Imperfect Mens Club

Our podcast is raw...no edits, no music, no commercials. My buddy Jim and I have fun talking about life and business and anything we find interesting. We're both successful entrepreneurs, former athletes, fathers and we don't shy away from controversy. We don't agree on everything and we both like to laugh imperfectmensclub.com IG: @imperfectmensclubpodcast

The Year-End Reset 2025 Inventory - 2026 Intentions 12/18/2025

Your Story Matters - Understanding the Self Through the Stories of Our Fathers 12/11/2025

Your Story Matters - Understanding the Self Through the Stories of Our Fathers Summary In this episode of the Imperfect Men’s Club Podcast, Mark and Jim use the anniversary of Jim’s father’s passing to explore legacy, fatherhood, and the quiet ways men leave an impact. Jim walks through a timeline of his dad’s 29,352 days on earth, overlaying major world and U.S. events with his father’s life story, and connects it all back to the Imperfect Men’s Club framework. Mark shares stories about his own 97-year-old father, the gratitude that comes from growing up poor, and the urgency of capturing our parents’ stories while we still can. Together, they reflect on generational differences, emotional expression in men, the meaning of work, and why every man’s story deserves to be told before it’s too late. In This Episode Year-end reflection, impermanence, and why this season intensifies thoughts about legacy Jim’s father’s life: 1939–2019, told through a 29,352-day lens Using AI to build a life timeline that blends personal milestones with world events The Imperfect Men’s Club framework applied to one man’s life: Profession Worldview Health (mental & physical) Relationships Money How poverty, war, and big historical moments shape a man’s identity and values The quiet, stoic father who showed love through consistency instead of words Generational trauma, culture, and the power of understanding your grandparents’ stories Why technology, innovation, and early “startup” work shaped Jim’s dad’s career and investments The gap between how fathers see their love and how sons experience it Boundaries in marriage, privacy, and what we don’t get to know The importance of recording our parents’ stories before they’re gone Simple pieces of fatherly wisdom that end up directing a son’s entire life The Imperfect Men’s Club Framework in This Conversation 1. Profession Jim’s father as a long-term government employee, scientist, and early tech innovator Working on radiation imaging technology that helped change how we diagnose and treat disease The dignity of consistent, stable work vs more entrepreneurial paths “There’s never a shame in work. Whatever you do, be the very best at it.” 2. Worldview Born into scarcity at the end of the Depression and on the brink of World War II Growing up in a deeply patriotic era: U.S. wins the war, man lands on the moon Seeing himself as “American first” despite Latino heritage and different appearance Political intensity in his later years, especially around modern U.S. politics How the world events of 1939, 1949, 1959, 1969, 1979, 1989, 1999, 2009 shaped one man’s lens 3. Health (Physical & Mental) Strong physical health for most of his life, followed by predictable decline in later years Lung issues and unaddressed mental/emotional burdens surfacing near the end The generational tendency to “push through” rather than talk about mental health How men’s internal struggles often stay hidden behind reliability and duty 4. Relationships Marriage that lasted decades, with conflict that remained private and off-limits to the kids Raising four children with consistency, presence, and provision The moment Jim confronted him about never saying “I love you” “I’d like to get to know you better… why don’t you come around more often?” The boundaries around his marriage: “I don’t get involved in your marriage, and I don’t expect you to get involved in mine.” 5. Money Growing up with nothing during a time when poverty was normal Leaving his wife in a strong financial position and something for each child Quietly investing in tech companies like Apple and Tesla because he understood innovation Modeling that money is a tool, not an identity, and that stability is a form of love Key Stories & Moments The 29,352-Day Life Jim calculates his father’s life in days and overlays those days with major world events, revealing how much context, culture, and history shape who a man becomes. Coal Mines, Accidents, and Migration A coal mining accident in southern Colorado forced Jim’s father’s family to pack up and head to California with ten kids, shifting the entire trajectory of the family. Quiet Innovation, Loud Impact Jim’s dad worked on early radiation imaging technology, building the electronics for cameras that would eventually help diagnose and treat serious illnesses, including saving Jim’s brother when he developed meningitis. “You Never Told Me You Loved Me” Jim confronts his dad about never saying “I love you,” only to be met with a simple, almost confused response: how could you not know? Love, to him, was shown in work, presence, and provision, not words. “I Don’t Get Involved in Your Marriage” When Jim is sent by his siblings to “check in” on his parents’ struggling marriage, his father shuts it down with one line: you don’t know what’s going on, and you don’t need to. Work & Worth From dump runs with a hamburger reward to life lessons in the car, Jim’s father teaches him that no job is beneath a man and that the honor is in doing it well. Mark’s 97-Year-Old Father Mark shares how his own dad, grateful for growing up poor, now openly tells stories and passes down wisdom. At 97, every conversation and video becomes a piece of family history preserved. Themes Impermanence: nothing lasts forever, including relationships and life itself Legacy: how a man’s story lives on through his children and their understanding of him Generational differences in expressing love, emotion, and pain The dignity of work and the value of showing up consistently The importance of understanding your family history to understand yourself How big world events imprint themselves on one man’s values, fears, and beliefs Why men must start telling their stories before someone else has to reconstruct them Reflection Questions for Listeners Use these to journal, or just to irritate yourself into some overdue honesty: If someone mapped your life against world events, what patterns would they see in your choices and beliefs? What do you actually know about your father’s and grandfather’s stories beyond the surface? How did your family talk about work, money, and success when you were growing up? Are there words you wish you’d heard from your father that you’re now withholding from your own kids or partner? If your story ended today, who would tell it, and what parts would they get wrong simply because you never shared them? Takeaway Every man has a story. Most men wait too long to tell it. This episode is a nudge to learn where you come from, appreciate the men who shaped you (even imperfectly), and start owning your own narrative before life does it for you. /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/39367845

Nothing Lasts Forever - What Men Get Wrong About Change 12/08/2025

Nothing Lasts Forever - What Men Get Wrong About Change Episode Overview In this episode of the Imperfect Men’s Club Podcast, Mark and Jim dive into the idea of impermanence: the simple, uncomfortable truth that nothing lasts forever. From aging bodies and shifting emotions to football seasons, jobs, relationships, and AI shaking up the world, they unpack how “everything comes to an end” can be either terrifying… or freeing. They use their five-part framework (career, health, worldview, relationships, money) to explore how men can respond to constant change with awareness, humility, and a little more presence in the moment. In This Episode, Mark & Jim Talk About Impermanence defined: why recognizing that nothing is permanent changes how you see seasons, losses, and opportunities. 2025–2026 as a turning point: how AI and technology are reshaping work, education, hiring, and power structures. The changing of seasons: from sports and business cycles to emotional and life seasons, and why 30/60/90-day windows matter. Aging bodies & minds: navigating mortality, watching parents decline, and choosing grace and acceptance instead of denial. The rise and fall of emotions: anger, guilt, broken relationships, and why expectations quietly drive so much of our suffering. Relationships & jobs ending: the 3–3–3 “romance rule,” how seasons apply to careers and friendships, and why endings don’t have to define you. New tech, old tech: how quickly tools become obsolete, why domain expertise matters more than code, and what happens to people who ignore AI. Living in the present: using impermanence as a reminder to appreciate what you have now instead of clinging to the past or trying to control the future. The Imperfect Men’s Club framework: the five arenas of life and the core idea that “the imperfection is the perfection.” Key Themes & Stories 1. Impermanence & Seasons Mark and Jim riff on life as a series of 90-day seasons: sports, business, relationships, and personal growth. Jim shares a story from a high school football team whose season ended in heartbreak, and how he challenged them not to let the loss define them, but to let it refine them. “Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better” becomes a lens for handling endings and setbacks. 2. Aging, Mortality & Watching Our Parents Decline Mark talks about his 97-year-old dad, who’s actively planning for what happens after he’s gone and handling his limitations with grace and faith. They discuss the mental and emotional side of aging, including dementia and watching loved ones slowly fade. The conversation turns into a reflection on how facing mortality forces you to reassess your own life, body, and time. 3. Emotions, Expectations & Letting Go Mark opens up about broken family relationships, love mixed with anger, frustration, and guilt. Jim ties emotional swings to expectations: the higher your expectations, the more fragile your emotional state. They talk about the power of lowering expectations, managing reactions, and not clinging to emotions that are hurting you. 4. Relationships & Jobs as Seasons The 3–3–3 romance rule: 3 dates 3 weeks 3 months as checkpoints for whether a relationship has real depth and staying power. They compare this to the classic 30/60/90-day structure in new jobs: by 90 days, you usually know if it’s a fit. Friendships, marriages, business partnerships, and careers all go through phases… and sometimes, they end. That doesn’t mean they were failures. 5. AI, Technology & Becoming Obsolete Jim frames AI as “amplified intelligence,” not artificial, and explains why he’s optimistic about a huge leveling of the playing field. Mark reflects on decades of recruiting software engineers and watching waves of technology come and go. They talk about how AI is shifting value away from pure coding and toward domain expertise + problem solving + critical thinking. Core message: if you ignore AI, you risk getting “kicked to the curb.” If you engage with it, you can ride the change instead of being run over by it. 6. The Framework & Living in the Present Mark and Jim tie everything back to the Imperfect Men’s Club framework: Career / Profession Health / Well-being (mental & physical) Worldview Relationships Money At the center is self-awareness: noticing your seasons, your stories, your emotional patterns, and your relationship with change. Impermanence becomes a reminder to: Appreciate what you can do today. Stop clinging to “how it used to be.” Drop the illusion that you can predict or control the future. “The imperfection is the perfection” shows up as the ultimate conclusion: life is messy, unpredictable, and sometimes brutal… and that might actually be the point. Reflection Questions Where in your life are you fighting a season that’s clearly ending? How is your relationship with aging (body or mind) shaping the way you show up right now? Which emotion are you hanging onto that’s quietly poisoning you? What’s one place you could lower your expectations and instantly reduce your stress? How are you engaging with new technology: are you actively learning, or pretending it’ll just blow over? Call to Action If this conversation about impermanence hit a nerve or gave you language for something you’ve been feeling, share this episode with another man who needs it. And if you’re listening on Apple, please leave a rating and review. It helps this imperfect little corner of the world reach more men who are trying to navigate their own seasons without pretending to have it all together. /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/39320645

