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013: Hope Is a Four-Letter Word

Release Date: 11/29/2023

Peace at Last!

In this thought-provoking podcast episode, we delve into the complex topic of hope and its various dimensions. The discussion begins by questioning whether hope is inherently good or bad, taking inspiration from the myth of Pandora's box. This narrative leads to an exploration of different definitions of hope, from dictionaries that offer a neutral perspective to various public figures and scholars who have attempted to redefine this multifaceted emotion. The Duality of Hope The podcast delves into the duality of hope, pointing out that hope can exist on a spectrum between certainty of...

012: You Don't Get Your Just Deserts

Peace at Last!

The expression “getting your just deserts,” according to Merriam-Webster, means receiving the punishment that you deserve. This episode looks at rewards as well as punishment. The idea is to explore whether we can be said to deserve something or not. I explain that there are three separate meanings for this notion: 1. Merit — What we earn through talent and effort 2. Civil Rights — What our culture, society, and laws say we are entitled to 3. Intrinsic Deserts — What we imagine is inherently ours from the simple fact of being human See Also 1. The Tyranny of Merit (2020), by Michael...

011: Three Little Words That Can Mess up Your Life (Part 3) — Want

Peace at Last!

Today’s topic is about the word “want.” Even though we spent the last two episodes talking about how having preferences is a healthy alternative to imposing “shoulds” or “needs” upon ourselves. I present here three reasons why we fall into some thinking traps when we use the word “want.” Those reasons are: We don’t really know what is best for us. We tell ourselves that we want one thing, when evidence points to the contrary. We mainly know what we don’t want, rather than what we do want. See Also (2006), by Dan Gilbert , by Aesop (2009), by Rick Hanson Music:...

010: Three Little Words That Can Mess up Your Life (Part 2) — Need

Peace at Last!

In this second part of a miniseries on the words we say to ourselves that create tension and distress, today’s word is “Need.” Today we talk about: The psychological theories of needs, which are in fact theories of human motivation. Byron Katie’s radical approach to needs. The fallacy of speaking in terms of absolute needs. How to use the word “need” in a relative context. Practice Semantic Method — replacing “need” with “It would be nice if…” or “I would prefer it if…” and remembering that the use of the word “need” implies the subordinating conjunction...

009: Three Little Words That Can Mess up Your Life (Part 1) — Should

Peace at Last!

Are you “shoulding” all over yourself? The word “Should” happens to be one of the most insidious in the English language. In today’s episode, we talk about how: Psychoanalyst Karen Horney called “The Tyranny of the Should” this tendency to create an idealized self and a rejection of the real self. Albert Ellis spoke about the three kinds of “musts.” Using the word “should” is conveying criticism, like “scolding” oneself (or others). The value statements implied by that word are arbitrary and relative. The laws of Nature do not follow any “should,” but instead are...

008: There Are Only Three Kinds of Business

Peace at Last!

Byron Katie likes to say that there are only three kinds of business in the world: mine, yours, and God’s. God’s business refers to the forces of Nature or to events that are beyond human control. Your business, is someone else’s life, including what they feel, think, and choose to do. My business is what’s left, that is, what is within my control. In his popular book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey describes the notion of Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence. We add here the Circle of Control, where Circle of Control = What I choose to do and can directly...

007: What Is Enlightenment?

Peace at Last!

We’re taking a left turn, today, from cognitive theory, and we are going to talk about spirituality and the place it occupies on the path to peace. I refer to Sam Harris’s book, Waking Up, and I quote from an episode of his podcast, Making Sense. The book Ashrams, by Arnaud Desjardins, is probably out of print. So is Spiritual Awakening, by Ram Dass. See Also - A Mind at Home With Itself, by Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell - Tao Te Ching, by Lao Tsu, translation by Stephen Mitchell - Ego, by Alan Watts - The Perennial Philosophy, by Aldous Huxley - The Brain’s...

Bonus Episode — Social Distancing

Peace at Last!

If you are in the same situation as me, you are mostly staying home with the members of your household, except for necessary outings like getting food, gas, or just getting a breath of fresh air. Many of you may also be working from home, as I am. As a result, you may be feeling rather isolated. And that’s where I wanted to make my point. Had this virus hit 25 years ago, we wouldn’t have had all the technology to connect with each other like we do now. We only had telephone and maybe email for some. Now, we can see each other on a big screen TV and talk to friends and relatives who live on...

006: Thinking Traps (Part 3) — Personalization

Peace at Last!

The next 4 Thinking Traps are grouped under the category Personalization. We commit these distortions when we cannot step outside of our own egocentric perspective. Thinking Traps: Personalization Personalization (Me, Self-Blame) Helplessness Blame (Them, Other-Blame) Always Being Right Emotional Reasoning (Naïve Realism, Affective Realism) Should (Should Statement, “Musturbation”) Perfectionism Comparison Fallacy of Fairness Antidotes Reattribution Acceptance Paradox Semantic Method

005: Thinking Traps (Part 2) — Arbitrary Inferences

Peace at Last!

The next 4 Thinking Traps I am going to talk about are grouped under the category Arbitrary Inferences. They consist of making interpretations without having examined all the data. Thinking Traps: Arbitrary Inferences Jumping to Conclusions (also: Inference-Observation Confusion); Fortune Telling; Mind Reading; Labeling (also: Mislabeling) Antidotes Examine the Evidence Consider Alternate Possibilities Keep a “Don’t-Know” Mind Survey Technique Let’s Define Terms

More Episodes

The Duality of Hope

The podcast delves into the duality of hope, pointing out that hope can exist on a spectrum between certainty of success and certainty of failure. Hope, it argues, emerges when there's uncertainty about achieving desired outcomes. This provides the foundation for an intriguing exploration of hope in different contexts.

Authors and Philosophers Who Tried to Redefine "Hope"

The episode introduces quotes from influential figures like Vaclav Havel, Greta Thunberg, and David Feldman, who challenge conventional definitions of hope. They offer their unique interpretations, suggesting that hope is more about finding meaning and purpose rather than simply expecting positive outcomes.

Hope vs. Optimism

A distinction is made between hope and optimism. Hope is described as a specific emotion directed at a particular event or situation, whereas optimism is a broader attitude toward life, expecting the best possible outcome. This distinction highlights the nuanced nature of hope.

The Dark Side of Hope

The podcast explores the potential downsides of hope, including feelings of failure, unrealistic expectations, and the tendency to live in the future rather than embracing the present. It also addresses how hope can sometimes blind us to challenges and inhibit effective problem-solving.

The Two Kinds of Hope

The episode introduces the concept of "wise hope" as distinct from ordinary hope. Wise hope is portrayed as an active force, embracing uncertainty and suffering, while ordinary hope is often driven by desire and unrealistic expectations.

Positive Visualization

The discussion touches on the power of positive visualization, suggesting that it can motivate individuals but should be balanced with concrete actions to avoid complacency.

Snyder's Hope Theory

Dr. C.R. Snyder's Hope Theory is introduced, emphasizing that hope involves three key components: goals, agency, and pathways. This theory provides a framework for understanding hope as a skill that can be developed and is a powerful predictor of success.

The episode ends with a beautiful poem by Jennifer Welwood, inviting listeners to embrace the complexities of hope and dance the wild dance of no hope.

In a world where hope is often seen as a universally positive emotion, this podcast challenges us to think deeper about the multifaceted nature of hope and encourages us to navigate it with wisdom and a clearer understanding. It's a thought-provoking exploration that leaves us pondering the true essence of hope in our lives.

See Also