The Difference Between Happiness and Joy with Pamela Larde, PhD
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change. Pamela Larde, PhD is a scholar and expert on the topic of joy. She is the author of Joyfully Single: A Revolutionary Guide to Enlightenment, Wholeness, and Change and a professor of Leadership Development at Anderson University. Her mission is to help develop leaders who lead with heart. Pamela illustrates the role of joy as a powerful tool, empowering individuals to cultivate resilience and gracefully navigate the myriad challenges life presents. Through her teachings, the concept of joy transforms into more than...
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How to Build Exceptional Relationships with Carole Robin, PhD
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change. For today’s episode, I sat down with Carole Robin, PhD – an expert in leadership development and interpersonal dynamics. She is best known for her work at Stanford Graduate School of Business, where she taught the infamous "Interpersonal Dynamics" course. This course is considered one of the most transformative experiences for MBA students. Her expertise in this field led her to co-author the book Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends and Colleagues, which was featured as one of Bloomberg's Best...
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How to Build Transformative Relationships with Michael Melcher
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change.! For today’s episode, I sat down with Michael Melcher – author, executive coach, and lawyer. He's best known for his book Your Invisible Network: How to Create, Maintain, and Leverage the Relationships That Will Transform Your Career, a practical guide on building meaningful relationships. Michael’s background includes a law degree from Harvard Law School and experience in both law and consulting. He writes and speaks on topics related to career management, personal development, and leadership. In this episode, we talk...
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How to Navigatie Life’s Biggest Decisions Abby Davisson
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change.! For today’s episode, I sat down with Abby Davisson, former president of the Gap Foundation, and author who has worked in the fields of social impact and corporate philanthropy. Abby believes in using business to make positive changes in society. She recently published a book called Money and Love: An Intelligent Roadmap for Life's Biggest Decisions. In this book, she talks about how to make important choices in life, especially when it comes to balancing money concerns with personal relationships and happiness. In this...
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Why You Should Work Less with Alex Soojung-Kim Pang
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change! For today’s episode, I sat down with Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, a Silicon Valley-based author, consultant, and researcher famous for advocating for the 4-day work week. Alex has become a leading advocate for the concept of "deliberate rest" through his books Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less and Work Less, Do More. Alex challenges traditional notions of productivity, arguing that strategic periods of rest and shorter working hours lead to higher productivity, more creativity, and better job...
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The Future of Teams with Sally Thornton
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to The Robin Zander Show! For today’s episode, I sat down with Sally Thornton, the founder and CEO of Forshay. Forshay is a company that specializes in executive recruiting and improving workplace dynamics through diversity and inclusion. She has a background in creating innovative solutions for work-life balance and has been a speaker at various conferences, including TEDx talks. In this episode, Sally and I talk about the science of work, how to be a good leader, doing work you love, and much more. Sally is also an official speaker at Responsive Conference...
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The Coaching Habit with Michael Bugay Steiner
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to The Robin Zander Show! For today’s episode, I sat down with Michael Bugay Steiner, author of books that have sold a million copies, including The Coaching Habit, a self-published book that’s become the best-selling book on coaching this century. Michael Bungay Stanier is a speaker and executive coach. As the founder of Box of Crayons, he's trained thousands of managers in coaching skills. Michael’s work focuses on helping people unlock their potential and create more effective workplace cultures. In this episode, Michael and I talk about turning your...
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The Art of Communication with Charles Duhigg
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to The Robin Zander Show! For today’s episode, I sat down with New York Times bestselling author, Charles Duhigg. In this episode, Charles and I talk about the art of communication and the insights from his new book, "Super Communicators." We explore how effective communication is a skill that anyone can learn, focusing on the importance of asking deep questions to connect with others.Charles shares his experiences, including lessons from his time as a reporter in Iraq, and how understanding the types of conversations – practical, emotional, and social – can...
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Do hard things
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
The Habit of Doing Hard Things I appreciate the irony. Do hard things, move to the Caribbean! And while most of us probably aren’t going to move to a tiny island in order to make our lives more difficult, there are a lot of simple habits that can help. Identify One Thing Every Day That Scares You Identify something that scares you. Notice someone you are intimidated by. Recognize a moment when you avoided speaking up. Identify one moment in your day when you feel physically nervous or afraid. You don’t need to take action – not yet! Just bring attention to one...
