Snafu w/ Robin Zander

Snafu is a podcast about growth and vulnerability. Robin Zander has spent more than 20 years tackling things he doesn’t know how to do - yet. From starting a restaurant in just three weeks without any prior restaurant experience to performing as a self-taught acrobat with the San Francisco Opera, Robin has built his life and career around learning. But growth isn’t all upside, and tackling new things comes with plenty of failures. On the Snafu podcast, Robin sits down with best-selling authors, CEOs, elite performers, and domain experts to talk about learning - and the fear, uncertainty, and vulnerability - that comes with learning new things.

The Difference Between Happiness and Joy with Pamela Larde, PhD 09/14/2024

How to Build Exceptional Relationships with Carole Robin, PhD 09/09/2024

How to Build Transformative Relationships with Michael Melcher 09/07/2024

How to Navigatie Life’s Biggest Decisions Abby Davisson 09/02/2024

Why You Should Work Less with Alex Soojung-Kim Pang 08/31/2024

The Future of Teams with Sally Thornton 08/26/2024

The Coaching Habit with Michael Bugay Steiner 08/24/2024

The Art of Communication with Charles Duhigg 08/03/2024

Do hard things 01/30/2024

Do hard things The Habit of Doing Hard Things I appreciate the irony. Do hard things, move to the Caribbean! And while most of us probably aren’t going to move to a tiny island in order to make our lives more difficult, there are a lot of simple habits that can help. Identify One Thing Every Day That Scares You Identify something that scares you. Notice someone you are intimidated by. Recognize a moment when you avoided speaking up. Identify one moment in your day when you feel physically nervous or afraid. You don’t need to take action – not yet! Just bring attention to one uncomfortable moment. Start with awareness. A Daily Movement Practice There is a lot to be said for daily exercise. Exercise is hard. When you push your physical limits, you get better at pushing the boundaries of what’s possible everywhere else in your life, too. Unfortunately, more than two thirds of Americans are overweight or obese, so clearly pressuring people to exercise does work for everyone. My approach to movement is different. Having broken my neck and then gone on to perform in the circus, I also know the consequences of pressure. Instead, I make a habit of moving every day to build the confidence that I can learn new things. If you’re interested, here’s a short video about my . Coffee Shop Challenge (h/t Tim Ferriss) Try this challenge: go to your local coffee shop and ask for a 20% discount. The rules are that you are not allowed to give any explanation for why you are requesting a discount or any additional details alongside your request. If asked, “Why?” just say that you would like a discount and that is why you are asking. The point of this exercise is that you are going to be uncomfortable. It will take you outside of your comfort zone. Notice how it feels to make this request. Notice the tension in your body and your voice. It doesn’t ultimately matter if you get a discount or not, so long as you try. As a former coffee shop owner, please give that 20% back to your barista as a tip! Do Something Difficult Every Day Do one thing today that is out of your comfort zone. It could be as small as a short exchange with a stranger, a much-needed conversation, or advocating for your opinion. Thank someone in their native language - If you first have to learn to say “thank you” in a language you don’t speak, all the better. Have a conversation with your spouse or a friend - You probably have something that you’ve been meaning to share, but haven’t gotten around to saying yet. Say it! Try to persuade someone of something - We are all selling to and inviting each other constantly. Advocate for your preferred restaurant or movie. When my friends first moved to Vieques, I was skeptical. I’m all for beautiful ocean views, but it was so remote and isolated. (And the hurricanes!) Now that I’ve spent a month living in that remote paradise, I understand their motivation a little better. Living there is difficult. Every day is a stretch. And that’s the point! In a world where I – and probably you – enjoy every other modern convenience, it is easy to get complacent. Perhaps, we could all use a bit more discomfort in our lives. /episode/index/show/robinzander/id/29643933

