Cringy stories of unconfidence and where my newfound confidence came from...

I decided to share stuff more openly on social media in 2020. I made a cringy video and edited my spaces and ums out.

I didn’t keep up with it very well.

But little by little it got easier and easier to do.

This blog is about how to get more confidence and where it comes from.

***I would watch the video instead of read the blog…it’s more fun with some extra stuff…but some of you are readers and not watchers or listeners so I honor you with this written version that were just my notes for the video****

Yep, you guessed it, I’m about to share where I am now and then I’m going to share some super cringy examples of where I used to be.

But first…why do we care so gosh darn much about what people think????? Well, it’s because in the ‘olden’ days we would have been thrown out of our wandering tribe into the wilderness to be eaten by a bear if we didn’t fit in. And our thousands of years old brain has us programmed to fit in for survival.

Okay, now that we have that settled, back to the confidence topic.

Where I am now:

“I wish I had your confidence!”

I hear that a lot.

My boyfriend says I’m the most confident person he’s ever met. And he’s a musician. 

Where I was then:

I used to eat lunch in the middle school bathroom because trying to fit in was so agonizing. I knew some nice girls but I always felt like they knew things I didn’t, knew how to act, knew what was cool, knew what to say.

I was so nervous before the first bootcamp I taught in the parks that I couldn’t eat or sleep. 

I agonized over every little thing, replaying how the class went in my head and the things I should have done better.

When I started the first Henderson location, I put fliers on doors and got 12 women to sign up.

This was the first time I was going to have all of them show up at once. Before, I would have one or two trickle in to ‘try it’ but then they would leave so it was mostly my friends and family who weren’t paying.

This was different. They were paying $200 a month.

I was trying to figure out how I should treat them, how I should start the class and how I should end the class.

Mom said her aerobics instructor hugged everyone.

So I started by hugging everyone and being ridiculously cheerful and upbeat.

But that wasn’t me.

I mean, I like hugging people, but this was called ‘BOOTCAMP’ not Hug Camp.

So the next day I left the hugs at home and started the class with a hardcore set of rules for the class. 

And we ended it bringing our sweaty hands in and yelling ‘BOOTCAMP TOUGH’ at the top of our lungs.

Much better.

Now let’s talk about dating.

Before, I would change myself to be more ‘likable’ for whoever I was with.

I would also cook, clean (okay, I’m not much of a cleaner but better than most dudes), and ‘serve’ them like the woman most of us were brought up to be.

I would pride myself on never arguing with them and always taking care of them.

Then I would break up with them because you can’t live that life for very long, you know?

With Denny I am 100% myself at home. 

And it’s funny how often I CHOOSE to do things for him, but he doesn’t expect it.

We cook our own food, we do our own laundry, we are independent of one another but best buds.

And because I’m being myself in my relationship, I am flourishing in all the other parts of my life.

I never think ‘I should do x,y or z so he doesn’t want to leave me.’ 

Which is what I used to think until I got tired of it and then I would leave them.

I have some VERY humbling stories from when I was in pretty bad relationships that I will share with my mastermind if anyone needs to feel better about these things (LOL)

“Okay, okay Rhino, but what do we do to get more confidence?”

Well, you know I’m gonna tell you that it starts with loving yourself. Which is something we work super hard on in my Mastermind. And I have a lot of podcast episodes about it, too.

But don’t worry, there’s another way.

Because for me, loving myself took 33 years LOL. And you might want to go out of your comfort zone and do something cool NOW, not years from now.

The other way to get confidence is through repetition.

It’s by taking a tiny step that is uncomfortable and doing it again and again until it becomes comfortable and then taking a further step.

It’s just like learning to ride a bike or learning to drive or learning a new job. It’s tough at first, but then to quote my Grandpa, ‘Everything is easy when you know how.’

With writing, making podcasts, making videos, speaking, starting a new business…just take the first step knowing that it will get easier and easier.

Meanwhile, know that your subconscious is fighting you the entire way.

Because it’s trying to keep us safe.

Historically, new things could mean danger or death.

So whenever those thoughts come up that try to keep you from your new thing you are trying…ask yourself ‘is that true?’ ‘What is a truer thought?’

For example… you want to start a new business. Or you want to start putting yourself out there and making more content for your current business.

But something keeps stopping you.

Journal out the thoughts that come up.

Thoughts could be:

“I’m afraid my friends will laugh at me”

“I’m afraid I will fail”

“I’m afraid my idea isn’t as good as I think it is”

Then…ask yourself, ‘what’s a truer thought?’

“My friends will support me. “

“The only people whose opinions matter are the ones I’m helping with my new idea/content.”

“I do not fail, I only learn and grow.”

“I will try and learn from what I try so I can try again.”

“I love my idea, and it helped me. I’ll find more people who need my idea.” 

These new thoughts become your ‘mantras’ 

They get written on sticky notes and places on a mirror. 

Maybe you turn them into a little ditty you sing to yourself.

Personally, I just go through my thoughts every morning and make new thoughts. And if the same thoughts keep cropping up, I might make a sticky note or two.

What are your new thoughts?