Peace at Last!

This podcast interprets the latest scientific discoveries in psychology, as well as techniques and principles from ancient spiritual traditions, and gives you tools to put them into practice.

013: Hope Is a Four-Letter Word 11/29/2023

013: Hope Is a Four-Letter Word In this thought-provoking podcast episode, we delve into the complex topic of hope and its various dimensions. The discussion begins by questioning whether hope is inherently good or bad, taking inspiration from the myth of Pandora's box. This narrative leads to an exploration of different definitions of hope, from dictionaries that offer a neutral perspective to various public figures and scholars who have attempted to redefine this multifaceted emotion. The Duality of Hope The podcast delves into the duality of hope, pointing out that hope can exist on a spectrum between certainty of success and certainty of failure. Hope, it argues, emerges when there's uncertainty about achieving desired outcomes. This provides the foundation for an intriguing exploration of hope in different contexts. Authors and Philosophers Who Tried to Redefine "Hope" The episode introduces quotes from influential figures like Vaclav Havel, Greta Thunberg, and David Feldman, who challenge conventional definitions of hope. They offer their unique interpretations, suggesting that hope is more about finding meaning and purpose rather than simply expecting positive outcomes. Hope vs. Optimism A distinction is made between hope and optimism. Hope is described as a specific emotion directed at a particular event or situation, whereas optimism is a broader attitude toward life, expecting the best possible outcome. This distinction highlights the nuanced nature of hope. The Dark Side of Hope The podcast explores the potential downsides of hope, including feelings of failure, unrealistic expectations, and the tendency to live in the future rather than embracing the present. It also addresses how hope can sometimes blind us to challenges and inhibit effective problem-solving. The Two Kinds of Hope The episode introduces the concept of "wise hope" as distinct from ordinary hope. Wise hope is portrayed as an active force, embracing uncertainty and suffering, while ordinary hope is often driven by desire and unrealistic expectations. Positive Visualization The discussion touches on the power of positive visualization, suggesting that it can motivate individuals but should be balanced with concrete actions to avoid complacency. Snyder's Hope Theory Dr. C.R. Snyder's Hope Theory is introduced, emphasizing that hope involves three key components: goals, agency, and pathways. This theory provides a framework for understanding hope as a skill that can be developed and is a powerful predictor of success. The episode ends with a beautiful poem by Jennifer Welwood, inviting listeners to embrace the complexities of hope and dance the wild dance of no hope. In a world where hope is often seen as a universally positive emotion, this podcast challenges us to think deeper about the multifaceted nature of hope and encourages us to navigate it with wisdom and a clearer understanding. It's a thought-provoking exploration that leaves us pondering the true essence of hope in our lives. See Also (1991), by Vaclav Havel (2019), Greta Thunberg’s speech to world leaders in Davos (2022), by David Feldman (2009), by David Feldman (2006), by Barack Obama (2004), by Barack Obama (2005), by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks , by Alan Watts (2016), by Pema Chödrön (2022), by Roshi Joan Halifax (2011), by Karen Krett (2021), by Jacqueline Mattis (podcast) (2011), by Heather Barry Kappes & Gabriele Oettingen (2000), by C.R. Snyder Copyright Music: Eastern Thought by Kevin MacLeod Link: License: Music: Umbrella Pants by Kevin MacLeod Free download: Licensed under CC BY 4.0: Music: I Knew a Guy by Kevin MacLeod Free download: Licensed under CC BY 4.0: Music: Desert Night by Sascha Ende Free download: Licensed under CC BY 4.0: Music: Wide Landscapes Of Middle East by MusicLFiles Free download: Licensed under CC BY 4.0: /episode/index/show/peaceatlast/id/28838323

