Getting Your House in Order: What Do you Actually Desire in 2025? How to Co-Create with the Universe and Stop Getting Blocked by Your Tricky Ego

“Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. “

 For reason, ruling alone, is a force confing, and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction. 

 Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion, that it may sing;and let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.”

- Kahlil Gibran

The Universe was like, "Nope - you don’t get what you want." And I was like, "What the fuck?!" 

 Last year at this time, I hit a shocking and painful  wall in my life.  I had leaned in hard to my spiritual training to reach a certification that  I truly desired, and  had  spent a massive  amount of time, energy and money in the process of trying to complete..  I was attempting to put down roots in Florida, but still standing in Seattle, and traveling frequently to Michigan and Toronto.  

 The year before,  December of 2022 I had officially moved to St. Augustine, Florida,I I had found a nice guy I liked spending time with. And,  over most of 2023, this “nice guy” and I moved towards becoming serious, By Fall, we agreed to be with each other in a committed monogamous relationship.  I, however, was still deep in the throes of my training, which meant spending much of my time flying between Seattle and Toronto.. .  Unfortunately, despite the grueling hours, long nights and money spent, I failed my final exam and did not receive my certification. As I returned to Florida, there was not a part of me that was not exhausted. I was processing failure and grieving what I thought was meant to be mine.  - I was ready to step back and redirect my attention. I was finally ready to settle deep into my beautiful beachside hometown in Florida, and pivot my desires into the arms of this relationship that had been placed on the backburner for too long.  Or so I thought -It wasn’t long after, I found out my nice guy was also seeing someone else and wasn’t so nice after all.  The days after, I went into shock..  All I wanted to do was go home.  and cozy up to my boyfriend. And the Universe responded with an abrupt and harsh NO.  - Again, what the fuck?!  

 Not to mention, this wasn’t the first time I had been cheated on. “How could this happen to me again?  This pattern? This betrayal? What is wrong with me?” I began to think…but then I chose something different.  I resisted the temptation of fully drowning myself in self pity and victimhood, - Instead I called in help. I reached out to some very wise and trustworthy friends, and asked for a reality check.   

 One of those friends  told me about a story of a woman who had died recently of something entirely preventable.  The woman had been   so focused on other people: pleasing them, helping them, doing for them, busying herself with all of their needs first,  - she did not take care of herself.  She ignored her basic needs and neglected her body as it began to tell her something was wrong..  AND IT KILLED HER. . . The preacher at her funeral said words that chilled me deep into my bones.  “Get YOUR house in order.  This woman is dead because of something entirely preventable.  She was taking care of all of you, but forgot to first take care of herself. She chose to not first get her house in order before providing assistance to others, and paid the ultimate price. Yes, we should seek to help others, but we cannot pour from an empty cup.”   

 They were words my very weary mind, body and soul needed to hear. My house was not even close to being in order and I was exhausted from all the travel and fruitless endeavors.  My car had been stolen, my arthritis was angry, my house had ants, my dog missed me, my boyfriend left me, and my businesses was suffering.  I had failed to ground myself into this budding new home,because I was so busy running all over the country  pursuing something that actually  wasn’t my dream. I began to really ask myself, “What is it that I actually want?” And the answers came. I I wanted a nice cozy, simple life with a man who enjoyed spending time with me.  I wanted to be healthy and available to be of service to others with my light work and my law practice.  I wanted to be figuring out my joy and passions again. I  wanted to bask in the sunlight and sit on a beach.  Was I doing any of this? Nope.  And I was in deep despair and grieving so many things.  My house was not in order. 

I made a vow to myself and placed these newfound prayers and intentions into my daily meditation..  I finally admitted a truth I had been hiding and distracting myself from - I wanted a partner. I wanted a home.  I wanted to find my husband.  My person.  My mate. Someone who I could truly co-create with and share my life with.,  I was going to have to prioritize cultivating a sense of home. No more standing on the fence between two or three vastly different area codes.   I began  the application process for the Florida bar exam and I started dating again with the intention of finding my husband.  I declared my boundaries and got clear on what I wanted and didn’t want. And everyday I worked towards clarifying these desires, boundaries and intentions. 

I took a hard, honest look at my life and the choices I was making that kept leading to the same patterns and outcomes.

