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MFP 335: Safety-ism

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Release Date: 06/02/2025

MFP 363: Growing Up Hernon - What it's like in a large, loud, loving family show art MFP 363: Growing Up Hernon - What it's like in a large, loud, loving family

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Summary What’s it really like growing up in a big family?   In this special Hernon kids takeover podcast, Mike and Alicia’s children gather around the mic to tell the honest, funny, and heartfelt story of their upbringing. From loud dinner tables and sibling fights to deep bonds, meaningful traditions, and moments of feeling unseen, the Hernon siblings share what shaped them—for better and for worse.   They talk openly about the challenges of a large family, how sibling relationships filled the gaps when parents were stretched thin, and why intentional traditions mattered more...

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Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Your decisions may not always be perfect, but you can choose to make them together.   Summary In this week’s podcast, we dive into one of the most important truths for married couples: you will never make a perfect decision—but you can choose unity. Today’s culture urges us to optimize everything with hacks, experts, and AI, yet the real power in family life comes from spouses acting together. We share our own stories of big decisions—moves, career changes, even grad school—and how waiting for unity brought peace and strength to our home. Join us as we unpack how to stay united:...

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Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

“Hospitality and real community starts by inviting people into your messy home…”   Summary In this episode, Mike and Alicia sit down with best-selling Catholic author Emily Stimpson Chapman to talk about Advent, Storybook for young Catholics, and the beauty of simple hospitality. Emily shares the real, lived rhythms of Advent in her home—reminding parents that peace and prayerfulness grow best when traditions are tied to everyday routines and kept flexible, not burdensome.   Emily also introduces her newest work, The Story of All Stories, a beautifully crafted children’s...

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Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

“Learning how to trust God and let go of our fears, worries, and frustrations is the best way to model peace for our children.” — Dr. Gregory Bottaro   Summary This week on the Messy Family Podcast, we are joined by Dr. Greg Bottaro for a heartfelt and practical conversation every parent needs to hear. In this interview, Dr. Greg explains why kids are not naturally built to listen and why so many of us parents end up frustrated. His solution is simple and hopeful. Get clear on the rulebook you grew up with, compare it with your spouse’s, and build a shared one that gives your...

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Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

"Baby Jesus was an amazing surprise to the world on Christmas morning, and gifts under the tree remind us of that wondrous gift each year." - Regina Doman Summary Mothers create the environment of the home by what we allow in our house, how we arrange our home, and where things are kept. We are teaching our children all the time, not just by what we say and do, but the home that we create for our families.  We communicate what we value and what we want our children to learn by the "stuff" in our home.  Moms have to be thoughtful and intentional about this.  Listen into this...

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Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Summary Are you exhausted, overwhelmed, or wondering whether you’re doing anything right as a parent of little ones? You’re not alone — and you’re not crazy. In this refreshed and expanded episode, Mike and Alicia revisit their classic “Survival Zone” conversation with new insights from another decade of parenting and now grandparenting. They unpack why the early years are so intense, what’s normal (hint: your exhaustion), how marriage is stretched during this season, and how moms and dads can support each other through the chaos. You’ll hear practical advice on setting...

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Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

In this honest Q&A episode, Mike and Alicia answer real questions from listeners about the struggles every couple faces – feeling distant, managing conflict, and staying united when life gets stressful. They talk about what to do when your marriage feels dry or disconnected, how to rebuild emotional intimacy, and how humility, forgiveness, and shared prayer can bring healing. With humor and wisdom from decades of marriage and mentoring, they offer hope for couples who want to grow together, not just stay together.   Couples Discussion Questions What should I do when my spouse seems...

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Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Families need to disconnect from the world’s pace, be present to one another and break bread together. - Bishop Thomas Olmstead Summary Why are family dinners so hard — and so important? In our latest Messy Family Podcast episode, we get real about the chaos of mealtime: the cooking, the planning, the juggling schedules, picky eaters, and the endless cleanup. But we also share the good news — it doesn’t have to be perfect to matter.  Family meals aren’t just about food. They’re a time to build identity, teach traditions, and give your kids a sense of belonging. Research shows...

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Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Summary In this re-release of  Episode MFP191, we open up about one of the biggest challenges every couple faces—finding time for each other in the midst of busy family life. After 31 years of marriage, we’ve learned that love doesn’t just grow on its own; it takes intention and effort because although our marriages are always Important, they are rarely Urgent. In this episode, we share our own stories, some laughs, and practical ways to stay connected—whether through daily check-ins, regular date nights, or an occasional weekend away. We also talk about how to make this happen...

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Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

"Being Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person, which gives life a new horizon and a decisive direction." - Pope Benedict XVI   Summary Every one of us is on a journey towards eternity.  Our life here on earth, our vocation, our careers, our relationships are all just ways that we can grow in our knowledge of ourselves and of God.  But many of us struggle to learn how we can stretch ourselves and prioritize our own spiritual growth.  In this podcast, we share our own stories of conversation moments and how...

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'Cause I love you more than you could know

And your heart, it grows every time it breaks

I know that it might sound strange

But I wish you pain 

- “Wish You Pain” by Andy Grammar

 

Summary

Every parent wants to keep their kids safe, but is it possible to keep them “too safe”?  In this podcast episode we dive into the overwhelming cult of safety-ism, which makes keeping your child from all pain and suffering an idol. Children are really “antifragile” - meaning that they need to have an appropriate amount of stress physically, mentally and emotionally to be able to become resilient.  Over-protecting and keeping kids from physical or emotional pain only makes them more anxious and risk-averse.  We have lots of examples of giving kids freedom, and the results aren’t always what you think!  Like so much of parenting, you need to keep in mind the stage of development your child is in to be able to expose them to appropriate risks.  You don’t let your 12 yr old wander down a dark alley, but you should let them go into the grocery store alone.  Listen in for some encouragement as well as tips and tricks to not keeping your kids safe, but making them strong!  

 

Key Takeaways

  • Do all you can to keep kids in Discover Mode.  Exploring is what kids do and it will keep them curious and confident.

  • Don’t keep them safe, make them strong. Children will get hurt, get sick, get disappointed, cry with frustration…. Because they are human!  

  • Attachment to parents is key to give kids a secure base

  • Fearful parenting keeps kids close too much and for too long

  • Children need play-based childhood. 

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  1. How were we raised?  Were we raised in a home that was in Discovery Mode or Defend Mode? 

  2. Assess our family right now in light of safety vs. appropriate risk.  How are our children being raised? 

  3. What can we do to improve our family’s Discovery Mode for the long term benefit of our children?