One foot on the gas, one foot on the brake with Reverend Erika Allison

Jo and J.J. welcome Reverend Erika Allison, Queer interfaith minister, speaker, author, and spiritual counselor. Rev. Erika talks about her own experience with conversion therapy, and how harmful it can be, causing long-term effects and even high cases of suicide. She talks about her healing and recovery, and the choice to forgive and let go of anger. Her book, Gay the Pray Away, guides readers on their own journey and can also serve as a powerful resource for someone who has a loved one coming out as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. She, Jo, and J.J. send a message to parents that almost anything can be worked through, and as more structures fall apart, we will welcome people more for who they truly are with open hearts.

 

Takeaway:

[3:24] Rev. Erika experienced firsthand how critical of an issue mental health is. She experienced conversion therapy and the lifelong healing journey that came with it. A staggering statistic is that if you come out of conversion therapy alive, you have a 92% chance of lifetime suicidal ideation. Mental health is something Rev. Erika is committed to working on forever, and her enthusiastic way helps even the most resistant person listen.

[6:49] Conversion therapy is an attempt to change someone’s orientation or gender identity. It can be done for social reasons, religious reasons, and many times it’s out of love and fear on the part of parents and family that the person will go to Hell, etc. This makes it even more confusing, and even though it has been widely discredited by professional mental health and medical organizations, it still goes on today. SOCE (sexual orientation change efforts) believes homosexuality is a curable disease, which can cause a profound amount of harm to an individual.

[11:29] Fear can cause us to lessen the ability to think critically and believe whatever outside authorities tell us. In families worried about their children being queer, they can revert back to believing whatever “the man” tells them. This can mean a religious figure, a doctor, etc.

[12:59] Rev. Erika talks about the long-term implications of her conversion therapy. She thought that because it hadn’t changed her sexual orientation there was no damage done, but she had to do a lot of work on how it affected her level of trust in relationships and the shame that came with the therapy.

[15:19] We tend to think our trauma isn’t as bad or important as someone else’s, but that can hold us back from healing. For Rev. Erika, the more she journaled, the more she tapped into her subconscious mind and saw harmful beliefs and blind spots that were scary, but necessary as part of the work.

[18:34] Jo has always been very academic, and the more work she did, the more she saw her beliefs that her parents telling her to “do her best” meant to her to “be the best”. This put a large amount of pressure and stress on her, feeling as though she was a failure and defective if she wasn’t at the top.

[21:37] Rev. Erika sought out communities that took responsibility for the impact of their intentions, words, and behavior. This is where Buddhism helped, and meditation and mindfulness helped her detach from her thoughts and become more of an observer.

[23:38] Conversion therapy can make someone feel as though they can’t trust themselves or their gut feelings. Rev. Erika saw this clearly when she hired a coach to help her breakthrough professional and personal barriers, and they commented that she had one foot on the gas, and also one foot on the brake. On the one hand, she was forging forward with her work and her message, but at the same time, there was something holding her back, stopping her from stepping completely into her work.  On reflection, she realized that she was trying to protect herself from someone saying something or judging her in a way that triggered beliefs she had about herself. She, Jo, and J.J. discuss how triggers are our responsibilities too, and you can only get triggered by something still activated in you. Many times people hate on us because we trigger something in them.

[30:19] Rev. Erika talks about viewing her inner critic as one voice at the conference table. It gets a say and it’s part of what makes her up as a human being, but it doesn’t call the shots. The more we can integrate our inner critic with our other parts, the less we resist it.

[37:12] Our inner critic is just one truth, not THE truth. Each voice has their role, whether they are trying to keep us safe or get us to the next level of life.

[41:35] Through Rev. Erika’s work, she enthusiastically brings the message of self-acceptance into the world. We are now in a time where many systems are crumbling, and while scary, that can be good for shedding the old and stepping into our new more healing and true potential.

[44:31] People like Rev. Erika who have gone through such dramatic trauma and healing can light the way for others.

[47:05] J.J. has an important message for parents whose children come out: queer teen suicide is much higher than you may think. Learning this may be hard for you, but think: would you rather have them alive and queer or face the other option? You can work through almost everything, but you can’t work through suicide.

[49:06] Rev. Erika talks about her decision to let go of anger and forgive. It doesn’t make her story invalid or take away what happened to her but helps her move forward. In her mind, she wrote a letter to herself from her mom’s highest self, and it shifted their relationship completely. Soon after, her mom wrote an email and apologized to her. When you shift things, it instigates an energetic shift from fear to love.

 

Connect With Us:

Joanna Denton | Dr. J.J. Kelly

 

Rev. Erika Allison | Gay The Pray Away 

 

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