013: Hope Is a Four-Letter Word
Peace at Last!
In this thought-provoking podcast episode, we delve into the complex topic of hope and its various dimensions. The discussion begins by questioning whether hope is inherently good or bad, taking inspiration from the myth of Pandora's box. This narrative leads to an exploration of different definitions of hope, from dictionaries that offer a neutral perspective to various public figures and scholars who have attempted to redefine this multifaceted emotion. The Duality of Hope The podcast delves into the duality of hope, pointing out that hope can exist on a spectrum between certainty of...
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012: You Don't Get Your Just Deserts
Peace at Last!
The expression “getting your just deserts,” according to Merriam-Webster, means receiving the punishment that you deserve. This episode looks at rewards as well as punishment. The idea is to explore whether we can be said to deserve something or not. I explain that there are three separate meanings for this notion: 1. Merit — What we earn through talent and effort 2. Civil Rights — What our culture, society, and laws say we are entitled to 3. Intrinsic Deserts — What we imagine is inherently ours from the simple fact of being human See Also 1. The Tyranny of Merit (2020), by Michael...
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011: Three Little Words That Can Mess up Your Life (Part 3) — Want
Peace at Last!
Today’s topic is about the word “want.” Even though we spent the last two episodes talking about how having preferences is a healthy alternative to imposing “shoulds” or “needs” upon ourselves. I present here three reasons why we fall into some thinking traps when we use the word “want.” Those reasons are: We don’t really know what is best for us. We tell ourselves that we want one thing, when evidence points to the contrary. We mainly know what we don’t want, rather than what we do want. See Also (2006), by Dan Gilbert , by Aesop (2009), by Rick Hanson Music:...
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010: Three Little Words That Can Mess up Your Life (Part 2) — Need
Peace at Last!
In this second part of a miniseries on the words we say to ourselves that create tension and distress, today’s word is “Need.” Today we talk about: The psychological theories of needs, which are in fact theories of human motivation. Byron Katie’s radical approach to needs. The fallacy of speaking in terms of absolute needs. How to use the word “need” in a relative context. Practice Semantic Method — replacing “need” with “It would be nice if…” or “I would prefer it if…” and remembering that the use of the word “need” implies the subordinating conjunction...
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009: Three Little Words That Can Mess up Your Life (Part 1) — Should
Peace at Last!
Are you “shoulding” all over yourself? The word “Should” happens to be one of the most insidious in the English language. In today’s episode, we talk about how: Psychoanalyst Karen Horney called “The Tyranny of the Should” this tendency to create an idealized self and a rejection of the real self. Albert Ellis spoke about the three kinds of “musts.” Using the word “should” is conveying criticism, like “scolding” oneself (or others). The value statements implied by that word are arbitrary and relative. The laws of Nature do not follow any “should,” but instead are...
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008: There Are Only Three Kinds of Business
Peace at Last!
Byron Katie likes to say that there are only three kinds of business in the world: mine, yours, and God’s. God’s business refers to the forces of Nature or to events that are beyond human control. Your business, is someone else’s life, including what they feel, think, and choose to do. My business is what’s left, that is, what is within my control. In his popular book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey describes the notion of Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence. We add here the Circle of Control, where Circle of Control = What I choose to do and can directly...
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007: What Is Enlightenment?
Peace at Last!
We’re taking a left turn, today, from cognitive theory, and we are going to talk about spirituality and the place it occupies on the path to peace. I refer to Sam Harris’s book, Waking Up, and I quote from an episode of his podcast, Making Sense. The book Ashrams, by Arnaud Desjardins, is probably out of print. So is Spiritual Awakening, by Ram Dass. See Also - A Mind at Home With Itself, by Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell - Tao Te Ching, by Lao Tsu, translation by Stephen Mitchell - Ego, by Alan Watts - The Perennial Philosophy, by Aldous Huxley - The Brain’s...
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Bonus Episode — Social Distancing
Peace at Last!
If you are in the same situation as me, you are mostly staying home with the members of your household, except for necessary outings like getting food, gas, or just getting a breath of fresh air. Many of you may also be working from home, as I am. As a result, you may be feeling rather isolated. And that’s where I wanted to make my point. Had this virus hit 25 years ago, we wouldn’t have had all the technology to connect with each other like we do now. We only had telephone and maybe email for some. Now, we can see each other on a big screen TV and talk to friends and relatives who live on...
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006: Thinking Traps (Part 3) — Personalization
Peace at Last!
The next 4 Thinking Traps are grouped under the category Personalization. We commit these distortions when we cannot step outside of our own egocentric perspective. Thinking Traps: Personalization Personalization (Me, Self-Blame) Helplessness Blame (Them, Other-Blame) Always Being Right Emotional Reasoning (Naïve Realism, Affective Realism) Should (Should Statement, “Musturbation”) Perfectionism Comparison Fallacy of Fairness Antidotes Reattribution Acceptance Paradox Semantic Method
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005: Thinking Traps (Part 2) — Arbitrary Inferences
Peace at Last!
The next 4 Thinking Traps I am going to talk about are grouped under the category Arbitrary Inferences. They consist of making interpretations without having examined all the data. Thinking Traps: Arbitrary Inferences Jumping to Conclusions (also: Inference-Observation Confusion); Fortune Telling; Mind Reading; Labeling (also: Mislabeling) Antidotes Examine the Evidence Consider Alternate Possibilities Keep a “Don’t-Know” Mind Survey Technique Let’s Define Terms
info_outlineByron Katie likes to say that there are only three kinds of business in the world: mine, yours, and God’s. God’s business refers to the forces of Nature or to events that are beyond human control. Your business, is someone else’s life, including what they feel, think, and choose to do. My business is what’s left, that is, what is within my control.
In his popular book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey describes the notion of Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence. We add here the Circle of Control, where
Circle of Control = What I choose to do and can directly manipulate.
Circle of Influence = What is not directly within my control, but can be affected by what I do.
Circle of Concern = What I mentally worry about, whether or not I can do anything about it.