Holidays - Why “More People, More Problems” Is a Thing 12/01/2025

Holidays - Why “More People, More Problems” Is a Thing Episode 45 · Family Dynamics, Holidays & “More People, More Problems” In this episode of the Imperfect Men’s Club, Mark and Jim talk about the chaos, comedy, and emotional landmines of family gatherings during the holidays, especially Thanksgiving. They unpack why every family is “messed up in its own special way,” how that shows up around the table, and what men can actually do about it instead of just bracing for impact. They walk through a simple framework for understanding family dynamics and layer it over real stories: aging parents, kids scattered across the country, in-laws, politics, addiction, sobriety, and the quiet pressure to “keep the peace” even when you’re tired of being the peacekeeper. What they cover The flywheel of life & relationships with others How family dynamics fit into the broader framework of money, worldview, self, health, profession, and relationships (broken into male and female). Life in phases: 0–10, 10–20, 20–30, 30–40 and beyond Why holidays feel totally different depending on your age and role: kid at the card table, young parent, empty nester, or grandparent. The 5 components of family dynamics (holiday edition) Roles & structure: provider, nurturer, peacekeeper, the “drunk uncle,” and the new people showing up to the table. Relationships: from close and harmonious to distant and strained, and how unresolved issues surface the minute everyone’s in the same room. Rules: explicit and unspoken rules around timing, respect, language, and “no politics at the table” (and what happens when those rules get broken). Communication: verbal and nonverbal cues, dirty looks, raised voices, and how authority and power actually play out. Emotional health: affection vs distance, criticism vs support, and the trap of comparing your kids and life to everyone else’s. Traditions, kids & geography How traditions evolve as children grow up, move away, start their own families, and bring partners into the mix… and why “no kids at the table” holidays hit differently. Alcohol, emotions & conflict The difference between a couple beers with buddies and a drunk, emotional family gathering… and why some people are choosing not to drink at all during holidays. Standards, boundaries & enforcement Who makes the rules, who enforces them, and why staying silent about bad behavior is the same as condoning it. Adapting to change without losing yourself Grown kids, new partners, scattered locations, aging parents, estranged siblings, and learning when to engage… and when to simply let go. Key ideas & takeaways Every family is imperfect; the question is what you choose to focus on: the dysfunction or the gift. “More people, more problems” is real, especially when you mix old history, new partners, alcohol, and politics. You always have a choice in how you show up: you don’t have to fix everything, win every argument, or say every thought out loud. Clear standards and boundaries protect the emotional health of the whole room, especially kids who are watching and learning. Comparison (your kids vs theirs, your life vs theirs) is a quiet, corrosive habit that can wreck your holiday from the inside out. With age and experience, peace often matters more than being “right.” Questions to reflect on What role do you tend to play in your family during the holidays: provider, peacekeeper, exploder, ghost? Where are your relationships harmonious… and where are they clearly strained? What unspoken rules are running your family gatherings, and do any of them need to change? How do alcohol, politics, and comparison impact the emotional climate at your table? What would it look like this year to show up with less ego and more calm? How to support the show If this episode hits home and you think other men could benefit from it, especially this time of year, go to Apple Podcasts, drop a rating, and leave a short review. It helps the show reach more men who need to hear they’re not the only ones dealing with messy, imperfect families. /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/39219990

Rewiring Self-Belief: What Neuroscience Says About Limiting Beliefs 11/20/2025

Rewiring Self-Belief: What Neuroscience Says About Limiting Beliefs Overview In this episode, Mark and Jim dive into the neuroscience of limiting beliefs and how these old, deeply embedded mental patterns quietly steer a man’s confidence, ambition, and ability to grow. Through stories, personal revelations, and decades of lived experience, they break down why these beliefs form, why they stick, and how men can finally start replacing them with something far more empowering. This one sits right at the center of the Imperfect Men’s Club flywheel: the intersection of mental health, worldview, relationships, profession, and money. Key Themes 1. The Five Arenas of a Man’s Life Jim kicks things off by revisiting the IMC life framework: Profession, Relationships, Health, Worldview, and Money. All five deeply influence our self-beliefs, whether we realize it or not. 2. What Limiting Beliefs Actually Are The guys define limiting beliefs as “thoughts or statements accepted as truth that keep you from moving forward.” They may sound simple, but they can quietly govern a man’s entire life. 3. Childhood Imprints & Subconscious Programming This episode goes deep into how early messages from parents, teachers, relatives, and environment get absorbed straight into the subconscious. Jim shares a raw childhood memory of being called on to read in class while dyslexic and not yet diagnosed. The shame and confusion formed a neural groove he carried for decades. 4. Adult Trauma Counts Too Mark opens up about how the rejection from his contentious divorce still echoes somatically in his nervous system. Limiting beliefs aren’t just childhood artifacts; they can be formed in adulthood through painful experiences. 5. Neuroscience, Huberman, and “That’s Not a Fact” The practice of catching a negative or limiting thought in real time and labeling it: “That’s not a fact. That’s just a thought.” Simple, not easy — and backed by neuroscience. 6. Neuroplasticity & Rewiring the Brain Jim explains neural pathways like highways that can be reprogrammed through repetition, environment changes, and conscious disruption. Mark shares Huberman’s tool: Think it. Write it. Say it. Do it daily (especially morning and night) to build new “tracks.” 7. Resistance Is Part of the Process Your brain doesn’t like new beliefs. It prefers familiar misery to unfamiliar possibility. Mark likens this to switching to a keto lifestyle: the discomfort is predictable, normal, and temporary — if you stick with it. 8. Techniques, Tools, and Mental “Hacks” The guys discuss: Subconscious clearing sessions EFT/tapping Tai Chi Meditation and prayer Sauna and cold exposure Dr. Joe Dispenza’s visualization work All of these act as different bridges to the same goal: calming the brain and re-patterning it. 9. Applying Self-Belief to Performance & Leadership Jim introduces his M5 framework for his football team: Manifesto, Methodology, Mentality, Machine, Mindset — a window into how belief systems create championship cultures. 10. Peace of Mind as the Ultimate Longevity Hack Mark reflects on his father’s extraordinary health at 97 and attributes it primarily to his lifelong sense of peace, faith, and grounded belief. A living example of mindset shaping biology. Why This Episode Matters Because every man hits a season where the beliefs that got him here can’t get him there. This episode is a blueprint for recognizing the old wiring, replacing it, and pushing forward with intention — not autopilot. /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/39113330

Self Discipline - A Stoic View of Imperfection 11/13/2025

Self Discipline - A Stoic View of Imperfection Episode 43: Self Discipline. A Stoic View of Imperfection Summary In this episode, Mark and Jim explore self-discipline through the lens of Stoic philosophy. They unpack five timeless rules that still hold up in a world full of distractions, dopamine hits, and excuses. The conversation spans modern habits, mental toughness, guilt, accountability, voluntary discomfort, and the deeper connection between self-awareness, self-trust, and real personal growth. The core message: self-discipline isn’t perfection. It’s the small, unglamorous, repeatable reps you keep showing up for. What We Cover The difference between discipline as a “trait” vs. a trainable skill Why your imagination causes more suffering than reality What you actually control (and the mountain of things you don’t) The link between news cycles, anxiety, and self-regulation Why action beats feelings every single time The power of delayed gratification in a world built for instant hits Modern examples of addiction to comfort (phones, food, couch time) Voluntary discomfort as training for real-life adversity How self-trust is built, damaged, and rebuilt The underrated role of accountability in sustaining discipline Key Takeaways 1. Control What You Can, Release What You Can’t Your energy is finite. Quit spending it on outcomes, opinions, news cycles, and noise. Focus it on effort, process, and behavior. 2. Choose Actions Over Feelings Feelings are weather. Actions are decisions. The pros show up whether they feel like it or not. 3. Delay Pleasure to Build Willpower Small acts of resistance compound over time. Even waiting five minutes to check your phone is a rep toward discipline. 4. Practice Voluntary Discomfort Cold water, early mornings, tough workouts, fasting—controlled hardship trains your mind for uncontrolled hardship. 5. Keep Your Word to Yourself Self-trust is the foundation of confidence. Broken private promises quietly erode your identity. Kept promises rebuild it. Why It Matters Most men don’t have a discipline problem—they have a self-trust problem. Self-discipline isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about becoming reliable to yourself again. Progress happens one rep at a time, one tiny lever pulled each day. And the more accountable you become to your own standards, the less guilt, friction, and mental clutter you carry. Reflection Questions Where am I letting feelings override my commitments? Which comforts are making me softer instead of stronger? What is one small discipline rep I can repeat daily for the next 7 days? Where in my life do I need an accountability partner instead of more willpower? What promise to myself have I been breaking without acknowledging it? Listen to the Full Episode Catch the complete conversation and stories inside the latest installment of The Imperfect Men’s Club Podcast. Listen on Apple or Spotify. And if the episode hits you in the gut in the good way, share it with another man who needs it. Also please go over to the Apple platform, rate, review and subscribe. It really helps our reach. Thanks! /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/39024595