1. I realized I was chasing goals, certifications, and achievements that lacked real meaning or passion for me. I was stuck in "achievement mode" — going through the motions for the sake of accomplishment alone, not fulfillment.

2. In my relationships, I was settling. I had set myself up for disappointment by choosing partners who reflected the same unhealthy patterns back to me. These patterns weren’t just happening to me — I was actively choosing them.

First, I desire a true life partnership — a husband with whom I can build a meaningful, fulfilling life — and I will settle for nothing less.

Second, achievement for achievement’s sake is no longer my priority. My goal is to serve humanity while also living a life that brings me joy and balance. This means putting down roots in Florida, traveling less for work and more for pleasure, and focusing on work that lights me up — empowering others through teaching, lightwork, and authorship, rather than leaning heavily on consulting or lawyering.

Fast forward to the present day.  It is December 2024 and we are on the dawn of the New Year -  just in time to set new intentions, I spent the past weekend in a class called Self-Leadership.  The class was focused on how, through awareness of ourselves and our emotions -  we can learn how to start detaching from the obstacles that we create. How we can start being more integrous with ourselves and take the actions we want, toward healthy productive desires that progress us to a better version of ourselves, and accomplishing what we want in life.  How to stop the victim mindset and self pity, and as a result of being able to detach from the “story” or the “negative emotion” or the perceived “thing that is stopping me,” we find freedom. 

As I was listening to the content over the two days I had an epiphany about just how sneaky our negative ego truly is.  The content was all things I had heard before.  In fact, I had heard it in several different places, Hermetic classes, other seminars (albeit not with the spiritual lens).  But it wasn’t until this moment that it finally fully integrated into my body and I was really able to feel and understand it’s profound truth. This revelation came one year after declaring to myself and the Universe that it was my time to put my house in order. . 

And in this gorgeous present day moment,I take a long and very comforting sip of tea as I ponder on the teachings of the leadership course.  I curl up on the couch inside my beautiful 2700 sq. ft home in St. Augustine, Florida. My partner, my soul mate, and a man I could someday call my husband sits down on the couch with me and places his arm around me. This is not just my house, but our house. Over the past year, we have built a home together. We begin to discuss the trickiness of the negative ego and relish in our shared desire for self improvement.   

I tell him about how I have recently been struggling with time management and realizing the roles the negative ego is playing in this.  “My time has become messy for two reasons.  1.  My own lack of boundaries. And 2. My own attitude and belief about a lack of time,” I say as he listens intently. 

He agrees, and adds “It is the sneaky negative ego that says time is not there. It's the sneaky negative ego that says you don’t have enough, or that you are not good enough.”

I recognize that same negative ego that had me running myself ragged for other people’s goals a year ago, has me doing it again just under a different disguise with work. We are our biggest obstacle.  Always. 

My body lights up as I absolutely adore having a partner to share my life and epiphanies with. This was just a dream one year ago. But it was a dream that was my (and no one else's) true heart’s desire and the Universe generously and abundantly gave to me. 

Today, I am filled with joy and gratitude as I don’t just have a house, but a home. No more chasing three different cities or dead-end relationships. I sit in the center of love and comfort, surrounded by my parents, friends, and this amazing life partner, who I adore and who adores me. A man for the first time in my life, I fully trust. 

I reflect on my original intention - Is my home in order? In many ways yes. It has been an incredible year and I have come so far, but there are things that I would like to improve upon. As I look ahead, I realize I now want to deepen this understanding and continue my work in getting my home in order. The concept is still new and I am always a work in progress. 

We are our biggest roadblock to all of the things - taking care of our needs and our wants.  Living in joy is a process that requires awareness, discernment, commitment and consistency and spot checking, and reference points to see where we are and where we are going.  And sometimes, recalibrating our internal GPS, when it gets off track. 

On the dawn of this New Year, I am recalibrating and giving myself the gift of direction, acknowledgment of my passions and setting new boundaries with reason and light. 

As you look upon your own New Year intentions, don’t be afraid to revisit old goals through new eyes. There is a time for everything and maybe you failed in the past because you were not ready or maybe you failed in the past because the desire was not yours. The only thing that is constant in life is change and you may be surprised how an older and wiser version of you may bring a new perspective to an old intention. 

And be careful of that tricky negative ego! Remember, if you need some help along the way - whether legally or spiritually - I can help with that! Contact me at LatterellLaw.com and lets get you set on the highest path forward for 2025!