#120 Why Survival Mode Might Be Killing Your Relationships
Release Date: 09/20/2023
#134: G is for GRIEF, GRATITUDE, and GENEROSITY
LOVE IS FEARLESS
In season five, we’re having conversations about the atmosphere we breathe in, the rhythms we create, and the relationships and ideas we trust—and how different these things are when we live loved instead of living afraid. You’re in the right place if - You’re ready to create a lifestyle for yourself that builds a context for transformation instead of a context for conforming to the patterns of this world. You’re NOT ready to plant a flag in the land of losing, even though you’re NOT winning right now–at least not in the way the world describes victory. You’re...
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#133: F is for FREEDOM
LOVE IS FEARLESS
You’re in the right place if: You’re curious about FREEDOM because you want it but you’re not experiencing it. You’re afraid of FREEDOM because when you offer it to your kids, life seems to go off the rails and circumstances seem to get worse instead of better. Control seems to be a better option. You’ve heard the original good news of the gospel—that you’re not a sinner striving to become a saint, but a saint who sometimes sins—AND you’re wondering why you feel stuck in your old story instead of hopeful in your new life. In this episode, Doug and Janet are playing...
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#132: E is for ENERGY
LOVE IS FEARLESS
The kingdom of God offers us a different kind of energy than the empire of the world. The source of kingdom energy is God. His energy is love, and when we’re aware that we’re plugged into this power, we experience peace--not anxiety. Love energy is supernatural energy. That's one big reason why living loved feels so different from living afraid, so you’re in the right place if - You’re tired of running on the fuel of fear and anxiety and you’re hungry for permission to believe in something more. You enjoy hearing supernatural stories that empower you to believe in...
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#131: D is for DREAMS
LOVE IS FEARLESS
This episode could be titled: Tomato Plants, Polar Bears, and Humans - that’s going to make more sense as we get farther into our conversation, but you're in the right place if: You need more than relief - you need a new story. Sometimes, your imagination runs wild with love instead of fear. You have ever dared to consider this idea - Jesus didn’t come to train a few followers in a new message who then went out and changed the world. Jesus changed the world and sent out followers who embodied that change because they had trusted and experienced it in their lives. Everything changes...
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#130: C is for CONVERSATIONS
LOVE IS FEARLESS
We’re recording this episode one month after the end of the holiday season - and as much as we all get excited about Christmas parties and family gatherings…most of the families we talk to are still navigating some confusing and maybe some painful relationship struggles that have carried over into the new year. You’re in the right place if - You come from a good family but your family relationships are some of the most challenging - or maybe most painful. You want to be a good family member and do the right thing but honestly, sometimes, family is the place where there are more...
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#129: Beauty Is Hope
LOVE IS FEARLESS
B stands for BEAUTY in THE CURATED LIFE alphabet because we're letting God be our narrative therapist and He is helping us draw a map out of the land of fear stories into the land of love stories. If you missed episode #128, "B is for BEAUTY," check it out! Our guest in this episode is . Josh is a lay pastor, husband, dad to five kids, business owner, and author of . He writes honestly and openly about his journey of faith, and how Jesus brings change in areas of struggle, frustration, and difficulty. Join us in a new conversation about beauty where we invite you to trust these...
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#128: B is for BEAUTY
LOVE IS FEARLESS
You’re in the right place if - You’re wondering why you’ve checked off all the boxes on the roadmap to success but you’re still struggling - with your habits, your finances, your spouse, or your emotions. You’re wondering why you keep getting sucked into the same destructive cycles in your story even if you’re really smart. You’re beginning to recognize that your relational assets are as important in your story as any other assets. In season five, we’re committed to helping you embrace a primary goal of living loved instead of simply measuring up. Trying to...
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#127: A is for AFFECTIONS
LOVE IS FEARLESS
We're fresh into a new season titled The Curated Life - A Fresh Take On Living Loved and we're circling back to this vital question: What if you create a lifestyle for yourself that builds a context for transformation instead of a context for conforming to the patterns of this world? Here’s what we’ve discovered - The more an environment is about being perfect or measuring up to a standard, the more people hold their breath, judge each other, and hide their issues. Environments that focus on “being good” are cultures of fear and fear brings out the worst in us. Fear writes...
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#126: How To Live Loved Instead of Afraid
LOVE IS FEARLESS
Welcome to Season Five! We're calling this season "The Curated Life - A Fresh Take on Living Loved" because we’re all at a real fork in the road. It’s a brand new year. Which direction will you go? How will you curate your story? We only have two choices and it’s often not what we think. We’re not looking at a new year, hoping that more good choices and less bad choices will finally tip the scales in our favor. No matter what our culture keeps telling us, conforming to the patterns of this world will never lead us to the deepest desires of our hearts. Even if you're tempted to...
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#125: How To Help Your Child Live A Secure Story
LOVE IS FEARLESS
We're starting a new conversation about helping our children live loved instead of afraid. You're in the right place if: Your child is experiencing a lot of success - but your relationship with your child is struggling. The distance between you keeps getting bigger and bigger - and you’re more convinced than ever that putting one foot in front of the other on the familiar path you’ve been walking is going to offer any relief. Your relationship needs something transformative. Your child is rebelling. They’re getting in trouble at school and stay in trouble at home. You’ve tried...
info_outline- You’re curious about building a different lifestyle to help you heal or restore a relationship because when you stop to think about it, the lifestyle you’re living is based on cultural values, and those values are not helping you enjoy healthy relationships.
- You’re starting a new relationship. You’re ready to admit that you don’t treat people who are struggling with kindness and empathy - and that’s a sign that you don’t really like yourself very much. You are sitting with the idea that seeing yourself differently will help you see others differently.
- You’re good at fighting, controlling, manipulating, staying quiet, not rocking the boat, avoiding conflict…you may also be experiencing worldly success…but your relationships are struggling…even your relationship with yourself.
We discuss how reading good books together gives us a word bank that pulls us out of survival mode into thriving mode. One of the distinct differences in our relationship is the conversations we share - specifically, what we talk about…and that we talk a lot!
Listen now and linger in these TAKEAWAYS -
- Survival mode will offer you a lifestyle. It will keep you busy. It may keep your house clean. It may keep your kids on the honor roll and going to church. But it will not benefit your relationships. Only love is a benefit to relationships. Not success. Love happens in a different part of your brain, and we connect with that part when we connect with each other.
- Survival mode is meant to keep us not dead. It’s not meant to bring us to life.
- We are created to thrive. Thriving is different from being perfect. When perfection is the goal, we get stuck in survival mode, afraid of messing up. When life is a struggle, connect with God and others…and experience all the bells and whistles of a whole new brain…and new relationships that teach you to like yourself because they don’t freak out when you struggle.