How to reframe failure 01/22/2024

How to reframe failure There are a lot of things about being an entrepreneur that I avoid, but one of the silliest is opening physical mail. When I was starting Robin’s Cafe, I got a lot of mail - plans from the San Francisco planning department, legal documents, food permitting, alcohol permitting, pest control notifications, more. I was so busy figuring out the day-to-day of running the business that I developed the bad habit of just ignoring mail and leaving the pile to build up on my desk for weeks on end. When I finally got around to dealing with the pile, there was always a notice that I’d ignored for too long - a vendor I was late to pay, an IRS document I’d missed, etc. As we all do when a task is too big, I came to dread opening my mail. Failure as discouragement When you fail at a task, the experience is often one of discouragement, and that discouragement leads to a diminished desire to attempt that same task in the future. As I , success is usually tied to positive feelings and the release of dopamine. Negative feelings often have the opposite effect and result in a feedback loop of negativity and failure. For me, that meant avoiding the mail until I discovered late bills, which meant I’d continue to dread opening mail and let it pile up further. Failure is often a sign that the task you are trying to undertake is too big. A trick, then, is to leverage the cue of the negative feelings of “I can’t do this” into action and try again, but make the next attempt different. One way to do this is to break the task down into smaller parts. Make the next step smaller When you are overwhelmed by a new behavior, the easiest way to tackle it is by making the next step smaller. I don’t need to open and respond to all of my mail on the day it arrives. A small step is to open every envelope, even if I don’t take the mail out right away. This small step moves things forward and makes the next steps - removing the contents, reading them, responding - easier. Take your large goal and just take one small step in the right direction. Create positive associations I have a letter opener that I really love - it is a beautiful folding knife with an olivewood handle. I’ve learned, in the years since Robin’s Cafe, that I derive a particular delight in opening mail with this knife. Look for ways that you can create positive associations around the edges of the habit you’ve been avoiding. Positive feelings equate to feelings of success. Play more Play and self-judgment are antithetical. When we are being playful or curious with a habit, it is impossible to regard an outcome as a “failure.” The best way I know how to play - especially when I’m not feeling playful - is to get profoundly curious about the task I’m trying to accomplish. Another is to make a game of the process. Personally, I get delighted when I see weeks worth of dealt-with mail pile up in my recycling bin! Look for a step by step breakdown You can almost always find a step-by-step breakdown of the task you are trying to accomplish. Google “how to do x” or interview someone better at that thing than you are. If you’ve hit a roadblock and aren’t sure how to make a task more manageable, someone else has likely solved this problem before you. In writing this article, I asked a few friends about how they handled their daily deluge of mail and got some interesting ideas I’ll try in the future! At Zander Media, I receive 10x less physical mail than I did at the cafe. And while there are still remnants of my avoidant behavior, I’m excited to reframe failure as a cue for novel action. These days, I look for areas of my life where I’ve historically failed and replace the cue of failure with the understanding that I haven’t made that behavior small enough, yet. Now, your turn: what’s something you’ve failed at, recently? Reply back and I’ll respond with one idea for how to turn that failure into a learning opportunity! Until next time, Robin /episode/index/show/robinzander/id/29503818

