How to Set Boundaries at Work (with Shelly Starks)
Release Date: 10/27/2024
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info_outlineTwenty-seven surgeries. That's the number my guest Shelly Starks counted by the time she reached a radical hysterectomy that forced a four-month wait before she could even start hormone replacement therapy. She calls that four months "the most raw that I could possibly be," and that rawness is exactly where setting boundaries at work has to start: not with a script, but with finally admitting what isn't working.
Shelly is the CEO of Inline Consulting Services, an extended DISC coach and business advisor with more than 20 years of experience helping teams and individuals turn behavioral styles into scalable growth. She built that expertise the hard way: a 20-year marriage that ended after years of caregiving for a daughter born needing surgery just to eat, breast cancer at 26, and a body that, in her words, kept "growing things... very large and very fast" until surgery number 27. We talk about how she turned all of that into eight separate revenue streams, and why workplace boundaries start with figuring out whether the person across from you is task-oriented or people-oriented before you ever open your mouth.
You'll walk away with Shelly's own boundary script (ask permission before you disagree, every time), her DISC-based fix for a boss who skips "good morning" and jumps straight to the task list, and my own three-word method for finally processing what you've been shoving down: face it, feel it, free it.
Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVd_LGhiaOk
In this episode
- Why "enjoying the journey" is, in Shelly's words, "kind of a fake word," and what to do instead of chasing enjoyment
- How surviving 27 surgeries (and a body that wouldn't stop "growing things") taught her the real cost of never processing pain
- The boundary script for family members who think your career should have been more linear: ask permission before you disagree
- How to read whether someone is task-oriented or people-oriented, and adjust your approach before the conversation goes sideways
- Why "you have to work hard to be successful" is, per Shelly, "such a scam"
- Dana's "face it, feel it, free it" method for finally releasing what you've been avoiding
Timestamps
- (00:07) Welcome and guest intro: meet Shelly Starks, CEO of Inline Consulting Services
- (01:50) Starting with the end in mind: the ebb and flow of stepping into entrepreneurship
- (08:07) A 20-year marriage, a daughter's medical crisis, and starting over alone
- (11:28) A radical hysterectomy forces a reckoning: "is this really what I want to do?"
- (13:18) Calling in her career coach and building eight revenue streams
- (16:15) Why the tools you need only come through pain
- (20:04) "Face it, feel it, then you can free it"
- (21:44) Naming the number: 27 surgeries
- (22:21) The "dis-ease" concept: what happens when you never process what you're carrying
- (26:47) Setting boundaries with family who question a non-linear career
- (27:18) What a boundary actually is: a buffer, not just yes or no
- (30:09) The script: ask permission before you disagree
- (30:42) DISC at work: task-oriented vs. people-oriented communication
- (34:08) Where to find Shelly Starks and her complimentary team assessment
About Shelly Starks
Shelly Starks is the CEO of Inline Consulting Services, with more than 20 years of experience in extended DISC coaching and business advising, and has been an instrumental force for communications coaching in the business community. She now runs eight separate revenue streams inside her own business.
Learn more at ShellyStarks.com, where you can request a complimentary team assessment.
Favorite quotes
"You don't have to enjoy the journey... I think you need to live the journey. Like you need to feel it. You need to be in it." —Shelly Starks
"The narrative that we have been told our whole life, that you have to work hard to be successful, is such a scam." —Shelly Starks
"The boundary doesn't mean it's yes or no. The boundary is making sure that you understand where you are in that space." —Shelly Starks
Resources mentioned
- ShellyStarks.com: Shelly's website, with a complimentary team assessment offer for Phoenix and Flame listeners
- Extended DISC and burnout assessments (Shelly's coaching frameworks, discussed throughout the episode)
- Stephen Covey's "begin with the end in mind" principle (referenced early in the episode as a starting point for Shelly's story)
Related episodes
- Why Successful Entrepreneurs Set Boundaries: more on the boundary-setting instinct every entrepreneur needs, the same territory Shelly covers from the DISC side.
- How to Spot Burnout Before It's Too Late: pairs with Shelly's "dis-ease" concept for catching the warning signs before your body forces the issue.
- People-Pleasing and the Sticky Rope: for anyone who recognized themselves in Shelly's "put a good face on" description of her Bible Belt upbringing.
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Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz