The Difference Between Happiness and Joy with Pamela Larde, PhD
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change. Pamela Larde, PhD is a scholar and expert on the topic of joy. She is the author of Joyfully Single: A Revolutionary Guide to Enlightenment, Wholeness, and Change and a professor of Leadership Development at Anderson University. Her mission is to help develop leaders who lead with heart. Pamela illustrates the role of joy as a powerful tool, empowering individuals to cultivate resilience and gracefully navigate the myriad challenges life presents. Through her teachings, the concept of joy transforms into more than...
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How to Build Exceptional Relationships with Carole Robin, PhD
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change. For today’s episode, I sat down with Carole Robin, PhD – an expert in leadership development and interpersonal dynamics. She is best known for her work at Stanford Graduate School of Business, where she taught the infamous "Interpersonal Dynamics" course. This course is considered one of the most transformative experiences for MBA students. Her expertise in this field led her to co-author the book Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends and Colleagues, which was featured as one of Bloomberg's Best...
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How to Build Transformative Relationships with Michael Melcher
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change.! For today’s episode, I sat down with Michael Melcher – author, executive coach, and lawyer. He's best known for his book Your Invisible Network: How to Create, Maintain, and Leverage the Relationships That Will Transform Your Career, a practical guide on building meaningful relationships. Michael’s background includes a law degree from Harvard Law School and experience in both law and consulting. He writes and speaks on topics related to career management, personal development, and leadership. In this episode, we talk...
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How to Navigatie Life’s Biggest Decisions Abby Davisson
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change.! For today’s episode, I sat down with Abby Davisson, former president of the Gap Foundation, and author who has worked in the fields of social impact and corporate philanthropy. Abby believes in using business to make positive changes in society. She recently published a book called Money and Love: An Intelligent Roadmap for Life's Biggest Decisions. In this book, she talks about how to make important choices in life, especially when it comes to balancing money concerns with personal relationships and happiness. In this...
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Why You Should Work Less with Alex Soojung-Kim Pang
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to Snafu, a podcast about behavior change! For today’s episode, I sat down with Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, a Silicon Valley-based author, consultant, and researcher famous for advocating for the 4-day work week. Alex has become a leading advocate for the concept of "deliberate rest" through his books Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less and Work Less, Do More. Alex challenges traditional notions of productivity, arguing that strategic periods of rest and shorter working hours lead to higher productivity, more creativity, and better job...
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The Future of Teams with Sally Thornton
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to The Robin Zander Show! For today’s episode, I sat down with Sally Thornton, the founder and CEO of Forshay. Forshay is a company that specializes in executive recruiting and improving workplace dynamics through diversity and inclusion. She has a background in creating innovative solutions for work-life balance and has been a speaker at various conferences, including TEDx talks. In this episode, Sally and I talk about the science of work, how to be a good leader, doing work you love, and much more. Sally is also an official speaker at Responsive Conference...
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The Coaching Habit with Michael Bugay Steiner
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to The Robin Zander Show! For today’s episode, I sat down with Michael Bugay Steiner, author of books that have sold a million copies, including The Coaching Habit, a self-published book that’s become the best-selling book on coaching this century. Michael Bungay Stanier is a speaker and executive coach. As the founder of Box of Crayons, he's trained thousands of managers in coaching skills. Michael’s work focuses on helping people unlock their potential and create more effective workplace cultures. In this episode, Michael and I talk about turning your...
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The Art of Communication with Charles Duhigg
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
Hello and welcome back to The Robin Zander Show! For today’s episode, I sat down with New York Times bestselling author, Charles Duhigg. In this episode, Charles and I talk about the art of communication and the insights from his new book, "Super Communicators." We explore how effective communication is a skill that anyone can learn, focusing on the importance of asking deep questions to connect with others.Charles shares his experiences, including lessons from his time as a reporter in Iraq, and how understanding the types of conversations – practical, emotional, and social – can...
