Infertility and the Shame, Secrecy, and Guilt That Haunts You
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
Release Date: 07/16/2025
The Story a Childless, Infertile Woman Tells
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
How to tell your story with pride when IVF failed and you are living childless after infertility. When IVF fails and motherhood did not happen, it is so easy to feel like your only option is to hide. You spent years doing everything you possibly couldâfertility treatments, doctorsâ appointments, lifestyle changes, endless waiting. You gave your body, your money, your heart, and your time to the dream of becoming a mom. And despite all of it, you find yourself living childless after infertility. In those moments, it can feel impossible to talk about what really happened. Maybe you...
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Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
When IVF fails and youâre childless after infertility, people often try to cheer you up with âat least you canâŚâ comments. But what these comments really reveal is how uncomfortable our society is with sadness. In this episode, I share how a recent injury reminded me of that cultural reflex, why sadness is not a flaw, and how you can create room for both grief and growth as a childless woman. Plus: details on my free class September 17 and my World Childless Week panel on September 20, Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman. Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels...
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IVF Failed: Calm Your Brain and Find Peace when Childless
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
When IVF fails, your brain can feel like the enemy, spiraling with infertility triggers, constant comparison, and the grief of being childless after infertility. In this episode, you will discover why your brain reacts this way when fertility treatments do not work, and three simple practices to begin calming your mind and finding peace. Have you ever felt fine one moment, and then a single pregnancy announcement, bump photo, or piece of unsolicited advice left you spiraling? If IVF failed you and you are now childless, your brain may feel like the enemy. But the truth is, your brain is just...
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Childless Legacy â How to Create One
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
Episode 181: Childless Legacy â How to Create One If you are childless after infertility, what kind of legacy are you leaving? When IVF, IUI, or years of trying to conceive did not lead to the family you dreamed of, it can feel like your story has nowhere to go. Like your legacy disappeared along with the possibility of motherhood. But what if you could create a legacy that does not depend on having a child? In this episode of The âSo Now What?â Podcast, Lana shares a deeply personal reflection on what legacy really means when you are childless not by choice. Inspired by her...
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Infertility and Othering: When You Donât Belong
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
Infertility and Othering: When You Donât Belong Have you ever walked into a room and instantly thought, âIâm the only one here without kidsâ? That sinking feeling in your body is what is known as othering. Othering happens when you are seen, or you see yourself, as separate because you do not fit a societal mold. If you are childless after infertility or your IVF journey ended without the child you dreamed of, you know how often othering can happen. You get left out of conversations, your life experiences are dismissed, or someone makes a comment that forces you to explain why you do...
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Your Infertility Journey: How to Stop Explaining It
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
Your Infertility Journey: How to Stop Explaining It If you are childless after infertility, you have probably been on both sides of the spectrum: staying silent because you do not have the words or emotional energy to talk about your journey, and then overexplaining to justify that you âdid enoughâ to try to become a mom. In this episode of The So Now What? Podcast, we talk about the exhausting pressure to explain why you did not keep going with fertility treatments, adoption, or donor eggs, and how to protect your peace when people ask intrusive questions. I share a personal passage from...
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IVF Without a Pregnancy â No One Saw You Trying
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
What if the hardest part of infertility wasnât just the treatments⌠but the fact that no one even knew how hard you tried? In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, weâre talking about an overlooked reality: what it feels like to go through years of IVF and fertility treatments and never even get a positive pregnancy test. No bump. No loss others can see. Just you, quietly rearranging your life around the hope of motherhood⌠with nothing to show for it when it didnât work. This is for you if youâre childless after infertility and have felt the sting of being dismissed,...
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Friendships When You're the Only Childless One
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
You love your friends. Youâve grown up together, lived through milestones, and shared so many memories. But now theyâre raising kids, and youâre navigating life after infertility. Youâre the only one in the group chat without a child, and suddenly, the conversations feel distant. Do you go and feel left out? Or do you stay home and feel even more alone? In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, Lana shares the story of reuniting with three of her closest college friends (all moms) and what it now feels like to show up to these friendships as a proud, childless woman. Years ago,...
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Infertility and the Shame, Secrecy, and Guilt That Haunts You
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
If you are a woman who is childless not by choice, you know the heartbreak of infertility does not end when treatments stop. You might still feel like shame and guilt are following you around every day. In this episode, you will hear why infertility shame and secrecy can stay with you for years after IVF or other fertility treatments. Lana shares insights from a 1998 doctoral thesis that described shame as the central emotion of infertility and explains why so little has changed in how women feel about themselves today. You will discover how guilt convinces you that infertility was your fault,...
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Childless After IVF: When the Path to Your Dreams Feels Impossible
IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast
If you have spent years going through fertility treatments like IVF, pouring everything into your dream of motherhood, and still found yourself without a child, you know how heavy it feels to imagine a future that could ever feel as meaningful. In this weekâs episode, Lana shares a deeply personal story about standing on a piece of vacant land in Michigan, a place she and her husband dreamed of building their future home, and realizing that the path to something beautiful isn't coming without obstacles. If youâre childless after infertility, itâs so easy to believe your life will always...
info_outlineIf you are a woman who is childless not by choice, you know the heartbreak of infertility does not end when treatments stop. You might still feel like shame and guilt are following you around every day.
In this episode, you will hear why infertility shame and secrecy can stay with you for years after IVF or other fertility treatments. Lana shares insights from a 1998 doctoral thesis that described shame as the central emotion of infertility and explains why so little has changed in how women feel about themselves today.
You will discover how guilt convinces you that infertility was your fault, how secrecy keeps you isolated, and why infertility does not define your worth or your future.
If you are tired of feeling like you failed or like you are living life on the sidelines, this conversation will help you imagine how thriving after infertility is possible for you.
In This Episode, You Will Learn
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Why shame is often the hidden part of infertility no one talks about
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How guilt after IVF or failed fertility treatments can feel like punishment
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What happens when secrecy becomes your coping mechanism
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A client story showing how she went from feeling invisible to creating a life she is proud of
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How infertility coaching can help you rebuild your identity and confidence without children
Ready to Thrive After Infertility?
You do not have to keep guessing how to feel like yourself again after infertility. That is exactly what the Thrive Method is for.
Inside Thrive After Infertility, you will learn how to:
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Rebuild confidence in who you are without motherhood as your identity
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Reconnect with your partner and friendships you have been avoiding
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Create milestones that bring purpose and joy to your next decades
If you are ready to stop living in guilt and shame and start creating a life you love, book your free 45-minute Thrive Call.
đ Links and Resources
đ Download your free guide:
The Top 27 Things People Say When You Are Childless (and How to Respond Authentically)
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đ Explore Thrive After Infertility:
Learn more about the 12-week coaching program for women who are ready to thrive without the children they dreamed of.
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đŹ Book Your Thrive Call:
Create a plan to rebuild your identity and find clarity about what is next.
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