Self-Projection, Narcissism & Radical Accountability 11/07/2025

Self-Projection, Narcissism & Radical Accountability Short Episode Description In this episode, Mark and Jim unpack self-projection: how it shows up consciously and unconsciously, how it damages relationships, and what radical accountability actually looks like in real life. They explore narcissistic patterns, the difference between healthy self-presentation and fake personas, and why the simple act of pausing might be one of the most powerful tools you have. Along the way, Mark shares hard-won lessons from a deeply toxic relationship and how he rebuilt his emotional maturity in the years that followed. Episode Summary Mark and Jim start from the IMC “self” hub in the flywheel and trace everything back to self-awareness. Before talking about self-projection, they define projection itself as a psychological defense mechanism: assigning your own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to someone else so you don’t have to face them. They then break projection into two buckets: Conscious self-projection Intentional image-management: posture, tone, body language, and how you walk into a room. Some of this is normal and even useful (showing up confidently in a job interview); some of it drifts into inauthentic performance. Unconscious self-projection The deeper stuff: childhood wounds, unresolved pain, and trauma that get dumped on the people closest to you. This is where accusations flip reality, where what they are doing gets pinned on you, and relationships slowly erode. Mark shares candid stories from his past marriage: domestic violence accusations that were actually descriptions of his ex’s own behavior, repeated patterns in couples therapy, and the moment he realized he was dealing with someone who lacked empathy and refused accountability. Jim connects that to narcissistic traits: resentment, contempt, the need to always make the other person wrong, and the predatory pattern of moving to the next “target” when the current one starts catching on. From there, they shift to self-policing: Recognizing strong, sudden reactions as a signal you might be projecting. Using the pause as a superpower to check what you’re feeling before you unload it on someone else. Calling out rudeness or disrespect with curiosity rather than aggression, and how that often opens the door to real connection. They also talk about the word “fine” as a mask, the overuse of “sorry,” and how genuine apology without a “but” rebuilds trust. The episode closes on emotional maturity: why many people never grow up emotionally, how meditation, journaling, breathwork, and simple walks can help you process your own emotional landscape, and why text-based communication (without body language or tone) makes miscommunication and projection even worse. Underneath it all: self-awareness, radical accountability, and the courage to walk away when someone refuses both. Key Topics & Timestamps (Timestamps approximate) [00:09:17] Welcome & topic setup Mark and Jim introduce self-projection, connect it back to the IMC flywheel, and explain why everything comes back to self-awareness at this stage of life. [00:10:25] What is projection, really? Mark reads a psychological definition of projection: assigning your own thoughts, emotions, and desires to others as a defense mechanism to avoid uncomfortable truths. [00:11:50] Childhood, past experiences & unfair projections How we unconsciously project childhood wounds and past relationships onto current partners and friends, often without realizing it. [00:13:00] Conscious vs unconscious self-projection Mark distinguishes between conscious image-management and unconscious projection. They explore how we intentionally “present” ourselves vs what leaks out when we’re not aware. [00:14:20] Conscious self-projection: posture, presence & leadership How posture, body language, voice, and how you walk into a room shape how others see you. Jim shares catching himself intentionally projecting leadership, and Mark cites research that ~55% of communication is body language. [00:16:20] Unconscious projection & relationship damage Mark describes how unchecked projection distorts perception and damages relationships. He shares how his ex projected her own behavior onto him, especially in high-conflict situations. [00:18:40] Narcissism, denial & “you don’t have a chance” How some people show almost zero self-awareness and react with rage or total denial when called out. Jim frames the difference between dealing with narcissistic patterns vs dealing with normal but imperfect people. [00:21:20] Recognizing patterns in yourself first The importance of noticing patterns in your reactions, not just others’. Strong, sudden emotional reactions as a cue you might be projecting. [00:22:00] Projection as a defense mechanism Mark explains how we drag emotional baggage from one interaction into the next, and how pausing helps prevent unloading on the wrong person. [00:23:40] Did Mark become better in relationships? Mark reflects on how his relationships changed afterward: better listening, 10 years off the dating scene to heal, and re-entering without dragging old scars into new connections. [00:24:30] Phases of relationships & masks coming off Jim walks through early “honeymoon” phases, deeper trust phases, and how little quirks and non-negotiables start to appear over time. [00:25:40] Narcissistic resentment, contempt & making you wrong How narcissistic patterns flip from idealizing to contempt, and the mission becomes making you wrong about everything. [00:26:50] Political projection & why they avoid the topic A quick aside on how projection shows up in politics, both sides accusing each other of what they themselves are doing, and why they choose not to go down that rabbit hole. [00:27:00] The power of the pause Mark’s favorite tool: pausing before reacting. How pausing reflects self-awareness and prevents saying things you’ll regret. [00:27:40] The cold-call “pause & confront” story Mark shares his sales script for handling disrespectful prospects: calling out the disrespect, asking what he did to deserve it, and how 90% of people end up apologizing and opening up. [00:29:10] Naming emotions instead of blaming others Asking: “What am I feeling right now? Fear? Shame? Anger? Insecurity?” before leaping to “What’s wrong with them?” [00:29:30] Patterns vs one-offs Jim’s rule of thumb: once is an event, twice is coincidence, three times is a pattern that deserves serious attention. [00:30:10] Radical accountability & real kindness Mark links kindness to telling people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear, and ties it to owning your words, actions, and emotional state. [00:31:10] Intentions vs repeated behavior “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Why claiming good intentions doesn’t matter if behavior never changes. [00:31:30] Seeing your own projections & asking for help Becoming aware that you might be projecting past pain onto everyone you interact with, and needing enough humility to see it and seek help. [00:32:00] Radical accountability & apologies without “but” Why “I’m sorry, but…” isn’t an apology. How sincere acknowledgment rebuilds trust and signals emotional maturity. [00:33:06] “I’m fine” as a facade & the cost of not talking Mark and Jim talk about “I’m fine” as code for “I’m not fine and I don’t want to talk.” They explore silent resentment and simmering tension when issues never get addressed. [00:35:00] When walking away is the healthiest move Mark describes a pattern with multiple therapists where sessions broke down the moment accountability shifted toward his ex, and how he realized there was no answer except leaving. [00:36:50] Predatory patterns & moving on to the next “target” How some people simply find the next person who will accept their behavior instead of doing the work. [00:36:20] “Fine” in public vs miserable in private The difference between projecting “everything is fine” to the outside world and the inner reality of people who haven’t done the work. [00:36:59] Tools: meditation, journaling, breathwork & walking Practical ways to scan your experiences, process your emotions, and prevent projection from running your life. [00:38:00] Mark’s current relationship & real repair Mark describes his current relationship: noticing when he’s upset his girlfriend, pressing to talk, apologizing, resolving, and moving on with a hug instead of letting things fester. [00:39:10] Emotional maturity & the people who never grow up Jim talks about emotional maturity as a lifelong refinement. Mark notes that many people never mature emotionally and stay stuck in old patterns. [00:40:20] Texting, email & communication without body language How the lack of body language and tone in digital communication massively increases the odds of misinterpretation and projection. [00:40:40] Mark’s “two texts then I call” rule Mark shares his personal boundary: after one or two texts with his kids, he switches to a phone call. No serious conversations via text. [00:41:20] Tone, timing & miscommunication Jim adds that tone and timing are just as important as body language. Without them, people read all kinds of meaning into a text that was never intended. [00:41:44] Closing thoughts: self-awareness, accountability & communication They wrap by reinforcing the core theme: self-awareness, radical accountability, and more intentional communication are the path out of projection, resentment, and emotional immaturity. Key Takeaways Projection is a defense mechanism. It shows up when you assign your own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to others to avoid facing uncomfortable truths about yourself. There’s a difference between healthy self-presentation and fake personas. Conscious self-projection (posture, presence, confidence) can be useful. It becomes a problem when it replaces authenticity. Unconscious projection destroys relationships. When your unprocessed pain gets dumped on others, it distorts reality, erodes trust, and creates chaos, especially in intimate relationships. Narcissistic patterns are real and often predatory. Lack of empathy, blame-shifting, resentment, and the constant need to make others wrong are red flags that someone may not be capable of healthy accountability. The pause is a superpower. Pausing before reacting gives you space to identify what you’re really feeling and choose a response instead of unloading on the nearest target. Patterns matter more than one-offs. One incident is noise. Three similar incidents are a pattern. Patterns are where you have to pay attention and potentially walk away. Radical accountability changes everything. Owning your emotional landscape, apologizing without excuses, and doing the work (journaling, therapy, meditation, breathwork) are signs of emotional maturity. Text communication is a minefield. Without body language and tone, projection and misinterpretation skyrocket. Some conversations simply need to be voice-to-voice or face-to-face. Notable Quotes (Paraphrased for Show Notes) “Projection is a way of coping with uncomfortable or threatening aspects of yourself by putting them on someone else.” “I like to present myself as a confident, happy, humble guy… and yeah, I puff it up a little when I walk into a room.” “One of the worst things about unconscious self-projection is, in the most severe situations, there’s nothing you can do about it.” “The first and most difficult step is realizing you’re projecting.” “Kind is telling people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear.” “It’s not an apology if you say ‘I’m sorry, but…’” “If 55% of communication is body language and you take that away, the chances of miscommunication go way up.” /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/38951195

Why 2025 Could Be the Most Consequential Year of Our Lifetime 10/30/2025

Why 2025 Could Be the Most Consequential Year of Our Lifetime Episode Overview In this episode, Mark and Jim zoom out to the worldview arena of the Imperfect Men’s Club framework and connect four generations, American innovation, AI, capitalism, and historical cycles into one big through-line. The jumping-off point is Jim’s recent trip with his 85-year-old mom to meet his new granddaughter. That experience, paired with a talk he watched about 2025 being a “tipping point year,” sparked a conversation about why history really does repeat itself in 25- and 80-year patterns, how America’s unique mix of freedom and capitalism unlocks innovation, and why the next few years will require men to be grounded, informed and responsible. This isn’t doom-and-gloom. It’s perspective. The guys make the case that things have always been chaotic, that technology has always disrupted, and that we tend to forget how good we actually have it. Which is kind of the point. Where This Fits in the IMC Framework This episode lives in the Worldview arena. Because if you don’t understand the time you’re living in, you overreact to headlines, you forget history, and you parent/lead/plan from fear instead of wisdom. What Sparked the Conversation Jim took his 85-year-old mom on a trip to meet her great-granddaughter. She hadn’t flown in a decade and was blown away by basic stuff we now take for granted (Uber, boarding passes on phones, QR codes). That experience lined up with a talk Jim watched arguing that 2025 is the single most pivotal year of our lifetime. (Credit: Peter Leyden-futurist) The guys tied it back to the IMC wheel and asked: “What time is it in history right now?” Big Idea of the Episode 2025 is shaping up to be a societal tipping point because three technologies are scaling at the same time: AI (or as Jim calls it, “amplified intelligence”) Clean/renewable energy Bioengineering and amplified physical capability When multiple technologies scale together, society doesn’t just “improve.” It transforms. That’s happened before. And it’s usually part of a 25-year burst that lives inside an 80-year cycle. The 5 Arenas (quick recap from the episode) Jim restates the IMC five arenas men are always operating in: Profession (what you do, how you create value) Relationships (spouse, kids, friends, brothers) Self (physical and mental health) Money (your relationship to it, usually inherited from childhood) Worldview (how you interpret what’s happening around you) Today’s conversation is about that last one. What the Guys Unpack 1. Why 2025 matters It’s not numerology. It’s that AI, energy and bioengineering are all hitting scale. That kind of convergence usually demands a “full societal transformation.” If you walked outside for the first time in 10 years, you’d barely recognize how life is actually transacted now (phones, ridesharing, digital IDs, everything on one device). 2. The 25-year pattern Jim cites the video explaining that major shifts have shown up every 25 years. 2003–2022 was the “current age of technology” (mobile phones, social media, early AI). 2025 is the next jump. You can nitpick whether it’s 24 or 26 years. That’s not the point. The point is: history isn’t random. 3. The 80-year cycle The guys go back to 1945–1970: the post-WWII boom. America poured money into infrastructure, education (GI Bill), and building a middle class. Taxes on the rich were high, patriotism was high, common cause was high. Then the 60s/70s brought civil rights, feminism, Vietnam, and the political reshuffling. Go back again and you see the same thing after the Civil War (1865–1890): massive innovation, railroads, land-grant universities, Homestead Act. Go back again and you land in the founding era (1787): the initial 80-year cycle when America moved away from feudalism to a people-driven system. 4. America’s role in innovation Jim makes the case: without the U.S. (and to a degree the West), a lot of this innovation doesn’t happen. Why? Freedom + capitalism + money flows where it’s wanted. You can’t centrally plan genuine demand. That’s why these periods attract immigrants, inventors, builders. 5. Technology always has a dark side Every big wave took advantage of somebody. Slavery. Irish labor. Chinese labor on the railroads. Child labor in the Industrial Revolution. Which is why labor unions emerged. Which is why Ford said, “I want my workers to be able to buy the car.” Which is why we got a functional middle class. Translation: whatever AI becomes, there will be a messy, exploitative phase. 6. Media vs history People who are worked up about “the world ending” are usually mainlining bad media. People who study history see that “there have always been problems.” Wars, depressions, volatile politics. None of it is new. Today might actually be the safest time to be alive. A healthy worldview requires historical literacy. 7. Generational imprinting Jim talks about how his mom (born around WWII) views money, risk and travel. Mark talks about his dad, born in 1928, 1 of 11 kids, poor, never owned a car. That Depression/WWII generation lived scarcity. That gets passed down. Your money issues often weren’t born with you. They were installed. 8. Politics without the labels Mark rants (accurately) that the labels don’t mean much anymore. Conservative, liberal, Democrat, Republican, independent. All pretty muddied. Victimhood, groupthink, and identity politics have blurred historical reality. Learning history helps you not fall for ideological cosplay. 9. The founders were young Mark points out something people forget. Jefferson, Hamilton, etc. were in their late 20s and early 30s when they wrote world-changing documents. That should embarrass all of us. It also highlights how much courage and clarity can exist early in life. Key Takeaways History repeats. The pattern right now looks like we’re at the front of a major 25-year innovation burst that sits inside a bigger 80-year cycle. 2025 might be the year everything tips because 3 technologies are scaling at once. If you don’t know history, you will misinterpret the present. America’s messy, market-driven model is still the best petri dish for innovation. Your worldview is shaped by when and where you grew up. You should probably examine that. Despite the noise, this is still a pretty good time to be alive. Links/Asks Mentioned Mark asks listeners to rate and review the podcast on Apple to help expand the reach. Share with someone who’s freaking out about “the world today” and needs historical perspective. /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/38847535

