Infertility and the Shame, Secrecy, and Guilt That Haunts You
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
Release Date: 07/16/2025
How to Feel Like You Belong Again When You Are Childless After Infertility
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
How to Feel Like You Belong Again When You Are Childless After Infertility If you have ever walked into a room and instantly wondered where you fit, this episode is going to speak directly to you. When you are childless after infertility or you are still in the middle of your fertility journey, it can feel like everyone around you is living a chapter you hoped would be yours. Conversations about kids, family schedules and milestones can leave you feeling two inches outside the circle and unsure how to take your place in the room. In this episode, you learn why this happens and how to reconnect...
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Infertility and Imposter Syndrome- When You Wonder If You Really Belong
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
Infertility and Imposter Syndrome- When You Wonder If You Really Belong Have you ever walked into a room and instantly questioned whether you belonged there? That is exactly what happened to me t at the annual meeting of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) in San Antonio. I was surrounded by fertility doctors, clinic directors, psychologists, and researchers, all experts in reproductive medicine. And for a moment, that familiar voice whispered, Who do you think you are? In this episode, I am taking you behind the scenes of what it felt like to show up as a woman who...
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Childless After Infertility: The Shift That Changes Everything
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
Episode 189 | Childless After Infertility: The Shift That Changes Everything What if you could stop living in regret after infertility and start creating a life that feels amazing to wake up to? In this episode of The “So Now What?” Podcast, Lana Manikowski shares the realization that changed everything: the moment she stopped identifying as a victim of infertility and began shaping a new story for her life after IVF failed. If you have ever wondered whether it is possible to feel fulfilled without motherhood, this episode will show you how. You will learn how to shift your mindset from...
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When IVF Fails: How to Ask Your Fertility Clinic for the Support You Still Need
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
When IVF Fails: How to Ask Your Fertility Clinic for the Support You Still Need When IVF fails, it can feel like your clinic disappears but you still deserve care. In this episode, learn how to ask for what you need from your fertility doctor even after fertility treatment ends. Discover how to advocate for yourself, share resources, and help your clinic better support women who are childless after infertility. If your fertility treatment ended without the baby you dreamed of, you are not alone and you are not forgotten. In this episode of The So Now What Podcast, host Lana Manikowski shares...
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IVF Failed: A Fertility Doctor’s Thoughts About What Comes Next
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
IVF Failed: A Fertility Doctor’s Thoughts About What Comes Next When IVF fails, both patients and doctors are left asking, “What now?” In this conversation, infertility and life coach Lana Manikowski and fertility doctor Erica Bove, MD, explore what patients wish doctors understood after failed IVF, what doctors feel but rarely say, and how to create support and meaning after infertility. When IVF failed, you were not just handed a result. You were handed decisions with very little support. If you have ever left a fertility clinic wondering whether your fertility doctor truly saw your...
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When IVF Fails: Your Questions for a Fertility Doctor
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
When you’re going through fertility treatments, you never imagine they will end without a baby. I didn’t. I believed that if I tried hard enough, followed every step, and stayed committed, eventually I would have the child I dreamed of. But when IVF failed and motherhood didn’t happen, I was completely unprepared and unsupported. That gap, the silence that follows when treatments end without children, is why I became a member of ASRM, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, and serve in their Mental Health Providers group. In October I am attending the ASRM annual congress...
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Why Infertility Feels So Shameful
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
Why does infertility feel so shameful? In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, Lana Manikowski unpacks the weight of shame after IVF fails and motherhood does not happen. She explains why shame shows up for women who are childless not by choice, why it is optional, and how you can release it. Learn four steps to stop carrying shame so you can feel grounded, confident, and whole in the life you are creating. If you are childless after infertility, you may know the weight of shame all too well. Shame convinces you that you are the problem. That your body failed. That you let your husband...
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The Story a Childless, Infertile Woman Tells
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
How to tell your story with pride when IVF failed and you are living childless after infertility. When IVF fails and motherhood did not happen, it is so easy to feel like your only option is to hide. You spent years doing everything you possibly could—fertility treatments, doctors’ appointments, lifestyle changes, endless waiting. You gave your body, your money, your heart, and your time to the dream of becoming a mom. And despite all of it, you find yourself living childless after infertility. In those moments, it can feel impossible to talk about what really happened. Maybe you...
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Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
When IVF fails and you’re childless after infertility, people often try to cheer you up with “at least you can…” comments. But what these comments really reveal is how uncomfortable our society is with sadness. In this episode, I share how a recent injury reminded me of that cultural reflex, why sadness is not a flaw, and how you can create room for both grief and growth as a childless woman. Plus: details on my free class September 17 and my World Childless Week panel on September 20, Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman. Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels...
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IVF Failed: Calm Your Brain and Find Peace when Childless
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
When IVF fails, your brain can feel like the enemy, spiraling with infertility triggers, constant comparison, and the grief of being childless after infertility. In this episode, you will discover why your brain reacts this way when fertility treatments do not work, and three simple practices to begin calming your mind and finding peace. Have you ever felt fine one moment, and then a single pregnancy announcement, bump photo, or piece of unsolicited advice left you spiraling? If IVF failed you and you are now childless, your brain may feel like the enemy. But the truth is, your brain is just...
info_outlineIf you are a woman who is childless not by choice, you know the heartbreak of infertility does not end when treatments stop. You might still feel like shame and guilt are following you around every day.
In this episode, you will hear why infertility shame and secrecy can stay with you for years after IVF or other fertility treatments. Lana shares insights from a 1998 doctoral thesis that described shame as the central emotion of infertility and explains why so little has changed in how women feel about themselves today.
You will discover how guilt convinces you that infertility was your fault, how secrecy keeps you isolated, and why infertility does not define your worth or your future.
If you are tired of feeling like you failed or like you are living life on the sidelines, this conversation will help you imagine how thriving after infertility is possible for you.
In This Episode, You Will Learn
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Why shame is often the hidden part of infertility no one talks about
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How guilt after IVF or failed fertility treatments can feel like punishment
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What happens when secrecy becomes your coping mechanism
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A client story showing how she went from feeling invisible to creating a life she is proud of
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How infertility coaching can help you rebuild your identity and confidence without children
Ready to Thrive After Infertility?
You do not have to keep guessing how to feel like yourself again after infertility. That is exactly what the Thrive Method is for.
Inside Thrive After Infertility, you will learn how to:
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Rebuild confidence in who you are without motherhood as your identity
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Reconnect with your partner and friendships you have been avoiding
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Create milestones that bring purpose and joy to your next decades
If you are ready to stop living in guilt and shame and start creating a life you love, book your free 45-minute Thrive Call.
💖 Links and Resources
📘 Download your free guide:
The Top 27 Things People Say When You Are Childless (and How to Respond Authentically)
Get your copy
🌟 Explore Thrive After Infertility:
Learn more about the 12-week coaching program for women who are ready to thrive without the children they dreamed of.
Explore the program
💬 Book Your Thrive Call:
Create a plan to rebuild your identity and find clarity about what is next.
Schedule your call
✨ Follow Lana for more inspiration:
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Share This Episode
If you know a woman who is childless after infertility and still carrying shame or guilt, please share this episode. She deserves to know she is not alone and there is a way to create a life she is proud of.