To Everything There is a Season

My partner asked me the other day, “Do you ever envy other people?” and I had to think about it for a second. 

His health has been a significant challenge recently and our relationship is strong but new - so I’ve been in a place of “well fuck, universe, thanks for sending me the love of my life and threatening to take him away just as quickly.” 

It's been a real practice in gratitude to stay in ACTUAL gratitude for the time I have with him - because I am here watching him suffer from severe pain & distress as his organs rebel for some unknown reason and his body fills with fluid. 

So, in some ways the answer to his question is yes.  In fact, hell yeah! I currently envy all those people who take their health and their partnerships for granted.  I envy his ex’s who used, abused, and didn’t covet every minute they had with him while he was healthy but instead threw the time away. As here I am picking up the pieces of their heartbreak mess as I stand beside one of the strongest, bravest men I’ve ever met. But at the same time - even though I am jealous of his ghosts, I’m not envious of them. I’d never want to be in those past women’s shoes (i.e. not self aware, actually taking for granted such a gem of a man in their life). I know that it would be nice to have been in their time and place - adventuring, dancing, living an active life - but would I have been ready then? Would he have been ready for me then? Would we have been ready then? It's best we are here right now, the people we are right now, facing this now with the strengths we both have together. In this now.

I know many people who are doing really well and I’m honestly happy for them.  I hold no envy or yearning to be in a different place than I am, with a different person, with a different life.  I hold gratitude that I finally met this man that I can share space & time with, and just be me with, and feel safe with and give my loyalty to. Someone I can create even more love in this world with. Someone I can be a better person with, and dedicate myself to doing just that.  We both share this desire to help others, making the world a better place because we were here. And I just want to enjoy our life together no matter how much time we have left. So no - I don’t envy anyone else.  I do not want to be anyone else. I am very satisfied and happy in my life and I am extremely capable of experiencing and generating more joy even in the face of knowing the one who I am most attached to could leave me alone in this physical life sooner than later. Every single day is precious. We just do not have the luxury of taking it for granted anymore. 

There is a poem I read when teaching to empower thyself that I shall paraphrase right now - essentially it says that God is not “I was” because you cannot find any joy living in the past.  And God is not “I will” because you cannot find any joy worrying about the future.  God is only “I AM” because you can find all possibilities in the present.  All ability to create, live, love and enjoy is here right now.  So that is where you will find joy. 

(Sing) “I close my eyes only for a moment and the moments are gone. All my dreams pass before my eyes a curiosity. Dust in the wind. All they are is dust in the wind. Don’t hang on,nothing forever but the earth and sky. It slips away and all your dollars  won’t buy another minute. Dust in the wind. All we are is dust in the wind…”

(read) “Where for I perceive there is nothing better than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be better after him?” Ecclesiastes 3-22.

I’m writing this podcast on May 1st, Beltane, May Day, the 1st day of summer in the ancient Celtic and pre-Celt calendars. Beltane is a day of celebration for creation, passion, fertility because here in Spring - is the TIME to start the creation process because the divine masculine and divine feminine energies are at their peak.  Father Sky and the sun are perfect to send their rays and mature our plants & endeavors and mover earth’s womb is ready to grow them. She as divine feminine will gestate the seed in her fertile womb so that in a few months a harvest shall come. 

Two things are going on here. The earth is ripe & ready and the sun's rays are about to peak into crescendo.  And the hermetic principle of gender - the universal rule that masculine and feminine energy is needed in a relationship to create (otherwise known as divine union). The holy marriage of opposites results in the perfect harmony necessary to spark and nurture creation. And now is the time for this creation. We are made in God's image - The Elohim. Elo & Eloha - divine masculine & feminine in divine union creator gods.  And this is why when we are in balance both within and without we are more effective in creation. 

Also, now in the wheel of the year we have this peak moment to invest our energy in creation of things. In agrarian times it was dictated by necessity because if you didn’t plant those seeds now you’d have nothing to harvest in the Fall and your family would starve. But today when we’ve delegated our survival to others (i.e. grocery stores, electric companies etc) we can still use the wheel of the year and those energies to our advantage. 

