362: Why Your Next Big Career Move Starts with Ten Minutes a Day with Jess Ekstrom
Allyship in Action
Finding balance in leadership and in life often feels like trying to do a high-wire act while juggling toddlers and a full-time career. That is why I was thrilled to catch up with Jess Ekstrom, founder of Mic Drop Workshop and author of Making It Without Losing It. Jess is a powerful storyteller who has built two million dollar businesses. She brings this incredible blend of real-world hustle and laugh-out-loud relatable humor. We got into what happens when we stop chasing everyone else’s definition of success and start listening to what actually fuels us. Between tales of toddlers...
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361: Escaping the Reward Trap with Özgür Bolat
Allyship in Action
Have you ever tried dangling a carrot to get a desired behavior out of someone—whether it's offering points to your kids for clearing the dishwasher or dangling a bonus in front of your sales team—only to feel like you've created a transactional nightmare? You’re definitely not alone! In this episode of Allyship in Action, I sat down with education scientist and author Dr. Özgür Bolat to unpack why our obsession with extrinsic rewards so often backfires. Drawing from his insightful book, The Reward Trap, Özgür helps us realize that while carrots might get temporary...
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360: Unlocking Neurodivergent Potential in the Workplace with Alex Partridge
Allyship in Action
This week, I had the absolute pleasure of sitting down with the incredible Alex Partridge—founder of UNILAD and Lad Bible, host of the ADHD Chatter podcast, and author of Why Does Everybody Hate Me?. We dove deep into a topic that so many managers want to get right, but often feel totally lost navigating: supporting neurodiversity in the workplace, specifically when it comes to ADHD. The first time I managed someone with ADHD, I felt lost. I wanted to be an ally and build an inclusive space, but I didn’t know what real, everyday support looked like. As Alex and I chatted, it hit me again...
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359: Designing Inclusion from the Inside Out with Nani Vishwanath
Allyship in Action
Welcome back to Allyship in Action! If you’ve been working in the diversity and inclusion space over the past few years, you know the corporate pendulum hasn’t just swung—it’s done full-on gymnastics. We’ve gone from the hyper-reactive commitments of 2020 to the nervous retreats of recent years, leaving many leaders wondering where to anchor themselves. I had the absolute joy of catching up with the brilliant Nani Vishwanath—a strategic leader at The Current Collective—who reminded me that when the external noise gets deafening, the answer isn't to duck and cover; it's to look...
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358: The Surprising Key to Longevity with Ezekiel Emanuel
Allyship in Action
Today we have Dr. Zeke Emanuel, whose new book Eat Your Ice Cream takes a refreshingly sensible look at longevity and what it actually takes to build a happy, healthy life. As an oncologist and world-renowned expert in bioethics and health policy, Dr. Emanuel has spent decades navigating complex medical landscapes—so when he talks about living better, I listen! What I love most about his approach is that he bypasses the extreme health trends and cuts straight to sustainable, real-world habits. We had such a fun conversation, diving into everything from the real math behind everyday risks to...
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357: Why We Avoid the Very Thing That Makes Us Happy at Work with Nick Epley
Allyship in Action
As an author and allyship advocate, I constantly find myself researching the power of human connection, yet I still fall into the same social traps as everyone else! We all intellectually know that relationships are vital to our health and happiness, yet we consistently talk ourselves out of simple, daily opportunities to connect. In this episode, I had the absolute pleasure of chatting with Nicholas Epley, behavioral science professor and author of A Little More Social. Nick's research translates complex social cognition into real, actionable insights that completely reframed how I...
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356: How to Build a Gender Fair Workplace with Brad Johnson and David Smith
Allyship in Action
I was so thrilled to sit down again with my dear friends and true allies, Dave Smith and Brad Johnson . Every time we connect, it feels like a warm reminder of what sustained, meaningful allyship really looks like—not just showing up when it’s trending, but doing the steady, daily work that actually moves the needle. Listening to them walk through their allyship trilogy, from Athena Rising to The Good Guys and now their latest book, Fair Share, brought back so many memories of my own journey navigating corporate America as a new mom. (Trust me, I’ve shed my fair share of tears...
