MFP 297: Expectations in Marriage
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
Release Date: 08/19/2024
MFP 349: Why Have Kids? an Interview with the author of Hannah’s Children
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
“I think that bringing children into the world is like bringing holiness into the world.” - Catherine Pakaluk Summary In this episode, Mike and Alicia sit down with Catherine Pakaluk, economist and author of Hannah’s Children, to challenge common cultural myths about large families. Secular researchers often assume religious women have many children because they are oppressed, but Catherine explains why this is far from true. Instead, faith gives parents the conviction that children are a blessing and the true good of marriage. Struggles, dysfunction, or finances exist in every...
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MFP 348: Field of Dreams for Families
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
Summary Every family inherits a legacy, both the blessings and the struggles, yet God calls us to build something new with Him. In this episode, Mike and Alicia reflect on the importance of having a dream for your family that goes beyond survival mode and day-to-day busyness. Drawing inspiration from the film Field of Dreams, they explore how couples can discern God’s vision for their home, create a legacy of love, and take bold, countercultural steps together. Whether you’re just starting out or sending kids off to college, this conversation will encourage you to pray, dream, and act with...
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MFP 347 Families Under Fire - Facing Cultural Challenges
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
The family is where children discover how to be human. - Archbishop Charles Chaput Summary In this episode, Mike and Alicia tackle some of the toughest family challenges with honesty, humor, and hope. These questions were submitted to us at the Midwest Family Conference, but we never got to them! We talk about things like how to respond to a loved one with a temper or a dysfunctional family that seems to fight constantly. What practical steps can parents take to guard their family culture when outside influences pull in the opposite direction? Mike emphasizes the irreplaceable...
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MFP 346: Jake & Heather Khym on Discipleship, Parenting, and Authentic Connection
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
"Discipleship isn’t about perfection—it’s about intimacy with Jesus. He is drawn to our weakness, not our strength." - Jake Khym Summary In this deeply insightful episode, Jake and Heather Khym explore one of the greatest challenges facing Catholics today: true discipleship. They share how the heart of a disciple embraces God as a good Father who desires intimacy over perfection. You'll hear powerful wisdom on parenting—letting go of the lie that we must “save” our children—and embracing our need for God. The Khyms also unpack how to navigate emotional overwhelm by slowing...
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MFP 345: The Tech Exit with Clare Morell
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
“If we want our children to be happy and successful, if we want them to reach their highest potential in self-transcendence, then the most important thing we can do is replace screens with activities that turn their focus outward.” —Clare Morell Summary It’s no secret that addictive digital technologies like smartphones and social media apps are harming a generation of kids socially, mentally, and even physically. But a workable solution seems elusive. After all, don’t kids need phones, and won’t they be vulnerable or socially isolated without them? In this interview with Clare...
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MFP 344: From Control to Connection: Disciplining Teens with Heart
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
Summary Parenting teens can feel like navigating a storm. Emotions run high and mistakes are inevitable. In this updated reflection on our original 2017 episode, we dive into the art of disciplining teenagers not just to manage behavior, but to raise mature disciples of Christ. We share what we've learned from parenting our ten kids, what it means to move from control to connection, and how to maintain strong relationships during the most challenging years. Whether you're in the thick of adolescence or preparing for it, this episode offers encouragement, clarity, and practical tools. Topics...
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MFP 343: How to Love Your Family
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
“The two great commandments name the three loves – loving God, loving neighbor, and loving yourself. All three loves are necessary and central to our Faith. All three.” - Dr. Peter Malinowski Summary How can I learn to truly love my family? The reality is that the degree to which you love yourself will be the maximum that you can love your family. Ordered self-love is not an optional thing – it’s essential. This is especially true for spouses and parents because their love is tied intimately to the full flourishing of others, namely, their...
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MFP 342: Guidance on Tricky Topics
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
Summary: Listen in as we respond to Catholic parents seeking guidance on navigating sensitive family issues through faith. One parent is concerned about supporting her 11-year-old daughter who expressed same-sex attraction after speaking with her bisexual sister. Another couple is figuring out how to explain same-sex relationships to their young children with both compassion and clarity about Church teaching. A mother balancing part-time parish work and parenting feels overwhelmed by her toddler’s distress and behavior changes. Others seek advice on newborn sleep training and resisting...
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MFP 341: Unleash the Holy Spirit in Your Family w/ Dr. Sean and Nicole Tobin from Encounter Ministries
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
“What do we feel is the first and last need of the Church? …the Spirit, the Holy Spirit…. He is her divine breath, the wind in her sails, the principle of her unity, the inner source of her light and strength.” - St. Paul VI Summary We can’t wait for you to hear this podcast! The week before Pentecost, we did a webinar with Dr. Sean and Nicole Tobin, a Catholic couple passionate about helping families live in the power of the Holy Spirit. Sean is a clinical psychologist, worship leader, and co-founder of the Divine Mercy Clinic and Nicole holds a master’s in Theology and...
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MFP 340: Providence Over Panic
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
“We need to give God room to show up. Often we try to fix and solve everything without waiting for God to act” - Jonathan and Amanda Texiera Summary The number one conflict in marriages, statistically, is money. How we spend our money reflects our values, but also our belief in the providence of God. Do we truly believe that God cares about all of our life, including our financial needs? How much are we truly trusting in Him and His provision and not just giving in to panic and fear? In this podcast, we invited our friends Jonathan and Amanda Texiera of...
info_outlineHappiness is determined by our expectations…. If our expectations are modest… we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.
~Bishop Anthony Taylor, Diocese of Little Rock
Summary
All of us come into our vocations with expectations. We have dreams and plans, but expectations are more like assumptions. We have our own experience and we expect that things will go a certain way. The problem is, we can’t always articulate these expectations or even realize that we have them until they are unfulfilled and this can cause conflict with our spouses. In this episode, we talk about the relationship between expectations and happiness, how to articulate our expectations, and how to have realistic expectations of our marriage as you grow. We also share on a personal level what our expectations were and how we handled things when we were newly married compared to how we are today. This podcast is really one that you want to discuss with your spouse to help you both learn how to communicate better and forge greater unity.
Key Takeaways
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Happiness is determined by our expectations and our ability to notice and rejoice in little things. If our expectations are modest, life will usually exceed our expectations and we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.
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Many young couples have unrealistic expections of their spouse. They expect their spouse to do what only God can do: To meet all their needs for security, support and closeness.
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Don’t lower your standards, just make them more realistic and realize you need to grow in your communication skills to have a strong marriage.
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No matter if your expectations are fulfilled or now, always choose gratitude. There is always something to be thankful for and recognizing that is the key to happiness.
Couple Discussion Questions
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What were my expectations coming into our marriage?
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Which of these were fulfilled? Which has led to disappointment?
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What am I grateful for?
Resources
Article on Expectations and Happiness