012: You Don't Get Your Just Deserts 05/06/2021

011: Three Little Words That Can Mess up Your Life (Part 3) — Want 01/23/2021

010: Three Little Words That Can Mess up Your Life (Part 2) — Need 11/09/2020

009: Three Little Words That Can Mess up Your Life (Part 1) — Should 07/03/2020

008: There Are Only Three Kinds of Business 06/11/2020

007: What Is Enlightenment? 04/15/2020

Bonus Episode — Social Distancing 03/25/2020

Bonus Episode — Social Distancing If you are in the same situation as me, you are mostly staying home with the members of your household, except for necessary outings like getting food, gas, or just getting a breath of fresh air. Many of you may also be working from home, as I am. As a result, you may be feeling rather isolated. And that’s where I wanted to make my point. Had this virus hit 25 years ago, we wouldn’t have had all the technology to connect with each other like we do now. We only had telephone and maybe email for some. Now, we can see each other on a big screen TV and talk to friends and relatives who live on the other side of the globe. That’s pretty much what I have been doing during these past couple of weeks. My cousins and sisters live in Europe and elsewhere. We created this chat group on WhatsApp, last year, and we had been using it to keep each other up to date. But now that we’re all stuck at home, we have been ramping it up, sharing silly videos of ourselves, singing out of tune and doing crazy dance moves... And before anybody asks: No. I will not be posting those in the show notes!... Social isolation is known to affect physical health, mental health, and longevity. Some studies even suggest that isolation has similar impact on your health and mortality as smoking, high blood pressure, or obesity. Research also indicates that loneliness may contribute to poor cognitive performance, faster cognitive decline, more negativity, more depression, and an increasing mistrust of our fellow human beings, leading to a vicious cycle of isolating even more. This is why it is even more critical at this time to overcome any tendency to cut yourself off from others, even if just out of laziness. It may not be as easy for you to reach out, now. Or maybe it is. Some of us have grown accustomed to checking in with each other via electronics, while others are more face-to-face kinds of people. For the latter, it may be a good idea to let go of that preference, for the time being, and embrace electronic means of communication. But there is a notion of “hanging out” that may need to be developed more in this new context. When I’m home with my family, that’s what we do. We just “hang out.” That means we do our thing, sometimes by ourselves, sometimes together. We read, text, cook, eat, wash, send emails, pet the dog, call a friend, watch TV, water the plants, sweep the floor... Sometimes we talk to each other, sometimes we don’t, sometimes we just talk to ourselves with the awareness that others are within earshot. That’s what hanging out looks like in the physical presence of others. When we make a phone call, a FaceTime call, a Skype call, a Zoom call, we often make the assumption that we need to have something to say in order to check in, and when we’re done with our back-and-forth exchange, we have to hang up. What if you called your parents, your child, your sibling, your best friend, and tell them to just keep their video session open while you go about your business around the house, and they do the same. It’s like having company without them being physically there. Every now and then, you can go, “Hey, mom, I just remembered, I talked to Bob, last night. He said he’s doing fine...” Why not use this multitude of video platforms that connect us via the internet as an extension of our living room into someone else’s? And then, we could learn that we can be with each other in silence, that communication does not always mean words. Once things return to normality, as they always do, even if it’s the new normal, the practice of being with each other without the expectation that we need to keep a conversation going could also be part of the new normal. I think that this pandemic has a lot to teach us. We may decide to learn those lessons, or we may not. But if you are listening to me, I know that you are one of those souls who have chosen the path of transformation. I would be delighted to hear from you and to read about the insights that today’s situation has led you to. /episode/index/show/peaceatlast/id/13689176

006: Thinking Traps (Part 3) — Personalization 03/13/2020

005: Thinking Traps (Part 2) — Arbitrary Inferences 03/06/2020

004: Thinking Traps (Part 1) — Thinking in Extremes 02/27/2020

003: Emotions Are Constructed 02/20/2020

003: Emotions Are Constructed Let’s talk about emotions, today. Notice that I normally tend to use the word “emotions,” rather than the word “feelings.” The word “feeling” often tends to be ambiguous. When I used to ask untrained clients a question like “What are you feeling?” they would invariably answer in a sentence that started with, “Well, I feel like …”. It could be things like “I feel like I’m going to die,” “I feel like he’s judging me,” “I feel like I’m letting them down,” “I feel like something bad is going to happen,” etc. Those are not what I call “feeling words,” but judgments. The Classical View of Emotions The classical view of emotion, is the concept that we have evolved specific emotion circuits deep within our brains, and that they produce and encode a set of very basic emotions that have the same fingerprint in any human, and perhaps even in other mammals. When specific stimuli occurring in the world, these circuits will get triggered and produce the appropriate change in our body physiology, our neurochemistry, our perceived sensations, and finally in our behavior. Furthermore, that theory claims that the basic set of emotions is so universal that any culture in the world can recognize which emotion someone expresses, just by looking at their face. Below, you’ll see the picture of a man in distress. He’s looking like he’s about to cry. This man is soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo, and the picture was taken in 2016, at the European Championship final, when Ronaldo was playing for Portugal’s national soccer team. France had just scored the decisive goal against his team. Cristiano Ronaldo Except that in that picture, the goal that Ronaldo had just witnessed was Portugal’s first goal against France, and the emotion displayed on his face is one of elation, and his watery eyes want to cry tears of joy. If you saw the picture before reading these words, you were primed to see a man who’s upset, and you probably agreed. It’s only in context that you could tell for sure what the expression on his face meant. Affect and Interoception Coming back to a definition of the word “emotion,” we consider an emotion starts with an internal sensation, using a sense called . Interoception our sense of the internal state of our body. For instance, if I perceive what I label as “anxiety,” I feel a sort of constriction in the center of my chest. This is an example of interoception. But that doesn’t have to be uniquely related to emotions. If I have heartburn, I will also feel a strong feeling in the center of my chest, albeit somewhat different. That, too, is an example of interoception. The main difference between anxiety and heartburn is how I interpret the sensation, based on my context. How I give it an emotional meaning. The concept of “” is your basic sense of feeling. It has two main components: Valence and Arousal. The Valence dimension goes from unpleasant to pleasant. The Arousal dimension goes from agitated to calm. Below is a circular diagram called the “Circumplex Model of Affect.” The feeling words are arranged around a circle, positioned roughly according to their level of Arousal and their level of Valence. Circumplex Model of Affect (Russell, 1980; the did not place the words in such a neat circle) A positive emotion will be associated with pleasant affect. A negative emotion will be associated with unpleasant affect. Interoception and affect are hardwired in us, but our emotions are not. They are constructed, based on a large number of experiences we have had along our lives. The Predictive Brain According to Lisa Feldman Barrett, the brain’s job is to manage our energy budget. In order to manage this budget, the brain makes predictions. We predict what’s going to happen next and our brain manages our physiology accordingly. Fine-Grained Emotional Concepts The granularity of detail in how finely you can distinguish one emotion from another is a predictor of greater happiness and success in life. This capacity is called Emotional Intelligence, a term coined by Dan Goleman. Practice You’ll find below a handout with a list of feeling words. On the front side are words that correspond to a positive Valence—pleasant affect—and on the other side, words that correspond do a negative Valence. The negative side has a list that’s quite a bit longer than the positive side. Our culture has a finer resolution for uncomfortable emotions than it does for pleasant ones. But also our brain has a negative bias. Print out that list and expand your emotional vocabulary. When somebody asks you how you are doing, instead of replying a mundane “Fine!” try on the following feeling words, for size: “I’m feeling giddy, today!” “I’m quite cheerful, lad!” “Feeling mellow…” /episode/index/show/peaceatlast/id/13229288