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Do hard things
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
The Habit of Doing Hard Things I appreciate the irony. Do hard things, move to the Caribbean! And while most of us probably aren’t going to move to a tiny island in order to make our lives more difficult, there are a lot of simple habits that can help. Identify One Thing Every Day That Scares You Identify something that scares you. Notice someone you are intimidated by. Recognize a moment when you avoided speaking up. Identify one moment in your day when you feel physically nervous or afraid. You don’t need to take action – not yet! Just bring attention to one...
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How to reframe failure
Snafu w/ Robin Zander
There are a lot of things about being an entrepreneur that I avoid, but one of the silliest is opening physical mail. When I was starting Robin’s Cafe, I got a lot of mail - plans from the San Francisco planning department, legal documents, food permitting, alcohol permitting, pest control notifications, more. I was so busy figuring out the day-to-day of running the business that I developed the bad habit of just ignoring mail and leaving the pile to build up on my desk for weeks on end. When I finally got around to dealing with the pile, there was always a notice that I’d...
info_outlineI’m traveling with my family to Mexico for two weeks this winter. The trip is a throwback to holidays from my childhood. Every other year, my family avoided the holidays altogether and traveled to Latin America. As a kid, I was sad to miss the holidays, but in retrospect those international trips were formative. This will be the first family trip in a decade and the first time with my nephews (7 and 10).
Know why
When I took a month-long trip with my mother to Ghana, I had to get very clear in the months leading up to the trip why I was going. And my purpose for taking the trip wasn’t to have a great experience.
Visiting Ghana was a lifelong dream of my mother’s and a trip she wouldn’t have attempted alone. My primary reason for going to Africa was to support her; to facilitate her having a positive experience.
As you are heading into an experience with family, ask yourself why you are prioritizing spending time in this way:
- What are you hoping to get out of it?
- What do you want for your family members?
The more clearly you know why, the better you will be at boundaries and making productive use of the time.
Habit: Write down 10 different reasons “why” you are taking the action that you are. They won’t all feel true, but you’ll find something new through the exercise.
There’s no problem so big you can’t walk away
I use this phrase, which is oft repeated by a close friend, to remind myself that I have agency. We always have the ability to leave – even when it feels like we don't.
It is something of a cardinal sin in my family to leave a conversation or issue unresolved. And yet I’m always calmer for stepping away for ten minutes and coming back to the issue later.
Any of us is free to take a break or walk away at any time.
Habit: Remind yourself, maybe even aloud, that “There’s no problem so big I can’t walk away.” Repeating that serves as a reminder that you are not stuck in a difficult situation.
Take a pee break
Years ago, a friend taught me the trick of taking a “pee break.” Maybe you actually need to use the toilet, but that's beside the point.
The goal is that when you are upset you take a couple of minutes to reorient yourself and come back refreshed.
Under very few circumstances is it considered socially inappropriate to take a couple of minutes out of a conversation “because I have to use the restroom.” And often you come back better able to handle whatever challenge has been going on.
Habit: Practice “taking a pee break” when the stakes are low. During an otherwise unheated conversation say, “I'll be back in 2 minutes. I need to use the restroom.” The better you get at taking a break, the better you’ll be able to when things get heated.
Therapy with family
I'm a proponent of facilitated conversation: therapy, coaching or anything else that works for you.
In advance of our trip to Ghana, my mother and I went to therapy together. The objective was to create some guidelines about what we might expect while we were traveling in Africa, and how to collaborate better.
My mother and I walked out of therapy with a new willingness to listen to each other, which led to a gentler trip in Ghana then might have happened otherwise. (It was still an intense experience!)
Habit: Organize a facilitated conversation. It might not change anything, but it might also result in less drama.
Family meetings
We had regular family meetings growing up. Once every few weeks, our family of four would sit down and discuss challenges that had come up recently.
I don't remember what got discussed, but “let’s have a family meeting” remains my family’s shorthand when communication is getting tough.
Habit: Schedule a brief “family meeting.” The goal isn't to change anybody's behavior, but to create space for airing of grievances – so they don't bubble over at inopportune times.
As I get ready to spend two weeks in close quarters with my family in Mexico, I know that I am going to need to practice a lot of these habits and tools. I hope that one of these habits is useful for you as you head into your own holiday plans.
Until next time,
Robin