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355: Moving Male Allyship Forward in the Age of AI and the Manosphere with Robert Baker
Allyship in Action
If you’ve ever found yourself scrolling through social media, wondering if we are somehow slipping backward into the dark ages of workplace dynamics, you are definitely not alone. It is easy to look at the massive rise of toxic online ecosystems and feel a bit of existential dread. That is why I talked with Robert Baker, who always grounds me. He has this incredible gift for taking a heavy, whack-a-mole topic and infusing it with actionable clarity. We dive deep into why male allyship isn't about being an individual superhero, how global shifts are impacting our teams, and why—despite the...
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354: Bringing Psychological Safety to Life for Leaders with Minette Norman and Karolin Helbig
Allyship in Action
How do we actually live out psychological safety, rather than just talking about it as some grand, academic theory? A couple of years ago, Minette Norman and Karolin Helbig came out with the Psychological Safety Playbook. I’ve been using her practical phrases in my own training sessions ever since (with full credit, of course!). But as any facilitator, parent, or human being knows, putting this stuff into practice is darn hard. You want to be the supportive expert, but then real-world pressures—like meeting targets, sudden organizational shifts, or just plain old fear of looking...
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353: Behind the Shiny Objects: Real Inclusivity in a Changing World with Katryn Wright
Allyship in Action
You might remember Katryn from episode 292, where we dove deep into the behavioral blueprint for inclusion. Well, a lot can happen in a year—or in our current case, since the wild ride of the 2026 election—and the DEI landscape is shifting beneath our feet. I’ll admit, when I first started this work ten years ago, I thought we could just shout from the rooftops that inclusion matters and everyone would just magically get it. But as we look at the headlines today, it’s clear that "shiny object syndrome" has left us with a lot of noise and not enough real, systemic change. Katryn and I...
info_outlineHave you ever tried dangling a carrot to get a desired behavior out of someone—whether it's offering points to your kids for clearing the dishwasher or dangling a bonus in front of your sales team—only to feel like you've created a transactional nightmare?
You’re definitely not alone! In this episode of Allyship in Action, I sat down with education scientist and author Dr. Özgür Bolat to unpack why our obsession with extrinsic rewards so often backfires.
Drawing from his insightful book, The Reward Trap, Özgür helps us realize that while carrots might get temporary compliance, they secretly erode intrinsic motivation, trust, and genuine ownership.
We had a candid, funny, and deeply relatable conversation about breaking free from the points system mindset at home and work, shifting our focus from control to true connection.
Key Themes & Highlights
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Compliance vs. True Ownership: Extrinsic motivators like bonuses or points might get a task done, but they fail to foster genuine engagement or long-term commitment.
"Rewards work if you want compliance. But if you want real ownership, real intrinsic motivation, real engagement and commitment, it may not work."
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The Hidden Costs on Trust and Fairness: Over-relying on rewards often triggers feelings of unfairness among peers and erodes trust between managers and employees or parents and children.
"When there’s a competition, when there’s a winner, always there are some people who complain. As your manager, I start to think: Julie had the capacity... but she only did the bare minimum. Why? Then I will lose trust in you."
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How Rewards Narrow Creativity and Learning: Extrinsic incentives focus attention strictly on the immediate payout, leading people to take the easiest path rather than exploring creative solutions or deep learning.
"When you offer a reward, you narrow that focus. If you offer a reward for creative work, you know what will happen? You will treat it as a mechanical work. Rewards can increase quantity, but not the quality."
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Shift from Control to Connection: True motivation comes from understanding underlying barriers, fostering agency, and creating shared values rather than imposing transactional rules.
"In punishment and rewarding, you only care about one thing: outcome and consequences. You care about controlling. Beyond rewards, we move from control to connection."
Actionable Takeaway. Instead of reaching for a reward or a penalty the next time someone struggles with engagement, pause and move from control to connection: ask open-ended questions to uncover the root cause of the hesitation, validate their experience, and collaboratively design a solution that builds internal ownership.
Follow Ozgur at https://www.ozgurbolat.com.tr/