MFP 297: Expectations in Marriage
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
Release Date: 08/19/2024
MFP 359: How to Choose Toys for Christmas
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
"Baby Jesus was an amazing surprise to the world on Christmas morning, and gifts under the tree remind us of that wondrous gift each year." - Regina Doman Summary Mothers create the environment of the home by what we allow in our house, how we arrange our home, and where things are kept. We are teaching our children all the time, not just by what we say and do, but the home that we create for our families. We communicate what we value and what we want our children to learn by the "stuff" in our home. Moms have to be thoughtful and intentional about this. Listen into this...
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MFP 358: Thriving, not just surviving with lots of littles
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
Summary Are you exhausted, overwhelmed, or wondering whether you’re doing anything right as a parent of little ones? You’re not alone — and you’re not crazy. In this refreshed and expanded episode, Mike and Alicia revisit their classic “Survival Zone” conversation with new insights from another decade of parenting and now grandparenting. They unpack why the early years are so intense, what’s normal (hint: your exhaustion), how marriage is stretched during this season, and how moms and dads can support each other through the chaos. You’ll hear practical advice on setting...
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MFP 357: Marriage Q&A: When It Feels Hard, How Do You Stay Connected?
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
In this honest Q&A episode, Mike and Alicia answer real questions from listeners about the struggles every couple faces – feeling distant, managing conflict, and staying united when life gets stressful. They talk about what to do when your marriage feels dry or disconnected, how to rebuild emotional intimacy, and how humility, forgiveness, and shared prayer can bring healing. With humor and wisdom from decades of marriage and mentoring, they offer hope for couples who want to grow together, not just stay together. Couples Discussion Questions What should I do when my spouse seems...
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MFP 356: Twenty Minutes to Change a Kid's Life – the Importance of Family Dinners
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
Families need to disconnect from the world’s pace, be present to one another and break bread together. - Bishop Thomas Olmstead Summary Why are family dinners so hard — and so important? In our latest Messy Family Podcast episode, we get real about the chaos of mealtime: the cooking, the planning, the juggling schedules, picky eaters, and the endless cleanup. But we also share the good news — it doesn’t have to be perfect to matter. Family meals aren’t just about food. They’re a time to build identity, teach traditions, and give your kids a sense of belonging. Research shows...
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MFP 355: Making Your Marriage #1
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
Summary In this re-release of Episode MFP191, we open up about one of the biggest challenges every couple faces—finding time for each other in the midst of busy family life. After 31 years of marriage, we’ve learned that love doesn’t just grow on its own; it takes intention and effort because although our marriages are always Important, they are rarely Urgent. In this episode, we share our own stories, some laughs, and practical ways to stay connected—whether through daily check-ins, regular date nights, or an occasional weekend away. We also talk about how to make this happen...
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MFP354: How Can I Have a Relationship with God?
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
"Being Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person, which gives life a new horizon and a decisive direction." - Pope Benedict XVI Summary Every one of us is on a journey towards eternity. Our life here on earth, our vocation, our careers, our relationships are all just ways that we can grow in our knowledge of ourselves and of God. But many of us struggle to learn how we can stretch ourselves and prioritize our own spiritual growth. In this podcast, we share our own stories of conversation moments and how...
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MFP 353: Why are Kids so Anxious?
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
Summary Why are today’s kids more anxious than ever before? Mike and Alicia dive into the growing epidemic of anxiety among children and teens – and how modern parenting, technology, and culture all play a role. Drawing insights from Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation, they explore what happens when we overprotect kids in the real world but underprotect them online. From overscheduled lives and endless screen time to lack of sleep, nutrition, and authentic relationships, today’s children are under tremendous pressure. But there’s hope. The Hernons share concrete, faith-filled...
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MFP 352: Laughter and Limits in the Family with Dr. Ray
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
Take your calling seriously and yourself lightly Summary Are you taking parenting a little too seriously? In this episode, we dive into why families need to throw off the burden of “psychological correctness” and rediscover the gift of humor. Parenting isn’t a project—it’s a wild, messy adventure! We’ll share why secure parents can laugh at their mistakes, how to set healthy limits at your table, and how to teach kids the difference between fun teasing and disrespect. Most of all, we’ll remind you that your children are a never-ending source of laugh-worthy moments. ...
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MFP 351: Why Parents Need to Lead, Not Just Accompany
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
Summary Parenting isn't just about being present—it's about leading with purpose because children need guidance, not just companionship. In this episode, we start by looking at some quotes from celebrity parents to examine how they are misguided. The reality is that parents are called to protect, not simply please. And we each have different roles: fathers embodying hope and authority, mothers offering love and intuition. Both are crucial, and when either dominates too much, imbalance follows—leading to fragility or rigidity. We need to recognize our children’s gifts and desires...
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MFP 350: Satan Has a Plan for Your Family
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
“The devil is afraid of a united husband and wife.” —St. John Chrysostom Summary The family is Satan’s top target because it reflects God’s very nature and holds the foundation of civilization. Marriage isn’t just a social contract—it’s a sacrament with spiritual power, which makes it a threat to evil. The enemy’s strategy is subtle: sow disunity between spouses, confuse gender roles, exhaust parents, and replace faith formation with screens and busyness. By silencing prayer and fracturing family time, he slowly erodes the family’s ability to thrive spiritually. But...
info_outlineHappiness is determined by our expectations…. If our expectations are modest… we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.
~Bishop Anthony Taylor, Diocese of Little Rock
Summary
All of us come into our vocations with expectations. We have dreams and plans, but expectations are more like assumptions. We have our own experience and we expect that things will go a certain way. The problem is, we can’t always articulate these expectations or even realize that we have them until they are unfulfilled and this can cause conflict with our spouses. In this episode, we talk about the relationship between expectations and happiness, how to articulate our expectations, and how to have realistic expectations of our marriage as you grow. We also share on a personal level what our expectations were and how we handled things when we were newly married compared to how we are today. This podcast is really one that you want to discuss with your spouse to help you both learn how to communicate better and forge greater unity.
Key Takeaways
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Happiness is determined by our expectations and our ability to notice and rejoice in little things. If our expectations are modest, life will usually exceed our expectations and we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.
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Many young couples have unrealistic expections of their spouse. They expect their spouse to do what only God can do: To meet all their needs for security, support and closeness.
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Don’t lower your standards, just make them more realistic and realize you need to grow in your communication skills to have a strong marriage.
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No matter if your expectations are fulfilled or now, always choose gratitude. There is always something to be thankful for and recognizing that is the key to happiness.
Couple Discussion Questions
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What were my expectations coming into our marriage?
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Which of these were fulfilled? Which has led to disappointment?
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What am I grateful for?
Resources
Article on Expectations and Happiness