"I'm Not Good Enough" The Origins And Impact Of Self Limiting Beliefs 10/23/2025

"I'm Not Good Enough" The Origins And Impact Of Self Limiting Beliefs Episode Summary Mark and Jim dive into the belief that quietly caps potential: “I’m not good enough.” They trace where it starts (childhood messages, school systems, fear, past misses) and how it shows up in adult life: promotions we never ask for, relationships we avoid, work we don’t share, skills we won’t try. Along the way: stories from recruiting, entrepreneurship, parenting after divorce, and reframing regret as proof you care. The Conversation Explores What a self-limiting belief system is Thoughts that feel like facts, internalized from fear, old messages, or past experiences. The 5 arenas (Wheel) Worldview, Relationships, Self (mental/physical), Money, Profession — how “not good enough” plays out in each. Work & promotion Why most people never ask for what they’ve earned, and how confidence changes the conversation. Entrepreneurship vs applying Creating your own game when the tryout mentality keeps you small. Relationships after divorce Giving yourself permission to try again; why confidence is attractive and insecurity isn’t. Sharing creative work Moving past impostor syndrome with repetition, practice, and kinder self-assessment. New skills and hobbies Transferable skills, permission to pivot, and expanding identity beyond a single job title. Regret, reframed Regret as a healthy signal you care; choosing “die trying” over “live with regret.” Key Moments & Stories Recruiter’s lens: Mark’s thousands of candidate conversations start with identity and limiting beliefs. If you don’t surface them, they steer the process. The tryout that never happened: Mark on not trying out for Notre Dame basketball and how that voice can echo years later. Starting the company anyway: Zero doubt when building a business while others warned him off. Creating the job vs applying for it. Ten years post-divorce: Mark waited to date to protect his kids; his daughters later “gave permission,” unlocking forward motion. School, labels, and creativity: Jim on being misread by testing, then discovering his superpower for big-picture problem solving and invention. The pause technique: Mark’s 5–30 second reset before hard conversations to center, lead, and stay kind. Practical Takeaways Name it to tame it. Write down the exact sentence you tell yourself. If it starts with “I am not the kind of person who…,” you’ve found it. Permission is powerful. If you’re waiting for it from others, give it to yourself in writing: “I authorize myself to ___ by ___.” Promotions are conversations, not coronations. Prepare a one-page value brief: outcomes delivered, metrics improved, what you’ll own next quarter. Ask. Create your own league. If gatekeepers won’t let you try out, design a game where your strengths are the rules. Ship small, ship often. Post the paragraph, not the book. Momentum beats perfection. Transfer your skills. List 10 core skills you use now. For each, map 3 roles or industries where it applies. Circle what excites you. Use the pause. Before tough calls or meetings: inhale, count to 5, set intention, enter calm. Reframe regret. Treat it as useful data: “I regret X, which tells me Y matters. My next right action is Z.” Micro-Exercises (REAL) Reflect: When did “not good enough” first show up? Write the earliest memory and one adult echo. Evaluate: Evidence check. List 5 counter-facts that disprove the belief this week. Activate: One ask you’ve avoided (raise, referral, date, publish). Put it on the calendar with a script. Lead: Tell one person how they positively impact you. Confidence compounds when you give it. Notable Quotes “Confidence is very attractive; a lack of confidence is very unattractive.” “No one’s coming to promote you unless you promote yourself.” “I’d rather die trying than live with regret.” “If you don’t surface limiting beliefs, they steer the process.” Resources Mentioned The Imperfect Men’s Club Wheel: Worldview, Relationships, Self, Money, Profession Mark’s “pause” practice for hard conversations If this resonated Subscribe and review: A quick 5-star and a sentence on Apple helps more men find the show as our review count hits key thresholds. /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/38761640

Introspection Without the Spiral: 5 Moves to Get Unstuck 10/16/2025

Reframing The Differences Between Men And Women 10/09/2025

Reframing The Differences Between Men And Women Summary Mark and Jim dive into the “relationships” spoke of the wheel, using a simple moment in a tire shop to unpack a bigger idea: reframing. From there they explore the difference between loving and longing, how past relationships shape current ones, what men and women tend to seek at different life stages, and why self-awareness is the only way any of this works. Mark shares hard-won perspective as a single dad of two daughters and a son; Jim brings a long-married vantage point and a field report from that fish-tank-by-the-waiting-room conversation. The conversation explores Reframing in real life: The same sound can be a spa fountain or a bathroom. You choose the frame. That choice changes your energy and outcomes. Self-awareness as the engine: The “imperfection is the perfection.” If you can see your own patterns, you can stop escalating and start reframing. Loving vs. longing: Longing: unrequited/unavailable, fantasy, self-focused, reenacting the past. Loving: mutuality, reciprocity, reality, choosing commitment, intimacy, trust, vulnerability. Men and women are different: Celebrate difference instead of pretending it doesn’t exist. Respect the “dance” rather than turning it into competition. Desire across seasons: What each person seeks shifts with age, biology, and context. Security, attention, companionship, family, purpose — the mix changes over time. Past shaping present: Childhood models and prior relationships show up in current dynamics unless you name them and reframe them. Scarcity and codependency: The fear of being alone can drive rushing into the wrong relationships. Slowing down is a strength move. Aging and attraction: Charm, character, and kindness outlast looks. If attraction is only skin-deep, it won’t carry the weight of a life. Masculinity without apology: Chivalry isn’t contempt. Masculinity isn’t inherently toxic; unexamined behavior can be. Blended families and grace: Reframing can turn former conflict into cooperative parenting and healthier extended families. Mark’s notes Single-dad lens: raising daughters forced him to learn a different “language,” creating empathy and breadth he didn’t have before. Gratitude reframe with his ex: without that relationship there wouldn’t be his three kids. Gratitude dissolves old resentments. On meeting his partner: there was a long intentional gap focused on fatherhood, then a simple, timely connection when he and she were ready. Jim’s notes The tire-shop conversation: reframing turned a quiet morning into 40 minutes of honest talk across generations. On “we’re all a little crazy”: own it, laugh at it, and you’ll have a better shot at connection. Loving vs. longing often gets tangled with lust, dopamine, and fantasy. Untangle it or repeat the loop. Practical takeaways When triggered, name the frame you’re using. Swap it for one that serves the relationship. Ask, “Am I longing (fantasy/self) or loving (mutual/committed)?” Act accordingly. Audit the past that’s leaking into the present. Say what it is, then set a new agreement. Slow down after endings. Scarcity makes bad deals. Practice difference-with-respect: stop trying to win; start trying to understand. Notable lines “Reframing is a choice. Get stuck in the past, fear the future, or notice what you have right now.” “Men and women are different. That’s not a problem to solve; it’s a dance to learn.” “Longing is a movie in your head. Loving is a commitment in real life.” “The imperfection is the perfection. Start with self-awareness.” Mentioned The Wheel: Profession, Worldview, Money, Health, Relationships. Today’s spoke: Relationships. Call to action If you’re ready to check your frame and clean up the stories running your relationships, subscribe, share this episode with a friend who needs it, and take the next small step toward loving instead of longing. /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/38525650

Self-Discipline, Routines, and the Quiet Power of Consistency 10/02/2025

Self-Discipline, Routines, and the Quiet Power of Consistency Summary Mark and Jim dig into self-discipline as a daily practice, not a personality trait. They walk through their real-world morning and evening routines, how gratitude and breathwork change your state, why partnerships create accountability, and how three tightly chosen priorities per day compound into a better year. Practical, free, and doable. The conversation explores: What self-discipline actually is: controlling impulses and short-term urges to align with long-term values and intentions, built through practice and simple systems. Morning routines that stick: hydration, oil pulling, movement, meditation/prayer, journaling, and picking the day’s top three priorities. State management: gratitude as a state that pushes out negative emotion, plus breathwork to settle anxiety and sharpen attention. Accountability as leverage: why partnerships and “skin in the game” make consistency easier than self-willing everything solo. Evening design and sleep: winding down, light planning, reading, and why better sleep is usually about when you go to bed, not when you wake up. Grace over rigidity: structure that supports life vs. the misery of micromanaging every second. Mark’s routine highlights Oil pulling first, then hydration: 20 minutes of oil swishing on waking, followed by water through the day. Prayer + reflection: a short daily scripture and interpretation to anchor mindset and gratitude. Breathwork + stretch: guided Wim Hof-style breathwork and light movement on the mat, often done with his partner for built-in accountability. Journaling by hand: gratitude in five life arenas, plus “wonder questions” to spark ideas and set intention. AM focus blocks: treat to-dos as 30-minute “spiritual work blocks,” do the most important work early, and stop to breathe. Jim’s routine highlights Early start for solitude: ideal window around 4:30–5:00; quiet time before the world gets noisy. Hydration done right: water first, often infused (cucumber, citrus, ginger) to encourage intake. Move the body: stretch, walk, run, or lift — any movement to shift from idle to engaged. Meditation/solitude outside: grounding barefoot when possible; listen, notice, align. Gratitude on paper: handwrite three things daily to reframe problems and create generosity and abundance. Daily Big 3: identify and complete the three priorities that align with mission before the day ends. Practical prompts you can use today Pick your Daily Big 3: write them the night before or first thing. Complete them before reacting to everything else. Lock in one keystone habit: choose a single action you’ll do every morning for two weeks (hydration, breathwork, prayer, or a 10-minute walk). Use partnerships: text a friend your Daily Big 3 each morning; reply “done” by evening. Shift your state with gratitude: write three specific gratitudes by hand; do it before opening your phone. Breathe when anxious: slow, controlled cycles in, hold, and out. Start with 3–5 rounds to reset. On anxiety and breathwork Breathwork can interrupt the spiral by restoring oxygen and calming the system. It’s not one-size-fits-all, and deeper issues deserve professional care, but simple cycles of inhale-hold-exhale help many people in the moment. Evening wind-down principles Protect bedtime: better sleep starts with when you go to bed. Plant a thought: review tomorrow’s Big 3 or read for 15–20 minutes to give your mind something useful to process. Drop the worry: if you wake up at night, read a few pages instead of catastrophizing; paradoxically, you’ll sleep better. Quote of the episode “A grateful state leaves no room for negative emotion.” Not the goal Hyper-rigid biohacking. Discipline should support a life you actually want to live, not turn you into a full-time lab experiment. If this resonated Subscribe and review: A quick 5-star and a sentence on Apple helps more men find the show as our review count hits key thresholds. /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/38446245

Are You A Leader Or Simply In A Position Of Authority? 09/25/2025

Are You A Leader Or Simply In A Position Of Authority? Quick Summary Mark and Jim unpack leadership through the lens of “seasons.” Drawing on John Maxwell’s idea that everyone has a book inside them, they explore how winter, spring, summer, and fall map to personal growth, responsibility, and impact. They also get candid about humility, credibility, and why leadership is more than holding a title—it’s taking responsibility for the well-being of other people. The conversation explores Leadership ≠ Title: The difference between positions of authority and true leadership that models behavior, brings clarity, and takes responsibility for others. Seasons of Life: Winter (pain, preparation), spring (planting seeds), summer (growth), fall (harvest) — and how each season demands different actions and attitudes. Fertile Ground Comes from “Manure”: Translating setbacks into future growth; why dark, rainy winters are necessary before any harvest. Born or Made? Some leaders are naturally inclined, but many can be developed if they’re willing to shoulder responsibility. Clarity → Confidence → Courage → Risk: How removing uncertainty builds momentum and leads to bolder, better outcomes. Humility & Storytelling: Leading with lived experience, admitting “I don’t know,” and using personal origin stories to create credibility and connection. Culture You Can Feel: The energy inside companies (from parking lot to production floor) reflects leadership—clarity, communication, and care show up everywhere. Optimism as a Duty: Great leaders are “dealers of hope,” framing change (including AI as “amplified intelligence”) as opportunity. Notable moments Mark reflects on his own “winter” and the message: “This too shall pass.” Jim’s farmer analogy: planning, resilience, uncontrollable conditions—and the non-negotiable work of planting seeds. On credibility: people remember how you made them feel, not just what you said. Examples of leadership presence and sincere connection (e.g., Bill Clinton’s one-to-one focus) without endorsing politics. A practical hiring insight: “I don’t know” in an interview can be a credibility green flag. Context matters: your leadership and life choices shift across decades and responsibilities. Actionable takeaways Name your season. Are you in winter, spring, summer, or fall? Act accordingly (prepare, plant, tend, or harvest). Create clarity. Define expectations and next steps—for your team and yourself—to reduce anxiety and build confidence. Model the mission. Live the culture you want; people do what you do, not what you say. Tell your story. Lead with a real, humble origin story that connects your lessons to the audience’s reality. Take responsibility. Leadership starts when you accept the burden of others’ well-being—and keep showing up. Favorite quotes “The only guarantee is that if you don’t prepare for the next season, nothing will grow.” “Clarity creates confidence; confidence breeds courage; courage takes risks—and that’s where the good stuff lives.” “Great leaders talk less than they listen.” “This too shall pass.” If you’re in winter right now Hang in. Use the season to enrich the soil. The harvest comes later—and it comes because you kept doing the work no one sees. Call to action If this episode helped you—or you know a man who could use it—please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts and share the link. Reviews at key milestones expand our reach so more men can benefit. Your feedback is our fuel. /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/38356150