Jedi Mind Tricks - How to Travel with Family 01/16/2024

Jedi Mind Tricks - How to Travel with Family I’m traveling with my family to Mexico for two weeks this winter. The trip is a throwback to holidays from my childhood. Every other year, my family avoided the holidays altogether and traveled to Latin America. As a kid, I was sad to miss the holidays, but in retrospect those international trips were formative. This will be the first family trip in a decade and the first time with my nephews (7 and 10). Know why When I took a month-long trip with my mother to Ghana, I had to get very clear in the months leading up to the trip why I was going. And my purpose for taking the trip wasn’t to have a great experience. Visiting Ghana was a lifelong dream of my mother’s and a trip she wouldn’t have attempted alone. My primary reason for going to Africa was to support her; to facilitate her having a positive experience. As you are heading into an experience with family, ask yourself why you are prioritizing spending time in this way: What are you hoping to get out of it? What do you want for your family members? The more clearly you know why, the better you will be at boundaries and making productive use of the time. Habit: Write down 10 different reasons “why” you are taking the action that you are. They won’t all feel true, but you’ll find something new through the exercise. There’s no problem so big you can’t walk away I use this phrase, which is oft repeated by a close friend, to remind myself that I have agency. We always have the ability to leave – even when it feels like we don't. It is something of a cardinal sin in my family to leave a conversation or issue unresolved. And yet I’m always calmer for stepping away for ten minutes and coming back to the issue later. Any of us is free to take a break or walk away at any time. Habit: Remind yourself, maybe even aloud, that “There’s no problem so big I can’t walk away.” Repeating that serves as a reminder that you are not stuck in a difficult situation. Take a pee break Years ago, a friend taught me the trick of taking a “pee break.” Maybe you actually need to use the toilet, but that's beside the point. The goal is that when you are upset you take a couple of minutes to reorient yourself and come back refreshed. Under very few circumstances is it considered socially inappropriate to take a couple of minutes out of a conversation “because I have to use the restroom.” And often you come back better able to handle whatever challenge has been going on. Habit: Practice “taking a pee break” when the stakes are low. During an otherwise unheated conversation say, “I'll be back in 2 minutes. I need to use the restroom.” The better you get at taking a break, the better you’ll be able to when things get heated. Therapy with family I'm a proponent of facilitated conversation: therapy, coaching or anything else that works for you. In advance of our trip to Ghana, my mother and I went to therapy together. The objective was to create some guidelines about what we might expect while we were traveling in Africa, and how to collaborate better. My mother and I walked out of therapy with a new willingness to listen to each other, which led to a gentler trip in Ghana then might have happened otherwise. (It was still an !) Habit: Organize a facilitated conversation. It might not change anything, but it might also result in less drama. Family meetings We had regular family meetings growing up. Once every few weeks, our family of four would sit down and discuss challenges that had come up recently. I don't remember what got discussed, but “let’s have a family meeting” remains my family’s shorthand when communication is getting tough. Habit: Schedule a brief “family meeting.” The goal isn't to change anybody's behavior, but to create space for airing of grievances – so they don't bubble over at inopportune times. As I get ready to spend two weeks in close quarters with my family in Mexico, I know that I am going to need to practice a lot of these habits and tools. I hope that one of these habits is useful for you as you head into your own holiday plans. Until next time, Robin /episode/index/show/robinzander/id/29504028

Habits for Gratitude and Celebration 01/16/2024

Habits for Gratitude and Celebration I've always believed that in order to acknowledge what’s going well in my life, I have to first solve any difficult emotional situations. Over the last few years, I've come to realize that it is often more effective to focus on the positive, instead of first trying to solve the negative. Instead of waiting for things to go just right, it's more effective – and more fun – to focus on what is already going well. Here are some tools that can help… Celebrate the small things By celebrating the small things that are going well – no matter how small they are – we get more practice celebrating. Don’t wait for things to go well in order to celebrate. Practice and you'll be surprised at how quickly you feel good about seemingly mundane things in your life. Habit: First thing each morning, write down one small thing that went well from the day before. Flip the judgement I have daily practice with my best friend: we phone each other and inquire “Is there a judgment that you would like to flip?” We pick a negative judgment – that we’re holding about ourselves or in the world around us – and look for the positive. If I’m berating myself for a misunderstanding with my mother, I’ll look for ways in which that misunderstanding could be beneficial. If I’m judging myself for pushing through an injury, I’ll examine how that pain could actually be helpful and result in recovery. By taking something that you are judging as bad and looking for the positive in that same example, you are "flipping the judgement” and practicing gratitude. Habit: Flipping judgements requires a lot of mental dexterity, so start small. Pick something small that you are judging as bad. Write a few sentences about how that situation could, hypothetically, be beneficial. Worst case scenario Tim Ferriss popularized the idea of “fear setting” through this . The purpose is to identify the worst case scenarios, which usually turns out to not be quite so bad. My worst case scenario usually ends up with me shitting my pants in public and leaving the country in humiliation. But even in my hypothetical worst case scenarios, I usually survive and learn from the experience. For extra credit, you can also explore the Best case scenario! Habit: When you’re considering something you are scared of, ask yourself “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Write down a few of your answers. What went well exercise What went well is my favorite among the many exercises Martin Seligman, teaches in his book . Historically, psychology research focused on “abnormal” psychology or problems to be solved. More than 30 years ago, Seligman began researching and teaching tools that help everyone improve. One exercise that Seligman teaches is “What went well.” Very simply, the practice is to list out three things every day that have gone well. The practice forces you to focus on the specifics of what has gone well. By bringing attention to them, you recognize them, reinforce them and make them bigger. Habit: Write down three things that went well for you in the last day. Feel shine In , BJ Fogg coined the word “Shine” to describe the internal positive emotion we give ourselves when we’ve done something well. When we reward ourselves with that internal feeling of celebration, we create a positive feedback loop. For more on Shine, here’s an on the topic from TED. Habit: Take 2 minutes and deliberately feel good about something you’ve done today. Pat yourself on the back, pump your fist or smile in the mirror. Look for awe I was sitting in the sauna a few weeks ago and struck up a conversation with UC Berkeley Professor Dacher Keltne, who has spent his career studying awe. As we began to talk about his research I was reminded of the life changing moment when I first saw the circus. My parents took me to see Cirque du Soleil's Alegria, shortly after I began studying gymnastics at 17 years old. Watching the acrobats opened my eyes to what the human body is capable of and led to the last few decades of my . Awe has the capacity to fundamentally change our perspective and widen our world view. (I’m also going to attend the professor’s last class of the year next week. I'll report back) Habit: Seek out awe. Whether through a beautiful view, over a meal with family or in listening to great music, look for an experience of awe. When you open yourself to the feeling of awe, you’re more likely to experience it. As you spend time with friends and family this holiday weekend, or go about your life, I hope one of these tools is helpful. /episode/index/show/robinzander/id/29504008