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven; a time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, a time to pluck that which is planted, time to kill, and a time to heal, a time to break down, and a time to build up, a time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, a time to dance…, a time to keep, and a time to cast away, a time to rend, and a time to sew, a time to keep silence, and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time of war and a time of peace.”  Ecclesiastes 3: 1-9

So real talk, I’m quoting the Byrds Turn, Turn, Turn more than the bible passage here because I’ve heard the song more than I’ve ever read the bible passage. But when the tune popped into my head in relation to both now as in May and Beltane, and the NOW in my life & relationship & impending mortality of significant others I decided to dive into a little bible study sesh. And then I quickly moved on to reading about the origins of Kansas’s song Dust in the Wind (as it shares a similar origin to Turn, Turn, Turn) and then I digressed.  And truth is I’ve always been a sucker for a depressing sad song in a minor key. 

But what is most important is to recognize that on this earth and in our physical life as a human there are cycles. And we can use these to our advantage OR we can fight the current to our discontent. Now there is no dogma here, I am just suggesting that we go with the template given to us by nature as we are a part of that. And. Being in the present and having ideal situational opportunities to support our creation is a good thing. 

So this is why I was super vulnerable as I sat in the hospital chapel on Beltane morning. I posted my personal prayer on Instagram for all to see.  I vowed to myself that no matter what, myself and my love are going to create a joyful life together.  I hold no attachment to the length (I hope that it's a long time though) I just hold gratitude that we were given the opportunity to fulfill that wish for each other, of being each other's person, for the rest of our lives at least. 

So let’s go back to divine union and the principle of masculine and feminine for creation I dropped on you a moment ago.  As this could be quite controversial in today’s world.  But I want to be clear about what I’m talking about energetically. 

First let’s look at biology - flowers and thus fruits & seeds - they have masculine and feminine pieces that are stimulated by birds and bees (yes I know I’m literally talking about the birds and the bees here) and then after the flower blooms fruit grows and seeds are created which eventually become a new plant.  So we have passive - flower, active - pollinator.  Passive - feminine, active - masculine.  Ok, so in mammals we have the seed/ovum - passive and female.  And then the sperm - active and male.  The two join and you get a baby mammal after some time. Father sky, mother earth - sunlight and raine nourish seeds in the womb of earth. Active & passive masculine and feminine again.  The hermetic principle of gender plays out again and again in the universe - likely even in the mineral kingdom and in the realm of physics (perhaps opposites attract?) but I’m just not versed enough in those subjects to make a good analogy there for you. 

So what’s my point? Honest, the most important takeaway for you this month other than being forced to listen to my singing is gratitude. Do not envy others.  Do not yearn. Look at what you have and love it. Be grateful for the people you have, for the moments you have created. For the love you have and are creating in that moment.  Be present in your life and love it. Yes, I’m repeating myself. Love your life. Even if it is hard right now. But right now is all we have - and here and now is where we create that which we desire. But we can’t know what we desire unless we are present and acknowledge what we already have.  So gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.  It is all temporary anyway.  At least in this physical life.  Love is eternal because it is a force of the universe. Divine union is eternal because it is also part of the universe. Hermetic principles are eternal because it is how the universe works and the universe is eternal.  Spirit is eternal. But all we are in this physical life is dust in the wind.  So now is all we have.  Enjoy it. No matter what. And for everything there is a season,and a time for every purpose under heaven. 

Your homework this month is to do an envy index. What are you coveting of others? What are you yearning for? What do you wish you had that you see another with? Then check yourself. Are you happy for that person? Or are you in a dark place of jealousy or anger even? And tell yourself the truth. Don’t beat yourself up - just be honest with yourself.  Then ask yourself why you are not taking a good look at your life and having gratitude for it.  Why haven’t you gone and got that thing you yearn after? Why are you stopping yourself?  It is not going to land on your doorstep unless you take action.  But sometimes we just have to take stock of what we have in our own life and cherish that before we can grow more good.  And if you desire something - use this time to plant and grow that seed. (listen to my April podcast on the power of intention) My partner and I are going to buy a house - it's a win-win as we can create a life together in a beautiful space free of any baggage of either of our pasts.  I can stop being jealous of his ghosts and we can combine our energies to co-create & hopefully turn his health around in the process.  And even if we don’t we’ve wasted nothing because we wove our energy together to manifest something both of us have always desired which is divine union and the sharing of a life on a team together. 

Alright as always if you need a little assistance in your process I can help with that! Reach out, let's get you creating the life you want to live.