Civil Discourse In A Divided World 09/18/2025

Civil Discourse In A Divided World In this episode of the Imperfect Men’s Club Podcast, Mark Aylward and Jim Gurulé dive into the lost art of civil discourse—why it matters, how we’ve strayed from it, and what it takes to bring it back into everyday life. The conversation explores: Why civil discourse is more than politeness Civil discourse goes beyond surface-level politeness or avoiding conflict. It’s about creating space for real dialogue that expands knowledge, challenges assumptions, and strengthens community. Mark and Jim unpack why this practice is critical for healthy democracies, strong relationships, and personal growth—and why its absence is fueling so much of today’s division. The rules of engagement The guys walk through the simple but often ignored ground rules of meaningful conversation: focus on issues rather than attacking people, defend your positions with facts instead of emotion alone, and be willing to entertain the possibility that you might learn something from the other side. They show how these guidelines, when practiced consistently, shift discussions from combative to constructive. The personal cost of polarization What happens when we refuse to hear opposing views? Jim shares how shutting down or resorting to labels prevents us from seeing nuance, while Mark reflects on how defensiveness narrows our ability to learn. They both highlight the mental, relational, and even physical toll of living in a constant state of us-versus-them—and how practicing civil discourse can relieve that burden. Practical steps to have better conversations Civil discourse doesn’t just belong in politics or philosophy—it’s useful at the dinner table, in the boardroom, and even on social media. Mark and Jim share practical steps: asking genuine questions instead of making assumptions, pausing before reacting, finding points of agreement before diving into differences, and setting clear intentions for the exchange. These tools help turn difficult conversations into opportunities for connection. How leaders (and men especially) can model calm, strength, and curiosity Men are often conditioned to argue, defend, or dominate conversations. Mark and Jim challenge this narrative, suggesting that true leadership shows up as restraint, humility, and a willingness to be curious. They discuss how modeling composure and curiosity—especially in front of family, teams, or communities—creates ripple effects that invite others to follow suit. Mark and Jim reflect on their own experiences—moments when they’ve struggled to stay grounded in heated discussions—and the lessons they’ve taken away about presence, restraint, and humility. This isn’t about “winning” arguments. It’s about building mutual respect, deeper understanding, and a stronger sense of connection in a time when it’s easier than ever to divide. If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “That went nowhere”, this episode will give you the tools—and the courage to try again, differently. /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/38271190

“Do It Anyway” - The Key To Mining Your Own Personal Gold 09/11/2025

“Do It Anyway” - The Key To Mining Your Own Personal Gold Short Description Mark and Jim unpack “self-alchemy”—turning your life’s raw materials (skills, reps, scars, notes, half-finished ideas) into something valuable. They connect it to the IMC wheel (Profession, Relationships, Money, Health/Well-Being, Worldview), talk about aligning work with values, and make the case for creating consistently despite criticism, delays, or imperfect outcomes. AI shows up not as artificial intelligence but as amplified intelligence that helps curate and ship your life’s work. The refrain: Do it anyway. What We Cover Self-Alchemy defined: Inner transformation using your “base metals” (experiences, frameworks, drafts) to produce your version of “gold.” The IMC Wheel & the Self: Self-awareness → self-evaluation → self-alignment → self-activation across the five arenas of life. Curation over chaos: Organizing years of assets into frameworks, priority, and sequence so they actually help people. AI as Amplified Intelligence: A second brain that remembers, structures, and accelerates your work. Frameworks that ship: “Capture → Create → Collaborate” as a practical pattern for getting ideas into the world. Do It Anyway: Drawing on the “Do it anyway” poem (often attributed in popular culture to Mother Teresa’s wall; originally by Kent M. Keith), the guys stress showing up regardless of judgment, jealousy, or slow results. Two real stories: Jim’s decade-long patent journey—risk, doubt, and finally momentum. Mark’s lunch with a 55-year-old exec whose confidence was rebuilt in one conversation—and the ripple effect that follows. Key Takeaways Your gold already exists in your notes, habits, reps, and history; the hard part is mining and refining it. Curation > accumulation: Put your work in order—first step, second step, third step—then frame it so others can use it. Process beats outcome: If your process is sound, outcomes arrive on their own timeline. Permission is internal: You don’t need a gatekeeper to create. You probably never did. Critics aren’t your coaches: “Never accept criticism from someone you wouldn’t seek advice from.” Impact scales sideways: Change one person’s outlook today; the butterfly effect handles the rest. Memorable Lines “AI isn’t artificial; it’s amplified intelligence.” “Do it anyway.” “Frameworks make things easier to explain—and easier to understand.” “First they laugh, then they criticize, then they celebrate you.” “Never accept criticism from someone you wouldn’t seek advice from.” Practical Frameworks Mentioned Capture → Create → Collaborate (Jim) REAL / IMC Wheel: Centered on Self, applied across Profession, Relationships, Money, Health/Well-Being, Worldview Curation Moves: Order (1-2-3), Priority (what matters most), Framing (how it’s delivered) Try This This Week Inventory your “base metals.” Make a one-page list of your assets: experiences, wins/losses, notes, talks, posts, client results. Choose one framework. Map your list into Capture → Create → Collaborate. What’s captured? What will you create next? With whom will you collaborate? Publish something small. A 200-word post that teaches one lesson you already know. Do it anyway. Call to Action If this resonated, leave a 4–5★ review on Apple Podcasts and drop one line about what helped you most—it truly helps other men find the show. Subscribe, share with a friend who’s “mining his gold,” and tag us with what you’re curating this week. Episode Tags Self-Alchemy, Confidence, Curation, Frameworks, AI/Amplified Intelligence, Purpose, Resilience, Leadership, Career Transitions, IMC Wheel /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/38183730

Self Gratitude Is A Muscle That Needs Reps 09/04/2025

Self Gratitude Is A Muscle That Needs Reps I open this one with a simple ask: if our stuff helps you, drop a quick rating/review on Apple. It really does get this message in front of guys who need it. What we cover Self-gratitude, defined. Appreciating and acknowledging yourself for who you are and what you’ve actually done—without chasing external approval. Bitter vs. better is a choice. The default is bitterness. Choosing better takes practice, self-awareness, and repetition. Regret, comparison, and the inner critic. How we reflect on past choices can inflame regret or dissolve it. Comparison is on my daily “surrender” list. Belonging and contribution. Underneath our titles and paychecks, most people want the same two things: to belong and to contribute—and to be appreciated for it. Leadership blind spot. Great leaders praise in public, correct in private. Appreciation is the most missing leadership behavior I see. Environment matters. Negative rooms and isolation will eat your mindset. Choose your company and your inputs. Mark’s daily practice (the muscle) I share my three-part morning ritual: Love: I send quick love/thanks toward five arenas—God, my kids, my work, my health, my girlfriend. Surrender: I write down the junk (comparison, regret, self-doubt, impatience, pride… about 7–8 items) and hand it off to God—“They’re yours for today.” I ask my inner critic (the “little guy”) to be kind. Visualize: I picture the life I’m building and the energy I’ll bring into rooms. Most days the payoff is quiet; some days it hits like a wave. Jim’s story: gratitude → impact Jim walks us through his 18th annual Hayward High Football Alumni Campout: Full varsity team in his backyard. Food, mentorship, standards. Message #1: Show up. Ninety percent of life is showing up—on time, every time, prepared. Message #2: Transitions matter. From “last whistle” (football) to “last bell” (graduation) to real life. Keep showing up when the spotlight moves. Message #3: Filtration is real. Life tries to filter you out. Earn your way into the 10% who keep going. A moment of firm kindness: A junior who lost eligibility asked to come. Jim told him no—then challenged him to fix his grades and earn it next year. The payoff: former players are now coaches, ADs, husbands, fathers—and they came back to lead. That’s impact you can touch. Quotes we reference “All comparison leads to misery.” “Don’t wish it were easier; wish you were better.” “People may forget what you said, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou Why this matters (to you and me) Self-gratitude is internal work. It’s how you talk to yourself when no one’s around. It changes rooms. I walk into trainings and tell myself: I’m going to light this room up. Gratitude fuels that. It sustains legacy. Not ego—purpose. Belonging + contribution over time becomes your life’s work. Try this this week Write a 3-line gratitude check each morning (love → surrender → visualize). Praise someone in public today. One sentence. Be specific. Audit your inputs: one negative feed out, one positive conversation in. Do one “show up” rep when you don’t feel like it. Then notice how you talk to yourself afterward. Quick CTA If this hit you, share it with a friend who needs it—and rate/review the show on Apple. One or two sentences helps more than you think. Thanks for listening. /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/38084385

Self Mastery - 12 Principles For A Rich Life 08/28/2025

Self Mastery - 12 Principles For A Rich Life Mark introduces the topic of self mastery and self transformation. Jim found 12 rules of self mastery online Discipline Focus Resilience Consistency Solitude Energy Mind Body Legacy Time Surround Untouchable Jim explains how he was attracted to this framework He connects this exercise to self awareness. He shares that our life is “on us”. No one is coming to help. We are responsible for our lives Mark begins by reading the definition of each word. First is discipline. Mark suggests there is no destination. It’s a journey. Jim suggests discipline requires us to do hard things every day. Mark distinguishes between what we can’t control and what we can. These 12 practices are all within our control Mark reads the definition of discipline. He talks about his routines and how he is impacted by missing his routine. Jim reflects on the irony of associating discipline with freedom Mark shares how all 12 are connected. He then reads the definition of focus Jim shares how all our devices make focus very difficult. Mark talks about how his intellectual curiosity is a challenge for him. Jim connects self awareness to self mastery. It’s the beginning of self mastery. Unfinished things become a source of regret and anxiety Mark reads the definition of resilience…one of his favorite words Jim says what doesn’t break you makes you. He sees this as the opposite of victimhood. Mark reflects on how we react to hardship. Jim agrees. Both guys reflect on how we react to people who opt for victimhood versus self accountability Mark shares how he qualifies people in interviews by asking about hardship Consistency is next. Small actions repeated over time. Mark shares his experience with getting close to quitting and says the closer you get to quitting, the closer you are to success. Jim shares how hard consistency is and how most people quit. He talks about the creative mind works regarding patents. Mark remembers the successful people he knows and Larry Bird in the context of showing up. Jim puts the perspective on showing up…ready, prepared, on time and energized Solitude is next. Jim loves this idea because of the clarity it brings. It eliminates distractions. Being alone is something to strive to be comfortable with. Mark separates being alone and being lonely Next is energy. Energy is a currency. Some people give energy and some people take energy away. Mark shares his experience with the news. He stopped watching because it was sapping his energy. Jim agrees. Mark says he lets people take his energy to a fault. He talks about both his daughters and how they handle new relationships. Both guys laugh about Mark’s ex-wife and her narcissism. Once agian it’s a matter of self awareness. Next is the mind. Mark brings up his mind centered work. He equates it with exercise and compares the mind with the body. Jim relates this topic to the flywheel framework and the 5 areas of life. How directly the body and mind are dependent on one another. The body is the next topic. Mark talks about eating with purpose and how challenged he is by it. Jim says if the body is not attended to, everything else is off. Jim says he gets his best thoughts when he is exercising. Mark shares how the 4 mile walk he took this morning, healed his mind. Next is legacy. Mark reads the definition of legacy and frames it as an issue that becomes bigger for men as we age. Jim talks about how he was thinking of legacy as an ego thing and how he has shifted his opinion toward impact versus ego. People want to serve and leave impact. He shares how he prefers not to get attention or credit for his service. Mark checks the time and suggests they quickly finish the list. He summarizes with time, surround and untouchable. Jim addresses time as be careful with who you give your time to. Be selective of who you spend your time with. Mark suggests that you are the product of the 5 people you spend most of your time with. Jim references the idea of being untouchable. Mark concludes with his opinion about young people today and their struggles. He shares how important these 12 principles are for young people to live by. Jim adds that these 12 are good for all men. Not just young men. Jim ends with his opinion that these principles have been discouraged for means thought they might be toxic or bad /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/38000940

