Healing From Gaslighting and Trauma (Marshall Zweig)
Release Date: 11/12/2023
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info_outlineA gentle note before you dive in: this conversation touches on childhood sexual abuse. It's okay to pause, skip ahead, or come back to this one another time.
Four years old, standing next to his closet, Marshall Zweig manages one sentence to his father: "Daddy, I feel sad." His father's response: "Don't be sad, son. There are people in wheelchairs." That single exchange, after sexual trauma at the hands of his paternal grandmother, taught a four-year-old to smile on the outside no matter what was happening on the inside, a survival skill that cost him decades and, by his own count, hundreds of thousands of dollars to undo.
Marshall is a trauma-informed relationship coach and the creator of Truth-Empowered Relationships, a method built from his own years-long climb out of gaslighting, first with his mother, then in his marriage, into relationships he now describes as thriving. We talk about the difference between forgiveness and simply allowing someone to keep hurting you, the exact sentence, "I don't like the way you're talking to me," that could have changed the trajectory of an entire family, and why he says raising your voice is really just a mistranslated way of saying "I'm angry."
If gaslighting or a hard-to-untangle family relationship is on your mind right now, this one gives you language for it, and permission to stop tolerating what you don't have to.
Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUqniUySIy0
In this episode
- Why "daddy, I feel sad" became the sentence that shaped decades of silence, and how Marshall finally broke it
- The real difference between forgiveness and just allowing someone to keep hurting you
- The exact sentence that can interrupt a gaslighting cycle: "I don't like the way you're talking to me"
- How to tell the difference between someone who won't change and someone who's actually receptive
- Why raising your voice is really a mistranslated way of saying "I'm angry," and what to say instead
- How Marshall rebuilt trust with his mother after years of gaslighting, one honest conversation at a time
Timestamps
- (00:01) Welcome and meet Marshall Zweig, survivor turned trauma-informed coach
- (02:41) Truth-Empowered Relationships: why Marshall chose coaching over traditional therapy
- (06:10) Sexual trauma at four, and the father who said "don't be sad, there are people in wheelchairs"
- (08:47) Growing up with two selves: the smiling one outside, the one underneath
- (10:44) The office stairwell moment in his early 30s that started his healing
- (13:32) The energy chiropractor session and "I reluctantly accept my incarnation"
- (15:07) How unprocessed trauma quietly reshapes your closest relationships
- (18:02) Forgiveness versus allowance: where the boundary line actually is
- (18:42) The heroic example: four hard conversations that repaired his relationship with his mother
- (25:23) Tolerance, and why being "good at tolerating" can work against you
- (29:06) Recognizing a lion by its roar, not its breath (Marshall, quoting Peter Levine)
- (35:03) Truth-Empowered Relationships as a "book of love," and where to find Marshall
About Marshall Zweig
Marshall Zweig is a trauma-informed relationship coach and the creator of Truth-Empowered Relationships, a method for helping couples and families become "each other's healers." His resensitization therapy technique is a recognized modality with the International Association of Therapists. A survivor of sexual, emotional, and psychological trauma, he spent decades and, by his own account, hundreds of thousands of dollars rebuilding his ability to feel and trust again, work that transformed his relationships with both his wife and his mother.
Learn more at MarshallZweig.com.
Favorite quotes
"I don't like the way you're talking to me." —Marshall Zweig, on the sentence he teaches clients to interrupt disrespect
"You recognize a lion by its roar, you're safe. You recognize a lion by its breath, you're lunch." —Marshall Zweig, quoting Peter Levine
"You say 'I'm angry' when you're angry, and you watch the transformation in your life." —Marshall Zweig
Resources mentioned
- MarshallZweig.com: home to Marshall's Truth-Empowered Relationships method
- Truth-Empowered Relationships: Marshall's forthcoming book, described in the episode as a "book of love"
- Resensitization therapy: Marshall's technique, a recognized modality with the International Association of Therapists
Related episodes
- Surviving Gaslighters and Manipulators: a direct companion piece on recognizing and responding to gaslighting.
- Healing From Narcissistic Abuse (Nikki LaCroce): more on rebuilding trust and boundaries after manipulation within close relationships.
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