002: Core Limiting Beliefs 02/13/2020

001: We Feel the Way We Think 02/05/2020

001: We Feel the Way We Think In this first episode of the podcast, I talk about how our thoughts influence our emotions. This principle was discovered—or rediscovered—by American psychologists and pioneers of the cognitive model, Albert Ellis and Aaron Beck. They were drawing on ancient wisdom, such as that of Greek philosopher Epictetus, who wrote in his philosophical manual, the Enchiridion: “What disturbs men’s minds is not events but their judgements on events” (Epictetus, The Enchiridion, c. 135 A.D.) Going back even further, Buddhism’s sacred scripture, the Dhammapada, start with these words: “All that we are is the result of what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts; it is made up of our thoughts.” Opening lines of the Dhammapada (c. 500 B.C.E., trans. F. Max Müller) Today, cognitive-behavior therapy posits that: We feel the way we think When we feel depressed/angry/anxious, the thoughts that create those difficult emotions are distorted You can change the way the way you feel by changing the way you think Albert Ellis noticed the following set of beliefs in North American culture (if you are not from North America, don’t worry—those beliefs are very human and tend to be generously spread around the world): It is a dire necessity for adults to be loved by significant others for almost everything they do Certain acts are awful or wicked, and that people who perform such acts should be severely damned It is horrible when things are not the way we like them to be Human misery is invariably externally caused and is forced on us by outside people and events If something is or may be dangerous or fearsome we should be terribly upset and endlessly obsess about it It is easier to avoid than to face life difficulties and self-responsibilities We absolutely need something other or stronger or greater than ourselves on which to rely We should be thoroughly competent, intelligent, and achieving in all possible respects Because something once strongly affected our life, it should indefinitely affect it We must have certain and perfect control over things Human happiness can be achieved by inertia and inaction We have virtually no control over our emotions and that we cannot help feeling disturbed about things Aaron Beck researched the thought content of depressed people, and found that his patients reported: Low self-esteem and feelings of inferiority Sense of deprivation or aloneness Self-criticism or self-blame Magnifying their problems Speaking to themselves in terms of “shoulds” and “musts” Wanting to escape their unsolvable problems, sometimes through suicide (Aaron T. Beck. “Thinking and Depression: I. Idiosyncratic Content and Cognitive Distortions.” Arch Gen Psychiatry. 1963;9(4):324–333) Types of Irrational Beliefs: Core Beliefs (or Schemas) — serve as a basis for screening, categorizing, and interpreting experiences. Conditional Assumptions — beliefs that shape your response to experiences and situations. Conditional assumptions that focus specifically on ways of influencing others become interpersonal strategies. Automatic Thoughts — spontaneously flow through our mind in the moment. Practice In the following handout you will see that it is divided into 4 columns. In the first column, note what is the situation where you are feeling discomfort; for example, “Hanging up the phone after talking to mom.” In the second column, write down the thoughts that come up; e.g. “I need her to love me.” In the third column, check the box that corresponds to the type of thought, as I described earlier, e.g. Automatic Thought, if the thought is a spontaneous reaction to the situation, Conditional Assumption, if represents your interpersonal strategy, or Core Belief, if that’s one of your basic assumptions about yourself, others or the world. Finally, in the fourth column write down how that thought might be distorted. /episode/index/show/peaceatlast/id/12886631

000: Introduction 01/27/2020

Peace at Last!

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