What Life Teaches Us About Self-Discovery - Reflection, Humility, and Belonging 08/23/2025

What Life Teaches Us About Self-Discovery - Reflection, Humility, and Belonging Mark introduces the topic of Self discovery He frames the topic with Carl Jung’s definition of what happens in life when we reach the age of 60 and then shares additional context about the beginning, middle and tail end of life and how we can “rediscover” ourselves many times over the course of our lives Jim views life in 5 and 10 year “stages”. He doesn’t think everyone goes thru self discovery exercises and then he brings the flywheel framework for context. He shares his research for this episode. He appreciates his solitude as an example of his self discovery and how the world gets smaller as we age Mark chimes in saying he agrees that not everyone goes thru continuous self reflection and he share his “career” angle. He says most everyone he engages with starts with self reflection and self awareness. He thinks it’s helpful to understand that others are evolving all the time and recognizing that can make us more empathetic. Jim agrees that context is important. Understanding the unique experience of others is important. Us “old” guys talk more than the younger generation Mark talks about wanting to share his wisdom with younger people Jim asks Mark to share the 5 areas of self discovery he came upon in his research. The beginning stage is the time where we develop our ego and how we develop it. Jim brings up the idea that developing your confidence is very important. He talks about his own family in terms of ego and self promotion. Both guys talk about how their families handled self promotion and celebration. How we now self promote and how that is contradictory to how we were raised. Jim shares his opinion on self promotion and personal branding Mark moves the discussion into phase 2. Predominantly living for others. Kids, bosses, spouse…Then it shifts. No kids, divorce, health…Menopause, aging. Mark thinks his marriage went south because communication stopped Jim talks about the unique experiences of women and how some of them deal with this turning point. When the nest empties, the conversation changes. Jim has developed a newfound appreciation for the female experience Mark thinks the key is self reflection and then communication Mark brings up the next stage…fitting in Jim grabs the conversation. He says everybody wants to belong. The wounded child. He talks about how we suppress our childhood wounds. How we can avoid them or address them. How we try to address them and how we all experienced the same time of life as very different memories. Mark talks about the difference between the eldest child and the youngest child. Ultimately it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you respond. Jim brings up self talk. Mark shares his opinion about his inner voice. Jim reminds us that the imperfection is the perfection. IMC. Mark brings up church and sinners. Jim chimes in about sinning Mark moves to the accumulation of experiences as phase 4. Jim thinks humility is a profoundly important human trait and that we all should aspire to being humble. Mark talks about his experience evolving into a more humble person. Both guys share their opinions on hardship and humility. Mark brings up his 60th birthday and his panic attack. He made a decision to try and figure that shit out and how he has evolved. “A return to the soul” The last phase of “simply being one’s self” Mark brings up legacy. Jim shares his opinion about the difference between men and women about legacy Mark talks about his dad and his end of life upcoming as he turns 97 in a few weeks Jim brings up Marks mom and her suicide and then shares his experience with his dad’s passing. Looking over his birth and death certificates and reflecting on the reality of his timeline and where the world was at those times Mark shares his perspective on how we might help and learn from those who are younger as well as those who are older /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37903355

Subconscious Self Doubt - The Silent Partner You Never Chose 08/14/2025

Subconscious Self Doubt - The Silent Partner You Never Chose Mark introduces the topic of the subconscious mind and the emotion of self doubt. He cites the science that shows we are driven by our subconscious. Somewhere between 85 and 95% of our actions are from subconscious memory Jim shares his opinion about how this topic fits into our wheel. He aligns the discussion to the wheel. He heard a podcast that talked about self doubt and money. He quotes the podcast and agrees with Marks incite into the science of the subconscious. Mark talks about his frame of reference being the people he knows that have varying degrees of emotional balance. Happy people and depressed people. He shares his opinion on how he tries to balance his subconscious mind. Jim misinterpreted Mark’s message and Mark corrects him. Jim brings up the concepts of energy, vibration and frequency. He says great leaders have high positive energy and vibration Both guys are supporting the idea that change begins with self awareness Mark thinks everyone has self doubt. He says if you aren’t doubting yourself every so often, you’re not stretching enough. Some things should scare you Jim shares his opinion about living with joy versus doubt. Both guys say that no one is “on” all the time. Then Mark shares his story about yoga and his “energy reading” experience. “She shrieked” and he transitions to how his energy dropped and it impacted his company during his divorce. Jim brings up self sabotage and Mark shares his opinion about disagreement. He thinks that our society has lost the ability to disagree and it causes heightened negative energy. Jim says some of this is due to disconnection. We now communicate at arms length. Texting and social media. He cites the upcoming meeting between Putin and Trump and how important it is for them to be face to face. Mark cites an article he just read that said 55% of communication is body language. Mark says most people don’t even pay attention to their body language. Jim talks about generational differences in how we communicate. Younger people prefer to text and older people want face to face talk Mark believes that we all have the ability to show up and impact what our subconscious mind does to us. Then he reflects on his experience with money from childhood to present day. A rollercoaster. Jim brings up Mark’s Catholic upbringing and the impact it has had on him. Mark shares his perspective and experience with his Catholic upbringing. He talks specifically about guilt and how it is so easily misinterpreted. Jim wants to go further with the discussion about Catholicism. Jim thinks Catholicism is a good morale compass. The guys share opinions about how religion can be misinterpreted. Mark shares a story about his Catholic priest uncle. Jim talks about the Mormon church and suppression. Mark talks about his dad and questioning things. Mark emphasizes the importance of speaking up and providing context. Jim brings up confession and Mark tells his story of going to confession and how profound it was. Both guys exchange thoughts about the importance of having someone to talk to. Jim continues with curiosity about the Catholic Church and religion. He frames his questions historically. Are these values still applicable. He talks about marriage as an “outdated” concept in the context of feminism and women’s rights. Mark disagrees and shares his opinion. He frames marriage as a sacrament, but also does not claim to be a great Catholic. They discuss sinning and relativity. Mark says the current opinion about marriage in our country is not good for our country. Mark asks how many marriages would have lasted if society frowned upon divorce. Jim brings up arranged marriages and both guys agree about that. Mark shares his habits regarding mindfulness and Jim shares how hard it is to be grateful. Mark thinks most “good” things are hard. Both guys reflect on growing old and how the clock running out makes things look different. They end with a question about shedding people who are negative /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37824040

Why Neurodiverse Minds Crave "Frameworks" 08/07/2025

Why Neurodiverse Minds Crave "Frameworks" Mark brings up the topic of frameworks and mentions Jim’s recent adoption of hi “5M Framework” Manifesto Methodology Mentality Machine Mindset Jim found a manifesto that Mark had written 2 years ago while preparing to do some promotion of the podcast and he ties that in to the IMC framework. Our 5 areas of life flywheel Jim shares that the actual topic came from my being 1 minute late (I’m never late). Jim then goes over our flywheel of life framework and the 5 areas. He reflects on where he was in life when we first met. He was out of sorts and seeking answers. Then he talks about his neurodiverse mind and how it works. He sees images and thinks in concept. As an inventor and an athlete this was an advantage. He struggles with alignment and connectivity He shares the evolution of the podcast This makes frameworks very important for him Behavior comes from experience and environment. Jim frames his work with the 5M’s Mark talks about his resistance to rules and structure and his more recent buy in to frameworks. He shares some funny stories about Jim’s communication challenges and learning how he talks. Jim shares his evolution with the embarrassment of his neurodiversity. Mark frames Jims embarrassment with a story about public speaking and flopping. People won’t make fun….they will admire your courage. Jim says things have changed. Mark agrees. You used to have to project an image. Now people are more transparent. Mark reads the 5 M’s and both guys go thru each of them one at a time Mark talks about his recruiting experience in terms of the methodology Mark reads the definition of manifesto and expands on his view of it Jim talks about leadership and politics in the context of manifesto Jim shares a mindset story about his high school football team “Nobody runs on Hayward” Mark talks about how his recruiting experience exposed him to culture and missions Mark reads the definition of mentality Jim talks about another teammate and the differences between his two teammates…but the same mentality Mark says success is contagious Jim asks Mark about his punctuality. He shares stories about his dad, the fighter pilot and borrowing his car. He was taught to be respectful…on time Jim shares the story about his “I can’t” experience with his dad. Mark calls it a “Life changing” moment Mark reads the definition of machine Jim says really good teams are well oiled machines. He cites the Patriots Jim cites Julian Edelman podcast where talks about the Patriot mindset Jim shares what he knows about Edleman’s childhood Finally see reads the definition of mindset Jim shares his cabinet story about competition and awards as a sales rep and then moves on to rugby and his national championship experiences Mark tells his story about why he hired people with no experience. He restates why he doesn’t think the order of the M’s. It’s only important that they are “aligned” Jim tells his story about Mr Green. Another coach and his high school coach He revisits the word alignment. Jim throws in calibration and connectivity /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37722310

What Advice Would You Give Your 15 Year Old Self? 08/01/2025

What Advice Would You Give Your 15 Year Old Self? Mark introduces the topic of Jim’s interaction with his young niece at 15 asking him what he might do differently looking back at his 15 year old self Both guys thought it was cool for such a young person to ask such a wise question Mark reads the response that Jim sent in a text message to his niece Jim reflects on his response and how context and circumstance are so important. Mark agrees and cites the difference between good and bad advice. He iterates on the value of what you don’t do versus what you should do. Jim feels that what you should not do is more important than what you should do Mark starts to read Jim’s list of 5 pieces of advice 1. Don’t waste time on social media Jim shares his vice of spending time on YouTube. Both guys believe that social media is poison Mark thinks it’s about letting in bad influences. 2. Minimize or eliminate drugs. Including prescriptions The guys talk about traditional medicine and how misled we are about health and mainstream information. You need to ask questions. Both guys admire young people who ask good questions. Investigate. Jim warns about worshiping doctors 3. Minimize or eliminate processed foods. Jim reflects on our youth and the absence of processed food. Mark talks about what we know now that we didn’t know then. He expands on the what you put in with all the other senses. See, hear, eat drink…all of it. Jim shares how as kids become adults they can have input on what they put in their bodies. Both guys talk about judging others. They both talk about who to trust and how convenience is lazy 4 Hydration and exercise daily. Mark talks about being outside all the time as a kid. Both guys emphasize simplicity. Drink water and move around. Then they talk about dosage and water quality. Jim gets granular about water quality. Mark shares his water filter perspective and how easy it is to move around. Jim says it’s easy to remain sedentary and both guys share the importance of sunlight and joke about sun 5. Work to improve at things you’re good at and that you love. Mark shares his professional take on this and quotes John Wooden about what success is Jim says we all have unique abilities and that if we work at things we’re good at, it’s easier to be happy Mark talks about making decisions at a young age. He quotes his dad’s opinion about “how are you doing today versus 12 months ago. He talks about the value of simplicity Jim says what doesn’t break you makes you Mark loves the resilience and personal accountability. He shares how he tries to respond to hardship. Mark ends with the notion that people need to be ready for advice and willing or they won’t benefit from it /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37637265

