Emotional Intelligence: When Is It Real, and When is It Self Serving?
Release Date: 09/27/2021
Rise With Reb
Jo & JJ Go Mental
Jo and J.J. welcome the inspirational Reb, Transformational Life Coach who is the driving force behind the Rise With Reb programs and community. Reb shares how she went from a wheelchair to walking, despite what the doctors said. She, Jo, and J.J. discuss why it’s so hard to let go of old habits, the responsibility we have of sharing our story on social media, the importance of advocating for yourself and doing your own research, and how not to live in a pity fest.
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Carrying Ourselves and Others Through Grief
Jo & JJ Go Mental
Today Jo and J.J. focus on grief, both from the perspective of the griever and from the person trying to comfort others through their grief. They explore the right approach to carrying ourselves and others through grief. Jo also shares an experience about willfulness and effectiveness in DBT and why people really need to learn to let go of the need to be right and just accept what is. They talk about defining values, setting boundaries, and, on a lighter note, why #begrannymolly is Jo’s new life goal.
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Emotional Intelligence: When Is It Real, and When is It Self Serving?
Jo & JJ Go Mental
They’re baaack! Jo and J.J. kick off Season 2 the only way they know how - by spelling out that sometimes we can get this emotional intelligence piece wrong. Many well intentioned leaders approach emotional intelligence as a tick box exercise, merely going through the motions, rather than really understanding the objective. That faux emotional intelligence in corporate societies will likely try to cover up a more self serving agenda.
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Season 1 Recap and Looking Ahead To Season 2
Jo & JJ Go Mental
What a season! As Jo and J.J. wrap up Season 1, they identify a few of the themes that came up with the fantastic array of guests. Between fear, shame, embracing your weirdness and much more, Season 1 was chock full of learning from each other and calling in new perspectives. This week, they highlight a few stand-out moments and give us a sneak peek of what we can look forward to in Season 2.
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We Can Be Different Together: Faith Clarke
Jo & JJ Go Mental
This week, Jo and J.J. welcome Faith Clarke, Organizational Health and Inclusion Specialist who works with value-driven and diverse teams so they can deliver on business and social impact promises at the highest level. Faith is extremely passionate about inclusion for BIPOC and neuro-distinct individuals and advocating for those who “don’t belong”. She discusses the importance of mental health and how her children taught her to focus more on wisdom than having control.
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One foot on the gas, one foot on the brake with Reverend Erika Allison
Jo & JJ Go Mental
Jo and J.J. welcome Reverend Erika Allison, Queer interfaith minister, speaker, author, and spiritual counselor. Rev. Erika talks about her own experience with conversion therapy, and how harmful it can be, causing long-term effects and even high cases of suicide.
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Tax consultants don’t wear pink with Marie Louise Ashworth
Jo & JJ Go Mental
This week, Jo and J.J. are joined by Marie Louise Ashworth, President of The Network, a network of female entrepreneurs and professionals in Luxembourg. The Network is devoted to developing a supportive community of women and helping them build resilience, avoid burnout, and thrive as they meet their personal and professional goals.
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Changing Perceptions of Burnout Through The Generations
Jo & JJ Go Mental
Jo is on her own this week and shares her reflections on how the attitude around burnout has shifted throughout the generations, especially since the pandemic. Jo discusses three perceptions of burnout that she has seen a shift: that if you burnout that means you are broken or weak; that burnout and exhaustion is just a side effect of being busy which is a good thing, and that life is just tough and you should just get on with it and not complain.
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Honoring The Anger
Jo & JJ Go Mental
They discuss why doing the deep work of anger is like wading through that infamous tunnel scene in The Shawshank Redemption, how anger signals that our boundaries are being crossed, and how letting go of anger needs to be a conscious choice. They also talk about how to process anger if you can’t really act on it right then and there, and why women have such a tougher time showing anger in public.
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Letting Go and Learning To Smile With All Four Cheeks - Interview With June Burgess
Jo & JJ Go Mental
This week, Jo and J.J. are joined by June Burgess, Equine Coach, Business Director, and Entrepreneur. She talks about how she began her Equine Assistance Workshops and why working with horses can be so powerful for our mental health. Jo shares her own experience in learning to relax around the horses and how that mirrored so much about business and the need for perfectionism.
info_outlineThey’re baaack! Jo and J.J. kick off Season 2 the only way they know how - by spelling out that sometimes we can get this emotional intelligence piece wrong. Many well intentioned leaders approach emotional intelligence as a tick box exercise, merely going through the motions, rather than really understanding the objective. That faux emotional intelligence in corporate societies will likely try to cover up a more self serving agenda. Jo brings an article on the topic from the Harvard Business Review, and it leads to her and J.J. discussing how to spot inauthentic emotional intelligence, how we can develop actual skills to listen to what people really need, and why modern day EQ can seem so darn self serving. Also, J.J. shares an update on her third book, and what the process of finishing it is kicking up for her emotionally.
Takeaway:
[2:11] J.J. shares an update on her third book, and it’s going to stir up a lot of stuff about the ego and narcissism, but it made her laugh, so that’s a good sign. She and Jo discuss the process of writing and how the sweet spot is always on the other side of the fear.
[10:30] Fun fact for those who may not know: VAT stands for “value added taxes”. Who knew?
[11:15] Jo reads from Harvard Business Review’s article, Is Your Emotional Intelligence Authentic or Is It Self-Serving?
The author writes about three most common emotional intelligence counterfeits he has seen leaders get trapped in:
- A need to be the hero disguised as empathy.
- A need to be right masquerading as active listening.
- A need for approval dressed up as self-awareness.
[14:51] If some of these describe you, don’t panic! It doesn’t mean you are an awful person, we are often trained to do these to fit into our job or the larger thread of society.
[18:17] We can feel the energy of inauthenticity on a primal level.
[21:54] The White Knight syndrome is a co-dependent move where you think you are more together than everyone you socialize, and only you can help them. The Sexist Rescuer is also the person that swoops in to “help” someone and save them from sexism, but with a need to be recognized attached to it.
[23:47] Emotional intelligence only works if you are asking yourself the hard questions. We may get a hit of shame, but it’s our only chance of moving forward. If you are in a group considered the minority, it is your responsibility to do the work on what triggers you and your blind spots.
[29:12] There is verbal and emotional abuse veiled in emotional intelligence, which is the worst kind of abuse of power, and it’s up to us to take a hard look at ourselves and acknowledge our blind spots.
Connect With Us:
Joanna Denton | Dr. J.J. Kelly
Is Your Emotional Intelligence Authentic or Is It Self-Serving?