem…what does life look like…specifically. Pain and pleasure Mark shares his opinion of the SNL auditions he watched during the 50th anniversary celebration - vulnerability, fear, risk…with everything on the line Jim talks about the value of a third party testimonial/referral/recommendation Mark laughs about the irony for me teaching about this and yet having a hard time doing it himself JIm’s three “E’s” Educate, Entertain and Encourage Mark says he’s going to steal the 3 E’s Mark’s tip from a coach “tell them something they’ve never heard before that they know to be true” Jim - “Enter the conversation they’re already having with themselves” Mark shares some takeaways - specifically about asking for help Mark commits to delivering confidence Jims speaks about being known and being clear Mark agrees that most people are unclear Mark wraps up with how happy he was to help Jim “Stick your neck out there man” /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/35380535

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