PPP 451 | Why We’re Still Bad at Listening (And How to Get Better), with Christian van Nieuwerburgh and Robert Biswas-Diener

Summary

In this episode, Andy interviews Christian van Nieuwerburgh and Robert Biswas-Diener, authors of the book Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection. The discussion explores the concept of radical listening, distinguishing it from active listening and emphasizing the importance of creating genuine connections through intent, curiosity, and acknowledgment. Christian and Robert share personal anecdotes and practical applications of their listening framework, both in professional settings and personal relationships. They also address the impact of cultural differences on listening practices and provide tips for parents to improve communication with their children. The conversation culminates in an insightful look at the barriers to effective listening and strategies to overcome them.

Whether to help you with your teams at work or loved ones at home, this is a must-listen!

Sound Bites

• "Your intention will guide your attention."
• "I started questioning active listening when I started thinking about how much I summarize when I’m with my friends, which is to say I never do it!"
• "If I just go in thinking, ‘What can I learn from the conversation?’ that is going to completely direct what I’m paying attention to."
• "Acknowledgement can’t just be, ‘I have goodwill towards you.’ It actually has to be demonstrated."
• "So one day I thought, ‘Look, I’ve been shouting, I’ve grounded the kid, I’ve taken away his computer, I’ve done everything… maybe I just need to understand what’s going on.’"
• "Not a small portion of my friends, colleagues, and family members were surprised to hear that I was writing a book on listening"

Chapters

• 00:00 Introduction
• 01:59 Start of Interview
• 02:17 What Does Radical Listening NOT Mean?
• 04:54 Distinguishing Radical Listening from Active Listening
• 07:14 When Were You Recently in Listening Mode?
• 11:30 Handling Difficult Conversations with a Team Member
• 16:12 Difficult Conversation with a Relative With Different Political Views
• 20:22 Acknowledging and Interjecting in Conversations
• 28:22 Cultural Considerations in Radical Listening
• 28:53 Understanding Cultural Scripts in Conversations
• 33:21 The Importance of Respectful Listening
• 35:51 Personal Challenges in Listening
• 37:31 Applying Listening Skills in Parenting
• 42:06 End Of Interview
• 42:30 Andy Comments After The Interview
• 47:42 Outtakes

Learn More

You can learn more about Christian at CoachOnAMotorcycle.com. Also, learn more about Robert at RobertDiener.com.

For more learning on this topic, check out:

• Episode 371 with Amanda Ripley about her book High Conflict.
• Episode 195 with Celeste Headlee about her book on communication.
• Episode 108 with Doug Stone about his book on receiving feedback.

Thank you for joining me for this episode of The People and Projects Podcast!

Talent Triangle: Power Skills

Topics: Listening, Communication, Active Listening, Leadership, Relationships, Engagement, Cultural Sensitivity, Communication Skills, Project Management

The following music was used for this episode:

Music: Brooklyn Nights by Tim Kulig
License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Music: Synthiemania by Frank Schroeter
License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license