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How to reframe failure
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
There are a lot of things about being an entrepreneur that I avoid, but one of the silliest is opening physical mail. When I was starting Robin’s Cafe, I got a lot of mail - plans from the San Francisco planning department, legal documents, food permitting, alcohol permitting, pest control notifications, more. I was so busy figuring out the day-to-day of running the business that I developed the bad habit of just ignoring mail and leaving the pile to build up on my desk for weeks on end. When I finally got around to dealing with the pile, there was always a notice that I’d...
info_outlineI've always believed that in order to acknowledge what’s going well in my life, I have to first solve any difficult emotional situations. Over the last few years, I've come to realize that it is often more effective to focus on the positive, instead of first trying to solve the negative.
Instead of waiting for things to go just right, it's more effective – and more fun – to focus on what is already going well. Here are some tools that can help…
Celebrate the small things
By celebrating the small things that are going well – no matter how small they are – we get more practice celebrating. Don’t wait for things to go well in order to celebrate. Practice and you'll be surprised at how quickly you feel good about seemingly mundane things in your life.
Habit: First thing each morning, write down one small thing that went well from the day before.
Flip the judgement
I have daily practice with my best friend: we phone each other and inquire “Is there a judgment that you would like to flip?”
We pick a negative judgment – that we’re holding about ourselves or in the world around us – and look for the positive.
- If I’m berating myself for a misunderstanding with my mother, I’ll look for ways in which that misunderstanding could be beneficial.
- If I’m judging myself for pushing through an injury, I’ll examine how that pain could actually be helpful and result in recovery.
By taking something that you are judging as bad and looking for the positive in that same example, you are "flipping the judgement” and practicing gratitude.
Habit: Flipping judgements requires a lot of mental dexterity, so start small. Pick something small that you are judging as bad. Write a few sentences about how that situation could, hypothetically, be beneficial.
Worst case scenario
Tim Ferriss popularized the idea of “fear setting” through this TED talk. The purpose is to identify the worst case scenarios, which usually turns out to not be quite so bad.
My worst case scenario usually ends up with me shitting my pants in public and leaving the country in humiliation. But even in my hypothetical worst case scenarios, I usually survive and learn from the experience.
For extra credit, you can also explore the Best case scenario!
Habit: When you’re considering something you are scared of, ask yourself “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Write down a few of your answers.
What went well exercise
What went well is my favorite among the many exercises Martin Seligman, teaches in his book Flourish.
Historically, psychology research focused on “abnormal” psychology or problems to be solved. More than 30 years ago, Seligman began researching and teaching tools that help everyone improve.
One exercise that Seligman teaches is “What went well.” Very simply, the practice is to list out three things every day that have gone well.
The practice forces you to focus on the specifics of what has gone well. By bringing attention to them, you recognize them, reinforce them and make them bigger.
Habit: Write down three things that went well for you in the last day.
Feel shine
In Tiny Habits, BJ Fogg coined the word “Shine” to describe the internal positive emotion we give ourselves when we’ve done something well. When we reward ourselves with that internal feeling of celebration, we create a positive feedback loop. For more on Shine, here’s an article on the topic from TED.
Habit: Take 2 minutes and deliberately feel good about something you’ve done today. Pat yourself on the back, pump your fist or smile in the mirror.
Look for awe
I was sitting in the sauna a few weeks ago and struck up a conversation with UC Berkeley Professor Dacher Keltne, who has spent his career studying awe.
As we began to talk about his research I was reminded of the life changing moment when I first saw the circus. My parents took me to see Cirque du Soleil's Alegria, shortly after I began studying gymnastics at 17 years old. Watching the acrobats opened my eyes to what the human body is capable of and led to the last few decades of my movement career.
Awe has the capacity to fundamentally change our perspective and widen our world view.
(I’m also going to attend the professor’s last class of the year next week. I'll report back)
Habit: Seek out awe. Whether through a beautiful view, over a meal with family or in listening to great music, look for an experience of awe. When you open yourself to the feeling of awe, you’re more likely to experience it.
As you spend time with friends and family this holiday weekend, or go about your life, I hope one of these tools is helpful.