S1, Ep. 13 | Abundance in Relationships

I am the last person I would ever ask for relationship advice. I’ve been codependent most of my life and been engaged to men that lied to me and betrayed me. I’ve been in relationships with ones that needed to be taken care of or are just down-right angry at the world. 

At one point, my lack of self-love allowed me to look at these relationships as fulfilling, because if you are co-dependent - the relationship is filling a hole, a hole you don’t want to look at, so the reward of the unhealthy relationship is that it keeps you distracted from identifying the cause of the hole you just keep digging yourself into deeper and deeper. 

Now - I broke that cycle in my life, using the tool of the 10 month Universal Hermetic Ray Kabbalah program. It took me 4 trips up the tree of life to really learn fully how to love myself in such a way as I could break the pattern that kept putting me in a position of co-dependency and enabling of others not worthy of my time, energy, love and money. 

Then I spent more time working on myself before I could reach a place to admit I was ready to try an actual fulfilling relationship. To admit that I actually wanted a real, fulfilling relationship. 

And thanks to good friends, my own personal practice with the Runes and Tarot, meditation and ritual I was able to hear the universe tell me to go back out into the world a fulfilled & whole human being and pull in someone who I enjoy being with.  Not to complete me, but to be a partner in life to co-create experience with and work together on a mission of lightwork to make this world a better place. 

The change in me was that I was being honest with myself and no longer trying to fill a hole with a person. I am complete unto myself. I am whole and love myself. No other is going to change that. Nowt that I’m whole, it was time, like The Shekinah did, to pull my love, my lover, my king to me from the universe.  And when I did this the other would not become someone or something I take care of, enable, or need, but a partner where we enjoy each other - independent, free and making our own choices, including the creation of a relationship. 

So, let’s look at it this way: a relationship is a triangle. 

You, the other person, and the relationship create the triangle. The two of you are creating it together as independent beings and it itself is a co-creation and an independent creation of the two of you. 

The importance of independence of each individual of staying in a space of light - not control - meaning staying open to not being right. 

One does not learn how to create worlds in collaboration by being right & controlling the other person.

Im going to repeat that again dear listener. 

One does not learn how to create worlds in collaboration by being right & controlling the other person.

Take these words to heart  from one recovering codependent to another. There is no opportunity to create the kind of divine collaboration you seek by focusing on being right and controlling another’s behavior. 

 Here in these words lie my light bulb moment - as this being a law of abundance. 

Co-creation is a magickal thing. And your beliefs aside - the Elohim which is a “they” includes a masculine and a feminine - god of the bible is two in partnership making worlds like Earth in collaboration. Not co-dependence. Co-dependence is dependency - a taking, one is always suckling on the other, literally feeding off of their life force energy. How does this create something when the energy itself is destructive? Needy, cloying, pulling, heavy - what of this is of the light? How does it help you create more of anything? It doesn’t - it only creates more lack, because it feeds whatever that hole is in your life and rewards you with more of the same - so you get tired, burnt out and angry. Or you blame the other for making you this way - when its all a choice to stay co-dependent. 

Sadly, co-dependency is the norm for relationships in this world today.  So much in the world, encourages us to look at it as normal - song lyrics for one. I listen to the lyrics of pop music, country music, you name it music, and its all about NEED, not co-creation. No song I know of (with minor exceptions) is about loving oneself so much that you do not need another, but you choose to be with another because their friendship, collaboration and light enhance your life to such an extent that you want to create new things with them. 

No, most things are about us making the other person into something FOR US. So I will change this other person into my mold - I will make them do what I want. Then I’ll be happy. Well that’s kinda fucked up isn’t it? Why do we want to go making people do anything? And how is that creating abundance? 

So, Step 1: we work on ourselves and learn to love ourselves. If you can’t love yourself you can never truly love another simply because you do not know how. 

Step 2: we desire another to truly co-create with. As in, an independent being who loves themself, will be in your life and together (independently exercising their own free will). You will make things seperate from yourselves, starting with your healthy relationship with each other. Which involves releasing attachment to controlling the other, or having them be what you want. Do what you want. You being RIGHT about their choices, and them being equally open the other way back to you. From here you have fertile ground for an amazing co-creation harvest and the fulfillment of a law of abundance in relationship with another. 

So this is not relationship advice. I don’t think I’m yet worthy of dishing that. This is a law of abundance.  Love yourself. Don’t attempt to fill yourself with another. And in relationship you must allow for independence of the other in order to create something (the relationship) with them. 

Otherwise you are taking and making lack. 

Co-creation is in nature just like my “container” example in Episode one of this podcast. Seed comes from fertilized flower - flower plus polinator equals fruit. Flower is very independent from pollinator. Sperm plus egg equals baby in human and mammals generally.  In nature the sperm bearer is really independent from the egg bearer but together in union they create the 3rd a new life.  Humans and some other animals mate for life (or partial lives) - this mating is another form of co-creation as in the choice to live and create together equals the choice to create a 3rd thing - a relationship. Which may have offspring itself i.e. kids, children, new beings, they are a product of the relationship, the co-creation. 

Now I think I’m going in circles - so I’ll wind up my thoughts on this law of abundance - as I sit in my thoughts this full moon eve and my own experience as I learn how to create a healthy relationship with another myself. What I’m learning is truly one must know themself - and whatever crack is in this knowledge of yourself is where you will feel the rub in the relationship. 

We cannot fear to lose it (the relationship) because that is dependence - one must be free in it and willing to let it go at any time. Then and only then, you will be in a space to create. 

Happy co-creating friends! If you need additional help in detaching from your former self, I can help with that! You can always find contact information in my show notes! 

Contact me @