32. 27 Years In: Here’s Our Secrets and The Vision We’re Building for Our Next Chapter

In today’s episode, we’re literally inviting you into our anniversary getaway. Yes… we are sitting in a hotel room, journals spread out everywhere, soaking in the fact that we’ve been married 27 years. And honestly? We’re still learning, still growing, and still asking God to show us what’s next for our marriage. We’ve had so many people ask us lately, “What’s your secret? How have you stayed married this long?” So we wanted to take you behind the scenes and share what we’re doing right now to redesign our marriage for the next season.

One of the biggest keys for us has always been vision. We had vision early in our marriage, and we are convinced that God used that to pull us forward through the hardest seasons. But vision isn’t something you set once and forget. Life changes. Kids grow up. New challenges show up. So part of staying connected is coming back to God and asking: “What do You want for our marriage now?” That’s exactly what this weekend has been about. We brought new journals, carved out intentional time, and started asking ourselves some big, honest questions.

We walk through the first five questions in this episode, starting with: What do we want the next 10 years of our marriage to feel like? And yes, the word feel threw us for a loop at first. But once we slowed down, things got real. Joe shared about wanting integrity, grace, and the kind of spiritual alignment where we’re growing beautifully into the next chapter. Shelby shared her vision of a marriage that feels simple, settled, and content—but never complacent. This question brought up emotions, reflection, and such a sweet reminder that we’re still building something together.

We also talk about habits that make us feel connected—traveling, laughing, praying together, taking walks, and practicing active listening. And on the flip side, we dig into the rhythms that no longer serve us. Things like defensiveness or trying to change each other instead of hearing each other’s heart. We talk through conflict honestly—how it doesn’t just expose what your spouse is doing wrong, but what’s going on inside you, just like James 4 talks about. And honestly? That realization alone has changed so much in our home.

Finally, we unpack where we want our health, energy, lifestyle, and legacy to go in the next three to five years. We want to be aligned—spirit, mind, body, even hormones—so we can live fully alive. We want to have the strength and energy to hike, travel, build, and enjoy our family. And we talk deeply about legacy: what will outlive us, how we love, what our kids will remember, and what we want Jesus to look like through our lives. This episode is personal, raw, and honestly one of our favorites. Now we want to encourage you—don’t just listen. Grab a journal, sit down with your spouse, and walk through these same questions together. Part 2 is coming next!

 

LINKS:

• Website: redesignyourmarriage.com
• Facebook: www.facebook.com/redesignyourmarriage
• Instagram.com/redesign_your_marriage
• instagram.com/_shelby_seeley

 

Quick Episode Summary:

• 0:00 – Recording from our anniversary getaway
• 0:40 – The question everyone asks: “How have you been married 27 years?”
• 1:10 – Why we chose a simple wellness retreat 45 minutes from home
• 1:50 – Meeting a woman on the trail who asked us our “secret”
• 2:20 – Vision journals: the gift Shelby brought for the trip
• 3:00 – Why vision has carried us through every season
• 3:35 – Revisiting vision as life and kids change
• 4:00 – Celebrating what we’ve already accomplished together
• 4:30 – When marriages run out of vision, division shows up
• 5:00 – God’s vision vs. our own (Proverbs 29 insight)
• 5:45 – The 10 questions we’re asking each other this weekend
• 6:10 – Question 1: What do we want the next 10 years to *feel* like?
• 6:40 – Joe’s answer: integrity, grace, and growing beautifully
• 7:10 – Shelby’s answer: simple, settled, content—but not complacent
• 7:50 – Question 2: What is God highlighting in this season?
• 8:20 – Slowing down to reflect without judging each other’s answers
• 9:00 – These questions brought up real emotions + honest conversations
• 9:40 – Why this isn’t a to-do list—it’s about vision, not pressure
• 10:20 – Vision for marriage, family, and legacy moving forward
• 11:00 – Encouragement to do this exercise together
• 11:40 – Grab journals, sit down, and actually answer the questions
• 12:20 – Part 2 coming next with the final five questions
• 13:00 – Join the Redesign Your Marriage community + group
• 13:40 – Coaching, mentoring, and next-step support
• 14:10 – One of our secrets to 27 years: never stop having vision
• 15:00 – Final encouragement: We love you, we believe in your marriage