Your Self-Narrative: Hero or Hostage? 07/24/2025

Your Self-Narrative: Hero or Hostage? Mark introduces the topic of one’s self narrative. He says you either take personal responsibility or seek blame. Mark reads the definition. He says it’s important to know what you can and can’t control. Jim relates the topic to the wheel. The self’s in the center. Jim says he’s been more aware of the self narratives of other people he’s encountered. He thinks conflict in this country is at an all time high. Jim brings up a recent encounter where trust was lost. He feels like he’s being judged as a white man. He said that this encounter was unnecessary. Mark thinks we’ve made victimhood acceptable. Even fashionable. Marl explains where his values come from and that blame was never his thing. Jim agrees about victimhood. It’s giving your power to others. Both guys feel like being a white man is now worthy of judgement and negative. Jim thinks both sides are doing it. Mark disagrees. Jim brings up privilege in the context of other current issues Mark likes the notion of treating people as humans and not by the “groups” they can be put in. Mark reads the definition of “privilege” White, male and class. Mark shares the injustice he experienced in the domestic justice system. Mark shares that everyone has privileges and hardships and to focus on the equity or inequity is silly. Jim throws out that we all have looks, weight, height…they could be either advantages ir disadvantages. Mark thinks advantage should be appreciated. The guys get into sports analogies, black swimmers and hockey players Next is toxic masculinity and male privilege. The definition is really more of an opinion. AI has male bias! They breakdown and disagree with the definition. Mark shares the opinion that what is important is what you do with your gifts, not what gifts you were granted. Jim brings up confidence. Some people are intimidated by the confidence of others. Both guys feel like a lot of success and failures are just choices Mark shares some of his choices. Self awareness helps people make better choices. Both guys know rich kids that got crushed by their “privilege. Drugs and alcohol”. Highly competitive and shame as a weapon Mark talks about the reality that we all have two lists. Gratitude and complaints. Jim brings up DEI in relation to his recent encounter with the person who disappointed him Mark doesn’t believe that “equitable” is not a reasonable goal. Mark thinks the only way to change people is with actions not words. He quotes John Wooden and success and peace of mind. “Are you bringing your best”. How are we doing? Am I giving my best? Are we winning the argument or striving to be the best you can be? Mark calls it childish. Mark thinks affirmative action has done the opposite of its intended purpose. Mark shares the story of his brother and his female copilot…it’s bullshit Jim says some people are elevated because of optics and not merit. Mark shares about what he wants to accomplish. Mark quotes MLK. Have we gone full circle. Mark says racism and discrimination will never go away, but we should strive to say and do things the same way. Life can happen to you or for you. You can get bitter or better /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37536705

Your Inner Critic - Rewriting the Story You Tell Yourself 07/17/2025

Your Inner Critic - Rewriting the Story You Tell Yourself Mark introduces the deep dive Jim took into the writing of Carl Jung and the specific topic he writes about - self talk Mark thinks most us have more negative self talk than positive Jim adds context - Jim likes stuff related to our podcast and our wheel. Particularly the self. He goes around our flywheel. When you’re challenging yourself, self talk can creep in Mark says this voice is powerful and not always positive. It’s also often subconscious. Mark reads the definition Mark reads Jung’s 5 archetypes The Good Student The Silent Healer The Starving Artist The Invisible One The Over Giver Jim found himself in all 5. Mark thinks he has 4…not the good student Jim shares that we become these types from childhood and from all kinds of different mentors and relatives Jim thinks the world is looking for authentic people more than ever Mark thinks things are changing as opposed to already there. He thinks light shines on everything eventually. You can’t hide much. He tries to lead with authenticity and does believe anyone can hide anything. Jim calls it “rescripting” Mastery comes through action Mark struggles with an overload of information. He separates knowledge and wisdom and talks about failure as learning. In order to be OK with failure you have to work thru this inner voice shit Leadership is sharing authentic self. Mark talks about treating others like we treat ourselves Mark goes thru all 5 in more detail with Jim. As far as value, Jim thinks agents are important for negotiating one’s value. He talks about being an inventor and how he needs to create to be fulfilled. Mark say the value of things is what the market is willing to pay. Mark thinks we speak differently to ourselves depending on our circumstances, but we can reframe all these voices with effort. They discuss the starving artist in terms of real painters. Picasso, Van Gogh and Gotti. Mark shares that he has sought out the opinions of others in times of self doubt for support, but that he feels that he needs to work on unblocking himself. He appreciates blissful ignorance and Jim cites how the young don’t have enough experience to overthink things or speak poorly to themselves. Mark tries to serve others without any expectation in return…but it’s not easy. Mark shares his awareness of having control over this and the routines he’s adopted to exercise control over his inner voices. He has results from this routine and he chooses to influence his inner voice. He thinks all of us have all 5 tendencies and most of us are predominantly 1 or 2. Jim brings back up Mark’s faith and Jim stoic leanings. They compare and contrast the two. Jim shares his experience with the Stoics and Mark gives his opinion on Catholicism. He speaks to the structure and frameworks of the Catholic religion /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37447155

Navigating Our Response To Trauma With Grace 07/10/2025

Navigating Our Response To Trauma With Grace Mark introduces the topic of trauma and how we respond to trauma This topic came up from some family events and aging and how people respond to trauma Jim brings a framework to the discussion…The 5 “F’s” Jim fits trauma into our flywheel framework. He breaks down the 5 areas and we decide to focus on relationships and The Self We can’t seem to discuss anything without coming back to self awareness Jim got this framework from a podcast he listened to about trauma. The 5 F’s of trauma response are Fight Freeze Fawn Flop Flight Jim thinks most people opt for flight. They run Mark says he’s reacted using all 5, but his primary choice is fighting…in the context of “protection” H talks about what he might do in the moment…saving a kid in the street Mark says trauma can take on many shapes. Simple all the way to severe Jim gives insight on the “Phases” of response. The initial response and the longer term evolution of the response over time as context and circumstance unfold. The secondary response Mark agrees. It’s an emotional initial response and then as things develop and you can adjust up or down Mark says our response might also be toward a particular end. Sometimes we model a response to elicit the response of another Mark shares a story about road rage with his kid The guys break down each of the five. Mark reads the definition of “Trauma response” which is automatic and instinctive and then the 5 F’s. Caveman stuff. IN our DNA Mark reads all 5 definitions Fight - Both guys get a chuckle about when they physically responded as younger men…but don’t any more. Mark talks about people that push buttons on purpose. It can be a strategy…on purpose Flight - Jim says this one is very powerful. Going silent as a power play. Mark shares his experience with his ex-wife. And both guys think this one is cowardice. You can’t make progress with people who take off Freeze - Playing dead. Animals do this and soldiers too. Jim brings up sports and Mark calls it a survival tactic. Jim says he freezes more now than he ever has. Things are overwhelming. Mark says, sometimes you just need to pause and collect your thoughts, but as time elapses, who you really are comes out. Awareness is the key. Self control Mark talks more about how helpful it is to pause. Jim says sometimes you need to forgive yourself for being stuck. Accountability can be preserved if you adjust after the trauma subsides Fawn - People pleasing at one’s own expense. Mark says this sounds manipulative. Jim disagrees. Mark thinks all of them are…I’m not sure what to do. He only finds fault if you remain in one of these states as things calm down. Mark thinks these are righteous as long as you can take responsibility as things relax Flop - total collapse from overwhelm and hopelessness. Mark says, “that’s heavy” Jim says, you just don’t know what people have been thru…give people a place to land…empathy. Mark says take the time to try and understand. Where are they coming from? Apology and context can bring resolution and humanity We have the power to bring people back down with empathy and not being presumptuous that you know what’s going on in people’s lives Mark reads a note from Jim about how to bring perspective to these traumatic situations The podcast that Jim got this from is named “PT Meal” Podcast We really don’t know what’s going on with people so we need to make space and not assume. It always comes back to the self. We can exercise control over our response…so we should try to /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37363440

Self Alignment Toward That "One Thing" 07/03/2025

Self Alignment Toward That "One Thing" Mark brings in the topic in the context of our Wheel. The concept of focusing one only one thing until you momentum and can diversify with only the cash flow from that one thing. Simplicity Jim brings up the idea of focus and how that is bolstered with simplicity. He expands on our wheel and the five areas of life and the center of the wheel, the self Jim and Mark share their experience with the mainstream news. Both guys share that they have tried life with it and without it…and the impact is real. It’s a massive distraction Jim brings in self alignment in the context of being self aligned toward that one thing Jim shares the definition of self alignment. Mark talks about his “one thing” routine Mark reads the definition of self awareness Jim marvels at the simplicity of it and Mark agrees. Mark brings in Jim’s idea of doing “reps”. Mark shares where his most recent “One thing” focus came from…a level of dissatisfaction with his state of mind and productivity. He shares how impactful it’s been by just stopping the consumption of the news..for three day! Jim brings up the well being part of our wheel. He thinks it’s about being in control of your own thoughts. It’s alignment. When you watch news, you give away control of your own thoughts Mark brings up the notion of opening up email first thing in the morning. You give away control to other people’s definition of urgent or important Mark reads the definition of self alignment The definition includes the words harmony and coherence Jim cites self connection as being a quantum physics idea not a mindset. He tries to start his day with breathing and breath work can align and connect, removing friction. It’s another” reps” idea Mark says it’s all about what you let into your “self”…all of it The guys bring up Wim Hof and the idea that it’s also about letting things “out”. Keep in mind, this is an exercise that can be done in minutes Mark shares his morning routine, specifically his journaling prompts Jim shares how his variety of projects pulls away from the “one thing idea”. Much harder as an entrepreneur. Mark agrees The idea of comparison and how structure is the hardest part of working alone Mark reads the definition of self connection. Everything is connected Marks issue is how hard it is to stop paying attention to so many different things. The guys compare how challenging it is today versus when they started their careers regarding human connection. Mark talks about how his kids can multitask, but how this distraction might be the cause of an upswing in depression and mental health. They wonder what the cause really is and where this is going Mark talks about how online bullies punch…and those same people would not do so face to face He thinks this invisibility is not good. Humans have constraints face to face, but not online. Jim brings back up the importance of the 5 sense Mark thinks the handshake is gone and he thinks this is a big deal…all five sense Is this difference bad or do we simply take this for granted. Mark is pushing back toward face to face communication because people are craving it Is human interaction in support of your “one thing”? Jim says connectivity is done at the local level. We can’t connect nationally, but we can locally. Mark says he hasn’t tapped in to the local market. Mark lives where he didn’t grow up. Jim’s connections are mostly childhood local relationships. A very different dynamic. Mark does give Jim credit for traveling…local connections, but also exposure to other cultures…a bug deal /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37276840

Self Identity - It's Hard To Look In The Mirror 06/26/2025

Self Identity - It's Hard To Look In The Mirror Mark introduces the topic of self identity The guys joke about their lack of Biblical knowledge around God’s statement to Moses “I am who I am” Jim refers to a podcast he heard that mentioned the we’re never ready and you just have to face your fears Mark reflects on his career and how he speaks with everyone he helps about their self identity. It’s the most important part of his work. You have to be able to tell your own story. He thinks most people cannot tell their own story. Jim agrees Mark reads the definition of self identity Mark reflects on the 1000’s of people he’s helped and shares that most people who are in career transition are burdened by other emotions that make self reflection harder. Shame, self doubt, etc… The concept of an agent comes up and both guys see great value in using a qualified agent for self reflection Jim tells his story about a young rugby player who is lost after finishing his professional rugby career. He has tried to help and isn’t sure if the kid will follow his lead or even come back for more coaching. He’s 27 now and has no experience that he can articulate. Jim believes that the skills it takes to be a professional athlete are transferable Mark offers his opinion on how he might help this kid, including building up his self esteem and how to overcome fear Before “Who you want to be”, “Who are you” Mark reflects on his techniques with helping people looking for something else. Jim shares more about this young man. No car, no network… Mark tells his story about anxiety/fear before his most recent webinar that same morning. He thinks we all have to overcome fear Jim’s quote. “I’d rather die trying…than not try at all” Mark shares some of his inner work. He thinks people avoid the inner work because it’s too hard Jim says this inner work energizes you Another quote “people seek out the truth”. Then Jim uses Trump as an example. We are drawn to people who you think are filled with truth Mark suggests that this kid just needs to get started Jim brings up the instability and anxiety in the world Mark reflects on his profession and self reflection. Then he expresses how hard the noise is in the world and Jim agrees. The news and the noise makes us anxious Another quote from Jim. “We are all actors in this world. He or she that plays the best role wins” Mark ends with his position on acting in the face of fear He then tells his tory about the toxic manager He says you can’t let people treat you poorly. “You promote what you accept” Jim shares the importance of self awareness Last quote “All comparison leads to misery” Mark shares his opinions on comparison and how to respond to a disrespectful person /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37168075

Reinventing Yourself At Any Age - How To Be Clever About It 06/20/2025

Reinventing Yourself At Any Age - How To Be Clever About It Mark introduces the topic of reinventing yourself in the context of a personal brand. Both guys have been working on their brands. Jim is finishing up a formal effort with his brand Mark puts his career up as a reinvention experience Jim shares his view of how stories and brands have evolved over time and explains why he has made his recent investment of time and money working out his brand and messaging. Contextually he explains this journey as one with three parts. The past, present and future. He talks about the work and the advisor he hired. He brings our 5 key areas of life framework Mark brings up his method of developing his client relationships and the piece of that work that is their STORY. He says people can tell you what they do, but they struggle with who they are. He calls it self awareness and self assessment. He thinks most people don’t do this work because it’s hard Jim shares his opinion on the value of using frameworks. He is following the structure of the LinkedIn profile and he begins to share the progress he’s making with his profile and all the messaging he has updated Mark suggests pretending you’re going on an interview and have that conversation with yourself. Both guys share their opinions on their LinkedIn profiles starting with the headline. Mark comments on the power of the visual imagery. Picture, smile, background, etc…. Jim agrees. Mark then says he looks for “what can this person do for me?” Mark shares more of his methodology and going “5 levels deep”. He shares how emotional these conversations can be. Jim continues to share details of his profile updates. Both guys talk about how podcasting should be advertised and promoted more in their profiles. Mark asks Jim why he decided to invest time and money now Jim tried it on his own and he needed the objectivity and accountability of a third party. He’s very happy with his deal and shares a bit about how they work together. One of his biggest challenges is the number of different things he does. Jim talks about the power of words. Common language. Mark talks about his frame of reference and the importance of authenticity, being concise and being clear. He tells about how hard this story messaging exercise is. Jim says the branding exercise also supports volunteer work as well as income driving work. Jim then shares his “about” section. Both guys talk about the reality that this is a living piece of content, to be polished with some consistency over time. Mark talks more about the integration of personal development with his professional self. Jim shares this as being one of the driving factors of starting the podcast. He shares more about his ideal prospects and how he is, for the first time, talking about how his dyslexic brain works to his advantage. Mark talks more about his work. This idea that people limit and restrict themselves and his work is all about taking people deeper into areas that are less obvious to them. Frameworks and differentiation. More self awareness talk and the framework. Mark repeats his fondness for clarity and authenticity. The guys disagree a bit about who to seek advice from. Mark adds context to his response. He shares his “superpower” exercise and recommends it to everyone /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/37091825

Worldview: Politics, Perspectives & People Who Still Talk to Each Other 06/12/2025

Worldview: Politics, Perspectives & People Who Still Talk to Each Other “You cannot kill a thought. It needs to die of old age or natural causes” Mark introduces the topic of worldview and the different belief systems we all have…and where we get them Jim adds the influence of the political distress specifically in LA and brings in the flywheel Mark clarifies the politics of it all and both guys laugh at how everything is about politics Jim says most of us don’t like to have our belief systems challenged, but agree it’s important to do so Mark reads Jim’s 5w’s assessment…What, why, where, when and who Jim brings up self awareness and Mark agrees that self awareness is important Mark talks a bit about how we acquire our belief systems Jim shares his stories about two recent conversations he had with people with different world views and although they disagreed, they got along Both guys think most of us want the same things. We are all humans first After Mark jumps in, Jim continues to share his stories. One woman fro NJ and a great friend from his childhood The woman is passionate about her work, which Jim admires Mark says when he goes out in the world, everyone is nice to him Jim appreciated both of their positions Mark shares the importance of context. Context resolves a great deal of miscommunication Mark shares his story about travel regarding world view and how valuable that cross cultural experience is Jim totally agrees and shares his favorite quote “You cannot kill a thought. It needs to die of old age or natural causes” He adds the context of the military leader who shared this quote. 18 to 23 year old males with no hope are the biggest danger in the world Cultural and religious thoughts in particular Jim cites the progressive movement as one that is possibly dying “We kill our leaders. Be good enough to be killed” If you put yourself out there, they’ll come after you Mark brings in his position on presumption about others Jim takes us around the wheel and goes deep into the worldview portion of our wheel Both guys like the idea of revisiting their sources of worldview and the view itself and reevaluate things Jim brings up victimhood. Both guys are repelled by victimhood Bitter or better They also value self deprecation. Mark mentions the idea of some of these thoughts are not conscious How the tough stuff makes you durable Jim brings up the LA riots and both guys have disdain for the “leaders” in CA Mark likes our current presidents worldview - not a politician Mark brings up the police and the law being enforced and them being respected Both guys see this system as broken, but the Mayor and Governor are the problem Mark talks about history and understanding history to predict the future Mark emphasizes the power of self reflection regarding worldview Jim goes back to his stories. He got into a discussion about homelessness because they were in San Francisco. They started out in disagreement and ended up mostly in agreement. A big part of this problem is the lack of enforcement of existing laws Mark shares his opinion about the word “compassion” and it’s misuse The bad behavior was tolerated for long enough to become and expectation Jim shreds the leadership of California and questions how they have stayed in power. Who keeps electing them The guys talk about the differences between living in Florida versus California Then they wrap up with voting and the notion of how things might look in a few weeks Jim and Mark are both glass half full guys and think the system will hold up /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/36975210

Trump Derangement Syndrome And The 10 Commandments 06/05/2025

Trump Derangement Syndrome And The 10 Commandments Mark introduces the topic by reading the definition and symptoms As much as the guys believe it to be real, it’s also funny Jim asks Mark what “Psychic pathology” means and he takes a shot Jim shares his opinion about friends and family that seem to struggle with this Jim talks about his mom. She exhibits physical manifestations Mark thinks this physical reaction indicates a pretty severe condition Jim calls it impulsive Mark calls Trump insensitive and crass. He’s a fighter and not a politician Mark talks about one friend who is very smart, but can’t remain objective when Trump’s name comes up Both guys say they’ve never seen anything like it Neither guy feels that he’s a bad guy. He’s not treated fairly in their opinion Neither guy is interested in defending Trump Mark says if you can’t talk about this guy without losing your shit…it’s likely some form of mental illness Both guys are more interested in issues than personality Jim shares another story about his mom and common ground. He also doesn’t tell people who he voted for He also shares his daughter’s experience and some friends Mark says people are more nuanced. Liking one issue doesn’t necessarily put you in any other groups, but people do assume and presume Mark asked Jim’s opinion on what the political climate is like living in California Mark shares his opinion on living in Florida Mark shares his experience wearing a Trump shirt Both guys are entertained by people with TDS Jim says, in CA people take immediate positions. Red team or blue team He shares his recent encounter with a woman who got emotional when she discovered Jim’s friend was a Trump guy. She mellowed a bit after getting into the discussion. She expressed pride in being an “American” The woman brought up the pending law in Texas about hanging up the 10 Commandments in public schools Jim’s position is against it and Mark disagrees Mark shares his view of how nuanced this woman was after getting deeper into the discussion People aren’t as obvious as they might seem to be Both guys respect people with strong positions. That stand for something and have some humor and self deprecation. Jim has no time for the passive aggressive people who get lost in emotion. He seeks common ground Mark reminds people that Trump behaves on purpose. It’s a strategy that people with TDS don’t even understand Jim’s friend asked her where she was from and she dug into being an American The discussion became more interesting after a few drinks Mark cites this an another example of why we can’t assume things about people and their beliefs Mark feels that Trump has repositioned the US as a strong nation Jim explains the political landscape of different areas of CA. Red and blue areas Jim voted more against the blue team than he did for the red team. He feels his vote didn’t matter, but he also believes in voting. His was a “protest” vote The guys introduce the 10 Commandments topic that this woman asked about Jim agreed with the woman. No religion in the school Mark disagrees. He feels that the US was founded on Judeo Christian values so putting the Commandments in schools is OK. It’s different than teaching religion Both guys add context to their positions. They agree to disagree go deeper into their respective positions Mark shares the 10 Commandments and each guy gives his thoughts about each and some of the hypocrisy around sins Mark feels like the TDS people hold Trump to a higher standard than others Mark share the last 7 Commandments and suggests they would provide for a good life without the religious flavor Mark feels that Christianity can’t be watered down Mark shares his position on his faith and his awareness that other people might push their beliefs on others He shares his opinion on Notre Dame’s celebration of Pride month and his response He shares his response about the difference between “accepting” others and “promoting” others /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/36866955

90% Of Life Is Just Showing Up 06/02/2025

90% Of Life Is Just Showing Up Mark introduces the topic and frames it in the context of his recent experience with having a plumber show up at his home to do some work He shares how gratitude plays a part in the discussion. He expresses a concern that the topic is so rich that staying on topic might be tough Jim reflects on the story Mark has already told him Jim expands on the “Showing up” concept Jim shares his perspective having been a tradesman and having gone into many homes and being treated poorly, more often than not. He applauds Marks treatment of the plumber Jim expands on the notion of appreciation and gives his opinion on how Mark’s behavior influenced the outcome Jim emphasizes the importance of appreciation. Then he connects the topic to the wheel and the 5 areas of life Mark shares the story. He felt vulnerable. The problem was he didn’t have water coming into his home. Mark tells his side about showing up too. He was very impressed with the plumber who showed up and shared all the details about what he liked about the experience. Jim steps in and shared his perspective from being a tradesman as well. He emphasized how Marks behavior was unique. Mark jokes about some trade experiences with his ex wife. Jim resets the discussion as Mark gets distracted with the emotion of the experience. Mark shares more of the story. Jim continues to play the role of tradesman and adds more context and appreciation about how unique Mark’s experience actually was Jim enthusiastically shares his view of Mark’s experience. Mark acknowledges his skepticism prior to arrival but also shares how he didn’t let his skepticism prejudge Jim brings up the skilled labor “crisis” as another angle on this story and shares his opinion about that…strong feelings Jim thinks the trades are at risk for a number of reasons. Then he brings up the race component of this. Jimmy was black and Jim speculates that other clients may disrespect him because of his race. Mark jokes about the race topic. He also thinks people respond better to being treated well Jim brings up the credit that he feels the home warranty company deserves too. Mark shares the history of deciding to take on the home warranty when bought the home in 2007 and how that relationship has evolved Jim asks Mark to “write Jimmy’s review”. Mark shares what he’s already done and both guys talk about what else Mark could/should do for Jimmy. Jim wants more details from Mark. Marks goes deeper about the whole experience Mark brings back up the notion of modeling and reminds Jim to share his story about ending his own trade career. Why he stopped Mark reminds us that all the great behavior is available to all of us. Anyone can behave well Jim shares stories about his childhood, his dad and the phrase “I can’t” while raking leaves on a Saturday morning and going to the dump Jim feels that experience shaped him Mark had a similar experience with his dad Jim then shares more about the evolution of his career and some other childhood formative moments….pay the electric bill or get your own place:) Then Jim tells the story of ending his trade career and why. Girls, suits and meeting his wife Mark starts to wrap up and says Jim’s dad was right…you can Jim credits his dad for what he did - modeling - less about what he said Mark says he takes offense at people who don’t show up…because it’s so easy Jim tells Mark again how much he appreciate shim and Mark returns the praise /episode/index/show/imperfectmensclub/id/36815800

Imperfect Mens Club

TOPICS