Everything is Sales & You're Doing It Wrong 01/16/2024

Everything is Sales & You're Doing It Wrong Everything You Know About Sales is Wrong Everything in life is sales. From inviting your child to do her homework, to deciding where to go for dinner, to encouraging a colleague at work, the situations we encounter daily are filled with the dynamic of sales and persuasion. And, unfortunately, most of what you know about sales is wrong. What is Sales? My favorite example of sales comes from a scene from the classic Christmas movie Miracle on 34th Street. In Miracle, the Macy’s department store Santa asks each child who sits on his lap what they want for Christmas. Santa then tells the family where they can purchase that toy at the best price, even if it means at a competing department store. At first, the store manager is outraged that Santa is supporting his competitors - until he sees enthusiastic customers returning to Macy’s because of the excellent customer service. The value to Macy’s of Santa’s recommendations is greater than the sale of a single children’s toy; it’s customer loyalty. Sales is having a clear solution – a service, opportunity or opinion – that can help to solve somebody’s problem. Like Santa, good sales means aligning yourself with the interests of the person you are talking to, to discover if your solution is a good fit for them. If it is, invite them toward your solution, and if not, move on. How to Do It Wrong Sales and persuasion are most often practiced with pressure and urgency. Think of the reputation of a car salesman – pushy, fast-talking, deceptive. They aren’t considering what is best for the customer. They only want to sell a specific car at the best possible price. The result: nobody enjoys the experience and the customer won’t recommend that product or service in the future. Pressure and urgency can work, but only in the short-term. They don’t increase trust or loyalty. How to Do It Right A Process of Discovery Done well, sales and persuasion should be a process of discovery. Instead of using force, inquire about what your friend wants to eat for dinner. Get curious about why your colleague doesn’t want to do the work assigned to them. When you start by asking questions about what someone is looking to solve – for themselves, their business, or their family – you'll discover if what you are selling is a good fit for the other person. People relate through the stories that you tell them, so share your experience, too. As I discussed in “,” your story should be brief, personal and relatable. Useful Beliefs About Sales and Persuasion Abundance - If the person you are talking to doesn’t want the solution you are offering, somebody else will. There are between 7 and 8 billion people in the world today. If the person you are talking to is not a good fit, move on. Believe it - Believe in what you are selling. That doesn’t mean that it is valuable to every single prospective buyer, only they can tell you that. But believing that it is valuable in the world makes closing easier, genuine, and fun. Decrease the stakes - There are very few game changing moments in life, and this specific sale isn’t likely to be one of them. Whether or not you make this sale today isn’t likely to matter over the course of your or your customer’s life. Autonomy - Foster the belief that everybody knows what's best for themselves. You aren’t trying to convince anyone, but rather inviting them to entertain if what you’re offering is a good fit for them. Look for “What I’ve learned” - It is useful to hold that even if you don't close a sale, you will have learned a lot along the way. This practice of iteration and repeated repetitions will make you better at closing future sales. Put in the Reps Improving at sales is a matter of practice and incremental improvement. Many of the most successful salespeople and deal makers in the world have practiced tens of thousands of times. Sales is as much a performance as trying out for a sport or auditioning for a play, and practice makes for consistency. Your Attitude Closes Deals Who you are and how you show up with a prospective customer is what will determine whether they buy. Who you are closes deals. Maintain an attitude of enthusiasm and want what is best for the other person. You'll have a better chance of having things go your way. Next time you are debating with your spouse about the dishes, trying to get your child to do their homework, or asking an employee to fill out their hours, think of Santa, sitting in Macy's department store, referring customers to the competition. Until next time, Robin /episode/index/show/robinzander/id/29503993

On Grief and Grieving 01/16/2024

On Grief and Grieving Two years ago, my best friend was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. Two months ago, I went through a breakup. Whether personally or globally, challenges arise. Someone you love dies. A friend lets you down. You’re forced to confront your own aging or an aging parent. Grief is complicated. We aren’t taught much about it or how to deal with it. It is important to take time to mourn a loss. Here are some habits and practices that might help. The role of emotions Sometimes emotions are almost too much to handle. You’ll criticize yourself, or other people. You are less happy or healthy than you want to be. But, it turns out, without emotions, we are unable to function in the world. There are some interesting studies done on the role of emotions. When someone suffers brain damage such that they can’t experience emotion, they are also unable to make decisions. While you sometimes might prefer to do without emotions, the alternative is much worse. You can’t enjoy the beautiful things in life if you don’t also experience some of the challenges. Habit: When you are grieving, find something in the same situation, however small, to be grateful for. Take time to grieve Grief sneaks up at random times. When you least expect it, you may see something that reminds you of someone who’s died and the upswell of emotion can be hard to handle. It doesn’t have to be an actual death, either. The loss of a relationship, or even a missed opportunity can be something we need to grieve. It helps to take time to grieve. Difficult emotions will still come up, but setting aside time does help. Habit: During a difficult time, carve out at least one minute a day to be present to your emotions. I like to set an alarm on my phone as my cue. I prefer to write during this pause, but any reflective activity can help. Don’t judge your process Everyone’s process for getting over a challenging situation is different. It might mean going to therapy or bitching to a friend. I process emotions by waking up at 5 a.m. full of adrenaline and going for a hard run. The key is not to judge yourself for the fact that you are grieving. Then you’re not only feeling bad, but you are beating yourself up about it, too. Don’t judge your process. Habit: Recognize what helps you. Take 10 minutes and write down a list of things that help you take care of yourself. Grief takes the time that it takes I was in a last year. I knew that it would take some time to heal and I was gentle with myself for the first couple of weeks. But a few weeks in, I started getting anxious to get back to my movement practice and the rest of my life. I wasn’t in pain, but I was still very shaken up and the added pressure didn’t help. In all, it took more than six months to get back to baseline. Just like healing from physical injury, grief can’t be rushed. Healing happens on its own time. Habit: If you find yourself pressuring yourself to “get over it,” decide on a timeline. Give yourself one day, one week, or one month where you won’t pressure yourself to “be there” already. Don’t use force The Morningstar Company, which I wrote about in my book , is one of the largest tomato manufacturers in the world. What makes the company unique is that it is self-managed by the employees. One of the company’s two core tenets is “Don’t use force” in working with each other. We’re accustomed to using anger, pressure, and blame at work – but at what cost? To the detriment of relationships, our own health, and building the habit of doing more in the future. Instead of trying to force yourself to feel better, acknowledge your grief. Take time to feel what you are feeling. Habit: You wouldn’t use force – physically or emotionally – with a young child or in an intimate moment with a partner. Treat yourself that same way, even if only for a moment. We don’t get to control what happens to us or to the people we love. (I can’t. If you’ve figured out how – please email me!) But we do get to control how we respond. Grief is a natural part of life. It is how we make sense of what’s happened and move forward. When you’re going through a challenge, take the time to acknowledge your grief. I hope some of these habits help. /episode/index/show/robinzander/id/29503968